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Kappes Buur
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The daughter asks her dad how he likes his new iPAD which she gave him for his birthday.

http://www.wimp.com/dadipad/

Old Post 08-22-12 23:07 #
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Eris Falling
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1) The mason tried his hardest to explain his job..but it was like trying to talk to a brick wall..

2) Why were triceratops the most sexually active dinosaurs?

spoiler - highlight to read:

They were always horny

Old Post 09-12-12 19:03 #
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Krispy
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Posts: 1174
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There once was a man from Madras,
Whose balls were constructed of brass.
When they jangled together,
They played "Stormy Weather",
And lightning shot out of his ass.

Old Post 09-17-12 19:42 #
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Eris Falling
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I just laughed my ass off in real life.
Although I think that might've been aided by the lightning.

Old Post 09-17-12 19:59 #
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Scypek2
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Posts: 559
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Four Chinese, Bu, Chu, Su and Fu decided to immigrate to America. To stay there, they had to change their names. Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck. Su and Fu decided to stay in China.

Old Post 09-17-12 20:38 #
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Eris Falling
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Milton Jones said:
I was the man who discovered DNA. I wasn't going to call it that but I was giving a lecture to the Royal Society and I said: "Gentlemen, I believe I've discovered the genetic fingerprint of all human life.

Da-na!"

Old Post 09-17-12 20:49 #
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Harmata
Loser


Posts: 299
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*waves his car keys*

Old Post 09-18-12 02:48 #
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sgt dopey
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Posts: 511
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The Friar Florists

The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought this was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not.

He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him.

So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop.

Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Old Post 09-18-12 06:48 #
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Eris Falling
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another milton joke:

My father once said to me: "Son, why don't you go outside and jump on the trampoline?" but I missed the oline.

Old Post 09-18-12 19:11 #
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SYS
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Posts: 1749
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Taxi cab philosophy

http://geeklord.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/amli_jat.jpg

Old Post 09-18-12 20:06 #
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Eris Falling
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I was working in a micro-gravity simulation environment, and I had just completed a routine bowel movement.
I hadn't attached the pipe properly though and despite my best efforts, the waste drifted into the ventilation duct.

And then the shit hit the fan.

Old Post 09-19-12 15:49 #
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baronofheck82
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A joke, huh?
See our last President.

Old Post 09-21-12 19:14 #
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Eris Falling
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Around 150 or so years ago, some thieves went down a mine shaft in attempt to steal some of the ore down there. Unfortunately for them, the police turned up.

"Oh great," said one of the thieves. "The COPPERS have arrived!"

Old Post 09-21-12 20:43 #
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Hellbent
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http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/1358/brokem.jpg

Old Post 09-26-12 10:12 #
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PRIMEVAL
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Posts: 1945
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baronofheck82 said:
A joke, huh?
See our last President.



He was rather amusing, I must admit.

__________________
Facebook | Twitter | Music on Facebook | Youtube | SoundCloud | ReverbNation

Old Post 09-26-12 15:32 #
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Eris Falling
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A well known joke from the UK


spoiler - highlight to read:

Nick Clegg.

Old Post 09-26-12 16:49 #
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Doom Marine
took his ball and went home


Posts: 1653
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A priest and a rabbi was walking down the street, and saw a little boy.
So the priest was like, "Let's screw that kid!"
And the rabbi replied, "out of what?"

Old Post 09-26-12 21:12 #
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schwerpunk
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Doom Marine said:
A priest and a rabbi was walking down the street, and saw a little boy.
So the priest was like, "Let's screw that kid!"
And the rabbi replied, "out of what?"

Beautiful!

Old Post 09-26-12 22:05 #
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Hellbent
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Doom Marine said:
A priest and a rabbi was walking down the street, and saw a little boy.
So the priest was like, "Let's screw that kid!"
And the rabbi replied, "out of what?"

hahaha, best joke of thread.


An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Canada one morning with a purse full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the president's office.

The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, '$165,000'. The president was curious and asked her how she had been able to save so much money . The elderly woman replied that she made bets.

The president was surprised and asked, 'What kind of bets /
The elderly woman replied, 'Well, I bet you
$25,000 that your testicles are square.'

The president started to laugh and told the woman that it was impossible to win a bet like that.

The woman never batted an eye. She just looked at the president and said, 'Would you like to take my bet?'

'Certainly', replied the president. 'I bet you $25,000 that my testicles are not square.'

'Done', the elderly woman answered. 'But given the amount of money involved, if you don't mind I would like to come back at 10 ' clock tomorrow morning with my lawyer as a witness.' 'No problem', said the president of the Bank confidently.

That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that
there was no way he could lose the bet.

The next morning at exactly 10 o'clock the elderly woman arrived at the president's office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $25,000 bet made the day before that the president's testicles were square.

The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. so that she and her lawyer could see clearly.

The president was happy to oblige.

The elderly woman came closer so she could see better and asked the president if she could touch them.. 'Of course', said the president. 'Given the amount of money involved, you should be 100% sure.'

The elderly woman did so with a little smile. Suddenly the president noticed that the lawyer was banging his head against the wall. He asked the elderly woman why he was doing that and she replied, 'Oh, it's probably because I bet him $100,000 that around 10 o'clock in the morning I would be holding the balls of the President of the Royal Bank of Canada !'

Old Post 10-05-12 22:59 #
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Eris Falling
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So I committed the crime, ran back down into the burrow and placed the murder weapon in Roger's living quarters...

Yes..it was I who framed Roger Rabbit.

Old Post 10-05-12 23:03 #
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Olympus
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Posts: 356
Registered: 12-10


So a bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll take a beer and....... a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"

Ba-dum crash

Old Post 10-07-12 20:52 #
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Eris Falling
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HAAAAA! I love bad jokes, seriously.

So there was once a crocodile with the attributes of former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

It's nickname? The Great Cockodile.

Old Post 10-07-12 20:59 #
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Hellbent
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https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/644076_510349478984022_498934262_n.jpg

Old Post 11-16-12 02:43 #
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Cyberdemon112
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Posts: 3
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Why couldn't the pirate go to the pirate movie?
Because it was rated R.

Hahahahahahahahhahaa-heh-...

Last edited by Cyberdemon112 on 11-17-12 at 20:10

Old Post 11-17-12 19:58 #
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Obsidian
Senior Member


Posts: 2379
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If a quiz makes you quizzical, what does a test make you?

Try see if you can catch anyone out. =D

Old Post 11-18-12 03:29 #
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ComicMischief
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Posts: 477
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http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/320/0/a/whelf_by_jayextee-d5l6muq.png

Because sometimes I draw my horrible jokes.

Old Post 11-18-12 10:23 #
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Eris Falling
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ComicMischief said:


Because sometimes I draw my horrible jokes.



Guess I can get in on this...
http://img6.imageshack.us/img6/3829/fishyjoke.png

Old Post 11-18-12 10:33 #
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ComicMischief
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Well, I didn't draw mine specifically for this thread. It was based on an improvised Twitter attempt at a witty response.

Anyway, this post needs more horrible joke.

They're making a film about constipation. It isn't out yet.

Old Post 11-18-12 10:35 #
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Eris Falling
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ComicMischief said:
They're making a film about constipation. It isn't out yet.


That's not a horrible joke. That's a shitty joke

Old Post 11-18-12 10:36 #
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CorSair
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If a politician pats on your back, beware! He's just trying to find soft spot to stick a knife in your back.

Old Post 11-18-12 22:45 #
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