|Dead baby||December 18, 2010, 4:20 pm|
My girlfriend had a baby this August, though she had to give it up for personal reasons. Both of her other children were with their fathers: one a junkie who kidnapped his daughter and severely neglected her, and the other an ex-junkie who thinks he's too good to let her see their son. She told the father of her third child that she'd have no problem aborting the pregnancy if it wasn't going to have a home and a family. The father swore up and down that he'd do the right thing. Shortly after, the drug dealing and abuse started - once so bad when she was six months pregnant that she had to visit the hospital and the fetus's heart stopped three times.
When she was eight months, we got in touch. We met a long time ago but went our separate ways. I took her in and sort of unofficially began dating her, though I made it clear that I wasn't ready to be a father. She had no problem with this and chose to give the baby to the woman who took her daughter in when the father went to jail.
Fast forward four months, this past Tuesday, when my girlfriend gets a phone call from the police. First with an accusatory tone, he was asking the nature of the relationship between her and the foster mother without explanation. Eventually she learned that Jonathan, the baby, was found in his crib not breathing. He was taken to a children's hospital and it was estimated that he'd spent about 30 minutes without air. The only part of his brain left functioning was his brain stem.
We took an 8-hour drive down to Charlotte to see him. When we finally arrived, we found that he was being kept alive with machines. He would barely take breaths with a respirator. He was pretty much completely gone already, and only technically alive. There was a lot of commotion over who legally owned the baby, who had the right to deny tests and remove life support. Of course, nothing they wanted to do would've made the child better, only removed liability from them.
We kept getting visits from the foster mother's church group. I figured I'd have to bite my tongue for the next few days. My girlfriend was understandably going through a crisis of faith, so that didn't help matters. Why would you tell a grieving mother that "God has a plan"? They didn't even bother offering help or strength, they were only interested in proselytizing. First they'd pray for a miracle, for Jonathan to get better; then when it was obvious there was nothing to be done, they prayed that Jesus would take him. I understand that people have coping mechanisms, but it's going too far in this situation for something based on false hopes.
Anyway, we finally decided to unplug the machines because the baby gradually lost the ability to breathe on his own. The two moms took turns holding him as he stopped breathing and his heart slowed. I don't know if you've ever seen a death, but it's completely surreal. As the blood stops flowing and settles, the skin takes on a pasty, plastic texture. The eyes and lips turn blue. We can no longer sense the tiny involuntary movements that tell us someone is alive - and the next thing you know, you're just holding a thing, an object. It has no life inside it and your brain can tell the difference, though what you're looking at has barely changed at all.
My girlfriend is taking it about as well as you can expect. She has to mourn by herself, without people telling her that everything will be OK and they're so sorry for her loss. All I've thought of to do is try to make things as normal and predictable as possible, and hold her when she stops for a moment, because I can tell when it hits her again. I hope that's enough.
|I wanna be the guy.||November 28, 2010, 10:48 pm|
I don't know if any of you have experienced a similar dilemma, but I have an issue with being the kind of boyfriend I want to be. I always figured that if you do something for someone, it should be because you want to - not because you're asked or expected or trying to be 'even'.
I wish I could be a generous person but I never get the opportunity, because she asks me for EVERYTHING. "Can you drive me to work? Can you pick me up? Can you buy me this? Can you take me here?" I can't show up at her work and have lunch because she's already asked. I can't offer to pay for dinner because we've already gone under the assumption that I will. It's not that I mind spending the money or gas or time - but I'm never able to do it out of the kindness of my heart.
The option to surprise her with nice gestures is being taken away from me. I can either do what she wants me to do, or say "no" and be a shithead.
|Yay museum tour||November 14, 2010, 9:05 pm|
The Mutter Museum, that is. Home of an amazing collection of medical oddities. If you've ever wondered what a shoulder presentation is, or how syphilis affects the brain, or what tools 19th century doctors would use for eye surgery, this is the place for you.
Notable exhibits included shrunken heads, the broken ankle of John Wilkes Booth, the Megacolon (seriously, it was bigger than my leg), books bound in human skin, the birth defect exhibit, the collection of swallowed items, the Soap Lady and lots of curved spines. All in all it was an interesting trip. I recommend it to anyone visiting Philadelphia.
|I'm pretty much an expert computerist.||November 8, 2010, 11:51 pm|
To-day I replaced the CPU on my laptop.
My previous CPU was the TF-20 single core chip, which was appropriate for a while, but seeing it try to multitask was just pitiful. This chip has slightly higher wattage, so I'll have to see if it roasts my thighs. I should even get better life out of the battery now that the CPU doesn't have to struggle to do menial tasks.
EDIT: Image no worky!
Anyway, it's an AMD Turion 64 X2 TL-56.
|New Musicks||October 4, 2010, 9:30 am|
So there's this rapper I'm working with and things are going pretty smoothly. We're working in a smalltime studio with the latest in sound production technology (i.e. a 5-year-old Mac Pro with Pro Logic on it). Some of our material sounds close to radio quality. I presented a challenge to this kid: make a rap song in 7/8. I made a simple enough rhythm. Think he can pull it off?
As a point of reference, this is the guy we were working with previously. He got dropped because he couldn't deliver on his end even when everything else was handed to him on a silver platter.
|ok babby is coming out||August 9, 2010, 9:06 pm|
|Here I am sitting on the internet while my girlfriend is five feet away from me, dilated by 6cm. None of her friends are going to make it here in time, so it looks like I'll be the one holding the video camera. I'll never be able to look at pussy the same way again.|
|Shooting the messenger||July 26, 2010, 10:02 am|
(Person A fucks up)
Person B: You fucked up.
Person A: Oh my god, your choice of words is appalling!
Others: You were way harsh, dude.
Why does this seem to be happening to me lately? I've begun to adopt a philosophy of not letting people get away with their bullshit. Before I was gracious and I had infinite patience, but now the abuse I get from people has risen to poisonous levels. Things get repeated until they're true, people start to believe there's only one side to the story. It's beginning to affect my livelihood, and that's unacceptable.
So I tell them, in my own special way, how exactly they're fucking up. But instead of hearing the message, they're offended by the words. It's funny because people I know accept, and are even sometimes amused by, my ability to be terse and completely frank. I guess when it's aimed at them, it's a different story. So instead of people talking about how this person did something, I have to defend myself some more.
Spanking is a punishment that some people accept. It's the quickest way to drill a lesson into a child's mind. And it FUCKING HURTS. But the pain isn't an unfortunate side effect, it's the essential part. Let's say you invited your mother over for tea. While she's sitting down watching TV, you walk in front of her, whip your dick out and start masturbating furiously. Of course, she leaves. But then she tells someone about it - perhaps someone who already knows you have a tendency to jerk off in front of others. You just can't believe your mother would do such a thing. How dare she!
See the inconsistency there?
On the one hand: if I have to lose friends just because I grew a set of balls, they weren't worth having. On the other hand: cooperating with these people has its advantages.
|The question that's been on everyone's mind||July 15, 2010, 9:16 pm|
How does Opera 10.6 run on a 266MHz Pentium 2 laptop with 256Mb of RAM?
Pretty well, actually.
The "turbo mode" is supposed to help with slow networks but it has the added benefit of cutting down rendering time - something that really matters on a notebook this old. It also adds to the genuine 90s-ish feel of horrible image compression. Mmm, yes.
Adobe Flash, on the other hand, is still crap on a stick. That's OK though. I still love my slate grey Toshiba laptop. Even with its little LCD burn spot up in the corner and the battery that lasts 15 minutes at best and the fact that I can't go online without a PCMCIA card. You and my P1 Compaq are my pride and joy.
|Workymon||June 30, 2010, 12:27 pm|
SALES GUY gained a level!
SALES GUY evolved into CEO!
SALES GUY learned Intimidating Glare!
SALES GUY used Repeat Sentence For Effect!
It's super effective!
|FUCKING INSTALL ALREADY||May 17, 2010, 11:35 pm|
I've been trying to reinstall Windows after swapping parts with a friend of mine. This has been happening without fail.
I have no idea what's going on here.
EDIT: I've tried everything related to removing hardware I can think of, now it's time to try the video card. Fortunately it has on-board video so I can remove my ATI card; unfortunately it doesn't want to go through DVI so I had to dig out an old monitor from my bedroom.
EDIT: From what I can tell, it's the ATI Radeon that's going on the blink. It fails every time Windows tries to configure it. This is quite a puzzler, considering (A) it worked just fine with the same hardware before I got it, (B) after it shuts down, only a complete reset will make it work again, and (C) Windows should detect it even if I'm running on-board video but it doesn't.