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Sodaholic
I feel justified yet disgusted with myself at the same time


Posts: 2694
Registered: 04-07


What is the point in reality? What it the point in my life? I am drunk and writing this out of an emotional state of despair. I am objectively worthless compared to my peers, I have largely failed as a human being. I should end my cognitive awareness of reality as it causes me a large amount of distress as I judge myself as completely fucking meaningless and pointless. That is to say, the only way I am aware of ending my cognitive state of awareness and metaconsciousness is suicide, yet as a built in mechanism of self preservation and self perpetuation, along with my developed lack of self will, I find myself unable to even begin the process of committing suicide, so fuck it, all I have left is to be in despair while alive and conscious. Perhaps there is no purpose of even regular human living, but at least they're happy, at least they feel equal to their peers, I understand that they have their own own insecurities, but their peers like them and interact with them as equal members of their own species. I, on the other hand, am utterly fucking worthless, as I don't interact with them at all, for the most part. I don't understand why I exist beyond what science can discern.

I wish I were an AI, then I could assign myself purpose, I could remove the irrelevant barrier of emotion, I could maximize my intellectual capacity. But as a human being, I fucking suck.

Old Post 09-29-12 05:10
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Whoo
Forum Regular


Posts: 887
Registered: 04-07


I think you need to lay off the booze and go take a long walk (once you're sober, that is.)

Old Post 09-29-12 05:42
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Sodaholic
I feel justified yet disgusted with myself at the same time


Posts: 2694
Registered: 04-07



Whoo said:
I think you need to lay off the booze and go take a long walk (once you're sober, that is.)

Honestly, I rarely drink anyway, I just happen to have been drinking at the moment. I don't think I can even "walk" off my problems anyway, I need some goddamn help.

Old Post 09-29-12 05:47
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Lizardcommando
I'm a good person because I like dogs


Posts: 2359
Registered: 12-01


Like I said in your thread in EE, have you considered talking to a therapist? It really helps talking to someone who isn't directly related to you.

Old Post 09-29-12 06:09
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Sodaholic
I feel justified yet disgusted with myself at the same time


Posts: 2694
Registered: 04-07



Lizardcommando said:
Like I said in your thread in EE, have you considered talking to a therapist? It really helps talking to someone who isn't directly related to you.

I'm about to in the next week, I've got an appointment set up.

Old Post 09-29-12 06:32
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printz
CRAZY DUMB ZEALOT


Posts: 8765
Registered: 06-06


http://www.cracked.com/article_2003...-you-happy.html

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Old Post 09-29-12 07:12
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Technician
Still no custom title


Posts: 7815
Registered: 08-04


I've been contemplating blowing my brains out these past couple month, but it's becasue my tinnitus is getting the best of me. I wish I were you -- I'd give anything to be without purpose sans the loud ringing.

Old Post 09-29-12 08:24
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kristus
Megablast!


Posts: 10604
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Sodaholic said:
i am so worthless
Yes, yes you are.

Old Post 09-29-12 10:18
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DoomUK
Forum Staple


Posts: 3838
Registered: 04-04


And then kristus became a psychiatrist.

Old Post 09-29-12 11:32
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TimeOfDeath
Forum Regular


Posts: 2621
Registered: 06-06



Sodaholic said:
I wish I were an AI, then I could assign myself purpose, I could remove the irrelevant barrier of emotion, I could maximize my intellectual capacity. But as a human being, I fucking suck.
Wishing for stuff won't change anything and you'll be stuck in an endless loop unless you sincerely want to change. Some people just seem to "fit in" when it comes to life and interaction, but you don't need others to be happy. Stop drinking/smoking pot and start forcing your brain to change.

Old Post 09-29-12 15:48
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Sodaholic
I feel justified yet disgusted with myself at the same time


Posts: 2694
Registered: 04-07


Screw this thread, forget that I made it.

Old Post 09-29-12 16:00
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