GoatLord's Doomworld Forums Blog

GoatLord's Doomworld Forums Blog

If this morning's dream is any indication... January 7, 2016, 7:34 am
Then Doom '16 will have sprites, and lots of them, and the BFG is now made of donuts and shoots automatically as soon as you pick it up.

Consciousness radiating outside of the body January 5, 2016, 10:29 am
The other day I took my friend to get some medication from a mental health facility. The negative energy was immense, I could feel it instantly; this was very unexpected and I've never experienced it before. All the misery of the people in there was present and I almost tore the walls down (metaphorically, of course!). My goodness, I've never been so tense so instantly before. I started to arrange myself in a yoga position to deal with the stress, amusingly. When it was time to go, all of it disappeared in a microsecond when we left the building. This was a profound experience and seems to suggest that emotions, whatever they are made of, can be sensed by others because they are not situated strictly within the neural network of the brain. I hope scientific studies of this in the future reveal whether or not this has any truth to it. Have any of you ever experienced this? I believe it's related to empathy.

If you excel at math, then you don't know the struggle. July 1, 2015, 9:29 pm
So here's my problem: I love quantum mechanics, physics, chemistry, biology, astrophysics and cosmology. But in order to understand those subjects intimately, I would have to be able to comprehend the mathematical formulae associated with those fields of study. I am unable to do most high school algebra and in fact I am almost unable to add or subtract numbers larger than single digit without using pen and paper; and with pen and paper, I am nearly unable to do division. I am not willing to drop everything and spend the next 10 years learning various forms of math, just so I can catch up with someone who, because of their natural skill, learned he same amount of information in one year or less.

My point is that people who are naturally skilled at arithmetic are unable to understand the that it's simply too difficult for unskilled folks to learn, as very few people have the time or devotion to overcome their inability comprehend anything higher than grade school math. Is there anything than can be done about this, or are mathematically challenged folks like myself doomed to never "getting it"?

No more predictions, I guess? June 30, 2015, 11:07 am
So, I've noticed that most of my prediction threads have been Helled, and each one quicker than the previous, usually after someone makes an inappropriate remark that has nothing to do with thread. That's fine, I guess, and if my predictive discussions are unwanted, then okay, I get the hint. But what's the deal? I don't mention anything criminal, inappropriate, risque or trollish in these posts. I base my predictions on years of research (and in fact can find examples of pretty much everything on Google) and state that they are simply thought experiments, rather than absolutes. What typically seems to happen is that any potential for interesting discussion gets derailed by someone calling me insane, accusing me of being drugged up (which is not the case when I express these ideas), or otherwise insulting me. With this latest thread drop, I was told to "stop making threads." I mean, c'mon, are you telling me that a voxel camera isn't worth discussing? Am I hated or something around here? I have turned the other cheek time and time again, and will continue to do so, but I do not understand the backlash.

South American-style ayahuasca-ish trip January 18, 2015, 7:11 am
Last night, I ingested a DMT pill with about 400 mg of 60% or so purity, and had an experience similar to what Shamans do with natives in certain South American tribes. I went to my parents' and gave them full disclosure. I laid down in the guest room (which was actually my old room) and began to get really nauseated. My breathing became labored for possibly nearly an hour and the feelings of dying set in. At one point I curled up in the fetal position by the toilet, realized the vomit wasn't coming any time soon, and staggered back to bed.

It was by this point the visions set in as I closed my eyes in the darkness of the room. Giger-esque snaking tendrils. Astronauts melting in the void, being smothered by a cosmic force. Me, in the third person, being swallowed by a vaginal flower calling me back to the cosmic womb. Tentacles sprouting from a floating box. Massive, orgiastic, technological organic geometry constantly changing shape. Endless collections of organic pixels constantly rearranging themselves. Sometimes the shapes would remain when I opened my eyes.

My labored breathing (which is purely in the mind, not an actual physiological problem) got to where I needed to call my shaman/spiritual guide, which I did. He remained very calm and guided me through it. My awareness slowly slipped in and out. I had several intense deja-vu like moments where intense rings of aura would sprout from my third eye. These were followed by indescribable physical sensations. There were times my awareness became so dim that I was unable to comprehend even basic concepts of reality.

H. R. Giger's work is a very good way to describe what was going on, visually. Not that I saw evil beings or mechanical genitals; it's more like, his general style, the patterns and snaking biomechanics, is very, very close to what was going on. I became so weak that I could do little more than speak to my guide. The weakness was overpowering. Sometimes I would shiver with intensity as if I had lost my body heat.

I puked about half-way through, and felt so good. Another wave of visions rushed over me. It was too much. The amount of visual information I was receiving was like the difference between an 8-bit game (a normal dream) and a modern PC game (the DMT sequences). There was a lot of Mayan imagery. When I started coming down, I talked to my parents about what I had experienced. I was still tripping at this point and they seemed very amused by what was going on, though mildly concerned. I sat down and I tried to watch a Doom 64 video for a moment, just for kicks, and was astounded by how focused I was on the information of the geometry of the game. I then relaxed the remainder of the night.

Recent experiments with hallucinogens September 9, 2014, 12:32 am
So, other than being an avid marijuana user, my experience with psychoactive substances has been non-existent until recently. A month ago, I had my first tango with mushrooms, ingesting 3.5 grams, then another 2, then at least 2 more after that, over a five hour period, the trip itself lasting some 9-10 hours in total. I write this not to be a braggart, but because I treat this sort of exploration with the utmost seriousness, treating it essentially like a fun academic project. There were some extremely interesting effects, including:

Overwhelming body sensitivity, to the point of it being mildly uncomfortable.
Trees turning into fractals and hexagons, with every single leaf and branch being exceedingly clear and sharp.
Grass and plants pulsating and wavering a bit. At one point, a concentration of bushes took on a cartoonish, demonic appearance, though only superficially.
My vision being overlaid (mostly indoors) with sketchy H. R. Giger-esque curves and lines on most surfaces.
Difficulty in drawing, with much of the drawing being heavily abstract. When I would concentrate on the lines, they would bubble, pulsate and breathe.
Vivid, sudden images of very complex curves and shapes that kind of reminded me of the rocket launcher from Q3A. There were lots of glowing rectangles and complex weaving shapes that looked very retro-futuristic.
Brief moments of beautiful, uncontrollable, weeping laughter while shooting the shit.
Closed eyes revealing cascading shapes in the vain of 90s-era screen savers.
People's faces leaving behind brief after images.
People with auras.
Every emotion I've ever experienced, occurring simultaneously.
Modulation in the pitch of my friend's voice.
A compulsion, at the last peak, to strip off nearly all my clothes (including my glasses), resulting in my climbing of a tree, where, about 20 feet up, I proceeded to dance and, for the first time in my life, successfully meditate.
In the weeks following, an almost insatiable need to illustrate, which I have always done, though now with much more frequency than ever.

Yesterday evening, I took a hit of about 40mg of about 90% pure DMT, and the results were quite shocking. In comparison to the mushrooms, this was a much more intense trip, whole thing lasting a few minutes, and included:
Instantaneous hallucinations that began before the hit could be completed.
My friend's face projecting beams of repeating facial features at 45 degree angles into infinity.
His face also glowing intensely, with a smaller imprint of his face in the middle of his original face.
Ever seen those photoshopped pictures of faces with double eyes/mouths? Yeah, that was happening as well.
I lost the ability to speak coherently, and desperately attempted to articulate words from my subconscious, resulting in the cryptic phrase, which I said to my friend who had administered the DMT: "I've known you for all these years, until now." Something like that.
Tree branches turning into intense rows of fractals.
The entire backyard turned into a cellular playground of moving entities. Every single blade of grass and speck of dirt was part of some intricate ballet of movement and it definitely appeared to be alive.
Absolute child-like joy, even more so than what the mushrooms provided.

I'll be experimenting with both substances more in the near future, trying out new environments and activities and higher dosages. This is not for fucking around with. I think it's absolutely tragic that some people just goof off with them instead of examining what happens (while still having fun). Perhaps best of all is that I'm (very slowly) starting to address certain aspects of my bipolar/ADD/depression issues thanks to the bizarre changes in perspective and thought processes. Not that I wasn't already making progress, but these experiences are contributing positively for sure.