Hellbent's Doomworld Forums Blog

Hellbent's Doomworld Forums Blog

Cat needs a new home September 8, 2014, 3:23 pm
My buddy has a lovely kitty who sadly won't be able to stay with him at his new place he is moving to. He has an interested party on Craigslist but was really hoping to find someone he knows to take the cat. Since he can't find someone he knows, he is wondering what the responsible thing to do, is. Let some stranger take his cat and hope they will be a good owner? Should he ask the interested party for references?

Metaphysics of Modernity? July 8, 2014, 11:48 am
I was walking through Harvard Yard and someone stopped and asked me my thoughts on the metaphysics of modernity at which I hesitated and then replied "what do you mean by metaphysics" and then they brushed me off and continued on their way. My thinking is the guy's friends who he was with challenged him that others would not know what he meant, but who knows.... What do you think it means?

special quotes from the special people January 24, 2014, 1:50 am
Nonny: "I'm not gonna bother to die. It's too much trouble! Why do I have to prepare my own funeral!?"

Wow, so while sometimes I think it's inappropriate or disrespectful for me to document my grandparents with my iPhone, tonight I'm glad I captured what I did, because I actually got some pretty interesting stuff, and upon watching it back gained a little insight. Often, the footage is not too insightful as it's usually nebulous at best, with Fa going on tangents with lots of abstract generalizations and zero specifics, but tonight it was Nonny, out of left field, that offered up some gems.

After Johnny came back from his 3 mile walk in the 9 degrees with wind and snow, to route 41, Nonny started to go on about a wake. At first I just thought it was more nonsense from the nonsense factory (the overactive pineal gland?), but then it became clear what she was talking about. She urgently implored if there were any clear thinkers that could help her think. So, naturally I volunteered, thinking I had some kind of advantage over her and Fa. She starts going on again about a wake: "What do we do if we've scheduled a wake and you haven't died yet!?" (referring to Fa) so I say "cancel the wake, I guess!" and Fa laughs. Then I ask if Fa's destiny was interrupted by John collecting him off the road, which made Fa a bit uncomfortable, with him finally saying: "How can I say anything but 'no!'". But, if you want to look at it on one level, the guy walks out into the frigid cold with no idea where he is going (nothing about New York, nothing about visiting friends or colleagues or anyone) and makes great distance in a short period of time. Even with accurate GPS monitoring on our iPhones he managed to get as far afield as he did before we found him! Nonny, however, also didn't think Fa's destiny was interrupted. Who, though, is wise enough to know when one's time is truly nigh? Just some musings as they may relate to what came next....

Nonny: "The wake! It's happening soon!"
Me: "Whose wake?!"
Nonny: with an expression like come on, don't play stupid: "both of ours -- a double wake". A look of slight confusion mixed with Oh, is that so! comes over Johnny's face.
Me: "When are the funerals, Nonny? Because you and Johnny are still alive..."
Nonny didn't hear the question properly, but by the end of the evening it became clear she was worrying about who was arranging her funeral and wake, and why wasn't the phone ringing off the hook with people inquiring where and when the wake was going to be held, since she, and Johnny, too, were both dead.

At dinner, Nonny, in great distress, suddenly blurts out "I feel I am dead already!" or something to the effect. John asked to see my phone so I stopped recording and of course missed the key moment. Shortly after, John reassured her she wasn't dead and then she said: "I don't think I'm dead, either." And then a dawning realization seemed to wash over her and she started shaking her head and tapping herself on the head with her hand and laughing in spite of herself and then started to say something, "I've been arrange..." but then trailed off, thinking better of it. Upon watching the video back, I realize now what she was thinking: what a silly fool I've been, trying to arrange my own wake and funeral and I'm not even dead yet! She then asked Johnny if he felt dead and he replied, rather matter of factly, if not deadpan: "No, I don't feel dead."

It's kind of funny to hypothetically think about someone who knows Nonny well, but unaware of tonight's episodes, unwittingly making a joke about how "Nonny is always worrying about something and whether things are being taken care of, to the point where one day she will probably be worrying about the arrangement of her own funeral and wake!" Don't worry, Nonny, when the time comes, you won't have to worry about arranging your own (or Fa's) wake and funeral. That will be at least one thing in your life, others, (specifically your daughter), will shoulder the full burden of, and everyone will be there.

About ten minutes after John brought Nonny around to realizing that she is still in fact alive, she lapses into thinking she is dead again.

Earlier, Fa, soberly reflecting on his 3 mile afternoon walk in the frigid cold, said "Where ever I go it seems I can't help but create some kind of problem." Nonny replies: "You're going to the prom? That's nice."

writing January 22, 2014, 12:29 am
Visited "family friends" and my good friend's mother asked me if I'd been doing any writing. I said when I move to Cambridge I'll pick it up again. She gushed, again about my travel blogs. I don't think I'm a very good writer but she was really going on how my blogs were awesome (not my dw blogs) and they were fresh and unique or something. So I may "become a writer" to salvage what little i have left of a so far well wasted life.

What do you think of my writings on dw. Worth a grain of rock salt on an evening of overhyped snow?

Two pints and a Snowstorm January 22, 2014, 12:09 am
Relax... relax, it's not like we're talking about a fifth of vodka and a siberian polar vortex of supersnow. Slip sliding away. Nahh... they salted the roads to the point they were covered in a thick layer of car destroying rock salt. It's interesting how much my confidence and competence increases with two pints over sobrebent while driving in the snowstorm. Before drinks, 45mph cautious and nervous. After drinks 55mph fearless and aplomb. Of course it stopped snowing, so the roads were much better on the return trip compared to when we left the house. Though my friend who keys cars was suggesting we slow down. Still, I concede a friendly buzz makes me better at everything (including quiet entry into the house) than soberbent. Just saying.

Seriously, tho, I am pretty much incompetent as a sober citizen of society. It really is mysterious to me how it just shuts down the part of my brain that just really s---okay, for instance, I am directionally challenged. But buzzed, I didn't need to ask my friend where to go, but when I'm sober I'm like "left here? striaght? which exit in the roundabout?" I'm fucking useless! but driving home tonight, without even thinking about it I knew all the turns and roundabouts--without even thinking about it--but for some reason when I'm sober I'm retarded. :( I can't go through life a drunk... so... what to do? it's very ... oddd to me.

Alan Watts January 17, 2014, 8:50 pm
I took a philosophy class about 7 years ago and one of the people we touched on in the class was Alan Watts. As I recall, he had an insightful way of looking at the world that resonated with me, although I don't remember too many specifics from his book The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are that we read, but thought maybe others are familiar with him and might have some interesting things to say on his behalf; and hopefully we'll get an interesting philosophical discussion going. Watts had a 'cameo' in the recent Spike Jonze film Her and I just saw a quote of his in a yt comment on the Stellardrone song Billions and Billions so felt like starting a thread about him.

Here is the Alan Watts quote: "You are something the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is something that the whole ocean is doing"

I had a what I simply might put as a perverted version of the guy's realization in the below video. There was no happy clear realization to the 'I'ness I discovered; just major freak out.

I wish Alan Watts was a little less dry. I think his insights were onto something.



srsly? January 14, 2014, 6:24 pm
This is a conversation I had with my friend last night. Guy is insane.


a poem December 27, 2013, 11:12 pm
There was a path at the edge of a forest,
that began with a swarthy tone,
that first left the field for the foe,
that wound its way from fern to grove;
There was a word where the wold met the world
where the short day saw the long one
where the river carved a stone
and where the lay of the land was all alone.
I knew a way where wolves would hunt
in groups and circle their prey.
Now there are tatters and little else
and prayers until they are numb.
I found a hole in the depths of time
and sunk my way through the ebbs and chimes
and woke in a land that sparkled and sang
where grass bent beneath a dazzling sky.
And a minuscule flicker of hope
like a tiny air-let released
rose up in my soul;
And for a brief moment
not all was lost.

killed my finger December 14, 2013, 9:02 am
Last summer I cut my finger with a dull knife. It was an extraordinarily dumb thing. I was annoyed at my grandmother for asking me to cut her some plants at 8pm. So I begrudgingly rushed outside with a knife because in my haste I didn't think to find clippers, and even if I had thought of them, I couldn't have been arsed to find them. So I start sawing the damn plants with a knife and it's not really working and I'm frustrated cause I had something better to do so I just frickin push the knife as hard as I can as I saw the damn plant and I cut through the bastard plant and into my index finger at an angle, above the top joint along the pad and side. A nice, curved cut. I immediately clinched the finger tight and saw no blood. It hurt a fair deal, but not excruciating agony. I held it tight and started pacing around wondering what to do. I figured it was a deep cut based on the pain and what had happened, but I wasn't really sure. I finally went to the bathroom to see, and, yep, it looked very deep; scarily so. I cursed and immediately squeezed my finger again.

My dad drove me to the ER and I held my finger the whole time. ER had me wait 2 hours before being seen, and I just kept squeezing my finger. The pain started going away, and I wondered maybe I might be squeezing too tight. When I tried to loosen my grip I scarcely could do so, my hand had become rigamortis in that clenched position. I was able to with some effort, tho. As the feeling came back I resumed tight pressure again. When the doc finally saw me he thought the cut was less than it was since it wasn't bleeding when I removed my finger. The blood eventually did get going again and 4 stitches were required. After a week and the stitches came out, I was slightly concerned by the amount of tingly/numb sensation in the tip of my finger. My dad's g/f assured me it was normal and that she had the same thing happen when she cut her hand and it took years/decade+ to heal significantly. But then a small clump of dead skin came off m index finger-and I didn't think much of it, but it never regrew. My finger now is skinnier above the top joint and I still avoid using it because of the sensation that it is damaging the finger somehow. I think I kinda killed a little bit of my finger when I applied so much pressure to the cut. I basically have a quasi-lame finger now. :-/

what is with macs? November 26, 2013, 5:45 pm
I download a file. I double click it. It extracts.

Okay.. file has extracted. Awesome. But wait... where is it? Scroll up and down the downloads folder -- can't find it. Arrange by name -- can't find it. Arrange by date -- can't find it. Arrange by size --can't find it. Arrange by date -- can't find it. I do a search for a unique string of characters in the zip file -- no dice. So I extract it again. File extracts. No sign of where it extracted to. I have this problem all the time and it drives me insane. :( Why so stupid design mac? Mac has no {right click -> extract to} feature.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr (now holding and pressing a key no longer works--what is with my computer today .. grrrrrrrrr /end fuming frustration vent of patheticness.