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Biffy
Forum Regular


Posts: 894
Registered: 02-01


Since I found a good joke (one I like) and won't be here to share it Friday, how about right now? :)


Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"? Well, here's a
prime example offered by an English professor at an American University.

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The
process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his
or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a
short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another
paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph,
and so on back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each
time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO
talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story
is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:
Rebecca -last name deleted, and Gary - last name deleted.
----------------------------------------------------------------

STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
liked chamomile. Now she felt she must, at all costs, keep her mind off
Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too
much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

----------------------------------------------------------------
(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now
in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the
neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had
spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,x,"
he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No
sign of resistance so far." But before he could sign off a bluish particle
beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the
cockpit.
----------------------------------------------------------------
(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one
last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever
had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless
hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law
Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper
one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared
out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly
and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from
her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why
must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered
wistfully.

----------------------------------------------------------------
(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than ten seconds to live. Thousands of
miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its
lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the
Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined
to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty
the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to
pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded.
The President, in his top-secret Mobile submarine HQ on the ocean floor off the
coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor,
stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist
on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's
blow 'em out of the sky!"
---------------------------------------------------------------
(rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing
partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
---------------------------------------------------------------
(gary)

Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile
tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F-ING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an
air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."
---------------------------------------------------------------
(rebecca)

Asshole.
---------------------------------------------------------------
(gary)

Bitch.
---------------------------------------------------------------
(rebecca)

Wanker.
--------------------------------------------------------------
(gary)

Slut.
--------------------------------------------------------------
(rebecca)

SCREW YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------
(gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.
**************************************************************
(teacher)

A+ - I really liked this one.
*****************************************************

Old Post 07-31-02 22:53 #
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nxn
meephead


Posts: 5398
Registered: 09-01


I feel a little chemisty between becky and garry, yup, they might hit it off mighty fine. Let me go get mac to piss in their coffy.

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Old Post 07-31-02 23:08 #
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Danarchy
YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!


Posts: 14164
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What a violent dumbfuck.

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Old Post 08-02-02 01:57 #
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nxn
meephead


Posts: 5398
Registered: 09-01



the_Danarchist said:
What a violent dumbfuck.

I can see dan with his new beetle parked in the drive way sipping on some tea reading a feminist movement book wondering why the hell he's single.

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Old Post 08-02-02 02:13 #
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pritch
Super Moderator


Posts: 6135
Registered: 11-01


So can I, but at least he doesn't eat MaccyD's every day =)

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Old Post 08-02-02 18:21 #
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Fredrik


Posts: 11685
Registered: 05-00


Rofl, that is hilarious!

Old Post 08-02-02 18:35 #
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spank
I'm afraid of Americans


Posts: 1888
Registered: 06-00


Haha!

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tear the system down
fortune -o

Old Post 08-02-02 19:40 #
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gatewatcher
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Posts: 2366
Registered: 05-02


haha. gary rules.

Old Post 08-02-02 19:53 #
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nxn
meephead


Posts: 5398
Registered: 09-01



pritch said:
So can I, but at least he doesn't eat MaccyD's every day =)

Bah, you're brittish, go join him in his sipping tea party. As for my eating habbits, I'll have you know I didn't eat mcd's in like 4 days... I've been gulping down massive amounts of Pop-Corion and shrimp soup lately. Ask dan if you don't believe.

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Last edited by nxn on 08-02-02 at 22:11

Old Post 08-02-02 20:49 #
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GS-1719
Illuminated


Posts: 696
Registered: 05-02


Friggin' hilarious - because it's so true (female bit at least).

Old Post 08-02-02 21:43 #
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nxn
meephead


Posts: 5398
Registered: 09-01


meh... some mod delete this, since I can't.

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Old Post 08-02-02 22:10 #
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Danarchy
YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUNDING! YOU WILL REGRET THIS!


Posts: 14164
Registered: 01-01


I should say someting in defence of myself, but its all true.

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Old Post 08-02-02 22:33 #
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gatewatcher
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orion said:
meh... some mod delete this, since I can't.

delete this thread? why?

Old Post 08-02-02 22:42 #
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nxn
meephead


Posts: 5398
Registered: 09-01



gatewatcher said:

delete this thread? why?


no, delete that post I made, I posted it by accident =P

Teh_Danbo saideth:
I should say someting in defence of myself, but its all true.

Look on the bright side, you're not in denial about it =]

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Old Post 08-03-02 10:17 #
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