j4rio's Doomworld Forums Blog

j4rio's Doomworld Forums Blog

18+ Only November 26, 2016, 7:54 pm
Benzydamine, this cute little chemical, has a very short history and is basically widely unknown, because it still hasn't gathered enough data since its registration as OTC anti-inflamatory pain reducing drug. It's known here as Tantum Verde and has some potential benefits, like supposed local aneasthethic effect for throat inflamtions. It is still limited in every drug form to be merely locally active, nothing notable gets to your system. Even if it did, concentrations are still very low (+-3 mg), and on top of that, it's a bad molecule for absorbtion from the gut. However, one specific drug form has a whopping 500mg. Yeah, you guessed it, it's vaginal cleansing granulate. Still only locally active - it's negligibly absorbed there, if at all.

Let's get juicier. What happerns when we take more of it? Like, for example, 1 gram?
You trip. You trip so fucking hard. And why is that? Nobody knows, not a single published experiment. We don't know its effective concentration for tripping (1 gram of it peroral may mean 20 miligrams in bloodstream). We don't know which receptors it binds to, we don't even know how it works in all of those OTC products. It may seem atypical to have a drug in drugstores we don't know jackshit about, but to be fair, nobody even knows how paracetamol works. Junkies speculate it's anticholinergic due to similar tertiary nitrogen substituent, but I beg to differ. Sure, it certainly binds to histamine receptors, but I doubt it's their primary affinity. Antihistamine highs like diphenhydramine (Benadryl) are usually raw and cut deep. After all, it's a full blown anticholinergic deliriant with its structure based on scopolamine (Jimson weed). Nonetheless, today is benzydamine recognized as both deliriant and psychostimulant in "high" dose, but based only on subjetive experiences.

The content of one granulate may be 500mg of the active substance, but it doesn't end there. A single package of granulates is whopping 10 grams. Looking at inactive substances, there is also natrii chloridum and hexadecyltrimethylammonium tosilas included in package. The maximum concentration of hexadecyltrimethylammonium is low, because it's a powerful antiseptic so dosage of it is negligible. We're left with natrii chloridum, aka kitchen salt. There's over 9 grams of it in each package... it needs to go. The primary solvent for the whole package is water, so let's change that. Figuring out solubilities turned out to be fruitful, as kitchen salt doesn't dissolve in non-polar solvents, yet benzydamine does. I picked 85% ethanole as the first one to try out. I tested out solubility of pure kitchen salt (1g) at first. White trail of unsolubilised salt crystals was a sign of success, barely any of them poofed into the solution. So let's do it for real now. 2 packages of benzydamine should be more than enough. I poured the content into a glass cup and added plenty ethanole, stirred the hell out of it and then filtrated it through a strainer. There was a tremendous mountain of salt caught, so much that I got a little worried if it actually worked on benzydamine as it should have. The filtrated ethanole solution was crystal clear white liquid, but it's still highly concentrated ethanole, I'm not drinking it. Not after my experience with a sip of 96% one that fried my taste buds for over 3 days. Fortunately, it evaporates quickly even in room temperature, because it doesn't have strong H-bonds like water. After complete evaporation I found some salt crystals residue at the sides of a cup and weirdly interconnected white cracked stuff at the bottom of the cup. So, it should be soluble in water. Too bad it's glued to the bottom of the cup and ignores even its favorable solubilisator. I helped it by digging it out with a knife. Eventually water turned white and there was nothing left scuba diving at the bottom. There's only one thing left to do - time for a sip!

Now before we get onwards, I should note it's not the first time I got it into my bloodstream. Always try the molecule before squeezing a load of anything new into yourself. Alergy, hypersensitivity, metabolising enzyme deficiencies, all of that will manifest itself even at much lower doses than the "high" one and all of them are exponentially worse long-term (cuz you die). The first time I just poured granulate into water so I obviously tasted the saltiness. It was undrinkably disgusting, cough syrup is a paradise in comparision. I endured just few sips and then got rid of it. I got no alergies from it, but neither anything else.

Well, without any salt in the concoction, it should taste better. It doesn't. It's still disgusting. On the scale of disgust ranked from one to ten it got better by exactly one point. I kept adding water to dilute it to more drinkable levels until it got bearable. The turpentine soap taste remained for hours. It's supposed to take around 30 minutes until it gets absorbed, so I decided to use up that time. I was hungry and wasted all the bottled water I had for diluting. Up to this point I hadn't eaten anything to maximize benzydamine absorption, but I just had to insert some junk food from a nearby cantina into me because of the aftertaste. Getting there was uneventful, but upon leaving there were first signs. I got very mildly light headed and felt everything getting tiny little bit brighter, especially white colours. I'm definitely intoxicated. I still had to buy water from nearby supermarket, so I kept going on while concentrating on every change in perception. Walking over there felt different than when coming over. I felt lighter, like walking around with naked feet. Lightheadedness kept progressing while waiting in the line. Moving around outside was difficult, my muscles felt incredibly light. It's like each step was a tiny plane taking off. I noticed my distance perception was also altered while trying to get to the other side of the road. I doubt anybody had a clue I'm smoked, but it got to the point I no longer wanted to be in public. Before the entrance to my apartment I noticed I'm barely feeling cold temperature of chilly winter gust outside, it got me really intrigued so I pried out a few arm hair. I couldn't feel a thing. I mean, I could point to where my hair was pulled out of even blindfolded, but minus the pain. I went further, tried touching various points on my skin, when suddenly an itch kicked in on my hand. Scratching it did nothing. My skin just didn't register a damn, so it kept itching. The last obstacle in my way are bunch of stairs. Not paying much attention to them, I kept going my normal speed on the way, but after around 3-4 steps up I realised I'm getting rapidly nauseated with each step I take on stairs. It was almost like a diving sickness, except in the air. Vestibulary apparatus probably wasn't in perfect condition either. The only good that came out of it - I've decided to go up to my room by an elevator.

Waiting for it to come down, I focused on my sight. The brightness still seemed to increase. All 4 corners of my vision now had a notable white shade wherever I looked. The view itself had a new layer with huge moving black and white lines slowly going upwards, but they were barely noticable without focusing. Sometimes my view randomly switched to double vision, but in about a second it was back to "normal". Closing my eyes revealed a mixture of fading white in my whole view along with a shade of black. Finally in front of my apartment, unlocking was quite a sight to behold. My distance perception is gone at this point and I'm lightheaded to the point of instantly falling asleep wherever I'd lie down. After 2 minutes of just stabbing random spots on my door with keys, I hit the jackpot.

I sat on a chair and just stared blankly, unaware of possible upcoming surprises. I stared around my room. The first thing was an awkward orange shape of light from afternoon sun. The colour of it was definitely off, almost like bright carrot-orange, not a setting sun colour. All shadows were blurry at their edges and seemed to pulsate in brightness once they weren't in the center of my view. Tilting my head fast was difficult and felt heavy, but I noticed something strange. If you spin your head fast enough from point A to point B, your memory will contain only the last look at point A before rotating and point B after rotating, but you can't notice the blur while rotating. Well, at least not under normal circumstances, because I was noticing a few bits and pieces, lines and shapes from the blur when rotating fast enough. I powered on my laptop to add a bit of light to my slowly darkening room. Reading a wall-text article was impossible, my short term memory has abandoned me for now. I forgot what a beginning of sentence was about by the time I've read it entirely. The black colour of those words on white background was far more entertaining, because it seemed like there are 2 shades of black (one brighter black and one darker black) and they were attributed to words completely randomly and redistributed if I looked away and back. Looking away from the screen revealed another oddity - my light accomodation had a delay. It was an Internet Explorer kind of delay, every 1-2 seconds it keeps gradually increasing or decreasing in brightness for roughly 10 seconds (depending on whether I look at or away from light source). It was comparable to increasing gamma correction in doom, just keep clicking that button at least 2 seconds apart. I was basicaly seeing darker parts of room get gradually brighter and laptop getting darker. Listening to music felt like there's more depth perception to each song, because previously ignored background sounds and instruments seem more noticable. Watching a trippy music video, however, was a crappy idea, because it upset my stomach. I had to puke almost in a instant. That junk food was obviously a bad idea, I was aware of that while eating, though it was worth it to reduce the persisting aftertaste. I wish it at least tasted better, so I wouldn't mind the taste one more time. Benzydamine still wasn't done just yet. Actually, there's still a main course ahead.

There's an old wrinkly yellow-coloured wall in the WC of my apartment. Looks as if it was constantly bashed on since its creation. After removing all the junk from inside of me, I noticed some spots on the wall were in motion. Tiny tips of wrinkles on the completely yellow coloured wall seemed to be of weak red shade in chaotic circular movement. Everything disappeared as I leaned closer to it and again reappeared as I got distant enough. I realised it's the ant hallucination, common first hallucination to emerge after psychotic outbreaks or drug intoxications. I was so thrilled! Just as I was about to get back to my room, something else caught my eye - my puke calmly swimming around. It was very clear, the blurry vision of objects I had just some moments ago is gone. Within a few seconds of staring contest, a chunk of that filthy slime seemed to transform. Edges of certain portions seemed to create imaginary boundaries and basically shaped itself as long as I kept staring at it without blinking. Eventually, even more complex shapes created themselves to the point of distinguishability. Most of those I could distinguish were static distorted faces of monsters from old games, Wolfgang A. Mozart or a skull. Whatever object appeared, it had nothing to do with my thoughts and I couldn't really alter anything other than just keeping on looking. So I had a staring contest with my puke for 10 minutes. I checked out mirror view next, but that was quite uneventful, I even looked sober. The only thing that seemed off was my eye colour, which looked realy nice, like sea-water clean blue.

I sit back in my visibly less illuminated room. This phase can be called a virtual reality phase - whatever I look on, chances are I can make it do something that only my glitched brain currently percepts. All lights were completely unstable, flashes of random light and darkness appear out of nowhere, shadows change shapes. As sunlight was still coming in from the outside while slowly losing intensity, it was really awkwardly bending some shadows - they weren't slowly fading away, instead I percepted it as if the uppermost part of shadow was a bunch of cubes that were disappearing one by one, sometimes even not disappearing at all, distorting the leftover shape even more. Wooden wardrobe in front of me made of two shades of brown was randomly interchanging its colours while animated edges of indistinguishable gibberish was projecting onto it in pink/purple colour shade. Sometimes I recognized some shapes like disney characters or satan, but focusing on it didn't make it any clearer. Objects around me, while not blurry, were percepted falsely. Everything was in constant motion, including empty bottles around me, the cup I intoxicated myself with, laptop... everything, as long as it was on the edges of my view, was in back and forth perpetual pulsating motion even without my focus. Even if there was something in the center of my view, I could get it to move around by touching one my eyelid with finger and gently pushing. Looking at the back of my hand I noticed formication, but didn't interpret it as such. It was like my hand was made of gelatine and strangely, it was noticable at almost any distance, I could make it stop only by dragging my hand right in front of my eyes. This had me slightly scared, because I was realising my high blood pressure and thought I'm actually not hallucinating, explaining this instead as a result of vessels pumping blood at a fast enough rate to create these wobbly bumps. Staring at my fingers while slowly pushing them to less illuminated area, I could create 2 E.T. faces on the skin over both joints. My arm hair looked like grey, hazy mush that's constantly dancing around. I still barely feel any pain on the skin. My yellow lamp shaped into a green-tinted picture of Abraham Lincoln. Focusing on the upper black corner of my room yields even more interesting stuff, like 3D statues forming themselves and disppearing in a blink or moving upwards through the roof if they fall directly into the center of my view. A hole in the window net seemed like it's moving on its own all over the window and randomly shaped into faces, including one lost soul sighting. One of my slippers took on a form of some cyclops head thing and stared angrily at me. I noticed no significant difference of closed eye visions compared to sober state, except for a brief moment when something around 2x3 millimetres wide appeared around the center of my vision that was fully coloured rather than white/black, but too small to distinguish (seemed like TV screen with some sitcom broadcasting). My shadow behind me was dancing around back and forth while the upper part of it started to shrink and transform into a single tiny black line. At one point while looking at the screen with music on, it seemed like the door to my room, situated conveniently to be at the rightmost end of my view, was opening, while other time a lamp on the leftmost part of my view was pulsating shining sparkles. All of this happenning with random flashes of light, shadows devouring themselves and powerful wind outside. I'm not sure if I had any auditory hallucination, because there's a lot of sounds coming from everywhere, but one particular sound, namely the one that you hear when Mario hits a question mark box and a coin comes out... well, I heard it loudly out of nowhere along with some more gibberish that I wasn't paying much attention to. The screen of laptop was strangely uneventful while staring at it. The only changing of shapes happenning was of a dirt left on screen, but drawing some MS paint shapes didn't yield anything other than my keyboard buttons shining from left to right in the motion of mexican waves.

When the amount of visual mumbojumbo started to decrease, I put the lights on and went directly to my laptop to write down everything I can remember. Strangely, I remember quite a lot, which would be an unlikely case with anticholinergics, as people usually wake up after a trip with only minimal recollections that usually have to be filled in by witnesses. From the effects, I can conclude that it didn't work quite like anticholinergics because of no noticed salivary glands suppresion and short term memory wasn't anywhere near as impaired after comedown. The nature of the trip was probably 50:50 deliriant / hallucinogen combo, with supposed stimulation that gets negligible influence during the peak, but definitely does work, because I've written this in one sitting. The pain reduction may be from certain anaesthetic properties, maybe even similar to local anaesthetics which are known to boost blood pressure quite a bit when penetrated into the bloodstream, maybe even contribute to the bizzaro trip. The comedown is tolerable, with occasional delusion at the rightmost or leftmost points of view that disappear instantly after tilting and also light blinks or dark shapes projecting onto the wall. Premature sleeping is unlikely, this thing will keep you awake for quite a while. Overall, a fascinating brain glitch simulator.

So, how was your Saturday?

Booking [gone wrong] [gone sexual] [gone RADIOACTIVE] IN DA HOOD July 18, 2016, 4:44 am
Dear irisHotels

I reserved a room through your site on july 23rd for one night and I'm just double-checking if everything is in order.

Yours faithfully,


Yas. You have a reservetion. We will whait you!

Time to start practising body language.

drunk as fuck September 27, 2015, 4:21 pm
y'all are a bunch of fags anyway lol

ich mochte deutsch sprechen zu lernen February 11, 2015, 8:59 am
Any tips, hints, ideas or recommended literature?

Fasting July 16, 2014, 5:17 pm
So I decided to try food fasting for a week, because why not. Currently sixth day without any meal intake, just regularly drinking mineral water and vitamin pills once a day. Lost like 6 kilograms already, although roughly 3 will be back almost immediately after fasting is over - biochemistry is a bitch. Surprisingly, no hunger feeling whatsoever since lasting through first day. I was expecting at least 2 or 3 days to be rough on willpower. Generally just feeling dizzy for a little while after changing positions like getting up from chair and it's easy to get physically exhausted (after 7 km walk I was completely drained out). Uh, that's about it.

Click here November 23, 2013, 10:26 am
So, I've just yesterday found out my cousin studying in Czech Republic for the past 5 years has joined a small team Keen Software House this May and is one of around 8 people behind internationally praised game Space Engineers. I was pretty surprised, to say at least.

Brand new Community Chest 4 merchandise products are out - Help out TGH to get some $ July 28, 2013, 5:11 pm
Look at that beauty. Free 10% discount if you're at least forum regular at doomworld.com.


my nude pixx April 25, 2013, 7:46 pm
Nah just kidding. Have some random pics I took during a walk in Bratislava instead.

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31] [32] [33] [34] [35] [36] [37]

It's basically a way from my student apartment to center of the city, which took me roughly three hours by foot iirc. Pictures capped with my potato calculator.

Memory hacks February 4, 2013, 1:23 am
Do you know any tricks how to force your memory to remember any sort of utter nonsense with the least effort possible put to actual remembering process?

A sad storie December 15, 2012, 7:08 am
So I was in an 8 hour long train ride and I was, like, playing doom. Then a steward came by. I didn't notice him at first, but when I turned at him, he was, like, "That game still exists"? I was like, "Yep". Then we both laughed.

The End.

And then Gez was a zombie.