blog's Doomworld Forums Blog

blog's Doomworld Forums Blog

Killing stuff January 12, 2016, 10:35 pm
Well, today I had to kill a pest mouse that had somehow gotten in and had been rummaging around for some time. It was alive one moment, and then the next moment it was dead in a pool of blood. By my doing. I'm still really sad about it, to the point of tears, even. It hasn't been a great day.

It was on the sticky trap, as it had been for a few hours by the time I got to it, and letting it slowly starve to death would have been worse, I suppose. But whatever -- I just wish it hadn't gotten in the house.

I hope this doesn't make me quit Dooming altogether. I don't like killing imps. And cacos. And archies. And arachnotrons.

Laugh if you want, but if you do, fuck you.

Give me a custom title January 10, 2016, 3:22 pm
Space Hopper



In which I vent my problems and insecurities January 10, 2016, 7:25 am
It's been a long time since my last post, I don't even remember what I talked about. I've been trying to come up with a place to let this stress out more anonymously, but I guess this is where I'll go anyway.

I got laid off in September last year from my first job out of college after only 4 months. Since then I've moved back in with my parents and siblings, and have been halfheartedly looking for jobs. Between the blow sudden unemployment gave me, living in a new place with no friends for half a year, and a realization that's been slowly building, and I've finally acknowledged, that I'd really rather be working on a game taking the slaughter elements of my mapping style into a more modern engine than as a bio lab tech or scientist, I just don't know where to go. It doesn't help being basically addicted to the internet to the extent I rarely even make maps. But that's half the problem; I know making maps isn't earning me money, and I feel guilty spending time on it when I could be finding a job. I'm lucky enough to have parents who will let me freeload a while and can afford it, but for the last year I've been reliant on them, and it hurts. One of my sisters distracts from that because of how much trouble she gets into, but I'm still here taking up space.

Now that I've got the depressing stuff out of the way I can think about what I think my options are. I could continue trying to find a job related to bio. I liked it enough to get a bachelor's in it, despite getting a 2.8 GPA and no research experience. I could look into making a game with preexisting or free assets, or try and find someone to work with me on that, or try and make them myself, with my OK drawing and shitty gimp/Photoshop abilities and like half a blender tutorial. Look into unreal 3 engine or maybe see what I can do with rage, since I have it. Still haven't played it. Or find a job outside bio, I'm not sure what. I really like boardgames like house on the hill, castles of burgundy, or dominion. Maybe a hobby shop will take me.

Anyway that's what's bothering me. In other news I'm getting closer to ng2 being done, just 2 more maps to do. It'll be shorter than ng1, but I think will be better. It's going to need a bit of polishing too, but if I could get myself to work on it instead of watching twitch I'd probably get it done fast.

Action requested regarding broken link January 9, 2016, 2:39 pm
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If this morning's dream is any indication... January 7, 2016, 7:34 am
Then Doom '16 will have sprites, and lots of them, and the BFG is now made of donuts and shoots automatically as soon as you pick it up.

Consciousness radiating outside of the body January 5, 2016, 10:29 am
The other day I took my friend to get some medication from a mental health facility. The negative energy was immense, I could feel it instantly; this was very unexpected and I've never experienced it before. All the misery of the people in there was present and I almost tore the walls down (metaphorically, of course!). My goodness, I've never been so tense so instantly before. I started to arrange myself in a yoga position to deal with the stress, amusingly. When it was time to go, all of it disappeared in a microsecond when we left the building. This was a profound experience and seems to suggest that emotions, whatever they are made of, can be sensed by others because they are not situated strictly within the neural network of the brain. I hope scientific studies of this in the future reveal whether or not this has any truth to it. Have any of you ever experienced this? I believe it's related to empathy.

Is there a way to delete or block an account ? January 5, 2016, 3:22 am
If i would like to get rid of my profile here on doomworld without any big fuzz then Not logging in myself would kind of be against the point of me not wanting a connection to this place. Like a facebook "delete account" system. I know that most forums would not have this but still...

is there a way to delete or block my account on doomworld ?

edit :
fixed it.

I dreamed that Doom 3 is really dead January 4, 2016, 1:35 am
This is in blogs because I had a dream that Doom 3 modding is extinct: all the editing resources and tutorials have gone offline (dead links), let alone communities, not even Google could find them. No more websites to download mods from (now I know that moddb, filefront (for some countries) and doomwadstation still exist). Source ports and tools have long stopped development, and never went far anyway. No more attention from id. I wonder how far from the truth this is, especially with the Doom 4 hype and people jumping ship.

Music concerts are too loud? January 2, 2016, 8:19 pm
I haven't been to too many concerts in my life so maybe I don't know enough to make generalizations but... Why do they always have to rape your ears? Almost every concert I have to deal with obnoxiously loud instruments and the buzzing\drone (? dunno how to translate "гудение" properly) is usually insane. Most music is supposed to be pleasant to the ears I think, but how can it be pleasant when you feel like covering your ears half the time? Maybe I should actually wear earplugs next time lol?

Embarassed to call people by their names? January 2, 2016, 7:00 pm
I've just realized something. I think I haven't called anyone by their name in, like, several years. For some reason it's just incredibly difficult for me to do, it's like the word simply refuses to come out of my mouth. Same goes for words like "mom", "dad", etc: I haven't used them in forever. Can't really explain why. I wonder if this is common or whatever. When I want to speak to a friend or a relative, I always either wait for them to look at me first or I ensure that there's noone else close enough to us so that it's obvious who I'm addressing. Pretty interesting, huh?