Bucket's Doomworld Forums Blog

Bucket's Doomworld Forums Blog

Righteousness May 17, 2012, 6:14 pm
What's with old flames coming back and telling you "you were right" about the whole situation...? "You were right, that guy was an asshole." "You were right, I never should've moved to California." "You were right, banging your best friend was kind of a dick move." Is that some kind of consolation prize? OH SURE, that's why we had the disagreement in the first place. I was just trying to win an argument and the only thing I wanted was to be right. It makes all the pathetic loneliness I suffered totally worth it, because I was right all along.

I never wanted to be RIGHT. I wanted to be WITH SOMEONE. I wanted to be NOT DESPERATELY ALONE. More to the point, I wanted a woman who didn't need someone to explain how her actions are affecting others. Someone who can sort out her own head BEFORE she throws away half her youth on bad decisions.

And guys like me get told they were right all along, and these women are realizing too late that it should've been them. So of course, you get the last-ditch effort to rekindle that old feeling, which is laughable. Like anyone wants you now that you're old, flabby and used up, after you've accumulated a decade of baggage and a bastard child or two. Am I supposed to be grateful that I get to scrape up what's left, after a long line of deadbeats wasted the best years of your life? Is that what a good man deserves? Leftovers?

I already have enough reasons to go chasing barely legal tail instead of trying to invest my time and effort in so-called "mature women". Anyway, there's my venting for the day.
35 Comments

Another new (old) laptop April 14, 2012, 2:13 am
So a friend of mine hands me his old work laptop. It's a Dell Latitude PPX and in amazing shape for its age. At first, I was disappointed by its performance; the poor thing was running XP SP3. Now, after dropping in some hardware and Debian Linux, it's a snappy little machine.

Pentium 3 (Coppermine) 500MHz
128MB SDRAM 100MHz
8GB SSD
CD-ROM, 3.5" floppy, USB, infrared

Yeah, I bought an ATA solid state drive a while back and I've finally found a good use for it. Instead of that ancient 12GB plate drive grinding away, it's quick and quiet. I was pleasantly surprised to see that my PCMCIA network cards worked without any grief (wired and wireless!) I'd originally tried Windows 2000 and Puppy Linux on this machine, but I think Debian with Xfce gives me a good balance of performance and function.

Next on the agenda is to update the BIOS. I just found a useful feature in ImgBurn, my favorite optical burning software, to make bootable CDs from scratch. Let's hope it works.
4 Comments

GODDAMN FUCKING CAT November 17, 2011, 4:27 pm
So we have a kitten who we "rescued" from the street, and she's a big fan of human food. I find it annoying, my girlfriend finds it adorable. Today the kitten jumps on the table where I'm working and sticks its nose into my plate. I pick it up by the scruff of its neck, so it spazzes and kicks over my coffee. ALL OVER MY LAPTOP.



Tonight: kitten steak.
50 Comments

More old PC adventures. October 17, 2011, 3:44 pm
I'm downgrading my laptop.
That is, I have a Toshiba Tecra 8000 (P2 266MHz, 256MB RAM, 4GB HDD) with Windows 2000 on it. For a while, there was a novelty to doing new things on an old PC, but that's worn off. Basically I can do the same things on my new laptop and much faster. If I really needed it for all that, I'd be better off with Slackware or Puppy Linux anyway.

So... instead, I decided to split the HDD in half. The first would have Win98SE and all of my old Windows apps, while the second would have my old DOS apps.

The first thing I had a problem with is FDISK. How the hell have I used computers for so long having never used this? I guess all the drives we used to buy were pre-formatted. I screwed it up the first time around, somehow making a logical drive that I couldn't delete, leaving me to do the whole thing over with Gparted.

I managed to get everything working and stable. Looking through all the settings, I'm wondering how I never could get computers to work right when I was a kid. Probably either because we bought cheap hardware at flea markets, or because I'd never heard of online updates. I blame my dad being the last person on the block to go DSL.

On a related note, I hope to be getting a few old boxen from relatives soon - an 8088 and a Pentium 75MHz. I already got a 286 and 486 to play with, so we'll see what happens.
7 Comments

Yeah, I'm a whore. August 18, 2011, 12:37 am
So I bought an iPhone 4. FOR WORK.

The idea was that I could run the business from anywhere, taking e-mails and tethering my laptop so I could access the company website. Supposedly I bought the 3G model - but how do I know it's working? The first thing it did when I turned it on was ask me for a wireless access point. I don't see how a 3G phone would need WiFi. The model # is MC677LL/A and it supports EV-DO Rev. A (800/1900 MHz), if that means anything.
17 Comments

latest artistic expression August 9, 2011, 2:55 am
Chainsaw Bear Versus Hover Shark: A Lyrical Poem

(chorus)
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEEEAAARRRRR
HOVER SHAAAARRRRRK
CHAINSAW BEEEAAARRRRR
HOVER SHAAAARRRRRK

(verse)
In a secret government program, a bear was trained to wield a chainsaw
Ten foot tall melee massacre nightmare, clear cut trees and mountain streams stain red

(chorus)
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEEEAAARRRRR
HOVER SHAAAARRRRRK
CHAINSAW BEEEAAARRRRR
HOVER SHAAAARRRRRK

(verse)
In a secret government program, a shark had anti-gravity implants
Death darts and winds through air like lightning, no where is safe from ubiquitous mayhem

(chorus)
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEEEAAARRRRR
HOVER SHAAAARRRRRK
CHAINSAW BEEEAAARRRRR
HOVER SHAAAARRRRRK

(blazing guitar solo)

(bridge)
The end
foretold
in teeth
and claws

(another guitar solo, this time accompanied by sounds of genocide)

(verse)
In a cataclysmic event, of unknown scale and horrible magnitude
Hover shark and chainsaw bear locked in combat, and no one lived to tell the tale

(chorus)
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEAR VERSUS HOVER SHARK
CHAINSAW BEEEAAARRRRR
HOVER SHAAAARRRRRK
CHAINSAW BEEEAAARRRRR
HOVER SHAAAARRRRRK
3 Comments

The well has run dry. May 23, 2011, 2:51 pm
Well, that's it. After a year of struggling to keep a business afloat, it can no longer survive as it is. The economy got to us in the end. Though we run the kind of business where a recession would hit us last, all it did was give our tiny operation the opportunity to end it gracefully instead of crash and burn.

I've already skipped plenty of paychecks so I'm down to selling my possessions. The Porsche is the first to go. You should never sell something that expensive when you actually need the money. After that goes the apartment. I'll probably move in with my parents for a few months to save up money for another place to live. I was paying way too much for it anyway.

My coworkers are somewhat confident that it can survive somehow. On the other hand, my hindsight shows me we were lucky to last as long as we did. Still - even if you make something out of your blood, sweat and tears, there's no guarantee that you won't have to let it go someday because it's financially hurting you.
6 Comments

More flea market adventures. May 2, 2011, 12:28 pm
No picture of an amazing haul this time; I was mostly selling. However, I came across a great used computer for SEVEN DOLLARS.

eMachines T2341
1.9GHz Athlon XP
384MB RAM
40GB HDD
S3 onboard gfx, 32MB shared

I assumed that for $7, something must be wrong with it, though if I could salvage even a few parts from it the money would be well-spent. Imagine my delight when I discovered the fatal issue: one of the RAM sticks is partially unseated. I'm sure the guy who sold it to me thought he was selling junk. Too bad he'll never know I'll be cleaning it up and turning it around for $200.
11 Comments

Finally, an album February 3, 2011, 12:20 pm
Since my triple-album prog rock opus is being put on the backburner until I'm rich enough to build a home studio, I decided to go ahead and put out a rap album.

http://www.cdbaby.com/AlbumDetails.aspx?AlbumID=qdeezy

Most of the music is my creation. They were composed almost exclusively on free software, with a DAW called LMMS and an old drum sequencing program called Hammerhead. Of course, there was nothing free about the studio we mastered them in. There are one or two tracks made by a friend of mine, who specializes in pirated software.

This rapper we're working with, Q Deezy, is more versatile than he lets on and we're probably going to be working with his "posse" next round.
4 Comments

Dead baby December 18, 2010, 4:20 pm
My girlfriend had a baby this August, though she had to give it up for personal reasons. Both of her other children were with their fathers: one a junkie who kidnapped his daughter and severely neglected her, and the other an ex-junkie who thinks he's too good to let her see their son. She told the father of her third child that she'd have no problem aborting the pregnancy if it wasn't going to have a home and a family. The father swore up and down that he'd do the right thing. Shortly after, the drug dealing and abuse started - once so bad when she was six months pregnant that she had to visit the hospital and the fetus's heart stopped three times.

When she was eight months, we got in touch. We met a long time ago but went our separate ways. I took her in and sort of unofficially began dating her, though I made it clear that I wasn't ready to be a father. She had no problem with this and chose to give the baby to the woman who took her daughter in when the father went to jail.

Fast forward four months, this past Tuesday, when my girlfriend gets a phone call from the police. First with an accusatory tone, he was asking the nature of the relationship between her and the foster mother without explanation. Eventually she learned that Jonathan, the baby, was found in his crib not breathing. He was taken to a children's hospital and it was estimated that he'd spent about 30 minutes without air. The only part of his brain left functioning was his brain stem.

We took an 8-hour drive down to Charlotte to see him. When we finally arrived, we found that he was being kept alive with machines. He would barely take breaths with a respirator. He was pretty much completely gone already, and only technically alive. There was a lot of commotion over who legally owned the baby, who had the right to deny tests and remove life support. Of course, nothing they wanted to do would've made the child better, only removed liability from them.

We kept getting visits from the foster mother's church group. I figured I'd have to bite my tongue for the next few days. My girlfriend was understandably going through a crisis of faith, so that didn't help matters. Why would you tell a grieving mother that "God has a plan"? They didn't even bother offering help or strength, they were only interested in proselytizing. First they'd pray for a miracle, for Jonathan to get better; then when it was obvious there was nothing to be done, they prayed that Jesus would take him. I understand that people have coping mechanisms, but it's going too far in this situation for something based on false hopes.

Anyway, we finally decided to unplug the machines because the baby gradually lost the ability to breathe on his own. The two moms took turns holding him as he stopped breathing and his heart slowed. I don't know if you've ever seen a death, but it's completely surreal. As the blood stops flowing and settles, the skin takes on a pasty, plastic texture. The eyes and lips turn blue. We can no longer sense the tiny involuntary movements that tell us someone is alive - and the next thing you know, you're just holding a thing, an object. It has no life inside it and your brain can tell the difference, though what you're looking at has barely changed at all.

My girlfriend is taking it about as well as you can expect. She has to mourn by herself, without people telling her that everything will be OK and they're so sorry for her loss. All I've thought of to do is try to make things as normal and predictable as possible, and hold her when she stops for a moment, because I can tell when it hits her again. I hope that's enough.

13 Comments

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