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MarkAnthony89
Banned


Posts: 58
Registered: 01-13


Wanna make others laugh? (Who doesn't?)
Wanna laugh a bit? (Who doesn't?)

Good! Then you're in the right place, this thread is all about DOOM-RELATED, comedy dialogs, funny pictures or videos and all types of jokes, please post anything you want but follow the rules:

-Post just FUNNY STUFF, about Doom, Heretic or Hexen, no more subjects allowed!
-Post only your OWN CREATIONS, avoid posting old funny stuff made by other authors in other times or/in other places(though it's not a crime if you post things that aren't yours).

(AND THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE IS)

-LAUGH!!!

That's all guys, good laughing! **

Old Post 01-25-13 19:19
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esselfortium
A Major Doomworld Concern


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You start.

Old Post 01-25-13 19:31
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qoncept
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Posts: 434
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Doom 3

Old Post 01-25-13 20:11
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MarkAnthony89
Banned


Posts: 58
Registered: 01-13


Well, looks like I'm gonna be tha first to contribute, here's my joke! It may not be much but it surely is funny and has been created only by me, here it goes:

-If every doom monster could talk, what would they say?
(OK, let's include our doomguy though we all know he's the hero)

Doomguy - Monsters to kill, keys to collect, doors to open, walls to break, places to run, switches to find, items to pick, imps to fuck and ciber-butts to spit... THAT'S MY LIFE!

Former Human - Why can't I have a shotgun like my superior Sargent has, instead of an assault rifle? And please, someone teach me how to fire continuously as Heavy Weapon Dudes do!

Former Sargent - I'm UGLY! Hey you idiot! Yes, you zombieman! Tell me how can I make that stylish green hair that you have but I don't want that intoxicating smell!

Former Commando - When I see a marine I hold my finger upon the trigger till the end of life and he becomes my target forever. Damned those pillars standing in the way!

Demon - I bite every green crap who stands in my way, I mean, I try to bite but they step aside and run from me, some say that I'm always applauding my targets with my teeth but I don't know what that means?

Spectre - I'm almost invisible, not even I can see myself. I bite, bite and try to bite but I really can't bite anything! They keep running! HOW, if I'm invisible? Too invisible that sometimes I bite myself by mistake!

Imp - I hate those marines but I can't resist a female! Sometimes I have sex with a female marine but after I fuck her she's dead. DAMNED THOSE SENSITIVE BITCHES! Don't know why she fucking dies!!!

Cacodemon - Earth is a bloody place to live, it's all covered with blood but when I approach the blood becomes translucent, weird! Oh, my mistake! It's not blood it's water, looks like I'm the one who has blue blood.

Pain Elemental - They call me "Bitch" cause I give birth too much crap per day but that's my way of attacking!

Lost Soul - Someone help me! I'M LOST!!!

Revenant - I never wonder why I can't fire missiles or rockets instead of red burning crap!

Archvile - WHY DOES EVERY ONE IGNORE ME?!!! I can't have a fair fight cause none of my hell partners dare to target me, WHYYYYYYYY?!!!!! I even give second life to them!

Mancubus - I fire at those thin marines like there won't be no tomorrow! HA HA HA HA HA!!! Wait! ...no tomorrow? What does that mean?

Arachnotron - Initializing... searching... continue searching... suspect right there taking a red key... looks like a marine... it's a marine... target spotted! Fire! Never stop firing!... DAMNED THAT PILLAR!!! Target fucking lost!

Spider Mastermind - Initializing... searching... FUCK THIS! I don't have patience for robotic speech. Target's there let's fire... SHIT! He's trying to kill my husband! CIBERDEMON, MY DEAR! I'M COMING TO HELP YOU!

Ciberdemon - I'm perfect or at least I think I am. Mmmhh, I have three flaws, doors are too small for me, my wife doesn't have vagina not even she can find her own ass so I guess she doesn't even have ass, WHERE DO I STICK MY PENIS?!!! Then the third and worse flaw, my butt is UGLY! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

Icon of Sin - I'm a coward! I'm hiding behind a huge textured wall cause I'm stupidly weak and gay, yeah spending my days with my head stuck with a wood stick thinking of sexy stick and male butts is and always was my dream of life, NOW COMING TRUE!... Until some marine gets smarter than me and makes "noclip" just to laugh at my humiliated and ugly face!

Created by me ** LOL

Last edited by MarkAnthony89 on 01-25-13 at 21:12

Old Post 01-25-13 20:48
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Xaser
Forum Staple


Posts: 2636
Registered: 07-03


I'm not exactly a humorologist, but I think the idea behind a joke is to be funny.

Old Post 01-25-13 21:09
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dew
experts


Posts: 3607
Registered: 05-08


best thread ever. sticky please!

Old Post 01-25-13 21:10
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Phobus
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Is that a bannable offense?

Old Post 01-25-13 21:11
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MarkAnthony89
Banned


Posts: 58
Registered: 01-13



Phobus said:
Is that a bannable offense?


"Bannable offense"?

What?

Old Post 01-25-13 21:14
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mrthejoshmon
Senior Member


Posts: 1491
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doom joke: any wad below 2 stars

Old Post 01-25-13 21:38
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MajorRawne
Senior Member


Posts: 1319
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Well, it's not exactly funny, perhaps mysterious is a better word, but I guess a legend is born.


Cacodemon - Earth is a bloody place to live, it's all covered with blood but when I approach the blood becomes translucent, weird! Oh, my mistake! It's not blood it's water, looks like I'm the one who has blue blood.

That isn't funny, it's terrifying.

Old Post 01-25-13 21:47
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MarkAnthony89
Banned


Posts: 58
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MajorRawne said:
I guess a legend is born.


What do you mean?


MajorRawne said:
That isn't funny, it's terrifying.


Why?

Old Post 01-25-13 21:53
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schwerpunk
Senior Member


Posts: 2067
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I thought it was funny. Pretty interesting take on humour - not really a joke, but it hits my funny bone all the same. And hey, at least he's trying.

What did the voodoo doll say to player 1?

Old Post 01-25-13 21:57
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mrthejoshmon
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schwerpunk said:
What did the voodoo doll say to player 1?

telefrag?

Old Post 01-25-13 22:03
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MajorRawne
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Posts: 1319
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schwerpunk said:
What did the voodoo doll say to player 1?

"Why you look like me? You so handsome I stick it in your anus AAAAHHHH the silence from your helmet is a void in my brain!"

Last edited by MajorRawne on 01-25-13 at 23:42

Old Post 01-25-13 22:04
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BloodyAcid
Senior Member


Posts: 1301
Registered: 09-11


What did the imp horde say to the icon of sin after MAP30 finished?


I guess it was ... ... impossible after all!


Ha..ha..ha..ha..?

Old Post 01-25-13 22:19
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Pavera
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Posts: 1502
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MarkAnthony89 said:
Sometimes I have sex with a female marine but after I fuck her she's dead.


Pure comedic gold.


MajorRawne said:

"Why you look like me? You so handsome I stick it in your anus AAAAHHHH the silence from your helmet is a void in my brain!"



I officially second stickying this thread.

Last edited by Pavera on 01-25-13 at 22:42

Old Post 01-25-13 22:25
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MarkAnthony89
Banned


Posts: 58
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schwerpunk said:
What did the voodoo doll say to player 1?


Voodoo doll - "I'm a scarecrow to keep monsters away. WHAT? You can walk? Oh, you must have batteries for that! I wish I had some too"

player 1 - "Get tha fuck out of my way or I suicide myself"

Old Post 01-25-13 22:42
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sgt dopey
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schwerpunk said:
What did the voodoo doll say to player 1?


Nothing because dolls don't talk

Old Post 01-25-13 22:45
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Springy
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sgt dopey said:


Nothing because dolls don't talk


What are you trying to say? That a certain horror movie has been lying to me all this time?

Old Post 01-25-13 22:53
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sgt dopey
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No that was an evil doll that's different

Old Post 01-25-13 22:57
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Maes
I like big butts!


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Meh, I did this sort of thing 100 times better back in my day.... (original DW thread and transcription)

Old Post 01-25-13 23:05
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MajorRawne
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xioP_yrZrE

Last edited by MajorRawne on 01-26-13 at 01:32

Old Post 01-25-13 23:17
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Gerardo194
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Where's the joke?

Old Post 01-26-13 06:09
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Vaporizer
Forum Regular


Posts: 824
Registered: 08-10


Excellent thread. This beats the previous pinnacle of Doom humour, 'HOW TO GO AT BED IN OLD DOOM ENGINE.'

Old Post 01-26-13 08:53
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DoomUK
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More quality posting from MarkAnthony89.

Old Post 01-26-13 09:02
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ASD
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We need a dwforums4.wad

Old Post 01-26-13 11:27
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MSPaintR0cks
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Two zombiemen stand on a high building. One of them falls down. Both are dead.

Old Post 01-26-13 11:52
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MarkAnthony89
Banned


Posts: 58
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DoomUK said:
Excellent thread. This beats the previous pinnacle of Doom humour, 'HOW TO GO AT BED IN OLD DOOM ENGINE.'

http://www.doomworld.com/vbmisc/qvid.png



Excellent posting I must say! That is soooooo funny!!! LOOOOOOOOOL


DoomUK said:
More quality posting from MarkAnthony89.


Working on it, stay tuned...

Old Post 01-26-13 12:01
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LordK
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MarkAnthony89

Old Post 01-26-13 13:11
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GreyGhost
Why don't I have a custom title by now?!


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Phobus said:
Is that a bannable offense?
Laughing? Probably.

Forgot to post a joke. What's yellow, orange and not as funny as the OP hoped it would be?

Spoiler:
This thread in Post Hell.

Last edited by GreyGhost on 01-26-13 at 14:03

Old Post 01-26-13 13:22
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