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The /newstuff Chronicles #295

Doomworld is dead! The /newstuff Chronicles is dead! THE WORLD IS GOING TO EXPLODE IN SIX DAYS RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! Then again, that's kinda stupid since you can't really run if the entire world is going to explode, and unfortunately space ships aren't used for public transport yet, so I guess we're screwed. In the meantime, you can enjoy this /newstuff that I did in collaboration with everyone's favourite reviewer, Tom_D! That's right, we've combined together to bring you the best worst /newstuff ever. Enjoy it before the world explodes!

  • Alandoguns.WAD - Alando1 (Alan)
    ZDoom - N/A - 11mb -
    Tom_D: Hey, it's like those Quake compliation paks you used to get!
    deathz0r: Those were kickass. You'd get like, 30 weapons in one mod, it was awesome!
    Tom_D: Yeah!
    deathz0r: That was back in 1997 though, when it was fashionable.
    Tom_D: Yeah I don't think I ever saw any for any other game aside from Quake really.
    deathz0r: You forgot Quake 2!
    Tom_D: Doesn't count.
    deathz0r: If you say so.
    Tom_D: I found this wad kinda interesting really.
    deathz0r: I didn't! Wanna know why? Because there was nothing that stood out as unique or interesting.
    Tom_D: The gore effects were pretty cool, that's for sure, but that's about it. Balance is pretty much ruined by all these new monsters and weapons and every replaced monster is practically the same thing anyway.
    deathz0r: Was Doom ever about balance?
    Tom_D: There was more balance in original Doom than this!
    deathz0r: I guess so, but there's an awful lot of redundant weapons, mostly firearms.
    Tom_D: Who needs 5 shotguns that behave pretty much the same, really.
    deathz0r: Not me, that's for sure!
    Tom_D: Indeed! I still like the gore effects though :(
    deathz0r: Oh, that's cool, but unique? No, that's what I expect from weapons mods nowadays, not just the same rehashed shit.
    Tom_D: Yeah. Note to weapon wad makers: No more weapon wad compilations of about 50 weapons and make everything UNIQUE so it's worth playing! Thanks.
    deathz0r: I don't think the amount of weapons is the problem, it's the amount of weapons that do practically the same thing with very, very minor differences.
    Tom_D: Agreed! Chronoteeth is going to cry when he reads this review.
    deathz0r: Probably, sorry CT! Didn't mean to offend you!
    Tom_D: We're so, so so so sorry :( :( :(

  • Diarrhoea - Ruba
    doom2.exe - SP - 74kb -
    Tom_D: I liked the opening statement when you start the map. That's it. This map is SHIT (pun intended!)
    deathz0r: Har har har, nice pun there!
    Tom_D: Hahahah get it, it's shit because the map takes place over a tightrope of shit.
    Tom_D: Hilarious!
    deathz0r: Disasterous!
    Tom_D: Malarious!
    deathz0r: Obnoxious!
    Tom_D: Sidacious! etc etc

  • EntaPriz - Ruba
    doom2.exe - SP - 90kb -
    Tom_D: I tried to like this level, I really did.
    deathz0r: I was really hoping to give this a "DOES NOT WORK IN INTENDED SOURCE PORT" but it dodged the bullet.
    Tom_D: Shame you had to witness its pain of... linearity and boredom! Oh, and SS Nazis!
    deathz0r: Actually, I kinda liked the Baron area, it felt very E2-ish to me. But yes the nazis are just "double you tee eff".
    Tom_D: Funnily enough that was the area I hated the most. I liked the part where you had to activate switches to get through to another area, but then it went to a sewer part which just screamed "TERRIBLE!!!"
    deathz0r: Haha, that sewer part I hated. Mostly trying to get into it because I couldn't actually get past it. I don't know how the hell I even did, but all I know is that I somehow got past it and that was that.
    Tom_D: I don't think the author has seen a sewer in his life, ever.
    deathz0r: I thought it looked very realistic! You must be out of your mind!
    Tom_D: Maybe you're right. JUST maybe.
    deathz0r: Oh yeah and this is meant to be based on some Star Trek ship, just a general note to all Star Trek nerds!
    Tom_D: Haha a Star Trek ship WITH SEWERS IN, I remember that from S4E063.
    deathz0r: I- uh- what?
    Tom_D: Captain Kirk went into an alternative dimension where the Enterprise turned into a shitty Doom level with sewers in. I love that episode!
    deathz0r: Oh yeah I remember that episode! I have it on DVD.
    Tom_D: PS: BUY THE DVD BOXSET TODAY

  • HAND - B.P.R.D
    Enhanced Port - N/A - 154kb -
    deathz0r: This is the best weapon mod ever.
    Tom_D: Agreed. It reminds me when I was a little 'un, playing those army games at school where you pretended your fingers were guns. I'm so glad I can live out my past glories. I just wish the SSG was replaced.
    deathz0r: I think this is meant to be for Doom you moron! Don't you ever read text files?
    Tom_D: No, the author just said that he couldn't be arsed doing the SSG, it says DOOM2!
    deathz0r: Oh, well... HEY LOOK SOMETHING OF SIGNIFICANCE
    Tom_D: Huh wha--
    deathz0r: What I like best about this is that it doesn't used the same old reused sprites I see in every other damn weapon mod. It certainly wins at originality!
    Tom_D: I love that riot gun.
    deathz0r: You mean the one ripped from Shadow Warrior?
    Tom_D: Yeah, that one.
    deathz0r: That's been used what, 20 bajillion times?
    Tom_D: Pfft, more like 30 bajillion times.
    deathz0r: My bad!
    Tom_D: Oh, one thing I love about HAND is the chainsaw replacement, it just HAS to be seen to be believed!

  • Imp-ire - Ryan Albright (High Flyin' Ryan)
    Enhanced Port - SP - 17kb -
    Tom_D: This wad reminded me of Doom 3 for the following reasons: Dark, confusing and boring gameplay.
    deathz0r: Boring? How dare you diss Doom 3 on a site that's dedicated to Doom 3!
    Tom_D: Then tell me how many Doom 3 related news items there are compared to classic Doom!
    deathz0r: Well, there's that post where- Um... ok, you win for now! And yes, it was boring.
    Tom_D: Yeah, one nitpick I have is the ratio of monsters to weapons, the ratio being 10:1. I mean I know it's probably trying to be Hell Revealed 3 or something, but this is insane. There's barely any health, you find yourself running away from every fucking monster you meet!
    deathz0r: What are you talking about? I had more than enough ammo when I finished. Then again, I rushed through the last room to the exit so I could stop playing this.
    Tom_D: Yeah, true, I didn't really bother firing.
    deathz0r: Maybe you just suck at single player!
    Tom_D: I play at Nightmare all the time though, I'm like, the leet Doom master or something. I swear.
    deathz0r: Well I play on Ultra-Nightmare skill but nobody believes me!
    Tom_D: Oh yeah? Well I play on Ultra Ultra Super Kill Nightmare skill which replaces every monster with Cyberdemons. Beat that!

  • monlth03.wad. - Richard Wiles
    Enhanced Port - SP - 43kb -
    Tom_D: I must say, an interesting little map.
    deathz0r: It's a solid brick/hell themed map. Relatively short, but is quite challenging.
    Tom_D: Yeah, it required me to use EFFORT :( Not fair! But the gameplay is challenging in a non-impossible way, thankfully, as in - no OVERCROWDING MONSTERS NO ITEMS, it's just done cleverly and stuff!
    deathz0r: A recommended pick this week. Check it out!
    Tom_D: Yeaaaaahhhh
    Tom_D: YEAHHHHH
    Tom_D: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

  • Noob Project Part 4- Space Station Vrack - Lupinx-ressurected
    ZDoom - SP - 33kb -
    Tom_D: I won't comment on the storyline, but I will say this might be the most entertaining wad I've played so far.
    deathz0r: Ugly as hell, but it's lots of fun and it's hard. I like it.
    Tom_D: My thoughts exactly. That boss battle at the end was pretty cool.
    deathz0r: Totally.
    Tom_D: Author self-insertion = bad! That's about all I can think of when it comes to bad things.
    deathz0r: That makes me sad, Tom. I would explain why but a certain person will bitch endlessly about it, so I won't!
    Tom_D: I don't want to know anyway.
    deathz0r: Fine! I don't have to listen to your opinion!

  • Nucking Futs!! - Wills
    ZDoom - SP - 247kb -
    Tom_D: Oh wow, another jokewad by Wills. With gameplay replaced by unskippable and inane cutscenes! Seriously, is this supposed to be funny?
    deathz0r: Yes! Some of the maps were gold.
    Tom_D: I dunno, I liked some of his past stuff but this one is lacking.
    deathz0r: I did say some of them were gold, not all of them.
    Tom_D: The ending was the best though.
    deathz0r: I thought the Doom Builder map was excellent myself.
    Tom_D: Perhaps this mapset is just hit and miss really.
    deathz0r: I agree, Wills needs to put in more effort to deliver a more consistent WAD.
    Tom_D: Yeah, and for Gods sake, keep with map01-map13 or something. It wasn't really that funny.
    deathz0r: Why?
    Tom_D: Aside from map "FUCK_YOU", that was cool.
    deathz0r: You're not cool!

  • Ode of Resurrection - Jodwin
    Boom - SP - 138kb -
    Tom_D: If this was made for coop I'd say this kicks ass but, shit, I just can't find it fun in single player.
    deathz0r: Unfortunately, there's no co-op starts, but what about support for lower difficulty levels?
    Tom_D: Ooh, I only tried it in HMP, my bad.
    deathz0r: You should always try lower skill levels if you can't beat the level! On that note, I had plenty of fun although ammo count was really low.
    Tom_D: It still seems kinda frenzied even at HNTR. I'm just not a fan of Hell Revealed style maps because I'm not Doom expert #1 (NOTE: CONTRADICTS LATER STATEMENTS!) So, er, yeah. Good map for what it is though! I applaud!
    deathz0r: The detail is quite fine for a map that focuses a lot on difficult gameplay, I never found it eye gouging.
    Tom_D: Indeed, there aren't really any flaws, you just have to be a non-sucky player I guess. I could probably play through this with effort if I could be arsed.
    deathz0r: You just have to be me, Tom.
    Tom_D: Dean, I don't want to be a ginger faggot with a high voice :(

  • Operation Oberon - Ruba
    doom2.exe - SP - 52kb
    DOES NOT WORK IN INTENDED SOURCE PORT

  • Please get hot Jiggi - Ruba
    doom2.exe - SP - 36kb -
    Tom_D: Okay. Simple, but actually kinda fun level. Architecture is lacking and there are SS Nazis for no reason. Nuff said.
    deathz0r: It's interesting that this is the same person that did entapriz.wad. This is largely inferior compared to that other level.
    Tom_D: I dunno, I enjoyed this level a lot more, probably because there's less stupidity this time.
    deathz0r: Eh, guess it depends on your definition of "stupidity", which seems to be vastly different to me, because I think this level is more boring.
    Tom_D: Sewers in spaceships.
    deathz0r: Yeah, how else are you supposed to remove feces?
    Tom_D: Poop outside in space!
    deathz0r: But that's against galactic laws!
    Tom_D: Fuck the law!
    deathz0r: Oh, you rebellious man!
    Tom_D: Oh and this is less repetitive and such than entapriz so there
    deathz0r: Ok fine whatever case closed next wad

  • Realistic Texture Pack - RottKing
    N/A - N/A - 3mb
    This week's texture pack focuses on realism, which I absolutely hate in practice but there's no denying that these textures are great quality. StolenTaken from other free texture sites, this collection perfectly suits any city-themed map you can throw at it. Don't believe me? Read on further for our review on Tsunami and check out the screenshots!

  • Skulltag CTFL - Zeg-Vok
    Skulltag - CTF - 24kb -
    deathz0r: For the love of Ganesha, do not upload maps without thoroughly checking them. Missing textures, broken sky... seriously.
    Tom_D: I love those missing textures, it shows QUALITY. I can't see this map playing well either.
    deathz0r: It's a converted Tribes 2 map, which makes it really interesting to me because Tribes 2 maps are really fucking large. But this is incredibly small.
    Tom_D: I think it's a custom Tribes 2 map. I'd assume at least.
    deathz0r: That could explain it.
    Tom_D: But either way, last time I checked TRIBES 2 = BARELY LIKE DOOM, so don't go to Tribes 2 for inspiration.

  • The assault on Grinava - th0r
    ZDoom - SP - 1135kb -
    deathz0r: I shall make a prediction here, you heard it first folks: This is the year of ripping off Simplicity.
    Tom_D: I've seen like 10 wads that completly rip off AgentSpork's mapping style. It's just not funny anymore. Develop your own style. Jesus.
    deathz0r: Last year it was all about ripping off the 1024 layout! This time it's about making horribly generic tech/base layouts with absurd detail.
    Tom_D: Too generic.
    deathz0r: So generic that I could get sick of this style in... two months? Three, tops?
    Tom_D: But I did kind of enjoy this NOT A SIMPLICITY RIPOFF level. Though it could have benefitted from, I dunno, an SSG maybe? It's better than a 1994 map though.
    deathz0r: I guess so. I mean, it was short and extremely conventional, but it passes the test.
    Tom_D: Yeah, it was fun to play through for me... It'd gain more points if it seriously had an SSG. Barons + regular shotgun = not fun!
    deathz0r: That's why there's a chaingun in the same room Tom! But you would knew that if you didn't SUCK AT SINGLE PLAYER.
    Tom_D: I didn't even die during playthrough! I bet YOU did!
    deathz0r: *ahem* I actually did, believe it or not.

  • Tower 1024 - Wills
    ZDoom - SP - 21kb -
    Tom_D: Well, at least we know now that Wills can make normal wads!
    deathz0r: APOCALYPSE IS COMING
    Tom_D: INTO THE SHELTERS
    deathz0r: But hey, if Wills can make a decent single player map (albiet 1024 themed that is so last year), then I can too by definition!
    Tom_D: Oh snap! Take that non-believers! This was a decent wad, definitely shows promise. In my opinion, Wills has two choices:
    Tom_D: a) Make more cool serious wads
    Tom_D: OR
    Tom_D: b) Combine joke wads and serious wads to make joke wads with good gameplay!
    Tom_D: I choose b.
    deathz0r: B huh? I like the sound of that!
    Tom_D: Yes! Wills, you must follow our orders!
    deathz0r: But seriously, this map is quite cool. Easy, but is quite good given that pesky 1024x1024 limitation.
    Tom_D: Indeed! But, er, were you meant to jump to get that blue key? What?
    deathz0r: Yeah, didn't you read the text file? It says ZDoom required.
    Tom_D: Ah, but it didn't mention if jumping was required or not since there are ZDoom wads with jumping being deactivated! Now I feel confused and scared.

  • Tsunami - th0r
    Skulltag - DM - 878kb -
    deathz0r: Hey cool, a rooftop-themed deathmatch map for Skulltag, which includes mega huge jumps to reach certain places!
    Tom_D: Reminds me of something from Quake 3 except URBANISED! In da hood, yo.
    deathz0r: This uses Rottking's Realistic Texture Pack, and I have to say it uses it quite effectively.
    Tom_D: Indeed, I thought I was in New York city for a moment!
    deathz0r: If you were in New York City, I'm sure someone would go "hey, it's that dude from the Internet, TawmDee!" and then they'd zerg rush you because their name is DD_133.
    Tom_D: What would DD_133 be doing outside?
    deathz0r: Exactly. It just proves how stupid you are for believing you're in New York City.
    Tom_D: That's it! I challenge you to a deathmatch on this wad! I would if you didn't live in Australia that is. LAAAAG. If I host, you lag, if you host, I lag unfair!
    deathz0r: Afraid I'd kick your ass, son? I have beaten the so-called god of DM, Ralphis! Can you claim that? I think not!
    Tom_D: I did it once, I'm sure.
    deathz0r: Screenshots or it never happened.
    Tom_D: Here's a screenshot:
    Tom_D:
    Tom_D: How's that? I'm officially a Doom God now.
    deathz0r: Oh shit! I could never defeat you at Doom. I praise thee, Doom god!
    Tom_D: Fucking right, you know this screenshot is 100% not fake. No one challenge me because I quit playing Doom for being so good.
    deathz0r: So yeah, play this now or I'll kick your (the reader) ass like I did to Ralphis.

  • Unit 9042 - Part III "Showdown" - Zalewa
    ZDoom - SP - 9mb -
    Tom_D: Zalewa reminds me of Tormentor667. Without the detail. What do I mean by this? Well... by that I mean it's TOO FUCKING HARD FOR ITS OWN GOOD.
    deathz0r: What? Tormentor's maps are boring, not hard.
    Tom_D: I'm pretty sure there was this one wad by him where it puts you in cramped spaces with about a billion monsters and the only weapon you have is a rocket launcher.
    deathz0r: You've never played Hell Revealed before, right?
    Tom_D: That's probably it. I don't see what's good about this Terminator wad. I like ZDoom wads with crazy effects and scripting but... the quality! It is lacking! The fights are really quite uninspired too.
    deathz0r: There are some parts I don't like about this WAD. Bright rooms in hell-themed areas for instance are totally eye-gouging.
    Tom_D: Those are pretty scary. Oh and I don't know what the author was thinking with the spiderdemon battle.
    deathz0r: Fighting an arch-vile with nowhere to hide, really annoying.
    Tom_D: That was pretty bad too.
    deathz0r: Yes, it is hard but that's why other skill levels exist; if you can't finish it, try a lower skill level!
    Tom_D: True, but it'd help if the wad didn't suck generally with its battles and half-assed detail.
    deathz0r: The detail wasn't that bad. I've seen worse.
    Tom_D: True. Oh, and the text file says "Difficulty Settings : No"
    deathz0r: Well, that solves that huh? You're obviously not skilled enough to play this!
    Tom_D: Oh no! My life is over! Also another top quality of this wad - UNSKIPPABLE CUTSCENES!
There's a whole bunch of old shit uploaded and updates, but there's too many to list! Go find them yourself!