Danarchy
YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!
Posts: 15904
Registered: 01-01 |
So there were three construction workers working on the new WTC building. On their lunch break, they're sitting there eating and kind of bored, so one of them says "see that pile of bricks over there? I bet I could throw one further than anyone."
"Oh yeah?" says another one. "Let's make a it bet."
"Yeah," says the third. "You're on!"
So the first guy grabs a brick and chucks it across the entire construction site.
"Not bad," says the second one, "but watch this!" So he grabs another brick and throws it. It flies out of his hand and arcs gracefully right over the Empire State Building.
The first construction worker is humbled, but the third one is unimpressed. "Ha!" he says, "that ain't nothing!" So he grabs another brick and launches it into the air. It flies, higher, and higher, way over the Empire State Building, and far above New York. So far that they don't even see it anymore.
"Wow, that was impressive," say the other two. "I guess you win."\
***
So at a hotel somewhere in America, three men are checking in. The first man is from Canada and says to the clerk "I'm going to need a wake up call at aboot six tomorrow. Would that be fine, eh?"
"Yes sir!" says the clerk. "Would you also like some fresh sheets on your bed?"
"Oh, that would be great, eh?" says the Canadian.
Then the next man, from England, comes up to the counter and checks in. "Would it be too much to ask for a spot of tea from room service, old bean?"
"No sir!" said the clerk. "Would you also like fresh sheets on your bed?"
"Oh jolly good! That would be lovely!" says the Englishman.
Then the third man, from Mexico walks up to the clerk. "Senor, I would like to check in."
"Good, good" says the clerk. Would you like fresh sheets on your bed?"
The Mexican replies, "NO, IF YOU SHEET ON MY BED, I WILL KEEEEEL YOU!!!"
***
So three guys are flying over the city in a plane. One of them says "hey, lets toss stuff out of the plane and see where it lands!"
So the first guy tosses and orange out. The second guy tosses an apple. The third guy whips out a bomb and drops it. "Dude, what the fuck did you do that for?" the other two ask. The third guy just shrugs.
So they land the plane and the first guy walks down the road to where he dropped his orange. He sees a little girl crying. "What's wrong?" he asks her.
"An orange fell from the sky and killed my kitty!" she sobs.
Meanwhile, the second guy is walking down the street to where he dropped the apple. He sees another little girl crying. "What's wrong?" he asks.
"An apple fell from the sky and killed my daddy!" she cries.
Thn the third guy walks to where he dropped the bomb. It's rather easy to find due to the smoldering remains of a building lying there. Out in front is a little girl in tears, laughing. "What happened?" he asks. "What's so funny?"
"Hahahaha," she says between gasps for air. "I farted and my house blew up!"
***
An Pollock, a priest, and Bill Clinton are walking down the beach. Bill Clinton turns to the priest and says "bless me father for I have sinned".
The priest replies, "what is your confession, my-" Then he dies when a brick falls from the sky and smashes his head in.
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10-08-10 09:41 
