Pre-sleep rituals

When in Hell, do as the demons do...

WEEKDAY:
5:00 - Screeching alarm wakes me up from dream where I'm idly chatting with a female friend.
5:00:05 - Turn off alarm, hit play on CD player remote.
5:01 - Wank
5:10 - Finish wanking, doze off
5:45 - Wake back up, roll out of bed, put on clothes
5:46 - Make breakfast (bowl of cereal 90% of the time)
5:47 - Eat while watching the news
6:00 - Take shower, doze off in shower
6:20 - Get out of shower, put on deoderant, use anti-pimple pad thingy, drag electric razor across my face a couple times
6:25 - Brush teeth, use mouthwash
6:28 - Go downstairs, watch more news
6:35 - Go grab some stuff unrelated to school in any way and thow it into my backpack
6:45 - Get ride to school from mom
6:50 - Arrive at school, school begins, all knowledge of current time is lost
*Period 0 (Weight Training) - Realise I'm only one of ten people who shows up any more, end up doing exercises by myself, get burnt out in about 10 minutes, pass out and wait for class to end
*Period 1 (Senior Soc) - Get bitched at by my teacher for being an idiot because I failed to highlight one unimportant scentance in my homework packet, recieve F, teacher goes off on an insane tanget about god-knows what for first 5 minutes, work my ass off on next homework packet while I talk to female freind #1 (the only reason I even go to the damned class), get bitched at for slacking by teacher.
*Period 2 (Geometry) - Do stupid ADD-thing in 5 second, doodle obscure band names and phrases onto binder while I hear Sophomore chicks talk to each other about their weird acts of sexual devience, doze off 10 minutes into class, absorbing enough knowledge subconciously to get an A on the test later that week.
*Period 3 (Home Page Design) - Say 'hi' to female friend #2 on way to class, sit next to friend #1, finish assignment in 5 minutes, check in on Penny Arcade, 8-bit theater, and doomworld, help other people on their html stuff.
*Period 4 (Computer Maintainanece) Drag myself into class, followed by friend #1, sit next to female friend #1 while she talks to her boyfriend, class starts, One of two things happens: a)doze off during lecture about another 5,000 pieces of computer information my teacher thinks he can cram into my computer-illiterate brain, first lunch bell rings, attept to work on computer that I'd probably accidentaly kill if my homegirl wasn't there to back me up, OR b)teacher fails to show up, female friend #1 and I end up entertaining each other while playing windows solitare.
*Lunch - Don't actualy eat lunch because the school lunch is unhealthier than ebola-drenched ground chuck, and 12:00 is still within my breakfast range, sit with friend #1 and listen to music on his crappy PC speakers while people give us funny looks as they walk by, occasionaly my 'band mate' shows up, I fail to get around to nagging him about the 'band' because he goes into one of his rants about : a) how great it is that he can drive and only has to take 3 classes a day, b) some crazy scheme he cooks up that he will ultimately fail to follow through on, c) his plans to destroy the world, or d) some person he just met that no one has ever heard about that (pick any two): is a hot chick/can get him hookups with such-and-such/knows everything about something/can hack into anything/is over 25/is better than me/has an industrial band/he can beat mercilessly in Magic: the Gathering.
*Period 5 (Materials Science) - Listen intently to techer's lesson about something that is actualy mildly interesting, go out into the shop, completly fuck up the project I had been working on all week, go back into classroom pissed off, fail to do freewrites, talk to freinds #1 - #3 who all happen to have this class with me, make fun of dumbass kid who thinks he's a gangstah, leave out back door.
*Period 6 (Business English) - Chant obscure net sayings with friends and say 'hi' to female friend #1 on the way too class, enter classroom, greeting by sing-song voice of female friend #2, recieve easy and boring yet time-consuming assignment, engage in idle chatter with female friend #2 and other Juniors, make fun of same dumbass kid that thinks he's a gangstah, say goodbye to female friend #2 as she escapes out the door 5 minutes before class ends so she can get a ride with her boyfriend to her house (I can only guess what happens after that), spend rest of the time covering for her.
2:37 - End of school. The rest of my day will go in one of two directions:
OPTION A
2:45 - Ride home on bus with white trash and other people I don't know
3:00 - Arrive at house, make myself a healthy turkey sandwich or grab a yogurt.
3:10 - Go upstairs, get on computer, turn on music, enter some sort of mental breakdown, cry myself to sleep
7:00 - awaken from nap, go downstairs and get pizza while my mom complains about unemployment/not being able to get a job/bills, I tell her its the government's fault, she denies it
7:10 - Go back upstairs and eat pizza, get on #zdoom, bitch at the peeps there about how much my life suck, get told to shut up, cuss them out, but Bersirc in background, begin work on Fruity Loops, my webpage, or more likely, look at porn
9:30 - Look at porn if I havn't been already
10:00 - Hate myself for looking at porn, pledge I'll never do it again
10:05 - Bleary-eyed from exhaustion, I post insane ramblings on both DW and IRC, its not as angry as before, but crazier
OPTION B
2:43 - Leave to friend #2's house with him, which is three blocks away with him and friend #1, occasionaly with female freind #1's ex-boyfriend who lives with friend #2, and on rare occasions with female friend #2, who lives next door to friend #2.
2:50 - Arrive at friend #2's house, drink a Dr Pepper, help him clean out his room (which is actualy a 30-ft trailer).
3:00 - Wait around friend #2's trailer waiting for other people to show up for the D&D game, those who are GMing work on their campaign while everyone else plays PS2 or works on their miniatures, I drink another Dr Pepper
3:30 - Other people begin to show up
5:20 - Someone picks up the phone to order pizza, person doing the ordering finaly remembers to ask for what everyone wants
5:25 - Pizzas are finaly ordered, I drink another Dr Pepper
6:00 - Pizza arrives, everyone digs in, I drink another Dr Pepper
6:15 - By this time, everyone is here, which includes some of the following: me, friends #1,#2, and #4, female friend #1's ex-boyfriend, ex-navy gamer guys #1 & #2, and gamer girls #2 and #3.
6:30 - The game begins, I think about grabbing another Dr Pepper, but after realizing my bladder is about to explode and that there are 5 people between me and the bathroom door, I think it is best not to.
6:40 - Friend #2 is called into the house by his parents, game is delayed 5 minutes, I take the opportunity to use the bathroom
6:45 - I get dogged on for not roleplaying enough
6:55 - Friend #2 is called into the house by his parents, game is delayed 5 minutes, I grab a Dr Pepper
7:10 - Friend #2 is called into the house by his parents, game is delayed 5 minutes, someone realizes they had to be somewhere else and leaves
7:40 - Friend #2 is called into the house by his parents, game is delayed 5 minutes, I get dogged on for not roleplaying enough
7:45 - We screw around for the next 30 minutes not getting anywhere, jokes float around the trailer including such phrases as 'all your base', 'pervy hobbit fancier', 'you fail it', 'nancing elf', 'NOW!', 'pointy hat trick', and 'look out for snakes'.
9:30 - Friend #2 is called into the house by his parents, game is delayed 5 minutes
10:10 - Game ends, friend #2 is called into the house by his parents, I take the opportunity to use the bathroom, friend #1 remembers he forgot to tell his parents he was gaming tonight, I grab a Dr Pepper and call my mom, everyone else drives home
10:15 - My mom picks me up
10:30 - I get home, feeling good for once
10:35 - I turn on my stereo
No matter what happens after school, the same thing happens every night
10:40 - I turn on my alarm, and off my computer
10:45 - I find an old sock, and wank till I fall asleep

I seem to have rambled my ass off by telling you my life story (and undoubtedly revealing many deep psychological problams), and I havn't even gotten to my weekends or dreams yet. Sorry for the inconvienince.

the_Danarchist said:

or dreams yet.

Hohoho you can't beat me on that.

dan... you can use names on here.

orion said:

dan... you can use names on here.

Yes, but...
1) sometimes my friends stumble across Doomworld and read the crap on here
2) you guys wouldn't care what their names were anyway

I can beat that

get woken up at 7:00, and told to find somthing constrtive to do. I get up, take a shower, and wander back to room, whate for everyone to go to work/school, and go back to bed. wake up at 11:00, dring coffie, eat somthing (never ceral), sit at table and whate for eyes to focuse. 12:00 wach world at noon on the ABC. 12:30 go to room, turn on puta, add to huge list of unfinished doom/quake/halflife levels and/or webpages. 2:00 play games, hate myself for not finding work. 6:00 eat dinner, wach TV. (simpsons reapets or some obsquier show nobdy here has ever herd of) 9:00/10:00 my first post.

Good god. someone else on this forsakn planet play Magic: The Gathering? Amazing. (Dammit, I need an opponent.)

Submerge said:

Good god. someone else on this forsakn planet play Magic: The Gathering? Amazing. (Dammit, I need an opponent.)

god damn, get out and smoke some weed, maybe you'll realize they're the second gayest thing to pokemon cards.

orion said:

god damn, get out and smoke some weed, maybe you'll realize they're the second gayest thing to pokemon cards.

i just had an incredibly scary thought... Pokemon LARP.

/me hurls before gouging out unclean brain

orion said:

god damn, get out and smoke some weed, maybe you'll realize they're the second gayest thing to pokemon cards.

Yeah instead of playing an amazingly difficult and challenging strategy game go drug yourself. That sounds alright.

Zaldron said:

Yeah instead of playing an amazingly difficult and challenging strategy game go drug yourself. That sounds alright.

I just can't look at a person that's playing magic cards without thinking "what the fuck are you doing to yourself, you're playing a gay little card game with monsters while you could atleast be trying to get some kind of pussy." Then again, whatever floats your boat, but still 90% of people would rather use 5 minutes to atleast try and get laid (doesn't matter if you succeed, as long as you know you're attempting it, you should feel better than the other person)over playing cards. Most people around my age that is.

being 16 sucks.

IMJack said:

i just had an incredibly scary thought... Pokemon LARP.

/me hurls before gouging out unclean brain

/me beats IMJack with a black marlin

Heh...I think the only one in the state that still plays Magic is my friend. He once won $300 for getting first place in the state tournament. I think it went like this:

Friend: Uh, hey where is everybody?
Tournament Operater: Uh, you're the only one who showed up. I guess we'll give you the $300 for first place.
Friend: I though it was supposed to be $1,000!
Operator: Just shut up and take it, kid.

Last time I played Magic was like over 3 years ago. Card games suck. Waaay too easy. Magic at least used to be fun, back when I started playing...back when it first came out. Then after Ice Age they made it extremely lame.

/me sticks to playing D&D

orion said:

Most people around my age that is.

In a couple of years that burning desire to get laid by every feminoid creature in your sight is replaced for more mature thoughts. It stops being the center of your universe, and while there is no doubt I would abandon everything I'm doing just to get it if the conditions were right, it's not something I'm thinking of all day.

I think studies show men think of sex every 6 seconds

fodders said:

I think studies show men think of sex every 6 seconds

Actually I saw that one's an urban legend down at snopes.com

Zaldron said:

In a couple of years that burning desire to get laid by every feminoid creature in your sight is replaced for more mature thoughts. It stops being the center of your universe, and while there is no doubt I would abandon everything I'm doing just to get it if the conditions were right, it's not something I'm thinking of all day.

well, it already has been replaced, I can't have 1 minute without drugs going into my head. Actually, if I'm thinking about something that i have intrest in, I can still maintain that thought untill I finally resolve it in my head or untill it mutates to some sort of way to get high. I'm starting to think this is sad, but then I think if it's not this it would be something else.

Zaldron said:

Actually I saw that one's an urban legend down at snopes.com

Heh. After reading through about 50 articles there, I found it.

It is false!

I'm getting sleepy, and I just remembered one my rituals is to take the days last piss.