Firstly, I can totally relate. I'm very guilty of using intellectualization as a coping mechanism (which is my layman's opinion of what's happening here). Now, coping doesn't necessarily imply that you're trying to repress anything other than boredom. It could be that you're unfulfilled in your daily life (as others have pointed out) and so you turn to a high-minded version of fantasizing for stimulation.
If you're genuinely processing this information, that is you're looking for solutions to issues you believe to be [personally] solvable, then it doesn't have to be a bad thing. Now, if all you're doing is spinning your wheels and engaging in a kind of philosophical masturbation, then that could be 1) unproductive, and/or 2) trigger a depression or similar funk. Just make sure to monitor your thoughts and feelings very carefully. Depression can be worse for intelligent people, as the brain has more information to use against itself. A bigger maze to get lost in, so to speak. :-/
You've been very forthcoming in this thread, and that's great. I don't know why you say you're not mature enough for therapy. If you treat your discussions with your therapist like you treat the discussion in this thread, I think you could get some good work done. It could be that you just haven't found the right therapist... it can be a real search, sometimes. My [again, layman's] opinion is that you might want to simplify your questions to those that are personally relevant, before tackling Life's Bigger Questions (as fun as those can be to mull over).
Lastly, you haven't mentioned a personal philosophy. Are you feeling a void in this area -- perhaps that's what you're searching for? For many people (especially the more extra/introspective (we'll just say 'spective')) it's important to have some firm philosophical ground to stand on before going on these kind of mental quests. So if you intend to keep thinking about these things, you might want to first address what perspective it is you're looking at them from, even if that perspective is tenuous, and liable to change. For example: I'm an agnostic-atheist nihilist with deterministic leanings. But that's just, like, my opinion, man.
Speaking personally again, I felt very out of place some years after giving up my parents' religion. Could it be you're struggling with religious questions? Or are these just a fun distraction/curiosity?
Last edited by schwerpunk on Jan 21 2013 at 15:36