newt
Mini-Member
Posts: 70
Registered: 08-08 |
Crosspooooooooost!
DOWNLOAD HERE: http://www.mediafire.com/?4rnqz2nkwkn
WINNER: Darkwave17, "TH3 L33T M4P"
RUSTY:
So many of the original Doom levels, and later, the community levels, were designed with the intent of putting the player through Hell. Some of them do a remarkable job at communicating an environment of unholy suffering, all-consuming pain, and endless violence. Unfortunately, though, no map will ever come anywhere near to portraying a true hell as thoroughly as Darkwave's entry Darkwave17.
This is not hyperbole. Playing this map is an utterly torturous ordeal. Most of the entries had some profoundly bad elements, including massively tall doors/elevators, totally illogical texture choices, rampant cyberdemon abuse, stuck monsters, doors behind doors behind doors behind doors, and hallways the ends of which could barely be seen--but Darkwave17 has ALL of these, and many more which can scarcely be imagined. Nobody abused platform puzzles quite to this extent, for instance, and Darkwave took the time to make everything invisible on the automap.
Darkwave17. Play it, and remember it. This is history being written, and it's Darkwave to thank. Or to blame.
ACE:
When I signed up to judge for this contest, I had certain expectations in my mind of how the submissions would be. And for most of the submissions, I wasn't far off the mark. Then I played Darkwave's submission.
My suggestions for desirable qualities for submissions were pretty vague; the ultimate point I made is that variety is a plus, and the more ways the submissions are crappy, the better. Without a doubt, "TH3 L33T M4P" takes this suggestion and dares to make any honest, decent Doomer wish I had ever made it. Words simply cannot describe the sheer magnitude of suck--the suckitude, if you will--that emanates from this map. If variety is the spice of life, then this particular steaming maggot-infested turd is on fucking fire.
This map is perfectly manufactured to be terrible in nearly every way thinkable. In fact, it's terrible in ways scientifically proven to be unthinkable. Impossible platforming, major sections hidden by secret doors, traps of all kinds are present; to top it off, the map is essentially the most daunting switch hunt known to man. Make any mistake, and this map WILL punish you--and then rub the wounds in battery acid, barbecue a few live kittens and violate your mother. Scratch that, actually; it does all of this unprovoked. It does so merely by its very existence, to the very finish, a goal which is only attainable in theory.
I think it can be said with the inception of this map that history's worst Doom WAD has been created. Don't believe it? Try it for yourself. But be forewarned: you will never feel whole again.
Congratulations, Darkwave. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE.
http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/1096/darkwave2.th.png http://img190.imageshack.us/img190/348/darkwave1.th.png
RUNNERS-UP
"Oops, I Did It Again" by DarckRedd
ACE:
The revelation that through listening to a MIDI rendition of the masterpiece by one Britney Spears herself I find that I somehow manage to know more than a handful of the lyrics to the song is in fact one of the least aggravating aspects of this entry. In fact, had it been a wee bit more evil than it was, I would not have been able to myself decide whether I preferred Darkwave's entry or this--it's just that close. Initially, it presents itself as an almost innocuous contender; however, as the map and the mind-numbing reiterations of "I played with your heart, got lost in the game" drag on, the map gets progressively worse, and is nearly as impossible to figure out as our winning contender.
It's ugly, it's difficult, and it gave me an aneurysm (whatever that is). A submission more than worthy of runner-up status.
RUSTY:
This one doesn't quite approach the absurdities of Dark17, but the effort devoted to causing frustration and existential angst is remarkable. The MIDI music is just icing on the cake. It will make every newbie's first map of the future a thousandfold better by comparison, rather than merely rivaling them in "quality". It's confusing, it's aggravating, it's long. In this case, it's not that the most original elements of awwfulness are present; they are, however, present in harmony and in great quantity, making this entry a very worthy runner-up.
http://img40.imageshack.us/img40/220/oops2.th.png
"AASHITTY: The Unnecessarily Long Subtitle (Not Its Actual Subtitle)" by Wills
RUSTY:
AASHITTY required a couple playthroughs to really grasp the strangeness and terror present. It seems so much an eight-year-old's tribute to thrash metal, but reveals itself to be a sinister facsimile, confusing, ugly, and difficult. The author took a slightly different approach in that not everything is constructed with pretended mapping incompetence, but is instead all done in a mostly-competent (1995-ish) but very displeasing manner. Play it--it's an experience to cherish.
ACE:
Picture yourself. You've loaded up a random WAD, wondering what it has in store, and the first image you see is a gargantuan texture of Metallica plastered across the screen, accompanied by a MIDI rendition of the worldwide #1 hit pop single, "Master of Sock Puppets." But behind the facade of what appears to be a fairly harmless and mildly amusing joke wad lies a force to be reckoned with. Switches hidden halfway across the map, endless hallways, and impossible arena combat that would make even the mightiest Lombax cringe in whiny, sniveling cowardice all lie within, with a couple nasty death traps peppered in for good measure.
Don't let the friendly appearance of the Hammy the Bacon (if that IS his real name) posters strewn across the corridors fool you; this map is another kind of master. A Master of Torture.
http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/6544/aashitty2.th.png http://img132.imageshack.us/img132/6451/aashitty1.th.png
Honorable Mentions:
Best New Texture: Roomofdoom by aaargh
RUSTY:
This map was, unfortunately, all-but-disqualified for freezing my computer every time I attempted to play it; I could, luckily, play long enough to see this. Author "aaargh" has graced us with clearly the best new texture in any contest entry.
http://img31.imageshack.us/img31/2034/roomofdoom.th.png
Best (Worst) Music: "The Big Crap Bag" by JustSomeMusicGuy
ACE:
By default, TBCB had to be disqualified for using DECORATE (though the effect was a lovely touch). However, it did feature the musical equivalent of cramming a large high-speed rotating drill in one ear and a squealing radioactive mutant infant in the other. Even if I didn't happen to have a thing for trashy, unintelligent and oft-drunk but attractive has-been pop singer women, I would probably still dislike this song even more than "Oops." Congratulations!
Best Visual Effect: shitty by Nomad
RUSTY:
Surreal. Innovative. Big.
The climactic moments of Nomad's entry present structures to fit all these adjectives. Perhaps you, too, will experience the delighted/horrified laughter that I did.
http://img25.imageshack.us/img25/6586/shitty.th.png
Best (Crappiest) Disqualifed Entry: "SUCKMAP" by Giftmacher
ACE:
This map is really, really bad. So bad, in fact, that it can't be won. No, really. Don't even try. There's no exit anywhere in the map, and the first locked door happens to require a key you will not get. It may not be completable, but if this isn't crappy, I don't know what is.
http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/2750/giftsuckmap.th.png
Best Puzzle: stupidwad by deathdealer
RUSTY:
Thank you, deathdealer. Fatal nearly took this award with the barrel hallway (describable only as "inspired", but not really a "puzzle"), but this section of stupidwad presents a profound parody of the switch-hunting and copy/paste abuse so prevalent in all level design today, and especially Doom's.
http://img403.imageshack.us/img403/7210/stupidwad.th.png
Best Story: "AASHITTY: The Subtitle That Killed A Thousand Orphan Babies (Not Really, But Really)" by Wills
ACE:
A number of the entries were accompanied by quite humorous text files, like "Masterpiece of Shit" by LogicDeLuxe, "HELCANYN" by InsanityBringer, and "Hellgate" by Nixont, which all used the standard /idgames format, but were typewritten not in English, but in l33t-/n00b-sp38k.
It is AASHITTY that went all out with this opportunity, however; its title (i.e., its subtitle) is so long that it takes up at least 137% of the text file's horizontal scroll space and will not even be posted here, and included is a story that is a welcome and quite funny twist on the original Doom story. Well worth a read, and most certainly made for a good laugh.
Best Monster Placement: "Down's" By Fatal AKA "Commie Bastard"
ACE:
Of all the work that was put into making these submissions truly terrible, I must say that no amount of work impresses me as much as the monstrosity of stucked cyberdemons, cacodemons, pain elementals, mancubi and revenants in what can only be described as the biggest anti-climax of a monster orgy battle in Doom history. Bonus points for an unexpected effect in ZDoom and derivatives, which just looks amazing.
http://img248.imageshack.us/img248/6894/downs.th.png
In closing:
RUSTY:
These maps were really, really bad. REALLY BAD. I've had Doom experiences that I hopefully never will again. The "quality" of these maps ironically speaks only of the actual skill of the mappers, because it takes true creativity and knowledge to beat hordes of newbie mappers at their own game. I won't soon forget this, and I can really only thank all the entrants.
We're quick to criticize new mappers, but sometimes we lose ourselves in cynicism and forget that once we were all terrible at this. Enjoy these maps, and next time, help that new kid make a door and an elevator and a staircase. Nobody wants any more of these maps than is truly necessary.
Enough preaching! These maps suck. Play them, share them, and love them all! The Abyss extends a massive thanks to everyone who entered!
DOWNLOAD LINK AGAIN: http://www.mediafire.com/?4rnqz2nkwkn
--
For posterity, here is the original post, which has much fancier formatting that Rusty was kind enough to take the time to put together: http://abyss.internetlantic.com/for....php?f=46&t=550
Thanks to all the contestants who put each of us through hell! Be sure to download the zip and play these submissions, because it is truly remarkable just how bad they are. It was really a treat to see JUST how many ways a map could be bad, and there were loads more than I would've thought. I am impressed--and terribly concerned. Give them a try... And good luck! You'll really, really need it.
EDIT:
aaargh, upon replaying your map in PrBoom+, it would appear that your map in fact doesn't completely lock up when triggering the switches, but the lag is nearly as unplayable.
I don't believe we technically decided to call yours disqualified since it is technically completable, however, if that's more of a comfort. :P
Last edited by newt on 08-05-09 at 13:56
|
07-14-09 14:16 
