blog's Doomworld Forums Blog

blog's Doomworld Forums Blog

I need some help here November 26, 2014, 6:58 pm
I need some help winning a local DJ contest. Long story short, I've been spinning in tiny no name venues for really shitty promoters most of my DJ life, and a huge opportunity finally has opened up for me. I need as many likes as possible on the following facebook post in order to win this thing, and that's why I posting this here and asking for help.

There's a guy right now with over 2600 likes whose post was 'hidden' because I didn't have see all stories enabled and I'm a little burnt by that slippery sorta crap. I'm sick of my hobby outside of Doom being relegated to inane events with zero turnout run by total buttholes of people, so if I can win this thing it would really mean the world to me right now :)

Death November 26, 2014, 4:23 pm
Just wanted to write about something that I've been mulling over for the past several days. And that is death.
Now death is something not many people want to talk or even think about. It's understandable - it is the end of a person's life (I realize all things die in some way, shape or form but I will keep this centered on us humans). I often think of my own impending death, and it is not the thought of my biological form dying that scares me, it's quite honestly I don't know HOW I will die. I could be hit by a semi going 100 mph down the freeway. I could die silently in my sleep. There are quite a few ways to die naturally, and many more where you die unnaturally. The point is, I don't know. And unless you've been suffering through, say, cancer and are approaching your final hurrah, or you have a death wish of some kind and are contemplating suicide, you won't know until it's that final moment.
It should also be said that even if you did live to say four or five hundred years, eventually your life would come to an end.
Your mortal being will, at some point, die. It is something you should be getting ready for because ever since the day you were born, no, since you were conceived up til this point in what we call time, you've been heading towards death.
And then for the hard question.
And after that...? What?
What happens when we die?
Lots of people think that when you die, that's it, game over, you're done, finished and gone. You'll pass on into an eternity of dreamless sleep and your corpse will rot into the ground to become one with the Earth once more. Lots of others tell of how they died in some way, left their body and passed over into the Great Beyond. The fact of the matter is that only after you die will you know for sure what will happen when you die. For the time being, here in this mortal body on planet Earth, all I can do is wonder about it.
I think of death as an experience, much like being born and being alive are experiences.
Now, personally I would be delighted and in a state of euphoria if when I died and headed towards that fabled light that was a place like Paradise waiting on me. I'd be moved beyond words. But the thing is - I don't KNOW. I don't know for a fact that anything happens when you die.
And that, more than the fact of my approaching death itself, and exactly how I'm going to die, is what scares me. Then too, death has to be looked at like this: suppose that when you die, that's all there is afterwards - nothingness, not that that can imagined by the human mind. Then there would be nothing to be afraid of - you'd dead and that's it. Now, then, if there WAS something after death, some kind of afterlife, who is to say what that afterlife would be like for YOU, you yourself? Would be it good, as in Paradise? Would be it awful, terrible, as in some version of Hell? Once again, all the people who have died and (for the sake of argument) have indeed passed over the Great Divide haven't come back to fill us in.
Your thoughts?

So.. some pictures I took on my second visit to South Africa's largest nature reserve November 25, 2014, 9:19 pm

It was quite a lot of effort and a pain sorting through 1000+ photos to find the best 100 so I hope atleast someone finds some enjoyment looking at the pictures. :P

Be sure to witness my near death experience (okay maybe a bit of an over exaggeration) with an elephant that charged towards our car! :)

Aligning text in html November 25, 2014, 9:40 am
I have a form in html, but I don't know to make it perfectly aligned. I tried putting it in a table with two columns, but I still have problems:


Doomworld November 25, 2014, 8:43 am
You would think after 10, 15 or however many number years it has been that this site would look a little different, glad to see it does not.

On the other hand when I look at profiles I see stuff like AOL/Yahoo/ICQ handles, do people still have any of those things?

Does anyone even remember who I am? If not then mission accomplished.

If you do.........well....I'm sure you remember only good things.

College November 24, 2014, 5:54 pm
Currently working on a wad to submit to colleges in California, to show them what I can already do. Hopefully, just hopefully, I'll get the attention of a really good one like Cogswell Polytechnical or a UC.


I guess if anyone's remotely interested, they could take a look. Nothing's really pushing the engine, although it would've been cool to use newer effects and whatnot.

Worrying too much? or is this normal? November 21, 2014, 5:00 pm
I am not entirely sure if this is entirely normal behaviour but I have noticed something over the years. Most mornings, I get up, have my shower, get ready etc. I check most rooms in the house with my phone light thoroughly and I leave the house, lock the door and end up coming back within seconds to double check if it is locked. Later, going about my daily business as usual, I worry that the house might get broken into and keep having thoughts about it I also worry at night when I am asleep if someone's in the house sometimes causing me to wake up at some points of the night (mostly due to an event that resulted last year when some repeatedly knocked on the door past 2 in the morning and kept trying the door hand, this also happened to my old teacher a few weeks back). At work recently, I have noticed that I only feel comfortable asking questions to certain people at work and yet I still rarely ask my boss or anyone else who is near me I always go towards the people I know or wait for them to come back if they have gone. Now, this has been natural for me for a few years, but it has never interrupted much in the name of social activities although nowadays, I don't tend too leave the house as much. I recently lied about not being able to attend my cousins birthday as I am worried about my dad being there amongst other people I haven't met. Now I have only recently put two and two together and it feels like I am not me anymore. I have been thinking about going to see a doctor but I did that the other week in response to bad stomach pains which appeared to be nothing at all (according to the doctor) so now I am a bit anxious to book an appointment in case it appears to be nothing.

Does anyone else experience this? I know it's an odd thing to be mentioning on a forum of all places, but now it feels like I am stuck in an endless loop and unable to do much, but I also have this feeling buried deep in my head that I should just continue and think not bother other people about it. Including my own parents.

Getsu Fune
20 as of today November 19, 2014, 7:23 pm
today I celebrated a rather tranquil birthday today. that's nice, I don't need fancy parties and stupid surprises. this morning I finished a game with Doom in the title that I started about two weeks ago (any guesses?). then I had to do a presentation in humanities (I picked my birthday for the due date because that's a day I can actually remember) before actually inviting my parents to a dinner. at least I'm no longer in my teens so that's cool. definitely had a better birthday than my last one where I was severely depressed and I pissed off my mother so much she left home in spite. tomorrow I'll celebrate my friend's birthday in which he is going to be 18, so that's important for him.

so far so good I guess. no fucked-up thoughts at the moment. I've been thinking about where the heck I'll end up in the next few years, hopefully going to a full 4-year uni that supports CSC classes well. and then try to find the right job for the computer majors.

also I found out that Huy Pham shares my birth date, so happy birthday to him too.

TL;DR Problems with Education November 17, 2014, 8:33 pm
I know someone, somewhere who's undoubtedly got it worse off than me would probably read this and laugh at me for thinking that I've got "real" problems, but I need to get this shit out of my system.

For the past couple of months I've been dealing with quite a bit of depression and anxiety. A lot of it has to do with school. There's a couple of other factors, but they're pretty insignificant by comparison. Anyways, how many of you are aware of the International Baccalaureate? A quick google search will bring up thousands of people who describe it as something akin to "A fancy euphemism for Hell." They weren't kidding.

I'm already taking 6 of the hardest classes that my school has to offer, which I could probably deal with if that was all. The thing that's really driving me up the wall is a 7th non-class that they call Center Of The Hexagon. So in addition to the heaviest workload I've had in my entire life (including actually having a real job), I have to write two extra essays (The EE, which is 2,000-4,000 words long over a chosen topic and the TOK essay that's 1,200-1,600 words long over a prescribed title that makes no sense) and do 150 hours of community service. Think about that for a moment. Getting caught driving drunk would net less mandatory community service hours.

By now you're probably wondering "If you're so miserable with this system, why not drop it and go with AP or something?" Well, not only would that mean I'd be wasting 3.5 years worth of effort but I'd also be blowing my chances for the biggest financial advantage that I could ever hope for in my entire life barring the Rolling Cash 5 jackpot (which ain't happening). I've been going to this school for 4 straight years, so if I get accepted to Oberlin College then they'll pay my tuition. There's no way that my family and I would be able to afford something like that on our own, and we're already living significantly less than extravagantly. The staff has told me that at least 2 students last year got turned down for not taking the hardest classes, and that they're looking for IB diploma candidates (Take note for later that I said CANDIDATES, not graduates). This is my last-ditch effort at reaching above the bar for acceptance, and it's killing me.

The one thing I've done 100% right is getting a 30 on my ACT. My GPA is a 3.0 cumulative (because I didn't care freshman year and the flu killed my grades sophomore year) and a 3.3 so far senior year. I had straight As with the exception of 1 B and 1 D+. Why do I have a D+, you ask? There was one 100 point project that was worth 40% of my grade for the quarter in Environmental Studies that I turned in later than the 3-day grace period they gave me after being incapacitated for a few days by sickness. I had been turning in "A" work that entire class, and even that assignment was "A" work, but because it was late they gave me 50% and pulled my grade down from a B+ to a D+. That single-handedly brought my GPA down below the college's average right there. If I want to have a shot, I really need to focus all my efforts on getting my grades up this quarter. The problem is that I can't do that and keep ahead on my Center of the Hexagon shit at the same time. I already gave it all I had last quarter and they still fucked me.

However, I've been doing some thinking, and what's really the point of focusing on Center Of The Hexagon at all when it has no effect on my GPA and by the time any college knows whether I actually got an IB diploma or failed the Diploma Program and just got a regular one I'll have already either been accepted or denied in advance? Every single college I've looked at says they're looking for IBDP CANDIDATES, not actual recipients of an IB diploma. Even if I fail Center Of The Hexagon and end up with a normal high school diploma, I still took the hardest classes they had to offer and the colleges wouldn't know any different. However, if I go up front and drop it altogether so that I can focus on my other work then I'll technically no longer be an IBDP candidate.

I'm faced with a bit of an existential crisis here. I just wish I could know in advance which path would lead to me getting accepted (or if all of my options right now lead to failure) so that I could stop agonizing about it already and just know where my efforts need to lie and power through it all. It's tearing me apart inside even though it probably shouldn't be.

Does anyone have any advice before I completely lose it and end up doing something stupid that I'll regret later?

No longer a virgin to it November 16, 2014, 7:30 pm
I can say I am no longer a virgin to pot now, I'm not that high but it was a nice experience to smoke a little bit with one of my brothers who I found smokes it.

ITT: Against rules to post that I first tried it?