blog's Doomworld Forums Blog

blog's Doomworld Forums Blog

So.. some pictures I took on my second visit to South Africa's largest nature reserve November 25, 2014, 9:19 pm

It was quite a lot of effort and a pain sorting through 1000+ photos to find the best 100 so I hope atleast someone finds some enjoyment looking at the pictures. :P

Be sure to witness my near death experience (okay maybe a bit of an over exaggeration) with an elephant that charged towards our car! :)

Aligning text in html November 25, 2014, 9:40 am
I have a form in html, but I don't know to make it perfectly aligned. I tried putting it in a table with two columns, but I still have problems:


Doomworld November 25, 2014, 8:43 am
You would think after 10, 15 or however many number years it has been that this site would look a little different, glad to see it does not.

On the other hand when I look at profiles I see stuff like AOL/Yahoo/ICQ handles, do people still have any of those things?

Does anyone even remember who I am? If not then mission accomplished.

If you do.........well....I'm sure you remember only good things.

College November 24, 2014, 5:54 pm
Currently working on a wad to submit to colleges in California, to show them what I can already do. Hopefully, just hopefully, I'll get the attention of a really good one like Cogswell Polytechnical or a UC.


I guess if anyone's remotely interested, they could take a look. Nothing's really pushing the engine, although it would've been cool to use newer effects and whatnot.

EDIT: I've gotten acceptance letters from Cogswell, a CSU, and am currently waiting on two UC's and another CSU for their letters. Nnnnice. Now I can worry about future student debt. :D

Worrying too much? or is this normal? November 21, 2014, 5:00 pm
I am not entirely sure if this is entirely normal behaviour but I have noticed something over the years. Most mornings, I get up, have my shower, get ready etc. I check most rooms in the house with my phone light thoroughly and I leave the house, lock the door and end up coming back within seconds to double check if it is locked. Later, going about my daily business as usual, I worry that the house might get broken into and keep having thoughts about it I also worry at night when I am asleep if someone's in the house sometimes causing me to wake up at some points of the night (mostly due to an event that resulted last year when some repeatedly knocked on the door past 2 in the morning and kept trying the door hand, this also happened to my old teacher a few weeks back). At work recently, I have noticed that I only feel comfortable asking questions to certain people at work and yet I still rarely ask my boss or anyone else who is near me I always go towards the people I know or wait for them to come back if they have gone. Now, this has been natural for me for a few years, but it has never interrupted much in the name of social activities although nowadays, I don't tend too leave the house as much. I recently lied about not being able to attend my cousins birthday as I am worried about my dad being there amongst other people I haven't met. Now I have only recently put two and two together and it feels like I am not me anymore. I have been thinking about going to see a doctor but I did that the other week in response to bad stomach pains which appeared to be nothing at all (according to the doctor) so now I am a bit anxious to book an appointment in case it appears to be nothing.

Does anyone else experience this? I know it's an odd thing to be mentioning on a forum of all places, but now it feels like I am stuck in an endless loop and unable to do much, but I also have this feeling buried deep in my head that I should just continue and think not bother other people about it. Including my own parents.

Getsu Fune
20 as of today November 19, 2014, 7:23 pm
today I celebrated a rather tranquil birthday today. that's nice, I don't need fancy parties and stupid surprises. this morning I finished a game with Doom in the title that I started about two weeks ago (any guesses?). then I had to do a presentation in humanities (I picked my birthday for the due date because that's a day I can actually remember) before actually inviting my parents to a dinner. at least I'm no longer in my teens so that's cool. definitely had a better birthday than my last one where I was severely depressed and I pissed off my mother so much she left home in spite. tomorrow I'll celebrate my friend's birthday in which he is going to be 18, so that's important for him.

so far so good I guess. no fucked-up thoughts at the moment. I've been thinking about where the heck I'll end up in the next few years, hopefully going to a full 4-year uni that supports CSC classes well. and then try to find the right job for the computer majors.

also I found out that Huy Pham shares my birth date, so happy birthday to him too.

TL;DR Problems with Education November 17, 2014, 8:33 pm
[B]NOTE: At the time I wrote this post, I wasn't exactly thinking clearly. Things ain't as bad as I made them out to be. Feel free to disregard everything below.[/B]

I know someone, somewhere who's undoubtedly got it worse off than me would probably read this and laugh at me for thinking that I've got "real" problems, but I need to get this shit out of my system.

For the past couple of months I've been dealing with quite a bit of depression and anxiety. A lot of it has to do with school. There's a couple of other factors, but they're pretty insignificant by comparison. Anyways, how many of you are aware of the International Baccalaureate? A quick google search will bring up thousands of people who describe it as something akin to "A fancy euphemism for Hell." They weren't kidding.

I'm already taking 6 of the hardest classes that my school has to offer, which I could probably deal with if that was all. The thing that's really driving me up the wall is a 7th non-class that they call Center Of The Hexagon. So in addition to the heaviest workload I've had in my entire life (including actually having a real job), I have to write two extra essays (The EE, which is 2,000-4,000 words long over a chosen topic and the TOK essay that's 1,200-1,600 words long over a prescribed title that makes no sense) and do 150 hours of community service. Think about that for a moment. Getting caught driving drunk would net less mandatory community service hours.

By now you're probably wondering "If you're so miserable with this system, why not drop it and go with AP or something?" Well, not only would that mean I'd be wasting 3.5 years worth of effort but I'd also be blowing my chances for the biggest financial advantage that I could ever hope for in my entire life barring the Rolling Cash 5 jackpot (which ain't happening). I've been going to this school for 4 straight years, so if I get accepted to Oberlin College then they'll pay my tuition. There's no way that my family and I would be able to afford something like that on our own, and we're already living significantly less than extravagantly. The staff has told me that at least 2 students last year got turned down for not taking the hardest classes, and that they're looking for IB diploma candidates (Take note for later that I said CANDIDATES, not graduates). This is my last-ditch effort at reaching above the bar for acceptance, and it's killing me.

The one thing I've done 100% right is getting a 30 on my ACT. My GPA is a 3.0 cumulative (because I didn't care freshman year and the flu killed my grades sophomore year) and a 3.3 so far senior year. I had straight As with the exception of 1 B and 1 D+. Why do I have a D+, you ask? There was one 100 point project that was worth 40% of my grade for the quarter in Environmental Studies that I turned in later than the 3-day grace period they gave me after being incapacitated for a few days by sickness. I had been turning in "A" work that entire class, and even that assignment was "A" work, but because it was late they gave me 50% and pulled my grade down from a B+ to a D+. That single-handedly brought my GPA down below the college's average right there. If I want to have a shot, I really need to focus all my efforts on getting my grades up this quarter. The problem is that I can't do that and keep ahead on my Center of the Hexagon shit at the same time. I already gave it all I had last quarter and they still fucked me.

However, I've been doing some thinking, and what's really the point of focusing on Center Of The Hexagon at all when it has no effect on my GPA and by the time any college knows whether I actually got an IB diploma or failed the Diploma Program and just got a regular one I'll have already either been accepted or denied in advance? Every single college I've looked at says they're looking for IBDP CANDIDATES, not actual recipients of an IB diploma. Even if I fail Center Of The Hexagon and end up with a normal high school diploma, I still took the hardest classes they had to offer and the colleges wouldn't know any different. However, if I go up front and drop it altogether so that I can focus on my other work then I'll technically no longer be an IBDP candidate.

I'm faced with a bit of an existential crisis here. I just wish I could know in advance which path would lead to me getting accepted (or if all of my options right now lead to failure) so that I could stop agonizing about it already and just know where my efforts need to lie and power through it all. It's tearing me apart inside even though it probably shouldn't be.

Does anyone have any advice before I completely lose it and end up doing something stupid that I'll regret later?

No longer a virgin to it November 16, 2014, 7:30 pm
I can say I am no longer a virgin to pot now, I'm not that high but it was a nice experience to smoke a little bit with one of my brothers who I found smokes it.

ITT: Against rules to post that I first tried it?

My dog owns me November 14, 2014, 4:28 am
I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but I've never really been a dog person until I met my wife. I've grown up with cats for most of my life and she's infatuated with puppies, so when we moved in together I became part owner of her dog. Until I've gotten more accustomed to her dog, I was always bothered by the way dogs bark and shout and jump all over you the instant you walk into a dog owners home. I'e grown to be more accepting of it as time passes, and to my surprise most people who've owned dogs or are best friends with a dog owner are too. But sometimes it makes guests uncomfortable.

Speaking of making people uncomfortable, my dog tends to make excessive eye contact as a way of getting attention. Naturally she follows me anywhere in the house I go. I think in part due to her separation anxiety, she needs to constantly be informed where I am at all times. I've kinda just adapted to it, but lately I'm beginning to suspect that she is learning that this is a tactic she can use to get what she wants.

I walk my dog every morning at 5:30am. It's the first thing I do when I wake up besides put on pants and shoes. It chills her out for most of the day and keeps her from doing things like peeing in the house or digging in the trash when my wife and I are out of the house. At 5:30am, It's dark and quiet and free from distractions and beats the neighbors who walk their dogs in the morning too, so my dog doesn't get all riled up and start yanking on the leash and trying to pull me around. I don't have any tolerance for that shit so I usually shorten the length of her walks if she starts acting up to keep her in line. After about the usual 45 minutes of walking her, I get home and take a shower, get dressed, then drive my wife to work, then I drive to my college classes. That's my morning routine almost every morning.

One morning I didn't have to go to school or work and chose to sleep in. At the time I woke up, around 9:00am or so, I went downstairs to watch some TV. As I was laying on the couch my dog, simply walking around in circles around the house as she usually does sits right in front of me on the couch and just looks at me. Unsure, I started petting her head, scratching her back, playing with one of her toys, but these only seem to distract her for a minute and the instant I stop she's back to sitting 6 inches away from my face staring at me with her big ol eyes wide open, occasionally making a quiet drone or moaning sound or something. This is annoying evil cat behavior except with the way my dog is, I find her exhibiting this kinda behavior to be much more noticeable and awkward. I think because cats have a way of acting where sometimes you're not even sure they are aware you exist, while my dog is always constantly alert of my whereabouts and responds to everything I do. I can't focus on the TV show and she continues making me uncomfortable, so against my will I take her outside for a walk in the afternoon in the hopes it would calm her down.

It works and she chills out for most of the day. At least until the next morning. I guess in excitement for going on these morning walks, she's awake earlier than I am. Sometimes I will wake up before my alarm goes off with my dog apparently staring directly into my eyes while I'm sleeping. Only inches away from my face, occasionally making that stupid moan noise, I accept the fact that with my dog's eyes fixated on me the entire time, and sitting invasively in my personal space, close enough that I can almost feel her breath when she exhales from her nostrils, that I'm not going to feel anymore refreshed trying to sleep during the remaining hour before my alarm goes off than if I just wake up now. This is becoming a daily affair and I'm beginning to suspect she's learning to do this conciously as a way to make me nervous and uncomfortable and give in to any of her demands.

Today I woke up at 3:30am. What do?

I have an album out! November 13, 2014, 5:57 pm
Hey everyone, for anyone who doesn't know me I contributed a bunch of music tracks to Speed of Doom, Resurgence, and a few to several other wads (btsx e1/e2, pl2, cc4, reverie, interception, etc.)
Well, I've been at work on a (non-doom related) album for a few months now, and I finally released it. It's mostly orchestral, in a kind of mix between classical and new age styles. Give it a listen! :)