|Food poisoning myself||June 27, 2014, 3:05 am|
Over the past 2.5 years I've cooked a lot. Randomly I get ambitious and cook things that I've literally never eaten before, but I think will be a good idea. I've cooked rosoto without ever tasting it. Last night or rather 7 hours ago was scallops. I cooked a test scallop that turned out fine. Then I cooked the other 3 scallops. Those other 3 I feel turned out burnt.
Now here's a flashback for you, when I was at the super market, the employee working there I felt was trying to tell me not to buy them. They're $18 per pound. I was iffy. I felt he was taking the long way to hint that I shouldn't buy them. He bluntly asked who likes them, your wife or your girlfriend? We laughed, because men apparently don't buy them. He asked if I liked them, I said, never had them, either had he. But I was going to cook them. He pointed out he doesn't want to sell me something I probably won't like. The whole conversation was a painful 5 minutes. He constantly asked, do you get what I'm saying? I thought it was code for don't buy these!
After picking them up I went to the front checkout where one person was in line, this little old lady in her wheelchair was buying a box of wine. Not just a box with wine in it, but a big box with 8 bottles of wine in it. She argued about the price and haggled to get the price down. First another clerk was called in for the sale of the booze since the underage clerk working there can't sell booze. Then a manager was called in for the haggling.
When it was my turn, the clerk had to change the receipt ream of paper, to which he had it backward and my info printed on the wrong side. Why am I bringing this all up? They were signs. I laughed and knew they were signs.
Oddly enough, during the meal, it was the burnt ones that tasted fine. It was the non burnt one that was rubbery. So I blame the test subject. My girlfriend has yet to come down with food poisoning, but who knows. I ate the undercooked one.
I peed out my ass, downed some ginger aile that has been sitting in the fridge for 2 years. Then I thought.... the only way out of this is to throw up.
When I started throwing up, some long tentacle of a thing came out. It belonged to the scallop. Then I thought oh fuck that's not what I need to throw up. So I kept going like the trooper I am. It took a while, but now I'm feeling better. Thank you vomit process, you make everything better in a hurry.
For those curious, the actual meal is lobster ravioli.
|My gf pulled over by a cop||May 23, 2014, 7:02 am|
My gf was driving us home after seeing Godzilla. We were on the main road before her street. There's a place that its always a stoplight. Blank and blank. So I pointed out, she'll get a stoplight. Then she said look at that guy, he knows he'll get a ticket. He went speeding by us. I checked her speed and it was 35. There's a digital display that says 35 in big blue numbers. She said doesn't he know that cops watch this road all the time?
Well a cop started following us. Really close. I had a feeling we were getting pulled over. Sure enough, yep pulled over.
My girlfriend starts spazing out and on a 4 lane road with a center turn lane, my spaz of a girlfriend decides to pull over... in the turn lane at the middle of the road. Hilarious. Inside I was laughing. She throws a fit as most people would.
After a few minutes, the cop comes to her car and angrily explains that when she got her license that's an agreement with any emergency vehicle you pull over to the side of the road. The cop asked if she knew why she's being pulled over. Nope. For speeding, 48 mph in a 35 mph zone.
Ha that's a fucking joke. Then the cop pointed out we were the only car on the road, which I know is a lie, because its an extremely busy road even at 9 pm at night. Normally its backed up in rush hour, but 9 at night there are always cars since its coming off a major tollway. The cop takes the license and insurance, but not registration. What? Eh oh well.
When the cop comes back, the cop explained that she will let us go. My girlfriend asked what road, where? Remember how I mentioned blank and blank? That's where it was. The cop continued that the radar gun zooms in on the fastest car and takes a picture of their license plate. We were the only car on the road. The cop also mentioned they radar guns are tested before each shift. Then the officer added pulling over in the center of the road is another ticketable offense.
I knew the cop didn't have shit. Plus the whole zooms in and takes a picture of the plate is flawed. A photo isn't proof. It could have malfunctioned. I'd want to see a video of the crime and then see it zoom in. The burden of proof is on them. The dash cam is better proof, but the dash cam might not be pointed where the radar is aimed.
In Chicago there have been red light cams that take pics of parked cars and mail them tickets when a speeding car blows a red light.
The cop's name tag read 'J. Morton' and my girlfriend mentioned that 'J. Morton' is her aunt.
Anyway, the cop said since my girlfriend has no priors, we were allowed to go. The cop knew she didn't have a case. The officer was polite, and nice, but rightfully stern when explaining why we should have pulled over to the side of the road. Its just unsafe in the middle, plus as she pointed out, we become a hazard.
|The inanimate carbon rod saves the day again (fixing a fridge handle)||May 22, 2014, 2:22 pm|
I'm currently house sitting for someone with 2 cats. I was told to give the cats milk + water + food and well fish with the cats. Cats love to fish. Long story short, I fixed a refrigerator handle with an inanimate carbon rod. Now here's the story of how I did it.
The first day, the milk was spoiled. So I bought new milk. The refrigerator is old, maybe 60 years old. It has a handle with a hinge on the bottom. The handle works like a lever. You pull the top of the lever handle and the hinge opens the door. Without pulling this lever handle, there's no way to open up the door, its locked and sealed.
The problem here is when you open it, the lever stays 'pulled' and won't go up again to its starting position to latch and lock again. I didn't think this was a problem. It was closed. Yep closed like a normal refrigerator even if the lever wasn't in its upright position. No these aren't sexual innuendos.
Day after day, I fed the cats. Now today, 2 or 3 days after buying a full gallon of milk, it is starting to spoil. Swirls in the milk. Well what the fuck? Then when I close the door I notice, the door is closed, but not sealed. Not latched, not firmly shut. The door wiggles. That clearly must be why my milk spoiled so quickly, the cold air is escaping.
I dismantled the handle from the hinge at the bottom of the lever. You pull a metal pin out and the handle lever comes completely out. That's when I found the mechanism that pushes the handle into its upright position. Some small metal piston and its 'cradle' or 'housing' had cracked, and split. So every time the piston goes up and forward, it was really going up and left. So the piston head was getting stuck and couldn't go up.
The piston had a lot of pressure going left, and I managed to bend a butter knife trying to get the piston to go forward again. In the end, it was a spoon that pulled it away from the left. Piston still worked, so I assembled the handle again. The handle was at its upright position... until I opened the door again. It did the same thing.
After dismantling the handle again, turns out the piston head going left instead of forward has damaged the handle so badly that it just always goes left. It had ground away metal and made itself a new home on the left instead of 'forward.' Then I saw that the pin everything hinges on had had been grinding the metal away so without noticing every time you pull the handle lever, it went slightly to the right, grinding away the metal over decades.
To top that off, on one side of the cradle that holds the pin hinge to the refrigerator had cracked straight through. Somehow metal had cracked apart. Well its 60 years old, but I just don't expect metal to crack. Eventually it will crack more to the point it won't be able to hold in the pin and the door will be locked forever. Unless duct tape will fix it.
The way I got the piston to go forward instead of left was by finding a small inch long inanimate carbon rod that I put into the housing on the left of the piston, preventing it from going left. It can only go forward.
The inanimate carbon rod saved the day. When I told the home owner about the door handle fix, she was very thankful, it had been that way for 2 years and she's owned the fridge for 40 years. She told me the milk never lasted more than 4 or 5 days. Anything less than a gallon would spoil in 3 days.
When I bought yet another gallon of milk, that's when I decided to check the temperature. Well, I know why the refrigerator spoils milk so easily. Its either been set to off or the closest setting to off there is. I can only imagine how many years if not decades this refridgerator has been set to off.
|Truckstop Breakfast||May 2, 2014, 4:11 pm|
Yesterday met my truck driving uncle at a truck stop. The truckstop looked on par with a chain restaurant. It even had a salad bar, because truckers eat healthy...
We had breakfast. The pancakes I was given were burnt, but not black, just near black. So I cut into them and they were raw in the middle. I sent them back. My uncle and I laughed saying there are 2 people in the back that thought those pancakes were okay to serve to someone and expect money in return. The cook and the waitress.
If I remember correctly, black on the outside, raw in the middle means the pan is too hot.
I was given new pancakes and I finished them. Only after I finished them did I notice the giant hair underneath of the last piece. It was coiled in a small ball as if someone intentionally put it there as revenge. Fucking hilarious.
|Wii woes on Ebay||May 2, 2014, 1:55 pm|
My girlfriend suddenly wanted to play Wii Sports. That involved buying a Wii. Now that the Wii U is out, the Wii Mini is really the only thing around. According to Nintendo's official website, there is a Wii Sports Bundle in black sold at Toys R Us and Best Buy. Neither of which are actually sold at Toys R Us or Best Buy online or otherwise. Buying the Wii Mini would be $100 + $35 USED Wii Sports Resort and Wii Sports combine from Gamestop. Instead of the Wii Sports Bundle for $120.
So I went to Gamestop. Several Gamestops.
Gamestop 1: Nintendo stopped making that bundle a year ago. You won't be able to find it. No we don't have it used.
Gamestop 2: 'Why the fuck would we have Wii's anymore?' That's an actual quote.
Gamestop 3: Gotta look on Ebay dude.
Gamestop 4: Go to Disc Replay.
Disc Replay: Our Wii's are only $60. All sold out.
Gamestop 5: We have one used Wii left. $90. Nope doesn't have the nunchuck or Wii motion plus needed for playing Wii Sports Resort.
Gamestop 6: Try Ebay. Make sure they come with every part of the Wii, because people will sell the parts and games separately to make the most money.
Gamestop 7: Go to Disc Replay, they have all that old stuff.
Ebay I go.
Ebay 1: So the first Wii Sports Bundle takes 3 weeks to arrive. When it arrived, it didn't read discs and I couldn't have gotten a more abused Wii. Basically the Wii in the photos was not the Wii I received. I took it up with Ebay, they said they'd give the seller a week to respond, no response, so Ebay told me send it back with our free prepaid sticker. Then they returned my money.
Ebay 2: Just bought the white Wii Sports Resort Bundle, arrives quick, fan doesn't work, system dies after 30 minutes. Ebay gives me a shipping thing to send it back after the guy refuses to take it back. Ebay gave me my money back.
Ebay 3: Same thing happened. Fan doesn't work and the system burns out after 30 minutes.
I'm not even buying the lowest priced Wiis. Those seem to all get snatched up at the very last second.
Normally, I'd go to Amazon to buy things, but the actual Wii Sports Bundles seem to be pretty expensive now. Plus I'd much rather see the photos of the items.
While I can just buy Wii U and then just buy the 2 games to play, I'd much rather not spend the $300 on top of the stupidly frivolous expenses I already do.
|Jury Duty, anyone else had it?||April 23, 2014, 7:08 am|
Looks like I'll be doing a 2nd tour of duty! Coincidentally right after Turbo Tax told me my tax return was rejected.
Anyway, my first jury duty was fucking awesome.
Why? The case... but I'm probably not allowed to talk about that, but more than the case, it was everything around the case.
Hanging out with the herd of people called down to the courthouse. There was 1 woman that didn't speak English, so she had her translator there. They wouldn't let her translator stay and was sent away. I'm not sure if it was a ploy to get her out of jury duty.
Then getting called into an actual case, I heard some of the most amazing stories from potential jurors and the jurors themselves. The interviewed us right there front and center in front of everyone, even though we had the choice to be privately interviewed.
Some of the stories:
One woman's father had gone to prison. Why? Her father murdered a man.
Judge asked if she felt he was guilty. She said well... the guy owed my dad money and my dad went over to his house with a hammer and only my dad walked out of that garage. WTF? holy shit. She wasn't selected for a juror.
Then potential juror #2, some sort of mafia princess. Her grandfather, father, uncle, and brother all went to prison for money laundering and organized crime. Holy shit. Both these people were right next to me.
One of the potential jurors said he didn't want to do it, he didn't want to be there, he'll just vote guilty no matter what and fuck up the system.
One woman was grilled and asked a lot of personal questions about her kids, their ages, their genders. She eventually had to stop them and ask why they're asking all of this. Well they can't tell her why, since she's only a potential juror.
When they finally came to me they asked a whole 2 questions. How do you pronounce your company's name. What do you do there? Then the judge made a joke how quick we got through the interview and not everyone will take 5 minutes.
I was the first juror actually selected and I was the 6th potential. At some point, the judge called the 2 attorneys over and I heard them talking. The judge said something like, you can't keep rejecting people.
On our jury was an interesting cast of characters, a sheriff's deputy that said we were lucky, because they were about to start selecting a jury for a double murder some man killed his neighbor's 2 little girls. Not just killed them, but had setup their bodies in a bathtub to make it look like they were double suiciding.
We also had a teen straight from China. He had only been a citizen 3 weeks. He said back in China, they bulldozed his family's house to make room for a road. They gave them 1 day's notice to get out even if the bulldozer wasn't coming. They weren't paid for their house. Then his father said fuck this country and left.
Then there was the Zamboni driver... Some how some way we had one of the most unique jobs ever on our jury. He said he got his job because he had gotten fired from his last job and as a laugh he applied for Zamboni driver and totally written out a fake answer application. Like name = Rainbow Bright. Why do you want to drive a Zamboni? Because on his father's death bed he said, son, become a race car driver and well driving a Zamboni is where he'll start his racing career. So he said they hired him, because they'd rather have a funny guy.
Finally, we had the former Amish man, who was selected as our jury foreman. I'm happy he was, because he wasn't a pushover. He told us his dad had kidnapped him when he was little to go live a normal life away from the Amish world. He thought that he was learning to be a traveling salesman from his dad. Eventually his dad told him the truth that he was kidnapped.
All interesting stories and I can't wait to do it again!
|All female news team||March 29, 2014, 6:25 am|
Its 6 am here. I have NBC morning news on. I just realized that its an all female news team. The reporters, anchors, medical experts, meteorologist, interviewers and uh fluff piecers are all women. Now they're airing a piece on how its Women's history month.
7 people shot in 7 hours in 7 different shootings. New conceal and carry laws are working.
|Shitty ex boss of failed company now teaches classes to run successful business||March 8, 2014, 8:00 am|
I've pretty much worked for the same company for 15 years. I take side jobs here and there. The side jobs usually last 2 - 3 months. Once upon a time, I worked for a cock of a boss. On a business level I didn't like him, but then after phase 1 of a project was done, we had a company celebration! A night out! Where people brought their wives, girlfriends and fiances.
This fucker of a boss did nothing but harass the employees. When one of the employees went to the bathroom he tried digging up dirt on that employee. He was some emo kid in college that did graphic design, with a gorgeous vet of a fiance. So he harassed the guy asking how did you two meet? Did you find him in your bushes stalking you? Just relentless against this kid.
At dinner, which was pizza at a restaurant, he said something like we have a lot of girls here I bet we can get a free pitcher of beer if one of the girls flashes him. There weren't female employees, these were the wives, co workers, and girlfriends.
After that weekend, which coincidentally I think was 6 years ago to this month. I quit. I didn't need the extra work, especially when I thought it would be a week's worth of work, that turned into 3 months of hell. At least he gave a bonus.
He wanted to sue me for the code to his program that he had me developing. We never agreed on the code, just the program. In fact the contract only specifies the program not the sourcecode.
Turns out I was the 3rd guy... the other 2 guys had left with the sourcecode after he was a dick and they all bailed with the code and leaving money behind.
Anyway, I gave up the code, but the hilarity is I spent the weekend redoing the code.... in a previous language from 5 years earlier, thus making him have to redo the code again or upgrade it.
This fucker 4 years ago dissolved that company and started a new company that does the exact same thing. Why? Because the employees own shares of the first dissolved company. I let that slide, I didn't give a fuck. They never paid out and it was probably never profitable.
It looks like the new company went out of business too. Further proof is that the company domain name points to the college where he instructs.
Now I visit the website and it sends me to a 'college' where he is an instructor. A college about running a successful business. Fucking hilarious.
I am tempted just to show up and tell my past experiences to classmates dealing with him.
|The Stay||January 13, 2014, 5:28 am|
Staying at a hotel, not just a hotel, but a hotel that eats other hotels. Its consuming a vacation town, buying up neighboring hotels. Painting them white and blue so you know you're driving by the hotel for miles. 1,400 rooms.
Its the off season, there's no one in town that is normally packed in the summer.
When I arrive, the desk clerk tells me that I'll be staying in a different hotel since they own 5 - 9 hotels. He tells me I'll need to drive back and forth. I tell him no problem.
He says with an upgrade, I don't have to drive. I tell him driving is no problem. He asks would I like to know how much the upgrade costs? Nope. Don't give a fuck.
After that spiel. He tells me hold on a second, he needs to speak with his manager. When he comes back, I receive a free upgrade! Oh yay. I just go up 1 floor turn left and bam there I am. No drive or anything. They did however sidegrade me from a king to a double queen.
It seems to me trying to sell me an upgrade and warning me 'you'll need to drive back and forth between hotels' is quite the scam. It would probably cost them more money to operate the 9 hotels and not just the 1 main hotel in the off season.
|Christmas with a Crackho||December 25, 2013, 11:09 am|
My family has pretty much dispersed with everyone getting married, engaged, divorced or so on. So my aunt now spends Christmas with her best friend that is like a sister. I've been over to that woman's house maybe 4 years and she's been over to my aunt's Christmases for 15+ years.
The woman has a niece that is just a hilarious mess. She's 25, has 2 kids and is completely toxic to anyone around her. I'm sure we all know someone like her. She was running 3 hours late to the party, which sometimes.... shit happens. Well she calls her parents. I'm hanging out with her dad, he's giving her directions, then we all laugh saying she's been coming to that house 25 years of her life, several times a year and a mere 20+ minutes away and still needs directions on a sunny day from a house that she's lived in her entire life.
She lives with her parents and 3+ siblings with her 2 kids. She got there 3 hours late. She was asked why she was late when everyone else got there on time? She had to get the kids ready. Which then her father turned and said her mother got the kids ready 3 hours ago, it took 3 hours to get her hair done and put on her makeup.
This girl looks like a skinny crack ho with implants. She was wearing some shoulder-less dress to a family function with no bra or coat on and it was cold. It was cold in doors too. While its nice to look at, its inappropriate. She had fingerless gloves though, which was weird.
Anyway, her kids are just terrible, they run a muck, she tells her parents to take the kids, she's gonna go downstairs and get a nap. Her parents say she works 3rd shift. She's a doctor now. I've known some stupid doctors, but I really don't think she's a doctor. She says she's had 3 hours of sleep in the past 4 days. I think she's exaggerating... because I still disbelieve she's an actual doctor.
She seems just vacant and slow minded. I remember one Christmas she was busy writing Christmas cards to family members that were trying to leave. Like she should have had Christmas cards done before the function or even during the function, not when they're trying to leave. She took so much time doing those Christmas cards that one year that people just left. Eventually someone took a look at the Christmas cards, and she had novels in each one. Not just novels, but she had messed up writing a statement, so she crossed them out and restarted.... with every card.
The girl couldn't get a nap so she was upstairs talking with the family about how tough it is being a mom. Well her dad was in the bathroom, her mom was downstairs with one of the kids and as she's explaining how tough it is being a mom, her son comes up and just lifts the christmas tree stand and dumps it completely over. WTF? He just quickly did it. So everyone ran to see if the kid was okay and she literally keeps talking without acknowledging that there was a giant sound made. She just went on like nothing happened. Later on people were talking about it and she had no idea, she thought people were joking about it. It was so loud people from all floors to see what happened.
When she's talking to everyone she's scratching her arm. When she pulls up her sleeve there are needle track marks or whatever they're called. Shoulderless dresses can still have sleeves. Still pretty fresh, no band aide. When she left the room I asked about the needle mark, her mom jumped in to say she trains nurses how to properly set IVs. I think the mother is an enabler. Her aunt, who is my aunt's friend hosting the party walked by and rolled her eyes, then she and I silently had a laugh together. Yeah she's a doctor that trains nurses to do IVs.
Oh it gets better, at some point she took off one of her fingerless gloves to itch. Between her fingers... little bloody dots. Holy fuck! Maybe between her fingers was just so chapped it was bleeding? But that would explain why she was wearing gloves indoors.
After only an hour there, she said she was gonna go home and take a nap since she's only had 3 hours of sleep. People were concerned with her driving even 20 minutes away if she's that tired. There's just one catch. Her boyfriend was driving from 2 hours away. No one has ever met him. He's never been there, driving from 2 hours in the snow. She says she'll call him and tell him to turn around.
She goes out to warm up the car that she just came up in 1 hour earlier. She warms up the car for 30 minutes, while texting or doing whatever. I look outside and the ditz has the fucking windows open. Yep warming up the car with the windows open. Then she leaves without saying goodbye to anyone. AND leaves her kids there, without saying goodbye. She told people she was warming up her car, but didn't say bye at that time. Then I realized oh she's probably just going back to her parents house to be alone with her bf from 2 hours away while everyone in the house is gone.
30 minutes later. The boyfriend arrives. She never called him, he drove 2 hours only for her to not be there. Fucking hilarious. Everyone was so dumfounded. He didn't leave, he hung out with us. How long have they been dating? 2 weeks. How many times have they physically seen one another? 2 times. How did he meet her? Craigslist. I lost my shit when I heard that. Like I silently laughed so hard that I fell over behind the counter. Made me think... Craigslist hooker.
In my mind its all just hilarious. The enabling mother, the father that has been on the road truck driving all her life, perfect breeding ground for an idiot. Maybe she really is just a doctor working third shift that is so tired, she's oblivious to everything, but she's always been so oblivious and a bad mother.