purist Posted February 21, 2009 My first poem. Read and respond please: DEER MEMORIES ============= As I wander a darkened Deimos hall A light upon my memory cast Indulge did I in fond recall Of Father and a hunting trip past A boy of four feet tip-toed stood Never having held a gun My Father, the Nebrasken wood His double-shooter, truck and Son We searched amongst the clawing pines 'Til Moon grew full and eyes grew tired Alas no hide nor hair of hinds The hunt would end with no shot fired We journeyed home in Father's truck Upon his knee I held the wheel And the corner like a bent knee cruck My Father hit the brake with heel The truck first slid, then stopped in snow Ahead we peered at what we struck On gravel road in headlight glow Lay a gasping white-tailed buck My Father drew his hunting gun And placed it in my trembling hands And though I'd always be his Son That day I changed from boy to man My thoughts are broken by the glare Of buzzing Deimos lights shone red Moments of reflection rare But I am safe amongst the dead There was a beast of flesh and wire Of twenty feet on cloved hoof stood It stalked this Tower full of ire It's anger programmed in the blood Chrome footsteps and a rocket volley Announced the presence of the beast I felt the missile flame upon me The wretched creature missed by feet I strafed the monster weapon poised And fired a salvo of green light There was blood and sparks and smoke and noise And still a Demon stood upright But something changed within the beast It's wires crackled frayed and raw Face to face the stand-off ceased And I was quickest on the draw No more the beast would stand upright I peered through smoke, my gun withdrawn And just like on that distant night There lay a broken, gasping fawn My helpless quarry begged of me With pleading eyes, if not with tongue To put it out of agony I drew my double-shooter gun 1 Share this post Link to post
Coopersville Posted February 22, 2009 That was astounding. Purely epic. 0 Share this post Link to post
schwerpunk Posted July 7, 2012 Very nice. I especially enjoy the ambiguity of the last bit. 0 Share this post Link to post
EarthQuake Posted July 26, 2012 Okay, I was confused when reading this for the first time and then seeing my own post right below. But I guess it was so cool, it deserved a bump (not just here, but in my memory as well). 0 Share this post Link to post
purist Posted July 26, 2012 Thanks EQ :-) I remember at the time thinking inspiration would continue for me to make a series of these but sadly not! 0 Share this post Link to post
Hellbent Posted August 16, 2012 I hit a deer on my bicycle once, but alas, it got away. purist said:I strafed the monster weapon poised And fired a salvo of green light There was blood and sparks and smoke and noise And still a Demon stood uprightBrilliant. 0 Share this post Link to post
Tristan Posted August 16, 2012 Hellbent said:I hit a deer on my bicycle once, but alas, it got away. You know whats funny? I was gonna mention that... Fantastic poem, nice work. 0 Share this post Link to post