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Kirby
Senior Member


Posts: 1661
Registered: 10-04


Oh yes he was.

Atomic Wedgies are the new age weapons people. Who's ready for some school pranks and a dose of DEATH TO THE FACE?

Old Post Jan 9 2014 21:51 #
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Doominator2
Senior Member


Posts: 1158
Registered: 10-13


Oh god what has this world come to, suffocating a man with his waistband! I wouldn't be too surprised if Oklahoma goes and bans wedgies.

Old Post Jan 9 2014 22:00 #
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AndrewB
I would commit first degree murder and then fabricate evidence to make it look like self defense.


Posts: 4458
Registered: 05-00


I don't care who this offends. That guy gets 1000 points.

Old Post Jan 9 2014 23:29 #
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Technician
a little slice of /pol/


Posts: 8523
Registered: 08-04


Chocked on his own testicles.

Old Post Jan 10 2014 00:09 #
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Obsidian
Forum Staple


Posts: 3335
Registered: 05-12


I'm trying not to laugh, I really am.

Old Post Jan 10 2014 00:27 #
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darknation
Forum Staple


Posts: 3200
Registered: 03-02


this would be an excellent plot for a serial killer movie, or possibly an episode of CSI.

Old Post Jan 10 2014 01:15 #
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Snakes
Forum Staple


Posts: 2534
Registered: 09-09


Well, if you were gonna be killed by a wedgie, it'd better be atomic. That's all I'm saying.

Old Post Jan 10 2014 01:56 #
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darknation
Forum Staple


Posts: 3200
Registered: 03-02


FADE IN:

INT. NICK'S BAKERY NIGHT


DR. FAGGOT and CUNT are kneeling in a dirty, dirty bakery. A MAN lies on floor, his spine practically snapped in half by his own underwear.


DR. FAGGOT
Looks like foul play.

CUNT twangs the knicker elastic behind the MAN's head.

CUNT
Are you saying this is a sex game gone wrong?

DR. FAGGOT
Perhaps. Do we have an ID on the corpse?

CUNT
Yep. His mother sewed his name into the back of his y-fronts. It's Ni...

DR. FAGGOT
Even assuming those ARE his y-fronts. Could be someone else's.

CUNT nods, twangs knicker elastic once again.

CUNT
You mean a double bluff? A transvestite who wears mens' underpants?

DR. FAGGOT
I wouldn't put anything past sick fucks like these.

CUNT begins to play DUELING BANJOES on knicker elastic (jen, check clearance on music rights)

DR. FAGGOT slaps CUNT away and begins to check the body over. A giant, wet pair of BALLS slap down across the body's forehead.

DR. FAGGOT
My God! His balls are hanging down his back like Superman's cape!

CUNT
Better dust them for prints.

CUNT dusts the balls. Fingerprint dust and flour flies everywhere.

DR. FAGGOT
Anything?

CUNT
Everything. A thousand different sets of prints. It looks like everyone in the world was touching his balls at some point.

CUNT takes out a bit of sellotape and removes a single print, feeding it into his CSI FINGERPRINT MACHINE.

DR. FAGGOT
Boy that's realistic.

FINGERPRINT MACHINE BLEEPS.

CUNT
And we have a match! Let's see... fingerprint belongs to... I don't beleive this. According to CSI FINGERPRINT MACHINE, this print belongs to a perp who has been dead for twenty years!

DR. FAGGOT
My God! Again! What sort of demented pervert doesn't wash his balls for twenty years?

CUNT
That's assuming....

DR. FAGGOT nods sagely.

DR. FAGGOT
...that they even ARE his balls...

CAMERA PANS BACK THROUGH WINDOW. SIGN READS "NICK'S BAKERY"

OFF SCREEN NOISES OF EPIC FAPPING THAT LASTS FOR 2 HOURS

FADE TO BLACK

Old Post Jan 10 2014 03:26 #
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TheCupboard
Senior Member


Posts: 1401
Registered: 02-06


If I've seen it once, I've seen it twice. Case closed, motherfucker.

Old Post Jan 10 2014 09:38 #
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myk
volveré y seré millones


Posts: 15280
Registered: 04-02


Trying to gauge what's worse, these people killing each other, the judicial system talking about an "atomic wedgie" in a murder case, the media posting it as something amusing, or you people getting excited about it.

Old Post Jan 10 2014 18:04 #
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BaronOfStuff
Senior Member


Posts: 1701
Registered: 06-08


I can't even keep a straight face after reading that headline.

Old Post Jan 10 2014 18:52 #
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Du Mhan Yhu
Doom on You


Posts: 923
Registered: 12-10


Well, this certainly was an entertaining read.

Article said:
"grabbed St. Clair's underwear and gave him an 'atomic wedgie.'" It adds that "Davis allegedly pulled the elastic waistband of St. Clair's underwear over his head and around his neck."

Pure gold, I'd love to have a copy of this affidavit.

Last edited by Du Mhan Yhu on Jan 10 2014 at 20:25

Old Post Jan 10 2014 20:19 #
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Looper
Forum Regular


Posts: 669
Registered: 07-09


First, I thought somebody used carbon nanotubes to split someone in half (since you can't really see those strong and ultra thin strings).

Old Post Jan 11 2014 02:45 #
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