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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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I can't be the only one here who prefers snuggling to sexual contact.

Old Post 05-30-13 17:03 #
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schwerpunk
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Snuggling's pretty great, GL. In many ways, it's more important to a healthy relationship than sex. But make no mistake, 'sexual contact' with a motivated partner is really fun. Plus the post-coital snuggles are pretty satisfying, too. After sex, they're just straight-up snuggles, stripped of all sexual tension. You learn a lot about a person by how they comport themselves after an orgasm.

If you and your SO get along well after you've both taken care of your baser, physiological motivations, then you know there's something special there.

Old Post 05-30-13 17:11 #
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Maes
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GoatLord said:
I can't be the only one here who prefers snuggling to sexual contact.


This actually was the plot point in an old Italian movie, where an impotent man managed to marry his village's most beautiful and sought-after girl, and convinced her that snuggling was really all that there was to conjugal intimacy. At some point however, this illusion falls apart (his wife betrays him), the man commits suicide for being exposed as an impotent, and the man's father openly starts going with prostitutes and proclaims it to the entire village to prove that, at least he, was a real man.

Old Post 05-30-13 17:17 #
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Kontra Kommando
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I like to snuggle, but only after she wipes the goo off her face and/or body.

Old Post 05-30-13 17:19 #
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gggmork
If you can make any sense of this post, congratulations


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schwerpunk said:
straight-up snuggles


Wasn't that the title of one of Dr. Dre's albums?

Old Post 05-30-13 17:25 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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schwerpunk said:
If you and your SO get along well after you've both taken care of your baser, physiological motivations, then you know there's something special there.


It works a bit different with me. About 19/20 times we only snuggle. If I feel so sexually frustrated that I cannot maintain a celibate demeanor, then we begin with snuggling and progress toward awkward frottage, being that I have a severe aversion to coitus (a phobia and repulsion concerning orifices). I always feel ashamed afterward for not fully maintaining celibacy and so no snuggling occurs afterward. So we stick to cuddles some 98% of the time because I find emotional value in it (as opposed to direct sexual interaction, which, at least for me, is devoid of value.) Seeing as we're both virgins, she is comfortable with this setup.

Old Post 05-30-13 17:32 #
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Kontra Kommando
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GoatLord said:


It works a bit different with me. About 19/20 times we only snuggle. If I feel so sexually frustrated that I cannot maintain a celibate demeanor, then we begin with snuggling and progress toward awkward frottage, being that I have a severe aversion to coitus (a phobia and repulsion concerning orifices). I always feel ashamed afterward for not fully maintaining celibacy and so no snuggling occurs afterward. So we stick to cuddles some 98% of the time because I find emotional value in it (as opposed to direct sexual interaction, which, at least for me, is devoid of value.) Seeing as we're both virgins, she is comfortable with this setup.



Before I say anything, just to let you know, I'm not trying to be facetious.*

If you two kiss each other, would her performing oral sex on you really be an issue? I know you stated that you have phobia about orifices. But if you think about it, if youíre kissing her, would going a little farther for a blowjob be too much? Itís the same orifice, but youíre using it differently.

Old Post 05-30-13 17:45 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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I'll give it to you straight. I don't have even the slightest desire for anal, or vaginal penetration, fellatio, prostate play, cunillingus, and even handies make me feel really uncomfortable. I'm a prude. I don't even watch coitus in porn.

Old Post 05-30-13 17:52 #
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GoatLord said:
I'll give it to you straight. I don't have even the slightest desire for anal, or vaginal penetration, fellatio, prostate play, cunillingus, and even handies make me feel really uncomfortable. I'm a prude. I don't even watch coitus in porn.


I used to go out with a dominatrix a few years ago. You would be surprised at the unconventional ways people can get off that don't include traditional sex at all. Some people can climax from choking, slapping, and biting, etc. She had an orgasm once from me just strangling her with my belt. As for me, I had just stuck to conventional sex in order to meet my needs. Nevertheless, it was entertaining to help her get off. My point is, perhaps you might be able to find some alternatives with your gf (if you want to).

Old Post 05-30-13 18:02 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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No, because sexual arousal causes too much anxiety. As soon as I feel the slightest arousal, I begin obsessing over the need to maintain celibacy and try my best to calm myself and think clearly. Celibacy is my comfort zone.

Old Post 05-30-13 18:07 #
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Technician
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GoatLord said:
No, because sexual arousal causes too much anxiety. As soon as I feel the slightest arousal, I begin obsessing over the need to maintain celibacy and try my best to calm myself and think clearly. Celibacy is my comfort zone.
You are in dire need of professional help.

Old Post 05-30-13 18:10 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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I work full time, am saving money to move out, have an active social life, a strong relationship, I diet and exercise, engage in hobbies and have career plans for my artistic talents ... And you say I need professional help? You can go suck an egg!

Old Post 05-30-13 18:19 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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Ya goofball.

Old Post 05-30-13 18:21 #
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BaronOfStuff
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Are you planning to become Pope?

This topic... fucking hell.

Old Post 05-30-13 18:21 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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What are we, in high school? Some folks don't want sexuality in their lives and aim to eliminate it.

Old Post 05-30-13 18:23 #
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durian
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Indeed. The profile of 'asexuality' has been rising over the past few years, here's one prominent group.

Old Post 05-30-13 18:27 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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I'm more like an ashamed hetero trying to be asexual, but yeah.

Old Post 05-30-13 18:33 #
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schwerpunk
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I'm trying to avoid becoming too judgemental, but on the surface I agree with Technician's statement. While you're physically able to perform sex, you seem to have a fairly extreme psychological block. Which comes to about the same thing. This is different from simply 'saving yourself' for the right relationship or anything like that. If you're never comfortable having sex with someone you love, then you're missing out on a big part of life. Analogy: Imagine if you and your SO only ever watched cartoons together, and never any mature movies or shows. It wouldn't be the biggest deal in the world, but you'd definitely be missing out on a lot of experiences.

I don't want to add to your stress, but the day will likely come when your SO -- whether this one or another -- wants 'more' out of the relationship. You're better off working through this now while you're (I'm assuming) young, because it only gets harder (heh) the longer you wait. Personally, and this will come off as judgemental (sorry), I think you need to explore why you have this attitude toward sexual intercourse. Depending on your history, this may be a long and painful journey of discovery, but I genuinely believe it would be to your benefit.

P.S. I'm not trying to peer pressure you. I was a late bloomer, myself, and I'm glad I didn't rush into it. But looking back, I can see very clearly that I'm a happier, less conflicted, man than I once was. I just don't think you should rule out the possibility entirely.

EDIT: Ah, yes. I once had an absolutely adorable asexual housemate. She was the life of the party, and everyone loved her. To my knowledge, she never received too much flak over her orientation, but privately, her friends hoped that she could one day 'grow up.' I found out just last month that she has a boyfriend, and everyone who loves her couldn't be happier. It happens.

Last edited by schwerpunk on 05-30-13 at 18:51

Old Post 05-30-13 18:35 #
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gggmork
If you can make any sense of this post, congratulations


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Do sarlacc burrows, pits left by botflies or throat holes in people who have smoked too many cigarettes do anything for you?
Maybe you were a pearlfish in a previous reincarnation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00DXYXVRHkQ
Anyway, snuggling is a parasite's way of controlling your brain to make you closer to another host.

Old Post 05-30-13 18:36 #
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schwerpunk
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gggmork said:
Anyway, snuggling is a parasite's way of controlling your brain to make you closer to another host.
Yaaaay, oxytocin! I've relied on that humble little molecule to resolve way too many intimate disputes. To be fair, I'm sure my SOs have as well, even if they weren't fully aware of the chemistry behind it.

EDIT: I wonder if this is what our arguments sound like to GoatLord. Yeah, it's a funny picture, but seriously, is the sex act so abhorrent to you, GL?

Last edited by schwerpunk on 05-30-13 at 18:50

Old Post 05-30-13 18:40 #
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DooM_RO
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schwerpunk said:
EDIT: Ah, yes. I once had an absolutely adorable asexual housemate. She was the life of the party, and everyone loved her. To my knowledge, she never received too much flak over her orientation, but privately, her friends hoped that she could one day 'grow up.' I found out just last month that she has a boyfriend, and everyone who loves her couldn't be happier. It happens.


Can someone tell me how "growing up" is related to sexuality? I see no connection.

Old Post 05-30-13 19:03 #
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schwerpunk
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DooM_RO said:
Can someone tell me how "growing up" is related to sexuality? I see no connection.
It doesn't have to be, but it often is. I think we've all seen friends go through the usual process: 1) trepidatious of opposite sex, 2) obsessed with opposite sex 3) obsessed with sex, 4) relaxed about sex. Not everyone goes through these, and not everyone moves on from every stage, but this is kind of the standard based on my anecdotal observations.

Re the case of my asexual housemate: Her orientation was definitely related to maturity (I'm not saying this is always the case), because she acted like a child, despite being in her twenties. I believe the two were connected - she felt comfortable acting much younger than she was. I suppose she felt very young, you know, in her head. So I can understand why she was the way she was back then.

Old Post 05-30-13 19:19 #
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dew
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DooM_RO said:
Can someone tell me how "growing up" is related to sexuality? I see no connection.

WHAAAAAAAA- oh, it's this thread.

Old Post 05-30-13 19:19 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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Schwerpunk: Yes, it is that aborrhent to me. That doesn't mean I can't find humor in sexuality, and I do understand the biological urge to procreate. As far as to why I'm like this, I was never molested or anything. My old man gave me a clinical, emotionless explanation when I was seven, complete with references to cross-sectional illustrations in one of my anatomy books. I was disgusted by the concept and that only increased with age. Additionally, the first photo I saw of a vagina was on a goregrind album cover at age 14 (a fetus dangling from a butchered vagina). I'm certain Cannibal Corpse's "Tomb of the Mutilated" played a part as well, as the album art featured a mutilated vagina overflowing with blood. Adolescent development of OCD, which was centered around libido suppression, was the icing on the cake. I'm okay with all of this. Shit happens.

Old Post 05-30-13 19:24 #
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Kontra Kommando
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GoatLord said:
Schwerpunk: Yes, it is that aborrhent to me. That doesn't mean I can't find humor in sexuality, and I do understand the biological urge to procreate. As far as to why I'm like this, I was never molested or anything. My old man gave me a clinical, emotionless explanation when I was seven, complete with references to cross-sectional illustrations in one of my anatomy books. I was disgusted by the concept and that only increased with age. Additionally, the first photo I saw of a vagina was on a goregrind album cover at age 14 (a fetus dangling from a butchered vagina). I'm certain Cannibal Corpse's "Tomb of the Mutilated" played a part as well, as the album art featured a mutilated vagina overflowing with blood. Adolescent development of OCD, which was centered around libido suppression, was the icing on the cake. I'm okay with all of this. Shit happens.


My old man is kind of a gigolo, and still is since my parents got divorced a while back. He would always encourage me to have sex with girls, and teach me how to act with machismo manner. However since he is illiterate [in English], he didn't show me any books.

That sucks that Death Metal scarred you like that. This is why I believe society should be MORE open about sex, and stop this puritanical censorship bullshit. I honestly believe it is a sad note on society, that an album cover depicting a zombie eating out another female zombie's bloody vagina is more acceptable than a 20 girl lesbian squirt-bukkake session. Why can't we just have both? It's not like depicting violence is anymore moral, or mind corrupting. In reality, both are here to stay, might as well not bullshit our kids by hiding it from them.

I remember when we took health class in middle school, they would show us a ton of videos on STDs. Granted, people should be informed about the risks that are involved with sex, but I feel as though they also do it as a scare tactic. Perhaps clinical explanations on sex can also lead to these kind of phobias. 99.9% of the time, a medical professional will give you the least liable answer to any health concern; especially regarding safe-sex. But thankfully, my general practitioner is on the level with me; he's an ex-hippie.

Last edited by Kontra Kommando on 05-30-13 at 20:19

Old Post 05-30-13 19:58 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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The funny thing is, death metal is frequently cathartic for me, as it treats sexuality as grotesque, violent, hateful, sadomasochistic and visceral, which I relate to much more than a sappy love ballad. I still listen to a lot of death metal to this day.

Old Post 05-30-13 20:18 #
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Kontra Kommando
Let's attack aggressively


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GoatLord said:
The funny thing is, death metal is frequently cathartic for me, as it treats sexuality as grotesque, violent, hateful, sadomasochistic and visceral, which I relate to much more than a sappy love ballad. I still listen to a lot of death metal to this day.


Like I said earlier, perhaps you may want to try out BDSM with your girlfriend.

Old Post 05-30-13 20:20 #
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schwerpunk
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Kinks and fetishes are ultimately all about comfort. So BDSM, counter to what the sexual layman might think, might be an excellent fit for anyone with a peculiar orientation or hangup.


GoatLord said:
The funny thing is, death metal is frequently cathartic for me, as it treats sexuality as grotesque, violent, hateful, sadomasochistic and visceral, which I relate to much more than a sappy love ballad. I still listen to a lot of death metal to this day.


Disgust and conflict over sex might actually explain some of my favourite metal albums, come to think of it...

Old Post 05-30-13 20:21 #
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Captain Ventris
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This is clearly healthy. Nope, you definitely don't need therapy. NOPE

You see, there's a difference between not being interested in sex, and clearly having psychological trauma issues regarding sex.

Old Post 05-30-13 20:21 #
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GoatLord
I really should think before I post.


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Captain Ventris said:
This is clearly healthy. Nope, you definitely don't need therapy. NOPE

You see, there's a difference between not being interested in sex, and clearly having psychological trauma issues regarding sex.



I don't need sex to be a fulfilled human being. I find meaning in life from my interactions with others. I get depressed, but instead of doing hard drugs or popping pills, I just deal with it and move on. I generally have a good time and am improving myself on a daily basis. But I need therapy because of a sex aversion? Right.

Old Post 05-30-13 20:26 #
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