|Cripple update||March 9, 2014, 12:38 am|
So several months ago, my legs basically gave out on me. Out of the blue, I had developed a rare nervous disorder known as Guillain-Barré Syndrome. This occurs when your white blood cells decide to spaz out and attack your nervous system. Fortunately, I was hospitalized quickly (yet stubbornly against my wishes - I was convinced nothing serious was wrong with me), and was treated before the condition spread - it starts in your legs, but eventually works its way upward, sometimes even getting as far as your lungs and causing you to stop breathing.
Let me say... moving back in with your parents when you're friggin' 30 sucks ass... Especially when you have to literally move thousands of miles in the process and abandon the city that was once your home. All told, though, I should be incredibly grateful to have such loving parents and to have people to take care of me in such a dire situation. It's one of those things where, you realize that whatever you lost, you're reminded of what you still have, which is a seriously bitchin' family that has your back.
The real point, though, was I just wanted to brag about how much better I'm doing (yeah, I normally don't like to brag, but eh, I feel entitled). I've still got bad pain in my legs, but I've built myself up to being able to walk several miles a day, which is no small feat given the circumstances. I'm also in the middle of applying to grad school, so we'll see how that turns out. As cliche as it may sound, I guess the real point is that I'm realizing how amazing my life is after having so much taken away - I mean sure I hate my circumstances, but I'm so thankful to have a loving family to take care of me, and this seeming setback may actually be a push forward in my life, what with grad school and all.
|35 laps around the sun...||March 8, 2014, 11:27 pm|
I remember whining about turning 25 in a episode of doomradio ten years ago. Cripes man...
"Keep on Doom'n."
|Shitty ex boss of failed company now teaches classes to run successful business||March 8, 2014, 8:00 am|
I've pretty much worked for the same company for 15 years. I take side jobs here and there. The side jobs usually last 2 - 3 months. Once upon a time, I worked for a cock of a boss. On a business level I didn't like him, but then after phase 1 of a project was done, we had a company celebration! A night out! Where people brought their wives, girlfriends and fiances.
This fucker of a boss did nothing but harass the employees. When one of the employees went to the bathroom he tried digging up dirt on that employee. He was some emo kid in college that did graphic design, with a gorgeous vet of a fiance. So he harassed the guy asking how did you two meet? Did you find him in your bushes stalking you? Just relentless against this kid.
At dinner, which was pizza at a restaurant, he said something like we have a lot of girls here I bet we can get a free pitcher of beer if one of the girls flashes him. There weren't female employees, these were the wives, co workers, and girlfriends.
After that weekend, which coincidentally I think was 6 years ago to this month. I quit. I didn't need the extra work, especially when I thought it would be a week's worth of work, that turned into 3 months of hell. At least he gave a bonus.
He wanted to sue me for the code to his program that he had me developing. We never agreed on the code, just the program. In fact the contract only specifies the program not the sourcecode.
Turns out I was the 3rd guy... the other 2 guys had left with the sourcecode after he was a dick and they all bailed with the code and leaving money behind.
Anyway, I gave up the code, but the hilarity is I spent the weekend redoing the code.... in a previous language from 5 years earlier, thus making him have to redo the code again or upgrade it.
This fucker 4 years ago dissolved that company and started a new company that does the exact same thing. Why? Because the employees own shares of the first dissolved company. I let that slide, I didn't give a fuck. They never paid out and it was probably never profitable.
It looks like the new company went out of business too. Further proof is that the company domain name points to the college where he instructs.
Now I visit the website and it sends me to a 'college' where he is an instructor. A college about running a successful business. Fucking hilarious.
I am tempted just to show up and tell my past experiences to classmates dealing with him.
|Neuroticism||March 2, 2014, 9:34 pm|
Right now, I'm a neurotic mess, and I don't know how to deal with it.
If I go too long (an hour?) without having a nice conversation with someone, I start to freak out.
If I try to play a video game:
- If it's a game I've played before in an attempt to calm myself, I end up stopping playing it because 'why am I wasting my time replaying this game?'
- I get similar results with other games, and reading books.
I've been having panic attacks on a weekly basis.
This all started (reappearing, I've seen these symptoms before) after I started dating this wonderful woman, and my fears are going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy at this rate.
I'm probably not totally alone on this - has anyone found anything helpful for dealing with these sorts of mental issues? I've cut out my caffeine intake.
|Tooth pain||February 26, 2014, 12:16 pm|
|It fucking sucks, first I had a shitty night being in pain (even with taking Ibuprofen) now that pain on the upper lateral incisor has moved right above the tooth in the gumline. I may need a root canal for this after all..|
|tonight I mostly made textures.||February 25, 2014, 11:26 pm|
because MY BALLS, that's why.
|Doom Comic||February 25, 2014, 1:55 pm|
I'll give someone six bucks for a copy. Bottom offer.
Six bucks can buy a lot, like some sodas, or candy bars. Or another comic book. Or a movie, or a game, or some normal books. Or a Goodwill shopping spree. At my local Saint Vincent DePauls, six bucks is literally 18 VHS tapes.
So who's gonna take the offer, eh?
|Started my new-old doom webpage||February 24, 2014, 12:03 am|
So it's official now, some days ago I uploaded my Ugly Doom webpage were I'll post my short crappy reviews/opinions of wads, talk about other projects, my own projects and misc, everything I do there is doom related... or me-related, I also have plenty of Doom links too.
It has a creepy old style structure and visuals, it's my first time with a personal webpage so don't be so rude :-P
Anyways there it is, my personal doom space in the web, i'll update it at least every week... I hope.
I've added downloads for 3 projects (one of them is on the unreleased/cancelled section) and one of them is multiplayer.
|In orbit||February 22, 2014, 9:38 pm|
So today I read a book I hadn't read in a great while, Cosmos, by a certain Carl Sagan. Personally I think it's one of the coolest books ever written, partly because I'm in love with astronomy and even if I wasn't such a fan of it, then I would still like Cosmos. It's just a really good read. Pick it up and read it today or tomorrow or some time, I guarantee you'll like it. Reading all this and that about galaxies and planets and shit got me to thinking, which can be dangerous. Here my thoughts as follows:
I love space, I think I've proved that by reading most of Cosmos today. It is so fascinating. Why is it fascinating you say? You really have to ask? Go outside on a clear night and look up, that's all you have to do. A starry night sky, with a full moon, is one of the most beautiful things you can ever see. And here's something to think about: you know how people have been talking for years and years about inventing a time machine? Space is the ultimate time machine. Why? Because we're here, and all those galaxies, stars and planets are OUT THERE - really out there. Light, as fast as it is, takes time, real time, to get here to our eyes so we can see these things. How much time? It depends. The nearest star to our sun is Proxima Centauri. It's a mere four light years. But here's the thing. A light year is at or around six TRILLION miles. Let me repeat that: six TRILLION miles. Promixa Centauri is four light years away. That comes out to about twenty four trillion miles. If New Horizons wasn't going to Pluto but was going to Promixa Centauri instead, it would take literally tens and tens of thousands of years to cross that distance. Imagine: all that blackness, all that silence, all those stars in all directions, every one of them light years and light years away. It simply breaks the human imagination to conceive of such distances and such time scales. It's scary but it's true.
Space does not fuck around when it comes to making things huge and far, far away. Take the moon as another example. It's the nearest celestial body to our Earth, but even so, it's over 240,000 miles away. If you could somehow walk up to the moon, taking a step every second (or something like that) it would take you over a decade to get to the moon. And again, it breaks the human imagination to imagine such things. When you look at an image of the Andromeda galaxy, you're not seeing that galaxy as it is right now. You're seeing as it was in the distant, distant past, over two million years ago. There are loads of galaxies, where, when their light left to begin its voyage to Earth, our Sun hadn't been born, let alone our solar system. How's that for a mind fuck? There are galaxies so far away that, even if you were to live for the next, say, five hundred years, their light would still be well, well upon its way, and so you still wouldn't see them - even after five hundred years. But five hundred years is a flash in the pan, cosmically speaking. Let's try five hundred thousand years. After all that time had elapsed, those galaxies' light would STILL be on its way here. Alright then, how about five MILLION years? That light would STILL be on its fucking way here. What I'm trying to get across is that space is absolutely positively can't deny it at all one hundred percent and then some tee totally motherfucking MASSIVE.
Oh and it's really pretty too ;)
|WestFest Post-Mortem Diary||February 21, 2014, 8:56 pm|
In case you were wondering about my absence from the Doomworld forums these past few days, here is the reason: WestFest. This was definitely the biggest concert that I've ever been to and it's one I probably won't ever forget. I was planning on keeping a record of it while I was there, but lack of time and facilities prevented me from using my laptop. Oh well, better late than never.
Wednesday, 19th of February.
Had a bit of a madcap rush to Auckland and missed the first 3 acts. Finally managed to get to the Vector Arena in time for the 4th band and managed to get to a balcony area on the edge of the arena.
Five Finger Death Punch: I thought these guys would absolutely suck, but this one was a pleasant surprise: I think it was just that stupid "Bad Company" radio single that gave me that impression. Definitely a lot of energy put into their performance and the lead singer managed to spark a nice circle it in the centre of the mosh pit. Might listen to more of their stuff.
Megadeth: Dave Mustaine has jazz hands. Seriously, all his little hand movements cracked me up. Started a little rough and I reckon In My Darkest Hour should have been done a little later in the set, but they definitely picked up the ball pretty quickly. They also played movie clips in between songs: a nice little compilation of excerpts fro movies like Wayne's World where Megadeth gets mentioned. Dave Mustaine is a vain bastard and we wouldn't want him any other way. :P A good performance, although the moshing didn't get too mental: I managed to get a decent distance from the front and it was pretty tame.
Also, I yelled at Dave Mustaine to play some Slayer. He didn't, but I'm pretty confident he heard me.
Rob Zombie: Probably the most theatrical of the bunch: most of the band members were dressed up and decked out in makeup. Definitely a little more rowdy than the previous act, but despite Rob's efforts there weren't any breaking bones. Considering I don't actually know that much Zombie songs, I didn't quite enjoy this one as much as the previous set but that's just me. I love the fact that he proclaimed "We are not an American band: we are a New Zealand band!" while dressed in a top hat and coat with the Stars 'n Stripes before launching into "We're an American Band" straight after: you have to appreciate irony like that. The giant balloons thrown into the audience during "Sick Bubblegum" were a nice touch, although I think a good portion of the audience(including me) were more focused on trying to whack the balloons from that point onward. Heh.
Good night all round, spent too much money, lost half of my hearing, generally had a good time. Followed by driving around for 3 hours looking for a hotel and eventually sleeping in the car boot. Good times.
I'll post the next day some point soon, along with some of the loot I got in Auckland. Peace out.