|I had a dream||February 11, 2013, 7:25 am|
That I was flying! Well, I was flying few days ago too. Last night I just happend to fly in this incredible looking place. I wanted to take a photo of it, but then I got sad.. How would I get the photo here? Didn't even have my camera, but probably I could have farted a camera into existence if I really wanted. I guess I could try painting the place, I haven't done that in a while...
It was kinda like gigantic sand mountains with a little bit of snow, but they were sort of made from bubbles. It reminded me of some distant country somewhere in Asia, yet it was just in a small alley between two buildings in a small town. Then there were also these huge construction vehicles or some tractors or whatever you might see in a sand pit.. they were just as big as the mountains, and felt somewhat out of place. Initially the mountains looked like they would continue infinitely.. I had crossed the whole place in a few moments and there I was back in the town.
Think I did something interesting in the town too, but I can't quite remember. Maybe it wasn't so interesting after all. Maybe all I did there was to look for something interesting, which I then did.
|Mirror, Mirror, Mirror, Underwear, It's a Snake!||December 10, 2012, 3:59 pm|
So, yea, uhh... I think I've not shown her here, so here's some photos I just took..
|Half-Assing a Game?||November 26, 2012, 1:53 pm|
So, someone mentioned half-assing stuff in my thread where I moaned about my life. Then I tried it and it felt like I can get stuff done if I don't care so much if it's good or not.
I still haven't figured out what I want to do with my life. I think I want to do games. It just feels like the only thing I know how to do (as a job kind of thing).. but could a half-assed project be successful? Would people be interested to buy it? Would people outside (or inside?) Doomworld be interested in it, when they learn it has something to do with some Doom engine?
At least my Doom mod project has had very little interest in ModDB. And even if it used some more advanced engine, but otherwise be pretty much a Doom clone.. would it be interesting?
And does it stay interesting to me? Usually when I've been really depressed, and then returned back to less depressed, I've changed my projects entirely/started them again from scratch. That's not very good if I want to get some bigger project done complete...
Now when I've been depressed, I've been trying to change something about my life instead, so maybe I wouldn't feel that my project being bad was the reason for my depression. Although my recent life change kind of also requires me to change my project/start from scratch... At least if I want it to be something I could sell. Other than that, I was quite satisfied with what I had done.
So, to conclude, could half-assing a game work? (maybe later I could full-ass it, if I got more motivated?)
|Laptops/Computers||November 14, 2012, 12:04 pm|
I think I don't like laptops very much. I bought a laptop a year ago, and now it's already a bit faulty. Some of it could be just dust inside, but if I open it, even just to see what's inside, the warranty goes off and I probably have some 10 months left of it.
I think the GPU is overheating after playing some more modern games than Doom, or if I play Doom with a more modern port with models on. Usually when I've encountered any overheating problems with my computers, I have opened them and cleaned the dust and the overheating problems have gone away.
Then there's also another problem, that I might be able to fix but I have no idea until I have looked inside the case. The blu-ray drive is no longer reading discs, it fails like +90% of the time, so very rarely it manages to load a disc, which then works as long as the computer is on, or until I eject the disc.
The blu-ray drive problem could be more dust, or some cable a bit loose. I could probably fix this kind of issues myself.
Then there's also USB 3 port that doesn't work as USB 3. Initially USB 3 devices didn't work in it at all. Later with some driver update, they worked, but they seemed to work in USB 2 mode.
I don't really like my external HDD (the USB 3 device) either, when it's not used for a while, it goes to power save mode, and wakes up when I use a program, and delays the program start until it has woken up, even if the program doesn't use anything in the external HDD.
I don't really like the 16:9 display on the laptop. I liked my old 16:10 display, had a little bit more vertical space, even though it's old and doesn't have as high resolution as the 16:9 display.
Oh and I also really don't like that I need to press the "fn" key to press Insert. There is even good amount of space for a separate Insert key in the keyboard area.. why didn't they have it there!?
Also I hate that I don't have proper numpad.. they're just duplicates of the other number keys. This could be solved with BIOS update, but they would lock the numlock into one state, which would be used with any external keyboards too...
Today I started my old desktop computer to see if I had some old version of some program there, and to see what was in some of my dvds. I got kinda excited about using it, because I had selected the components for it, I had put it all together, I could open it any time without breaking some warranty (not that they're valid anymore), and it still works as good as ever! Bought it 2008.02.22 (just found the receipt for it today, I wonder where I have the receipt for my laptop...). So, almost 5 years old.
I had hoped the laptop would have lasted more than a year before any issues appear. I kinda would like to buy a new desktop computer, so that I would have a more up to date computer that I can customize if necessary, replace broken parts easily, etc. But I also don't feel like buying a new computer just yet...
Should I send this laptop to maintenace just because there's dust inside, because there might be a cable loose? Then wait for its return for weeks or how long? Maybe as a bonus they format the HDD?
I was thinking I'd send it to maintenace if the keyboard keys suddenly popped off and didn't want to reattach, or the display melted, or something else more serious than dust or loose cables.
I want to look inside! Should I?
|Swimming... uhh..||November 7, 2012, 11:30 am|
So I just went swimming. It was kinda crowded and it's a small pool, only 5 lanes and 25 meter long. 2 lanes were used by some that were practicing some swimming stuff. 1 lane was for slow swimmers. 1 lane was for water-running.. and the remaining 1 lane was for regular/fast speed swimmers.
As I swim ok fast, I go the regular/fast lane. There were two others who swimmed about the same speed or a bit faster than me.. and one who was a complete moron who apparently could not read or realize how slowly she was swimming. She didn't even go to the slow lane when that lane had become completely empty. Earlier when I looked at the people in the slow lane.. even they swimmed faster than this dummy.
Then I constantly needed to stop at the ends of the pool and wait.. Finally I was totally cold and shivering.. and even the sauna felt cold after that, I had to throw one bucket of water into the kiuas to feel warm again.. and then another bucket to feel like I had been in a sauna.
Yea, next time I need to go earlier, so that the pool is more empty... uhh...
The ticket selling lady was nice.. and hot :D
|Fog, it was creepy!||November 3, 2012, 5:30 pm|
Fuck, It was really creepy fog out there tonight. Not much people around, but still felt like something was behind me. I was constantly expecting aliens, zombies or some other monsters to swarm around me with no way to escape.
Few days ago, I was walking out too in the night. Then suddenly I saw some strange dark mass in front of me. I was like:"WOAH!" and then it was just my own shadow. Then I felt embarrased of being spooked by my own shadow.
Two days ago, I was walking out too in the night in the same place. Then suddenly I saw some strange dark mass in front of me. I was like:"WOAH!" and then it was just my own shadow. Then I felt like Déjà vu.
|When I look back upon my life||October 24, 2012, 11:58 am|
Everything I've ever done, everything I ever do... it's a shit.
I don't know what to do anymore. When I was younger, I got interested in making games, so I taught myself everything related to it. Everyone around me thought I was wasting my time. I guess it made me doubt if I'm doing the right thing.
Then some years later I finally got to a school about making games and through it I got into a job at a game company. But the damage was done, I was only half-interested, I just forced myself through the school, and worked part time, could have gone there full time when the school ended. I just wasn't feeling like it anymore.
I thought people around me would take my game making interests more seriously when I was at the school & job. But no.. I still got the negative attitude from them.
Now it's been some 4 years at least, and I have not accomplished anything. Every couple weeks I get so depressed/bored for a week or two that I can't do anything, or nothing interests me, sometimes so much that I don't even care to play games. Also I no longer have any friends, as they slowly turned into alcoholic/drug addicts.
Well, there's one thing I like to do, even if I'm totally depressed/bored.. tough physical exercise, and punching walls.. eh..heh..
Outside no one ever comes to talk to me, unless they're some old people saying things like:"Good evening" or "Oh, my, you have a nice brisk walk"... yea whatever.. or people who want to tell me about their religion, or people who want money/food or are just apologizing for interrupting me.. well, then don't interrupt me! I don't care for stupidity.
Outside I never go talk to anyone, because if they weren't interested in me when I was doing something.. why would they be interested in me when I'm not doing anything?
About all my skills are related to game making, so the logical choice would be to make games. I tried think that my current project would be something I would sell when it's complete, maybe that would have motivated me more, but it didn't.
My other skills are making music, dancing and martial arts, and none of them are useful in any kind of job. I don't make good music. Maybe I dance pretty good, but it's doubtful that anyone would want to pay to see it, and my martial arts skills are probably equally unuseful in getting any kind of job. So, to conclude: I have no useful skills.
It seems I have become what Chandler Bing was afraid of in that one episode of Friends... Crazy Man With A Snake! Am I going to die alone, should I get more snakes, should I call them my babies?
Well, whatever, I've thought that I should improve my life before I'm 30, so I have some 2-3 years to improve. I just don't know how...