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Zahid
Junior Member


Posts: 113
Registered: 05-12


I Searched but cant find Relevant Topic,Even Text quiz Threads were closed too:(
So i Decide to post new one,here you share the phrases of doom related text files you find amusing.....
To Start i Share Daiyu E2m8-139 lines...
"When I was about 7 years old, I have once play this map. At that time when I saw the Cyberdemon, I was very scared
of him so I don't dare to play this map for many years.
When I was 17 years old(10 years after), I decided to face the cyberdemon again, I need to be brave enough to
finish all doom levels. I don't afraid of the Spider Mastermind, why should I scare of the cyberdemon? He only
shoot high-damaging rockets,"
:)
Then creaphis wrote in jade earth's speedrun
"Even so, runs are occasionally ruined when the mastermind refuses to fire, apparently recording a pacifist run of his own"
And an single map wad's storyline (author and wad name cant recall now)was just 1 sentense
"Mosters are peeing in the water supply, you alone are
the only one that can stop them"

Last edited by Zahid on 12-17-12 at 00:21

Old Post 12-16-12 12:46 #
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Memfis
Forum Spammer


Posts: 5796
Registered: 04-07


Hell Revealed:

Your mission is to go through the jumpgate and find out what your mission is, and, in addition, to finish all levels and send a letter of complaint to the madmen who sent you here.
...
This is Doom, man - just go in there and kill!

Big Crappy Shit Megawad:

Known Bugs : Spiders,ants,flies,wasps,bees

A comment on Anvil 2, this one is beautiful:

This is from late 1995. It dates from a time when people were prepared to put their full home address in Doom textfiles, what could go wrong?

Old Post 12-16-12 13:05 #
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Grazza
Let's try Caesium


Posts: 12495
Registered: 07-02



Zahid said:
And an single map wad's storyline (author and wad name cant recall now)was just 1 sentense
"Monsters Are Peeing in Our Water Supply Line"

DDTW

Old Post 12-16-12 14:50 #
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hex11
Senior Member


Posts: 2237
Registered: 09-09


I always get a kick out of the MAP04 mission briefing in MM2.TXT:


You are being sent to a place quite deep in hell which is inhabited with monsters of all kinds (you didn't expect that, did you?). We have sent Duck Nukem in to scout the area. He seems to not have achieved that much (nothing but cool talk). Anyway, we include the last picture of his HeadCam(tm) with this file - his last transmited words were: "This really pisses me off!".

Old Post 12-16-12 16:48 #
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lupinx-Kassman
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Posts: 1409
Registered: 10-06


Search for the best textfile storyline.

Old Post 12-16-12 22:09 #
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Phobus
Forum Staple


Posts: 2880
Registered: 10-06



Sarge Baldy, in the text file for Neith said:
"Neith" was an Egyptian god to whom the moon of Venus was named after. A few hundred years later, people found out Venus didn't have a moon after all.

But that didn't seem to stop UAC from colonizing it.


And in the text file for Under Neith, the sequel:
So you poked around some imaginary moon and found a hole.
May as well dig around a bit further.


I like the tongue-in-cheek approach here so much that, at one point, I was going to make a map on Saturn which would have the following story:

"Having heard that you can't build crater bases on a gas giant, the UAC headed off to Saturn to prove otherwise. Sure enough, they did it and promptly got invaded by the forces of Hell. You must now clear out the crater base on Saturn."

Maybe one day I actually will, too.

Old Post 12-16-12 22:44 #
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Dragonsbrethren
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Hell Revealed is probably my favorite. No Rest for the Living's end text is appropriately cheesy.

Old Post 12-16-12 23:00 #
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esselfortium
A Major Doomworld Concern


Posts: 6636
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Lunatic's story is the best.


The moon's orbit was slowed due to a headon collision with a giant ball of demons. Escape the moon before it crashes into the Earth!

Old Post 12-16-12 23:02 #
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Melon
Member


Posts: 462
Registered: 02-10


I don't think it ever made it to a text file, but this is by far the best story for a Doom wad that I've ever seen:


You wake up and find yourself in a long hallway full of lockers. "Is this a school?" you think to yourself. You start walking around and notice the school is full of hot 18-24 year old girls. All of a sudden you see Nina Dobrev. You start walking towards her to get a bit closer and you see she's talking to Cassie Steele and Miriam MacDonald. "This is incredible", you think to yourself, "am I at Degrassi? ...how is this possible?" You continue walking towards them to ask them what's going on when a girl walks right into you. But, she doesn't hit you, she walks right through you. "Did that just happen?" you think to yourself. You finally reach the trio and ask them what's going on, but they ignore you. You raise your voice, but they still won't acknowledge you. You then try to tap on Nina's shoulder, but your hand goes right through her body, like you were a ghost. "What the hell is happening?" you say to yourself. You start running towards anybody you see and move your hand through their body, but it's almost as if everybody's a ghost... or you're a ghost. You walk back over to the trio and start taking off your clothes but they still don't see you. You figure, "while I'm invisibe around these hot girls, it would be a great time to masturbate". So you spend the next hour following those hot Degrassi girls around while masturbating. All of a sudden, Nina, Miriam and Cassie head to the gym changerooms for P.E. class. "Oh my dear god" you say to yourself, "this will be glorious". As they undress, you are about ready to explode, so you begin to climax. But, as you look down and expect to see semen, instead you see a pixelated green fog coming out of your penis. "Ahhhh!" you scream, and within seconds you find yourself in an abstract-looking red cavern with lava. There is a winding staircase with what looks to be monsters on it, but they're looking away from you. You realize you have a pistol in your hand and now your heart begins to sink. You begin to realize what you must do...


See if you can guess who wrote this!

Old Post 12-16-12 23:09 #
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Maes
I like big butts!


Posts: 12750
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Guess which WAD this is from (snipped a bit out of it, as it made it too obvious):



... you realize that you may be in for a world of trouble! The local gang-bangers didn't appreciate how you treated one of their finest hoes last time, so you need to leave this lowlife-ridden motel ASAP! But, the road to the exit is blocked, it's dark and someone stole your Harley's keys! Plus, you are unarmed...can you help Doomguy pimp his way out of this one too?

Old Post 12-16-12 23:14 #
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Phobus
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I could spoil Melon's one, as I remember seeing it when it was originally posted, but instead I'll go with guessing at Maes' one... It's clearly one of the cybie wads (Doomguys Pimp Adventures, or whatever they're called)... I'll guess it's the third one, as I remember that being relatively fleshed out (if you'll excuse the turn of phrase).

Old Post 12-16-12 23:42 #
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Caffeine Freak
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And an single map wad's storyline (author and wad name cant recall now)was just 1 sentense
"Monsters Are Peeing in Our Water Supply Line"



Grazza said:
DDTW


I could never in my entire life hope to top this.

My personal favorites have to be from WOW.WAD (http://www.doomworld.com/idgames/?id=9955)



Additional Credits to: Ice59, for sitting patiently, watching me make this level.


From the comments section:


Clearly the cyberdemon's weakness is that he has no hands, and therefore cannot do up his shoelaces, pick up a knife and fork, go to the toilet effectively etc. We should feel sorry for the poor chap, being unable to pick up a book, use a television remote control, wield a paintbrush etc. With no access to culture, no wonder he is so hostile.



This wad just beyond belief, the worst in history, the yuck. I can jerk off and make a wad better then this.



Not really worth the 2kb download.

Old Post 12-17-12 00:10 #
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Daiyu_Xiaoxiang
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Posts: 894
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From Anima Zero's Deus Vult 2 Map22 Max Run:


Anima Zero said:
The "timer"...Flying Barons. You've run out of time when they kill you (Or perhaps the other enemies waiting in the level will do that too).They're meant to be like the Balrog from Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring...impossible to kill at first, but then you reach the end and suddenly it's plausible to kill. No, Gandalf will not be able to help you sadly. A BFG and invul. sphere will though.

Old Post 12-17-12 04:33 #
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188DarkRevived
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Posts: 1293
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I can't believe that I just spent an entire hour reading the huge novel of comments on the infamous WOW.WAD inside the /idgames database.
...The things that a lonely man is capable of doing at midnight in December. *sigh*

I'm shocked at how humanity is so obsessed with the negative examples of everything... I mean, this WAD has like 700+ votes after 10 years of being in the /idgames database, while my WADs only have somewhere around 15 votes after 6 years of being in there.

As for "favourite sentences in text files", I loved the sentence where Paul said that his friend was waiting patiently for him to finish building the level. That just made me laugh so hard.
How long has Ice59 been waiting for? It takes less than 5 minutes to make a level which contains 2 sectors and 1 monster. But Paul makes it sound as if he spent an entire Saturday afternoon working on this.
Hmph. The fact is that I'm the one who deserves 700+ votes because I'm the one who spent my entire Saturday afternoons mapping back when I was a teen.

Oh the world we're living in.

Old Post 12-17-12 05:22 #
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Memfis
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A comment on http://www.doomworld.com/idgames/index.php?id=8107


As with the original, it's a surprisingly decent level in its own right, especially for something in the XXX directory. Whereas real-life naked women have no effect on me, I find that the poor-quality, pixellated and oddly-coloured scans in this level make my loins explode. You may think that I am sick. But who is the sick one? Me, who enjoys splattering the blood of demons over pictures of naked women, or the businessman, in his suit and tie?

Old Post 12-19-12 18:22 #
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