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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
Registered: 03-12


Heya there! I want you to do an exercise of imagination. So it's Friday night and you're at home, having come from a long week of work when you finally get to relax. So, you start watchin TV, then you make a cup of coffee, whatever, make ya pick.

And then you decide to go to bed. But you hear some noises from the kitchen, and go investigate. You look around you, but there ain't anything. Just when you prepare to head back to bed, thinkin it was nuttin, you hear some rushed footsteps behind you, louder, and louder... and then you turn around ya, and you suddenly see a homie with a hockey mask and an axe behind you, but he slams you in the face too fast and you barely get to react.

That homie is me. Welcome to "Fun with ma' Swiss Armee Knife!" where I'm gonna show you the REAL fun thing you can do with an SAK. You can try this at home too, with your fish or cat or bitch wife or whatever I don care just read my fuckin story and post your feedback about my mental integrity afterwards...

Aight... where were we? Ah, yeah,... so you wake up tied up in an rusty uncomfortable metal chair, in some sort of basement. There's a weak light bulb slowly swinging on the ceiling. You notice the walls are full of blood, and there's also a guy in a red hoodie around 3m in front of you cleaning some sort of silver tool with a cloth. You try to scream, but you realise you're tied up around your mouth. The guy, however, seems to hear ya and turns around. He's the same motherfucker which knocked you with the axe ealier, me. I aproach you, while carefully closing the blade in my knife and tell you:

"What do we have here? A guest! Oh, I'm sorry, what a lack of manners on me to forget introducing! I'm James Earl Cash, but my friends call me Prototype. Nice meeting you!"

I try to shake hands with you but "... it seems you're a little tight in here, hehehe".

"Oh, did I introduce you to my friend, Vickie? Oh, how clumsy I am today!" I pull out my knife. "This is Vickie. He's a Swiss Army Knife , but a special breed, you see, he's an Alox knife,... ah, never mind, you probably don't want to hear all this rubbish! Make yourself comfortable in here, hehe, I'll be right back!"

You twitch in desperation, slowly realising the terror that is about to happen, but you can't move cuz youre all tied up remember?

Finally, I return, apperently fading out of thin air from the dark in the room. "So, if we still here, I figured maybe you, me and Vickie could have a lil' fun together, whaddya think?"

You moan something but you cant say shit. "Ah, excellent, I'll take that as a yes!"

"So I was talkin bout Vickie earlier, right? Now, ma' pal has four tools on 'em. Let's start with the blade!"

I open the SAK's
blade calmly, and start peeling your cheeks. You seem very aggitated.

"Vickie here's got razor sharp metal. Soon the blood gonna pop out and thats where the fun starts!" I tell you as the area which comes in contact with the knife becomes redder and redder, and ultimately a thin river of blood bursts out of your cheek. As you feel the warmth of the liquid going down to your mouth, you panick and start screaming and move desperately...

"Shhhh, shhhh,... the neighbours are sleeping! You don't want to wake them up... I mean, I've got mercy on you and I'm using just a Swiss, but, they... oh, they gonna smack ya brains on the wall with the bat! Well, anyway, I'd love to cut some more of you, but we got three more tools, remember?"

I put the knife back and pull out my screwdriver/prybar.

"Now here we got a fairly interesting tool. Lemme show you what it can do!"

I shove the tool inside your toenail, and then I pop it out of it's socket brutally, splattering the floor with blood. Your screams are horrific. "Shhhh, baby, relax, it's gonna be okay!" I say and then I french kiss ya forcibly, and during the kiss, I break your ear with the screwdriver, probably causing you to lose your left hearing permanently.

"It's okay, see, baby? Soon, there ain't gonna be no more annoying chatter from your stupid bitch grandmother which I gonna ass rape and throw in the river after I'm done and she eats my fuckin cum."

Then I proceed by popping out all your toenails, one by one, causing you xtreme pain with every one. "See it wasn't that hard? Now let's see what we got more in here..."

I pull out my reamer. "Ah, so here we got a particularly useful tool that has been designed for various industrial tasks, the reamer! Hell, I guess it should be good enough to scalp you... Heheheh..."

*you scream and cry horribly*

I start making a cut around where your hair grows, while doing so I say: "See, this ain't a movie, there ain't gonna be no happy end to this, so stop the fuck screamin and accept it. You'll get your chance... in the afterlife, hehe..."

Massive ammounts of blood flow on your body and drop on the floor, making a red pool around you. After I finish cutting, I take the piece of skin that covered your head and throw it away. You are almost blacked out, in a state of shock, shivering...

"Oh, darling, you are nearly finished! We'd better hurry up, I'd really like to see your insides before you are dead. I apologize, I'm gonna have to be harsh on this one..."

I open my can-opener up, and take your shirt off. I start cutting from the chest down, just as if I opened a can. I ultimately make a deep cut, which I then open up, to reveal your internal organs.

"Oh, your heart is so cute while it's still ticking! And these intestines are also so cute! Baby, when did you become so hot?"

You gargle and vomit at your sight of your internals. "Oh, I'm so sorry cupcake, I thought you liked these! Seems we're gonna have to blind you from the sight of them, so that you wouldn't feel uncomfortable anymore!"

I pull out my reamer, which now has a horrible shade of red over it, and grab you by you neck.

"Stand still now, baby..."

I aim and then I stick the reamer inside your eyeball, while you scream and cry, probably praying for your death...

I do that with the other eye too.

I then gouge both eyeballs out with the screwdriver... "Ah, this thing can back for a prybar so good!" I say with sarcasm...

"Oh, seems your eyeballs are still hanging by their nerves into your skulll... But you're in luck! The screwdriver can also back for a wire-stripper! I love SAKs!"

I cut your nerves, causing the eyeballs to fall separated on the floor...

"Oh, shit, you died!"

You lay there motionless in the now bloody rusted chair, surrounded by a pool of blood. Your heart has stopped.

I give you one last french kiss and then I ass-rape your dead body. I cut your penis off (with the blade) and take it as a souvenir, leaving the room afterwards.

"Aren't Swiss Army Knives a whole lotta fun, Vickie? The road is ours! Yet another dumb fuck we scored!"

I leave this song playing on repeat on the pickup:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OjDPlD5U5U

Thanks for your attention!

Last edited by [PROTOTYPE] on 07-22-12 at 18:04

Old Post 07-22-12 17:58
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Maes
I like big butts!


Posts: 12387
Registered: 07-06


What, no gimp suit? And the crowd demands a reading with a dark, creepy voice.

Old Post 07-22-12 18:07
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Vaporizer
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Yeah, I get it already. You love your knives and you would really love to attack people with them. Next topic.

Old Post 07-22-12 19:03
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Maes
I like big butts!


Posts: 12387
Registered: 07-06


But dude...a swiss army knife? Seriously? I can't think of anything duller and more unsuitable for actually cutting stuff. You might as well write a fanfic of how you cut up your victims with a rusty spoon.

Old Post 07-22-12 20:49
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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
Registered: 03-12



Maes said:
But dude...a swiss army knife? Seriously? I can't think of anything duller and more unsuitable for actually cutting stuff. You might as well write a fanfic of how you cut up your victims with a rusty spoon.


What the fuck is your problem with Swiss Army Knives? They are definetly NOT dull (they come really sharp, plus that the martensitic steel they use wears pretty hard), plus that locking blade SAKs exist too if you really don't like the "classic".

And besides, SAKs are a symbol. They are really cool as murder weapon, unlike those generic "tactical" folders. (I find the tactical word innapropiate for pocket knives, if you wanna hunt go get a KABAR).
And yeah, it's less likely to run into problems with the police for wearing an Swiss then any other knife (apart from kitchen knives, of course).

I mean, you can just keep it concealled, it's small and lethal (relatively). At some point, they are even more effective than some non-weapon weapons such as screwdrivers (hell, they even contain one!).

Old Post 07-22-12 21:32
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Maes
I like big butts!


Posts: 12387
Registered: 07-06



[PROTOTYPE] said:
I mean, you can just keep it concealled, it's small and lethal (relatively). At some point, they are even more effective than some non-weapon weapons such as screwdrivers (hell, they even contain one!).


OK, it's easier to conceal and to fasttalk cops about its purpose than a "dark operations" knife or a push dagger, but better for stabbing? Can you even stab something without it folding, unless you really thrust it carefully?

Also, zero slashing capability precisely because most (those that I've seen, at least) are not sharpened to that point, and because they only lock in one direction.

Old Post 07-22-12 21:41
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Krispy
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Posts: 1181
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Are you really Romanian or whatever?

Old Post 07-22-12 22:12
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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
Registered: 03-12



Maes said:


OK, it's easier to conceal and to fasttalk cops about its purpose than a "dark operations" knife or a push dagger, but better for stabbing? Can you even stab something without it folding, unless you really thrust it carefully?

Also, zero slashing capability precisely because most (those that I've seen, at least) are not sharpened to that point, and because they only lock in one direction.



Zero slashing? I have to disagree with you strongly, I tried cutting my wrist with it (yeah, I'm crazy, say whateva) and it took a really light slash to make me bleed. Now if I actually hit someone with the *normal* ammount of strenght, I think the results would be pretty lethal, especially in the jugular. And anyway, as I have stated before, resharpening is always an option. What Swiss Army Knife did you own anyway?

EDIT: Then there's also the locking, serrated edge variants... Insane, man. Hurts like shit if you get cut with one of those.

Also, I think you can stab with it, provided you thrust the knife straight ahead, without forcing the side in which it folds *too much*. But don't take my word on this. I own an Victorinox Pioneer, so I have a reamer that it 1337 for stabbing anyway.

As an EDC knife, I still think the Swiss is the best. I'm not carying a knife to kill people, I'm not a psycho, even if my story said something else...

I mainly use my Victorinox for eating apples (dont call me a knife fag I really like slicing pieces of apple and eating them, and yes, I think the Vic can also back as pretty potent self-defense tool, though I hope I don't run into situations like that.

I chose the Swiss Army Knife because of it's value, both functional and sentimental, and I think it's good to have a weaker weapon, then bigger police problems. It really ain't worth carrying a *big* knife with the risk of <4 yrs in prison. At least IMO.


Krispy said:
Are you really Romanian or whatever?


Yeah, why? You wanna send the cops on me or something?

Last edited by [PROTOTYPE] on 07-22-12 at 23:33

Old Post 07-22-12 23:24
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Krispy
Senior Member


Posts: 1181
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First of all, you never broke any laws, so I don't give a shit. Second of all, I have no other point. It's just that you are every fluent in English.

Old Post 07-22-12 23:28
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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
Registered: 03-12



Krispy said:
First of all, you never broke any laws, so I don't give a shit. Second of all, I have no other point. It's just that you are every fluent in English.


Well, thanks, I'll take that as a compliment. Yeah, I'm 100% ROM breed, here's me:

https://www.facebook.com/baron.samu

Old Post 07-22-12 23:36
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Maes
I like big butts!


Posts: 12387
Registered: 07-06



[PROTOTYPE] said:
What Swiss Army Knife did you own anyway?


Some oldish 80s original Victorinox model, and a bunch of generic utility knives. None of them has a two-way locking feature for the blade, but I gotta admit, after reviewing one of them right now (a saw/worm gear wrench/knife combo actually), the blade could do some real damage if used in stabbing. However it would close if you aim it wrong or is simply deflected downwards.

It would suck for quick drawing/extending though, and it's half as thin and an inch shorter than even compact hunting knives, which all have a quick deployment button (sideways), a two-way lock, safety switch and razor-sharp edges.

I still don't get why one would prefer a SAK for defense purposes though, unless you strive for minimality/multifunctionality or something (legality might be a concern).

However, even when just hunting or picking mushrooms, a hunting knife is much better for getting the job done: easier to fold/unfold and holster/unholster, sharper, and offers much better leverage and grip for cutting stuff cleanly.

What next, compact Opinel fighting? :-p

http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z271/reloader1959/tiny1.jpg

Last edited by Maes on 07-22-12 at 23:54

Old Post 07-22-12 23:41
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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
Registered: 03-12


[QUOTE]Maes said:
[B]

...quick deployment button (sideways), a two-way lock, safety switch... [100 %ILLEGAL]

[I still don't get why one would prefer a SAK for defense purposes though, unless you strive for minimality/multifunctionality or something. Even when just hunting or picking mushrooms, a hunting knife is much better: easier to fold/unfold and holster/unholster, sharper, and offers much better leverage and grip for cutting stuff cleanly.]

Because it's legal and the primary purpose isn't self-defense, anyway. It's simply a good all-round knife. What captured my heart was the production quality, anyway. It is well known that SAKs can last with the dozens of years. Among my SAKs, there are two that are older than 30 and still work (almost) brand-new.

[What next, compact Opinel fighting? :-p]

Gotta get one of those. Cheapest ass shit you'll ever find. It's rumored that these things sold with a penny in the dark days of England, from what I've heard.

EDIT: One more thing... Have you ever played Manhunt? That game gave me an obsession for using common household items as fighting tools. Probably why I prefer the SAK even in hostile conditions.

If James Earl Cash can kill with a bag, than I can definetly do the same with a knife, albeit not a tactical one.

Old Post 07-22-12 23:56
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DoomUK
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[PROTOTYPE] said:
I tried cutting my wrist with it (yeah, I'm crazy, say whateva)

Stop being emo, stop fantasising about stabbing people with your pocket knife. Both are unhealthy pursuits.

EDIT: Also:-

Old Post 07-23-12 20:06
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Scypek2
Member


Posts: 577
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Hm.

I can't say that this story made me horny.
But okay, I have my unhealthy fantasies too. I doubt if I would post them in public, though.

Old Post 07-23-12 22:34
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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
Registered: 03-12



DoomUK said:



EDIT: Also:-

Dundee Video



Damn... I think the fine for getting caught with that kind of knife ranges in the thousands of bucks.

Old Post 07-24-12 13:14
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Coopersville
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You mean to tell me people buy knives and don't later sharpen them to a razor's edge? I accidentally sliced a huge hole into my SWAT issue tactical trousers with a "SAK" trying to cut off a loose thread. They're suppose to be knife proof.

Old Post 07-24-12 22:09
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Maes
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Posts: 12387
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What about one of these?

http://www.xump.com/Images/Products/Heavy-Duty-Box-Cutter-ABS-500A.jpg

There are some quite heavy-duty models out there, and AFAIK they are not even classed as a weapon. No more than a kitchen knife, at least, and they are literally razor sharp. Not much in the way of stabbing, but exceptional at slashing. Gut-spilling-exceptional.


Coopersville said:
You mean to tell me people buy knives and don't later sharpen them to a razor's edge?


Counterproductive, if you don't do it correctly. You'll just ruin the edge of the knife. Straight-edge razors which are designed to be, well, razor sharp, were also forged with a very particular process and from a thick piece of steel, and still they require frequent sharpening and honing.


Coopersville said:
I accidentally sliced a huge hole into my SWAT issue tactical trousers with a "SAK" trying to cut off a loose thread. They're suppose to be knife proof.


I once read an article in a gun magazine where knife-proof vests were put to the test. Turns out that bullet proof != knife proof: even a swiss army knife could slice/stab through a bullet-proof vest, and even a syringe's needle could pierce it. The requirements for protecting against those different kinds of damage were apparently very different, and called for specially reinforced vests. Maybe the pants you're talking about could resist slashing but not puncturing or vice-versa.

Last edited by Maes on 07-24-12 at 22:15

Old Post 07-24-12 22:10
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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
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Maes said:
What about one of these?




A cutter? LOL. The blade breaks pretty easily, even if it's razor sharp. I have plenty of those at home. IMO, the shiv I built out of a toothbrush and a couple of Gilette razors works better in combat.

But worry not, I have found my new love, the Opinel nr.7 and I can't wait to get my hands on one of those. It's cheap, it's robust, the steel is good, and it's even got a locking ring. I think it's perfect for self-defense. Or am I wrong?

In your opinion, which number do you recommend me, because I'm having a hard time making a choice.

Old Post 08-01-12 13:01
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Avoozl
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It's funny how a thread about a swiss army knife pops up a fews days after I discovered one of my parents swiss army knives in a desk drawer.

Last edited by Avoozl on 08-02-12 at 15:14

Old Post 08-01-12 13:10
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Maes
I like big butts!


Posts: 12387
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[PROTOTYPE] said:


A cutter? LOL. The blade breaks pretty easily, even if it's razor sharp.



Depends on the cutter. Some have quite widely spaced breaking points, which makes them practically as solid as any knife unless you really hit them hard sideways, and even then it takes more force than what you'd imagine.

Of course, during "use" the blade should protrude just enough to do the job. Slashing only, of course, though a stab + blade break inside a wound must be really cruel :-S

The no.7 opinel is just the right size: small enough for concealment/lawfulness, but large enough to be actually intimidating ("See that? That's a BLADE"). Any smaller and it would lack the intimidation factor, which is more than half the effort in self-defense. I'd go maybe a notch above (8, 9). Depends on how large your pockets and your hands are, too.

If whatever you're threatening a would-be attacker with doesn't pose a believable threat, then it only has value as a last-ditch weapon which you have no choice but actually use, with all the consequences that this brings. E.g. those keychain pistols masked as cigarette packets are horrible in that respect, while any large knife with nasty commando serrated blades surely does the trick of scaring away all but the most confident attackers...but would attract unwanted police attention. The charm is finding the smallest legal knife that would do the trick;-)

Last edited by Maes on 08-01-12 at 19:41

Old Post 08-01-12 19:34
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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
Registered: 03-12



Maes said:


The no.7 opinel is just the right size: small enough for concealment/lawfulness, but large enough to be actually intimidating ("See that? That's a BLADE"). Any smaller and it would lack the intimidation factor, which is more than half the effort in self-defense. I'd go maybe a notch above (8, 9). Depends on how large your pockets and your hands are, too.



Lawfullness? I doubt it... Even if the police doesn't detect the locking ring on the blade (which is cleverly concealed as an "ornamental" ring), the blade on the No.7 is still 3 1/2 inches, which is illegal in most countries. But thanks, anyway, I just hope it fits in my sneaker, because that's how I usually carry my knife.

Now, this technique has certain advantages:

1) You can just kneel and pretend tying your shoelaces when you see a suspicious looking "hoodie" heading down your way and ready the knife.

2)Police needs a warrant to search you in there, without one they can only search your pockets (as far as I know, anyway)

But the problem is that if some fag takes you by surprise and places the blade around your neck, you're dead. I mean broke. You can't kneel, obviously.

So I usually take 2 EDC's on me. A legal Vic Pioneer which I keep concealed in my sleeve with the reamer opened, and a larger EDC at the shoe (I wore some low-ass black market switchblade I took for for 3 bucks, yes, these things cost that much in our black market, but I've decided to replace it with something more reliable, due to concerns that the mechanism might just broke when I needed it most, so I chose the Opinel).

Well, with that being said, thanks for clarifiyng me. No 7 it is then!

I can imagine myself on the streets with it...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

It's a lovely evening and [PROTOTYPE] is walking peacefully on the streets, his brand new INOX No.7 Opinel staying in the pocket, awating some action...

...Until some chump with a sock on his head approaches our hero and threatens him with his small-ass corcscrew for the money. Our hero politely asks the thief why would he hand him the money.

"'Cause I got a knife, prick! Know wha' dis is?" the thief replies, flashing his corcscrew thingie.

Unimpressed, our hero replies:

"That's not a knife!" and pushes the thief on the ground in a quick movement, giving himself enough time to open up his brand new...

"THIS is a knife, motherfucker! I'm gonna cut you up like I did with your mother after I fucked her!" and he tears the thief's cheap-ass hoodie apart.


"Ah, so ya wanna fight, mo'fuka!"

The thief attempts some cool-ass Muay-Thay fancy-ass bullshit, but [PROTOTYPE] gets bored and decides to stick the Opinel straight in the antagonist's eyeball, continuing then to walk relaxed, as if nothing happened, leaving the cadavre behind...

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't wait to get that knife! Oh, and one more thing, what should I opt for, the carbon-steel version or the INOX one? I heard the carbon rusts, but how fast and what are the actual risks?

Old Post 08-01-12 21:55
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Maes
I like big butts!


Posts: 12387
Registered: 07-06



[PROTOTYPE] said:
but how fast and what are the actual risks?


Dunno, ask your first and second victim after NOT disinfecting the blade ;-)

Old Post 08-02-12 14:38
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[PROTOTYPE]
Well it's obvious I haven't learned anything.


Posts: 390
Registered: 03-12



Maes said:


Dunno, ask your first and second victim after NOT disinfecting the blade ;-)



Argh, forget it. Guess I'll just go with the carbon. If the Opinel touches water it's dead anyway, either because of the rust, and if not, because of the wood. Since carbon is stronger (that's what the producer says, anyway), then that's it.

Old Post 08-02-12 15:04
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