|In which I vent my problems and insecurities||January 10, 2016, 7:25 am|
It's been a long time since my last post, I don't even remember what I talked about. I've been trying to come up with a place to let this stress out more anonymously, but I guess this is where I'll go anyway.
I got laid off in September last year from my first job out of college after only 4 months. Since then I've moved back in with my parents and siblings, and have been halfheartedly looking for jobs. Between the blow sudden unemployment gave me, living in a new place with no friends for half a year, and a realization that's been slowly building, and I've finally acknowledged, that I'd really rather be working on a game taking the slaughter elements of my mapping style into a more modern engine than as a bio lab tech or scientist, I just don't know where to go. It doesn't help being basically addicted to the internet to the extent I rarely even make maps. But that's half the problem; I know making maps isn't earning me money, and I feel guilty spending time on it when I could be finding a job. I'm lucky enough to have parents who will let me freeload a while and can afford it, but for the last year I've been reliant on them, and it hurts. One of my sisters distracts from that because of how much trouble she gets into, but I'm still here taking up space.
Now that I've got the depressing stuff out of the way I can think about what I think my options are. I could continue trying to find a job related to bio. I liked it enough to get a bachelor's in it, despite getting a 2.8 GPA and no research experience. I could look into making a game with preexisting or free assets, or try and find someone to work with me on that, or try and make them myself, with my OK drawing and shitty gimp/Photoshop abilities and like half a blender tutorial. Look into unreal 3 engine or maybe see what I can do with rage, since I have it. Still haven't played it. Or find a job outside bio, I'm not sure what. I really like boardgames like house on the hill, castles of burgundy, or dominion. Maybe a hobby shop will take me.
Anyway that's what's bothering me. In other news I'm getting closer to ng2 being done, just 2 more maps to do. It'll be shorter than ng1, but I think will be better. It's going to need a bit of polishing too, but if I could get myself to work on it instead of watching twitch I'd probably get it done fast.
|Streaming Doom Builder||February 28, 2015, 3:49 am|
Thought I'd mess around, try and get some more newgothic out. And streaming it. I may or may not keep it up.
|Student loans suck, and other things going on in life||September 3, 2013, 5:37 am|
My laptop of 6 years broke its video card on me a few weeks ago, so I'm stuck on the family computer for a while. Doom and doomworld have been low on the priority list because of that, and mapping is ... unlikely. My hard drive should be fine, so, just need to get an enclosure and try to get the data copied and then the few maps/scraps I got will be saved. Lots of time to read and hang out with people, but I've never been an out and about person. I have a job interview coming up Wednesday and with US football season starting soon (stupid fantasy football getting me interested) I'll have plenty to do until I save the money for a computer of my own again, and then save for graduate school.
Oh yeah, and student loans. They suck. Scared to hell of that 22k looming over me for the next 10 to 20 years. And that was for 3 years with community college. I'm in forebearance/application for deferment for a month or so more, so it's not immediate, but fuck that rolled over 550$ bill the second month and threats of default ... that's motivating me to get a job ASAP. I think with some organization and a decade more of students in huge loan debts, us USAers will finally get the gov to help pay the debt and get money to colleges to reduce tuition, but that's rather far off and no help now.
Between the intense boredom and ohshitshit'sgettingseriousnow, I've been caught heavily by the living card game Android:netrunner and own the core and all expansions except one, and love to play it however infrequently my friends who do play it can hang out. Also star wars: edge of empire is awesome, and my group had its second meeting Sunday in which we killed lots of thugs and our R2 unit doctor masqueraded as cousin it in wookie pelts for a bit. I got to fail at being a mystic Gand findsman too, although I got a few souvenirs for the people. My WoW raid group finally killed lei shen, and now we're hoping to gear everyone up a little better in the one week we have before 5.4 hits. Luckily the family computer is just different, and not worse than my laptop, so games go decently. Not fun occupying the computer 8-10 PM on thursday though.
And the last thing to talk about. One of our dogs, around 9-12 years old (I have no idea how old anymore really) had to be put down last week from having his second lung collapse. He hadn't been doing too great lately, and I'm worried our other dog will be following not too far off from losing him since they were siblings, but such is life. It didn't affect me quite as hard as losing the dog we had before them, but I was much younger. My sisters are more affected since they didn't really know our last dog that long. Well, just had to get that out there.
Anyway, I've been both good and bad, life going as it does. Better than the last school semester when I was just tutoring and doing fuck all else and bored out of my mind when not playing games. Thinking of taking some programming classes on coursera or something, learn python or java, so I can get closer to my interest in bioinformatics. And then one day, when genomes can be modified and sculpted into new species that are 95% of the time viable, I will create creatures that will offer more efficient, environmentally and ecologically safe and adjusted alternatives to current mechanical industries. Well, that's the dream. Maybe keep my offhand promise to my dad to brew a purple beer that tastes great until then. SO much that could be done in the future, if we don't fuck it up.
|No longer in iddqd||March 4, 2013, 7:30 pm|
*Something something degreeless mode*
I finished classes this fall and finally, after 5 1/2 years, have my BS in biology: cell and molecular focus (it does not say the focus on my degree unfortunately). So that means time to start my career, or actually do what I planned on and get into a master's program. Or both, I think it's actually possible vs. working on a PhD and a job. So, either more time for mapping, or less, depending on how likely I am to be doodling.
|1 Gaming Goal Completed - and pointless rambling||November 18, 2012, 3:53 am|
I beat the first mission in story on very hard in Fzero GX. That was the only one I hadn't done, and I beat it by .005 seconds. It took 2 or 3 hours of hand pain (I don't play consoles much anymore) and heavy concentration. It has been at least 8 years since the game came out, and I just got the last thing I wanted to do in it. Yay.
In other news, I have had a few ideas for maps but nothing really motivating. I think it's from a lack of musical interest - that usually gets me going. Should find some new midi artists to keep up on.
I have a job (!) tutoring that is 4 hours a week and 15$ an hour ... yay end of college where I want to work but can't do what I want around my class schedule. How annoying. I will be done with requirements by January so things should go somewhere then.
Waiting for the last Wheel of time book to come out, I think it's soon? January 8th apparently. Found a few good books lately but I want to go the library again tomorrow. I need to find the rest of the laundry series by stross, and wondering when SM Stirling will put something out again. Don't have the budget to buy much so it's all on the library.
Joined a fantasy football league this September and been doing horrible in it due to some bad drafting, meh trading, and starting reggie bush for the last 5 weeks. Ugh. Newbie tip, never look for the most hilarious names to draft. Also know when division games are. And poor michael vick can't seem to catch a break. If you want some mind-numbing "why is this on the internet" look up manningface.
I think League of Legends will not stop making champions and the winners will all be people who know their matchups. I don't know, I haven't played more than 10 games against AI though.
Age of Mythology is awesome, but the hard difficulty makes things a bit annoying - I hate restarting something, even if it's only 5 minutes. Wasn't too bad when doing the Fzero run but it seriously stopped me from playing Kotor 1 all the way and is probably what stopped me from finishing ME2 and Dead space 2.
Anyway, that's me for the last month or 3.
|Thinking about getting a new mouse||March 8, 2012, 4:06 am|
So for the last 4-5 years I've had a razer diamondback, and recently it's been acting up. "Disconnecting", freezing the cursor in place for a few seconds while it reconnects. In most cases the light stays on but in some it will turn off. I've come to the conclusion the wire is fraying, and bending the first 5-10"s from the mouse will cause the light to go off and disconnect, so I'm fairly sure I'm right.
Anyway, I'm looking for a new mouse and after a fairly short search I found this model - the gigabyte M6980. I'm wondering if anyone has had one, and what their experience with it is. And if there's any others you guys would recommend, I'd appreciate it. Preferably around or under 40$, heheh.
|Tales of ochem2||December 13, 2011, 9:05 pm|
So, been a while. As the title says, I took ochem2. Retook it actually, and just had my final. God damn was that hard, my brain feels like mush now. Still have a micro final at 8 am tomorrow, but then I'm blissfully free until the semester starts, when I'll probably apply for grad school. Luckily the place I'm going now has a biotech/bioinformatics masters so I don't really have to go anywhere. Problem is I'm not sure I'll make it in, so it's time I start actually looking for a job in my field, in case my upper div gpa is too low or something.
That's not really what's on my mind though. It's where to fucking eat. Come home, not really much here, think of daphne's but I just had it for lunch yesterday, not really in the mood for burgers but onion rings sound good. Snapper Jack's could be good but I haven't really tasted the tacos the last few times I've gone, not to mention it's a bit expensive. Chinese, panda has no sweet and sour pork so that's out, and Chesters is rather expensive. Pizza, I could go for some dominos. Actually that doesn't sound too bad. So now dominoes vs. onion rings from habit. Oh nice crunchy fried food ...
Later thinking of seeing the muppet's movie with friends but I'd miss studying for that final.
So yeah that's about it. Been too busy with classes to really work on anything, although I tried to start up a base map for a friend's birthday. Got most of the layout but damn I don't want to texture/detail/place monsters it.
|Spring break over, car for my birthday||March 30, 2011, 5:47 pm|
Well, lease for a car. That I won't be getting too much use out of cause I have class only 2 days where I'd get the car and I take the bus half the way anyway. The geo prism we had is getting salvaged after my sister rear-ended someone almost 2 weeks ago - luckily it looks like only we had 'severe' damage. By which I mean the damage caused an estimated 2200$ of repairs and the car was valued at barely 2100$. So, my mom pushes for a lease on a 2011 honda civic. It's pretty nice, barring how skinny it is, how small the steering wheel is, and the insanely low front bumper that I've hit bottom on twice after leasing the car less than 24 hours. Nice darkish blue color. Also my parents don't trust my sister to drive it after the crap she does, hahaha.
In anycase, spring break ended on a note that was at least nice - I basically got an A on the first of two exams in bioinformatics, new car, finally got oceanborn off amazon, and decided to snag the first season of metalocalypse too. And ordered a bunch of wowtcg cards with my friends. Yeah I play it, no one I know plays magic anymore >.< Makes up for the F in ochem2, stress of not knowing wtf we'll do for a car, and general mehness of actual spring break. Just need to push my grades for another month and a half and I'll be good. Oh and I get Cezar chavez day off tomorrow, thanks csu/uc systems for your randomness.
|Ubisoft just reminded me how annoying it is||March 12, 2011, 5:52 am|
You didn't make the fucking games, don't say it's your fucking 'new' titles. They were made by new world computing and published by 3DO, you just snagged an ip when it was dying and added a game I never played (dark messiah) and a game I liked but felt very different aesthetically from the originals (HoMM5). I hope you restart the MM series but I rather doubt it and if you did they'd feel just as different as HoMM5 was, and HoMM6 will most likely be. Granted this might just be a mix-up on the marketing end of GoG, but I'd assume some execs would proofread this crap and point out to marketing their mistake. And since they're old games they probably don't care anyway. Meh. I hope they get 8 in there now considering 6 and 7 are up - I'm not sure exactly where I put my dad's cds ... heheh.
Rant aside, I will say gog has some cool stuff. I got Aquanox of them during christmas, and it has been amazing to play - the story is told in voiced conversations between character portraits with ambient sounds, which really helps me imagine what's going on. The looks of the game are also really sharp and well-done, looking surprisingly well for a 2000 game. And the battles are cool too, like descent with a much more limited loadout (2 guns and a set of torpedoes, and 'buzzers' - torpedo misdirectors) but many guns have a useful secondary and vary enough that you'll use basically all of them at one time or another. The torps are kinda iffy, with real limited lockons except for the highest tiers, but are useful in clearing smaller ships or causing massive damage to stationary frigates. There's also upgrades and special slots for ships, and as you go through the story you get better ships you can buy, increasing armor and torp/buzzer capacity. Still haven't finished it due to quicktime trying to update during a mission and screwing my mouse focus (f you quicktime), but I think I'm getting close. And then it'll be on to aquanox 2.
So, life in general. Classes are meh, I'm correlating not being able to study with it being spring semester, which is not good cause I need all my credits this semester so I can graduate NEXT spring >.< Still thinking about bugging a prof to do research. And no job ... definitely by lack of trying. Parents are too good to me. But eh, will see what happens. Was worried a bit for my friend who's in japan for school but it turns out he's fine. Sounded pretty gung-ho about it, heheh. Haven't played my saxophone in a couple months now, last time was teaching my sister to play for marching band. Was sounding rusty and a little short of breath then, don't really want to find out how bad it is now, though the longer I wait the worse it will get.
On a good note, my birthday is on the 28th. woot. Family has no money though. meh. Will probably do something at least. And damn, couple more months and it'll be the end of what, my second year on doomworld? geez. I'm lucky and a bit proud I actually completed 2 projects since then, considering how many people start and don't get far on here. Need to actually do some mapping for ultra 2, have some ideas for maps but the only thing I've done is an outdoor entrance that doesn't fit anywhere. Sort of got a feel for some textures though. WoW is definitely interfering with mapping >.< Aquanox not so much, only play that maybe 4 hours in a day, maybe twice a week, usually weekends or no class days.
Speaking of no class days, my physics prof actually had class outside thursday at the urging of one of the girls in class since it was rather nice outside. Then Friday he e-mails us all that he's sick and there's no lab. It's also a rather nice day. Coincidence? maaaaaybe ... heheh. Though he did say it was possibly food poisoning so who knows, he's pretty honest about stuff.
Welp that was pretty much all that was on my mind worth (not) sharing.
|Silliness involving newgothic||September 21, 2010, 5:16 am|
|It's 3 am, and I've finally done something I've been meaning to do; add coop starts to all of newgothic and dm starts to maps 15 and 21. Bets on when/how powerful a computer/which version of odamex or skulltag maps 15 and 21 dm will run with no lag. I intend to figure out how the f to host a wad on odamex and run coop this weekend. If your coop-group (or dm group) is man enough to attempt it, here's the wad. btw I have no idea if odamex can run zdbsp-extended nodes, so tell me what happens with map21, heh.|