Quasar
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Well, I'm back and in one piece. I was so moved by this experience, and it is difficult to put everything into words, but here we go.
I left from Shawnee at 10 AM, driving down I-40 amidst the indescribable beauty of Oklahoma during summer. The drive took 2 hours exactly, and I made one wrong turn in Tulsa thanks to some confusing Google Map directions, but I was able to get back on track fairly easily.
I arrived at Southern Hills Baptist Church at noon, which was an hour before the service started. At first I was a little regretful for showing up too early, but I went in and signed the guest book after a couple of minutes. One of the funeral directors ran into me and asked me if I wanted to sign the casket. His friends and family had already covered most of the lid with heartfelt messages. I added my own after reading a few of the others and trying to get my hand to be steady. It said something like this:
"Dylan, all your friends online miss you very much. We will never forget you. James Haley"
Just knowing that he was inside, resting peacefully as I wrote these words was a powerful but painful experience.
The casket was brown and was made of wood, and it was surrounded by boquets of flowers, including a top spread with red roses. A sign apparently made by his sailing friends sat nearby and said "Dylan James McIntosh -- Waves of Life" or something similar to that (please forgive me for losing track of some of the finer details due to my emotions) and had pictures of him sailing. On two screens on the wall of the chapel his picture and name were displayed by projectors.
Some of his family members were the only ones present right then, so I took a seat further back in the chapel to avoid making anybody uncomfortable. Not very long after, a man who looked incredibly like Dylan but much older came into the room -- it was his father. He talked to a few of his relatives, and then noticed me and came over to me. I stood up and shook his hand and introduced myself, and explained how I met Dylan. He thanked me for coming and we shared a few more words, then he informed me the family was going to leave for lunch.
I went back out into the foyer and sat on a bench for a while and one of the funeral directors talked to me for a while. After not very long at all, people began arriving, so I went back into the chapel. In very little time almost the entire chapel filled up, and I estimate there were at least 200 people in attendance, with about equal numbers of friends and family.
Some jazzy rock music started to play softly, and I later learned that this was music from one of his favorite CDs. Once it was time to begin, they changed the music to his favorite song (unfortunately I don't know the name of it), and his family filed in.
After a moment of silence, the music died down and the two screens up at the front started to display a Life Story picture slideshow movie which detailed Dylan's life in a somewhat reversed order, starting with the same pictures that are on his tribute website, and then going on and on. I think there were probably a hundred pictures at least, and many of them were funny and made people laugh, while others made tears. I don't think there was a dry eye in the house after the first few. Many of the pics were of Dylan with his pets and doing many of his favorite activities, which included skiing, snowboarding, water skiing, and sailing.
After this finished, the Rev. Rick Watson talked for a long time, reading the obituary word for word and then adding much more of his own material, largely humorous anecdotes from Dylan's life. After he finished, family members and friends were invited to speak. Four or five people spoke in all, and each had different light, humorous tales to tell. One of his friends did break down after telling us about how without Dylan, he wouldn't have his job with computers or know anything about them. His father spoke the longest, and had 5 different stories to tell, mostly about some of the antics of Dylan's younger days, like when he sent up a model rocket stuffed full of firecrackers and accidentally set a soccer field on fire :)
After this was finished, prayers were offered, the casket was opened, and we began to file out one row at a time, stopping to speak with his parents. Dylan held a ratchet in one hand, a suggestion to his father from a friend that he should be buried with one of his beloved tools.
When my time to stand came, I moved out in the aisle and slowly walked in procession until I came to the front. After taking a moment to look at Dylan, which was really hard to do, I turned to his mother. She took my hand and I introduced myself to her saying "It's very nice to meet you," and taking a moment to say a few of the things I had earlier said to his father (he had actually already told her some of these things and reminded her when she almost confused me with somebody else). I told her these words:
"He had many, many friends online and we all miss him. But I will be sure to let everyone know how nice this was," and she thanked me. I then shook his father's hand again and left the chapel.
I attended the graveside service as well. He was buried in Memorial Park Cemetary, which was old and incredibly ornate with statuary and monuments. Dylan's casket was taken up to the grave site and set down, then his family was guided into the tent. Another prayer was offered, and then his family placed dozens of single red roses atop the casket one by one. Big red balloons were released to symbolize letting go, and then everybody just talked for a while. I waited a while to be respectful and then left quietly and made my way home, although not without leaving many tears along the long path.
All in all it was an incredible and deeply touching experience, and I am so glad to have had the chance to represent our community there. I didn't know all there was to know about Dylan, but what I did know about him I really liked. Soon we will move on and the shock and pain of this loss will fade, but like I wrote on his casket, we will never forget him.
EDIT: I found out the CD being played was Lynyrd Skynyrd. One of the songs that was played while we were filing out was "What's Your Name?"
Last edited by Quasar on 08-26-06 at 01:37
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08-23-06 20:22 
