|Easter 2012: "The Final Sacrifice"||April 7, 2012, 11:21 pm|
Christmas is known to create a large flow of money which creates jobs and stimulates the economy.
The gift-giving brings smiles to the faces of young and old.
Trees are decked with silver and gold and all manner of pretty things.
A fantastic holiday with fun to be had by all!
According to this Mayan bullshit, we may never see another.
Christmas 2011 was the very last one! THAT SUCKS!
Easter is a boring holiday that garners far less the attention and excitement that Christmas brings.
You get some candy. Big whoop. Hard-boiled eggs give me bad, deadly gas.
Soooo...I propose that we just swap the two holidays this year!
This might anger an ancient goddess, Mother Mary, and a few aliens that actually give a fuck,
so we'll have to sacrifice the rabbit to appease them.
Just lay it down and chop its friggin' head off.
Santa should probably be the one to do it.
We'll have rabbit stew for [s]Easter[/s] Christmas dinner.
The rabbit must be no more.
Hey, if The End of the World doesn't happen this December, we've still got this lamb.
We'll all be so relieved that we still exist and we can have lamb for [s]Christmas[/s] Easter dinner.
A wonderful Easter that will be!
We better crush all the eggs, too.
It's the only way to be sure.
This is my birthday and it will get moved along with Easter, so moving it out past the apocolypse seems like a fantastic idea, I dunno.
Oh, and there's cake over there on the table. Death by Chocolate. Help yerself. Vanilla ice cream is in the freezer.
Sorry, no hard-boiled eggs.
|HAPPY EASTER!||April 24, 2011, 4:08 pm|
Yeah, I know, it's got sum kinda 'religion' bullshit attached to it but HEY! You get to meet with family and eat eggs!
Eggs...laid by...a rabbit? hmmm...
heyyy waitaminute...This is a stupid fuckin' holiday! NEVERMIND!
|I love my vacuum cleaner||February 13, 2011, 8:49 am|
I got up at 7:00 AM this morning because I was laying there awake and couldn't stop thinking about my gawdamn broken vacuum cleaner. Haven't had any sleep and all I can think about is fixing a vacuum cleaner!? I dunno.
Wife rolled in at 3 AM, drunk, with two of her friends. LOUDLY. To think that I was just about to go to bed. The petite girl heads for the bathroom and I couldn't help but visualize vomit being exploded all over my house. She comes back out and dumps a can of Dew all over the table. Atleast it wasn't vomit, I suppose. Please, just make it to the toilet. That's all I ask. No vomiting on my floors, furniture, you name it. No.
I go get on the computer and just hope that they go away soon. That's when the blonde, standing in the middle of my living room, pulls her pants down to show her new tatoo. I can almost see what's going on through the breakfast bar opening but I've seen enough tats on female private areas and just don't care to look! Then she comes into the kitchen and sits down at the other computer and drunkenly moves my icons around while trying to log onto her FaceFuckingBook to show the wife pictures and whatnot. :/
After about an hour they leave without any vomiting. I'll take the sticky table and jacked-around icons. Good. So the wife and I go to bed and all I can do is lay there thinking about my stupid broken vacuum cleaner? WTF is wrong with me!?
Now I've been up for two hours, haven't touched the vacuum cleaner, but I see that Donald Sutherland has been awarded a much-deserved star!
Hell...It's Sunday...I'm going back to bed.