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SirTimberWolf
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My man!

:DDD


Alright man, I'll print this out and give it a shot. I can hardly wait to read it :)!
Old Post 03-16-08 03:54 #
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TheDarkArchon
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Just finished reading it. A hugely enjoyable read and I look forward to seeing more in the future.

That is, if you can be arsed to write more of this.

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Old Post 03-16-08 04:55 #
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Impie
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Thanks Dark, glad you think so. I did consider a sequel based on the Shores of Hell while I was finishing this one, but we'll see.

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Old Post 03-16-08 10:15 #
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SirTimberWolf
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Just finished it last night.

I gotta say man I'm pretty impressed. Horror is a hard genre to get right and I think you've done quite well. ONe minor tick would be that you could stretch the tension out just a tiny bit more (Like when he leaves Max) but the format of the story really doesn't lend itself that well to that kind of story telling so take it with a grain of salt. :)


Keep it up Impie. I know life is busy but don't stop writing man. Whether about DooM or anything else. You've got some talent and I'd love to read more :)
Old Post 03-17-08 15:26 #
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Impie
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The format made it a pain to edit, that's for sure. Especially in the last six or seven entries. I'm glad you weren't disappointed; you seemed the most eager to read this thing.

Actually I'm glad you mention that entry in particular. It was a toss-up between a description of the journey to the antenna platform and an excited, hastily written note. I went with the latter because I thought building tension at that point would have made it really obvious that something bad was about to happen. Do you think the other way would be more effective?

I'm also really curious which you think was lying about the other: Sarge or Max?

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Last edited by Impie on 03-17-08 at 23:48
Old Post 03-17-08 23:01 #
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SirTimberWolf
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Yeah I definitely can see that being a pain to edit. Pick and choose, pick and choose >_< I'm fortunate enough to have sections of work that I can edit instead of entries.

Regarding the description: I think you went with the best course of action. Show don't tell :) Such as you can with that format ;D When I said stretching it out just a little bit I kindda figured that if you could set the pacing a littttlleee bit slower by describing his climb and how he might have tried to force Max to come with, these kinds of things could really add tension provided they're done correctly. (I have this problem sometimes. Take 10 words to 'build tension' and only manage to bore the reader :/)
With that said, I think considering the length of the work and the character's style, you were true to what you'd set out already so I'd call it a success all around.

Ooh definitely Max. I figured he'd find her sitting in a corner somewhere pretending to cry, turn around and be all fangs and glowing eyes. I was pleasantly surprised however, you made me want him to find Max and have her be okay. :)
Old Post 03-18-08 02:01 #
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SirTimberWolf
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Hey brotha,


Any chance you're going to do a shores of hell fic? Or any other (non doom) fiction for that matter? I'd love to hear what you have to say.

drop me an email (sirtimberwolf @ gmail com) and let's talk, huh?
Old Post 03-20-08 03:31 #
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Impie
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Okay, well, if you haven't noticed yet, there are some odd difficulties at fanfiction.net that seem to have...um...deleted my novella. I complained about a format issue and came to the site soon after to find my document completely missing, with no explanation. So I don't know what I'm going to do.

I'll keep you all posted.

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Old Post 03-23-08 03:37 #
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Impie
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UPDATE: Please note our new location.

http://mmmacdee.googlepages.com/home

Custom format too, so it looks nicer. Fanfiction.net is getting the finger from now on. Hopefully this page isn't going anywhere anytime soon.

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Old Post 03-23-08 04:40 #
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SirTimberWolf
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THat sucks :(

Maybe you should post this to more forums, like Absolutewrite.com/forums

I'm sure someone would get a kick out of it on there. Most people here either seem incapable of reading or being able to post.

*cough* Just an idea ;)
Old Post 03-23-08 19:32 #
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Impie
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Well fortunately the problem has been resolved and the story is now back up on fanfiction.net. However, I'm keeping the googlepage version because the format is more along the lines of what I wanted, and at least that version is completely under my control. But ff.net can guarantee people will find the thing, so it works out either way.

EDIT: Oh yeah, link restored:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4131496...eep_in_the_Dead

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Old Post 03-24-08 08:57 #
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Aquashark
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I've been (silently) anticipating the finish of this novella, and you've definitely delivered a successful product! You definitely have quite a talent for writing -- I hope you continue!

(Maybe even with the Shores of Hell episode? :>)
Old Post 03-26-08 03:58 #
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Quasar
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I read the story and on the whole I enjoyed it a lot, but I have a few positive points of criticism that I feel I must impart. Spoilers, btw, for anyone who has not read the entire thing.

1. The fight with Sarge seemed sort of anti-climactic. I had expected more struggle, maybe some heavy arms fire.

2. The part after Max is left in the control tower is so confusing that I had to read it three times before I was fully sure of what happened. I understand what you were going for here, but I just don't think it comes through, and it leaves what happens afterward less satisfying.

3. The fight with the Baron also seemed too easy. I was also sort of expecting a second one to show up, since there were always two in E1 of Doom, would have been a nice nod I thought.

Other than these things, I really liked it. Your descriptive style and flow are perfect, much superior to my own. I've been working on a Castlevania fanfic for a couple years now, and I don't think it's anywhere near that compelling.
Old Post 03-29-08 06:25 #
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Impie
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I wrote a few different versions of both those fights and went with the most straightforward choices, so your notes are understandible. But the action-packed alternatives disrupted the flow of the story and I had to go out of my way to find a place to insert them, anyway.

I'm not a fan of vampires and the like, but I hope yours turns out well. I think the trick is to just hate whatever you're writing and keep finding ways to fix it.

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Last edited by Impie on 03-30-08 at 00:58
Old Post 03-30-08 00:52 #
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Impie
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Woohoo 1000 hits! Knee Deep in the Dead got more hits on this forum than anywhere else. Thanks again guys.

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Old Post 04-07-08 06:30 #
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Quasar
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I was playing E2 the other day and found myself mentally thinking about the game in terms of what your character would be thinking as he came out the other side of the portal. I think that's a testament to how good of a read this was :)
Old Post 04-07-08 07:19 #
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Impie
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At some point in the future I'm going to reorganize my google page and start compiling Doom-related short stories (and see if any of them are good enough to expand into another novella). When I get around to that, you guys'll be the first to hear about it.

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Old Post 04-28-08 22:17 #
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beetroot the turkey
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I don't know if you are still checking this thread but good work mate, just finished reading the thing in one go. You did a really good job, kept me interested and always wanting to read on.

I did notice a lot of spelling mistakes (not really mistakes just missing letters etc - looked like copying errors or something) in the last few chapters.

You did a great job of dealing with a difficult scenario, ie. that a battle hardened marine probably wouldn't be able to express himself eloquently in writing (Perhaps the PDA could have transcribed the text from his speech - because the time taken to write all that is a bit unrealistic in terms of the story's timeline). And the difficulties of expressing madness from a first person perspective, without outside commentary (again I think the premise of transcribed speech would fit this section of the story better too as he would be more likely to be babbling on about losing Max or the pumpkins than sitting down typing it out.) Also the story has been written a million times over so it is difficult to make it unique, which I think you did. But I disagree with the poster above who said it was difficult to understand... it was quite clear to me.

It felt like a more updated (or realistic) version of the original novels. I don't mean that to say it was a rip off, but the story has to be similar so you can see the comparison. With a bit of inspiration from the newer storylines and characters of the movie and latest novel. I must say that I didn't like Sarge's character at all, he just reminded me too much of The Rock, who is completely UN-Doomlike. And as someone pointed out, the battle with Sarge (& The Baron) was a bit of an anti-climax. Perhaps with the Baron there could have been a bit of 'cat and mouse' going on with your Marine trying to lure him into the area fitted with explosives? Just something to create a bit more tension - also could have done with taking a bit of damage from him, because honestly who didn't get fried the first time they ran into the two Barons?!

A lot of positives though! Well done! Hope there is a follow up to this, let me know if there is cause I would love to keep reading.
Old Post 05-07-08 09:12 #
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Impie
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Hells yeah I keep checking this thread. This story is my biggest writing achievement until I start publishing short stories (hopefully in Cemetery Dance magazine).

It really is a hard story to write simply because it's been written a billion times all over the internet. All anybody can do is try to put a new spin on it or at least try to tell it better than the last guy.

I never considered him speaking to the PDA rather than writing in it. That puts a different spin on it. The narrator did actually type everything in his mission log, except for the audio log excerpts, which is why his writing ability falters the more strung out he gets. But I think he had plenty of time to type so many journal entries because he was trapped up there for about a week and spent most of his time hiding anyway.

My other versions of the fights with Sarge and the Baron either dragged the story out, or worse, just weren't logical. Fighting Sarge or the Baron head-on would have gotten the marine easily killed, so he just took them the fuck out. I think I'd planned for him to kill the Baron with a crowbar in a melee, but I can't see him winning against a ten-foot tall devil that could paralyze him with a glance. Remember the first time he bumped into the Baron he blacked out and woke up hanging by a meathook.

It thrills me to death seeing different perspectives on this thing; it's good to know that people are reading and the story isn't just sitting on the shelf, collecting dust. I definitely plan to write more of these in the future, probably with an all-new narrator for each. If nothing else, I'll experiment with it.

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Old Post 05-08-08 01:16 #
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Impie
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So I sat down and scribbled out some possible storylines and it looks like I might be able to put a book together. It'd contain short fiction based on Doom and Doom II, appropriately titled Knee Deep in the Dead, The Shores of Hell, Inferno, Thy Flesh Consumed, and Hell on Earth. Might call the collection Icon of Sin, but I'm not sure yet.

I've considered using the hits Knee Deep has earned as a sort of sales record, and when I write the other stories I'd like to pitch it to Id or to the publishers who published the Doom novels. Right now it's just an idea and I don't know if it's even legally possible.

Does anyone have any details on the history of the Doom novels? Whether Id approached a publisher and pitched the idea, or the other way around? Or whether the authors pitched it to them? All I can find on the 'net is vague info that doesn't tell me how I could go about this. I emailed Brad Linaweaver about it but he hasn't gotten back to me yet.

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Old Post 06-10-08 04:05 #
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Prince of Darkness
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As far as I can tell, my friend, the original's were created when their author's maggot-infested souls were bravely sold off to satan to keep anyone good or knowlegealbe about Doom itelf to keep them from doing it.

I think.

(Sorry for the thread necromancy).

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Old Post 08-13-08 23:12 #
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Impie
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Hmm....I suppose I'll have to buy them back from him or something.

I can understand where the Doom 3 novels came from: the guy that's writing them wrote the storyline for the game, so he's already connected to Id. Probably all it took him was turning to Hollenshead and asking if he was okay with it.

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Old Post 08-14-08 05:41 #
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KingKill33
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I just read this for the second time and I'm convinced that it'd make an absolutely awesome map or mapset. Very, very good work on it, and definitely keep it up.
Old Post 08-14-08 06:22 #
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Impie
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Okay, a few updates:

First, my website has changed. Google has decided to kill Google Pages in favor of Google Sites, so I transferred everything to a decidedly much snazzier-looking website. The url in the OP has been changed accordingly. Anybody who has this thing in their favorites may want to update. :D

Second, I've decided to write three of these for online publication: Knee Deep in the Dead, The Shores of Hell, and Inferno. When they're all finished and posted, I'm going to assemble them all into a manuscript and see what I can do with it. With a little luck (and a few other publications under my belt) maybe I can get Id's approval to turn it into a printed book, in which case I'll write the last two stories (Hell On Earth and Thy Flesh Consumed) and finish the manuscript. If it becomes clear to me that this will remain an internet project and nothing more, then the last two stories will appear on the site instead.

Finally, the book's official title will be The Plutonia Experiment.

In the meantime, those of you who subscribed to this thread will want to go to the new site and check out the prologue for The Shores of Hell!

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Old Post 08-20-08 08:31 #
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