AndrewB
What's the worst that could happen? A girl is emotionally destroyed? I can live with that.
Posts: 3798
Registered: 05-00 |
Ultraviolet said:
Maybe he had one of those days that everybody has had once or twice. A death in the immediate family, a rejection, loss of a job, all three at once? Maybe all this, and the previous, chemical and environmental factors combined, until you've got a hell of a corner case.
The mind seeks to explain things that don't make sense. He NEVER seemed dramatic, over-reactive (probably the most cool-headed of any of the IRCers, you could hardly even get a "wtf" out of him most of the time), or anything like that.
In my first-hand experience, the people who actually intend on committing suicide are almost never dramatic nor over-reactive. There is a very good reason for this: Because they full intend on committing the act, they have no intention on having anyone else interfere. Remaining upbeat and sociable would stop people from suspecting anything, and therefore help their cause. This fits perfectly with the observations that he was "in high spirits" and "didn't seem like the type." These type of people have already decided that there really isn't any decent help out there for them (and this is often true), and so they execute their plan swiftly and to perfection.
On the other hand, the people who ARE overly-dramatic and outwardly depressed and go on to attempt suicide are typically the ones "crying out for help." They don't really want to go through with the act, because they still have hope that maybe someone or something can turn things around for them.
And I also suspect that it was NOT something along the lines of a bunch of bad things happening at once. Suicide is not a reflex. It's not something that people turn to when their life situation is volatile and unpredictable. It's something they do when they feel their life is safely and securely entrenched in very, very long-term crap.
I know people want to believe that he had a good life but was hit by a bunch of crap at once, and had a one-time enormous lapse of judgment, but I suspect it was pretty much the opposite of that.
sargebaldy said:
I'm having a similar struggle. Though I don't think answers would satisfy me either. As Joel was saying on Vets, he probably kept most of his problems inside himself rather than venting them out in more healthy ways.
Maybe this is too obvious a statement, but often it really isn't enough to "vent" or "get something off your chest" as it were. If you talk to someone about complicated life issues and are met with generic advice that really doesn't apply to your particular situation (as is usually the case), then the act of talking about it will make the person feel worse. Much worse.
If I could, I'd bet money that he already talked to someone about his problems, and then realized that the act of talking was fruitless.
Even just living in New York City puts a lot of stress on someone. Everyone is a stranger, and you yourself feel like a stranger everywhere you go. It's hard not to feel insignificant being surrounded by that. I always took him for having a healthy social life there, but actually I have no idea what things were like for him.
He may very well have had an exciting social life. That doesn't preclude suicide one bit.
In a way I have to wonder if this community was something of an oasis for him, a place to get away, a surrogate family even. All speculation, of course, but I know I've leaned on the community in the same way through periods of desolate loneliness. I suspect the same for Jason as well, although I guess in the end it wasn't enough.
One thing that makes this whole situation especially hard for me is that I hadn't spoken with him since January. The trajectory of my life has left much less room for IRC or forums, even while I would like to be everywhere at once. I'm left wondering whether my absence hurt the situation any, even while I realize that's a very bad train of thought to approach.
Were you in a position to directly affect his life circumstances, or were you just someone he could have talked to? If it's the latter then no, your absence would have not been a factor.
At the very least, I wish I could have spent more time talking to him before things happened as they did. It's reminding me to keep in better touch with my other friends and loved ones, before I lose the chance to.
By the time you suspect that someone is suicidal, it's probably too late to buddy up to them. Anything after that would be (correctly) interpreted as some type of damage control. The best way to prevent this sort of thing is to be fair and considerate to other people, and always be empathetic. I think that would qualify as doing your part.
Last edited by AndrewB on 06-26-07 at 23:33
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06-26-07 07:35 
