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danarchist
The Origional Danarchist


Posts: 1660
Registered: 01-01


Forward: This is a story I have been working on in my head for several years now. I tried to drag the community story 'B.J. and the BFG' in the same general direction, but that was a community story, not mine. Anyways, this story is based on the settings and characters of Id's games. I assure you, It's going to be quite interesting...

PART ONE: AN UNEXPECTED VISITOR
He sat at his polished black plasteel desk, in an office overlooking the new city. Revelation was its name, rebuilt after the invasion ten years ago. Earth had been attacked by Hell, and Earth had won. But not by much. Only 250 million of its inhabitants remained.
The man at the desk knew all of this first hand. He had been there when the trouble first started, millions of miles away, on the moons of Mars. He had been there to end it all, too. He was the one who had killed the monstrocity which brought the hellspawn into the mortal realm. Now, because of his glorious victory and bravery, he lead the United Space Marine Corps, commonly referred to as the USMC.
His true name had long been forgotten to all but him, and to the populace he was known as Commander Doom. It seemed a strange moniker for one who was that savior of humanity, but to the survivors of the slaughter, it was a fitting title indeed. When those who had escaped from Earth in ships returned to the planet, they came just in time to see him emerge from the crater which enveloped the greater part of which had once been the west coast of North America. He stood there dirty, smeared with blood colored red blue, and black, with a new scar cut across his left eye, blinding him permananty. As he stood there, clothes in tatters, backlit by hellfire, chest heaving and muscles rippling, he did indeed look like the doom of all demons.
He now sat staring out the window at the city...it was called London once, before the invasion. Construction craft worked on new buildings, lit by the setting sun, and every once in a while an interplanetary craft roared overhead. They were undoubtedly full of construction supplies from the Martian factories, headed for the Starport not far to the south of the military complex he now sat in.
Just then the door behind him slid open with a hiss. "What is it, Dunlapp?" he asked without turning, knowing that his fidgety secretary was the only one who would be allowed in without prior warning.
"Sir, you have a visitor," the young man reported crisply. This got his attention. He normaly didn't get any unexpected visitors this late in the evening. Slowly he turned around to lay eyes on Dunlapp, who stood there with his bright eyes darting back and forth and his hands wringing in front of him. Not unusual, thought the Commander.
"Well who is it?" he asked.
"I'm not sure Sir."
"Geoffry, you know better than that. You should always get the visitors' names."
"Sorry Sir," the young man replied, lowering his eyes to the floor. "He wouldn't tell me his name." This was strange. How could someone even get past security without telling anyone their name?
"Do you know where this person is from? What division he is from? Is he from the UAC?"
"I'm not sure Sir, he is a strange fellow, and wouldn't tell me anything. He just told me to summon you."
The Commander stretched and rubbed his good eye. "Well, send our mystery man in."
His secretary turned and made a motion to the two guards standing silently at the door. They opened the double doors to the office, and a dark figure walked in. Dunlapp moved to the side and let the figure step into the middle of the room, into the light. He was garbed in strange clothes, dark robes which cowled his face and flowed out around him like following shadows. Just then, the man looked up into the Commander's eyes.
Doom was awestruck at the man's face. He was handsome, but weather he was young or old he could not tell. He seemed to put forth the feeling of supernatural wisdom with his sharp features and firm stare. But it was his eyes that were most intriguing. They were a deep blue-green, like the sea on a Summer's, but clearer, but they were so deep. It was like staring into the void that is outer space. There was more to this man than he could possibly fathom.
"So...what is it that I can do for you," asked the Commander after a moment of dead silence.
"I must speak to you in private," the man said. His voice was deep and calm, and seemed to come from a dream long forgotten.
After a moment of deep thought Doom replied, "Yes...yes, that will be alright." With another signal, he sent Dunlapp and the two guards out of the room. After the door shut, he continued the conversation. "So, what is it you want of me?"
"There are great things afoot."
"Where? Is Earth going to be threatened again?" The Commander sat up in his seat, half with the fear of another invasion, half with the excitement of battle that he had not felt in a decade.
"No, this concerns a lot more than just this planet," replied the dark figure quickly, with a hint of anger and urgency in his voice. "What is happening now effects not just this world, but the universe, maybe even existance itself."
"What would that be?"
"I cannot say now, but all shall be told later. You must come with me now," replied the enigmatic man harshly, turning while searching his robes for something.
"Wait a minute!" yelled Doom, standing quickly. "I don't even know your name, why in the Crumbling Ruins of Hell should I follow you anywhere?"
The man stopped what he was doing and turned back around slowly. "Yes, I suppose I have been...hasty. You should know more," with that, he pulled back his hood to reveal shimmering gold hair and well-defined pointed ears.
"What are you?"
"I am of a race from a world far from here, which, like this one was nearly destroyed by a great evil as well. We were called the Sidhe. I do not know of my people's fate, however because I haven't been to that world in mellinia."
"Mellinia?"
"Yes. You see, over four thousand years ago, I was put into a position much like you were. I had to face a great evil on my own, named D'Sparil. I was able to slay him and drive his minions from the world, saving it from the clutch of Evil. I did not tell you my name because it is unimportant compared to the events I have taken part in. I assume you can relate."
The Commander nodded, "yes, go on."
"Well, these evils we have fought are only a small part of a larger whole. It is this whole which is the Evil we must now fight for the salvation of our Universe. We must leave immediately if we wish to stop it," said the Sidhe, fishing through his robe once again.
"Well, if we must. I suppose they won't miss me here if I leave. The government is mostly in place as of now."
"Don't worry...they won't even notice you leave."
"Really? Where exactly are we going?"
"The Beginning of Time," replied the elf, smiling. At that moment he finaly retrieved what he had been searching for, apparently a small blue crystal of some sort. "But first, we have to make a short stop." He pressed a small, translucent button on the crystal and the air began to shimmer. Within an instant, a blue portal had appeared in the center of the room.
"You first," smiled the Sidhe.

Any comments would be appreciated!

Old Post 10-13-01 07:28 #
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Naked Snake
HAHA I AM A FAG AND I CAN'T CHANGE THIS TITLE ANYMORE


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Heres a comment. KEEP GOING!

Old Post 10-13-01 19:18 #
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Liam
the Bard formerly known as the Bard


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Literary mediocrity, my friends.

Old Post 10-13-01 19:47 #
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danarchist
The Origional Danarchist


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Literary mediocrity, my friends.


Though I will accept your criticisms, please elaborate...fool.

Old Post 10-13-01 20:46 #
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Xenoman
Senior Member


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I don't have the strength to read the whole story, I've just played some CS with my new speedh.....noooo damn it. Well anyway, good work.

Old Post 10-13-01 20:58 #
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Liam
the Bard formerly known as the Bard


Posts: 4018
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Literary mediocrity, my friends.


Though I will accept your criticisms, please elaborate...


It's not bad, but it's not extraordinary. What is there to elaborate on?

Old Post 10-13-01 21:05 #
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Xenoman
Senior Member


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I think if you don't like a person's story, you don't have to write it in a post. It will only start a new, friggin' flamewar. :/

Old Post 10-13-01 21:08 #
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danarchist
The Origional Danarchist


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I don't care. I can accept criticism.

Old Post 10-13-01 21:45 #
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Xenoman
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Good. Is there a follower to your previous work?

Old Post 10-13-01 22:20 #
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danarchist
The Origional Danarchist


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Do you mean another chapter to the story? Yes...its in the works...

Old Post 10-13-01 22:58 #
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Xenoman
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Will it be longer?

Old Post 10-13-01 23:34 #
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Wildman
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Interesting twist that I haven't seen yet. Good job and I look forward to the rest.

Old Post 10-14-01 02:41 #
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danarchist
The Origional Danarchist


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Will it be longer?


Do you want it to be? I can, If I want to. I just didn't want it to be too long.

Old Post 10-14-01 04:02 #
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Katgut
Post Out Of Order


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Literary mediocrity, my friends.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being Rick Clark's work and 1 being "Frikkin *fires his gun*", I'd rate this about a 7... not mediocre, but not class-A. Of course, it still has a way to go.

And don't call me your friend, CAKE BOY.

Old Post 10-14-01 05:58 #
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Captain Red
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Not too bad at all. Just as a geeky tecnical note, this story dose kinda clash with the Heretic Hexen and Hexen 2 story that comes with Hexen 2.

Old Post 10-15-01 11:21 #
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danarchist
The Origional Danarchist


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Not too bad at all. Just as a geeky tecnical note, this story dose kinda clash with the Heretic Hexen and Hexen 2 story that comes with Hexen 2.

It does? Actually, I'm kind of basing my story off that one.

Old Post 10-15-01 14:56 #
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