|I am fail.||November 11, 2013, 10:51 am|
I finished school earlier this year with 4 C grade GCSE's and was actually expected to get far in life (!) and not fall into that line of unemployed "lives with his mother" kinds.
It has been about 5 to 6 months since I left school, what have I managed to achieve?
I am unemployed so I am earning literally fuck all (and because I turned 17 on the 6th my mother now receives no money for food and shit for me so now i am actively fucking over the family as well), I failed to register for six form or college which makes it even harder to find employment or further education, I am unable to be employed until the age of 18 as the UK government has just made that illegal (which makes no fucking sense what so ever) so now I am forced to stay unemployed (which also makes no fucking sense), I have never had any girl seem interested in me (But then again I can kind of understand why as I look like a train exploded into a pile of shit, I am about as interesting as a fucking construction brick and I have the personality of a mass murderer) and finally 90% of my old classmates either hate me or want nothing to do with me period. I have nobody to blame but myself for all of this.
The worst part about it is that I have not just failed my family, I have failed everybody that even tried to help me, I have failed my friends and my teachers that helped me through school.
In my first secondary school years I was predicted A's, then I declined as I went on, thus causing the inevitable failure I am today.
But ranting about this shit will not help, I want to fix my current condition and I have thought up two ways I can do this:
1. join a college next year.
Joining a college during next years enrollment time may just be enough to get me through this shit, but it is far fucking fetched and what would I do in the meantime? How would I be able to pay for food and necessary materials (Never mind college itself!)?
or 2. Get my act together and sort this shit out now.
I could set out and look for a place that will accept me as of now, I already have 4 GCSE's so it might not be hard for me to get into a small job (like in a factory or a shop or the local market ect.) or into a college (I may need to double the effort if I do though). This solution would solve all problems but I would need a lot of help doing this (I have no idea on how I would search for a job or enroll at a college, I wasn't told these things for some reason, or I could just find out myself the hard way).
I need to do this, there is no escaping, no running and no ignoring it. I need to address these issues and get my ass in gear before I make this a whole lot worse than it already is!
|Is being simplistic a bad thing?||August 7, 2013, 9:01 pm|
One thing I like to do is keep my work simple (not including important things like exams or an SA), less focus on polish but more focus on the meat and bones of anything I do.
But one thing is sticking out at me right now, mapping.
(This includes Doom and other games like Half Life or Far Cry) The one thing I am noticing is the work of other people, more specificaly the overall detail used and focus on scenery.
A large percentage of maps by other people that I have played make every-fucking-thing I have ever done mapwise on every game I have even made a map for look boring and as ugly as a mouldy potatoe in a pitch black room!
But the problem is I LIKE keeping things simple, I do this to keep it from being lag fest 2013 and to make it run and flow smooth (seen as though I use cramped areas alot, detail would block movement), but it just makes it ugly and pale in comparison to everything else. Hell, even that awful "No Rest For The Living" Doom 2 XBLA chapter looks like CC4 compared to my Doom wads!
Is that a bad thing? Am I doing something wrong? Should I risk time and lag just for a decent LOOKING experience?
|Blame.||June 1, 2013, 5:32 pm|
Why have I not uploaded any doom material (Maps, wads, images or even videos)?
I will tell you why:
Something happened to someone I hate, they recieved multiple malicious messages... And not the virus kind. Due to our history the first culprit is me, but here is where it all falls apart:
1- I have never been on the media used for the insults (ask.fm)
2- I didn't even know about the ordeal until 1 day after, I was informed by classmates asking if I did it.
3- There is no indication it was me, no username and the attacker even referenced to me.
4- I was actually sleeping when it happened.
5- The person who recieved the messages reacted rather odd (when I was shown the conversation he seemed to not even care)
6- The person who recieved the messages paraded to all the school how I am a dick via facebook... Thats an odd reaction...
7- It was about his aunt who has downs... Thats odd because I hate him, not her.
Even more events went on after that, but it got very suspicious when:
- He told all the school that he was going to jump me, but infact walked by me as I smiled at him.
- His friend gave a statement saying that I told my friend I did it, during art class... That is very odd seen as though he was the other end of the room to me on top of art being one of the loudest lessons in school.
It didn't add up... But try telling that to the police, I willingly handed over my PC to them to prove it was not me... I willingly had an interview... the person in questions statement even said he guessed it was me.
It has been months now and no answer, they could just check IP's but they just like to take the long route...
Oh, the person in question is the cunt who broke my nose... Very suspicious.
|Gaming oddities||May 6, 2013, 1:02 pm|
Within my many years of games, I have uncovered many odd happenings and bugs, some being useful or game breaking while others being just odd. (I cannot display them unfortunetly)
Starting with Timesplitters, I would create many maps for TS3 (Future Perfect) that used stairs, a strange bug would teleport me out of the stairs and into the void only to teleport me at the top/bottom as if it never happened!
I also learned how to merge sections into each other, ultimately screwwing with your head with invisible sections in visible sections.
Now onto L4D2, my friend had an oblitterated copy from a market, the game would use wrong or missing textures resulting in zombie textures being the imfamous pink checker texture, on top of rainbow floors and open holes to the void.
Then there is Fallout 3...
lets do a list:
-Colour changing moon
-Enemies spazzing out, making them 100% imune to bullets
-No textures loading up
and thats just a few of them
Onto Oblivion, while dicking about with self paralisis spells I made, I discovered 2 things:
teleportation and melting myself.
How I found this:
I paralized myself when using a door, only to teleport elsewhere, then if I paralized myself again I would melt. after a few tries I found out that you need to enter the door as soon as you freeze, very hard to do.
I have discovered more, but I am running out of space :(
|achievements and such.||March 29, 2013, 7:39 pm|
Want to remember my achievements since I started uploading doom, and since I joined doomworld.
My progress at doomworld began... Lets say slow. My first thread was not a good one, lets leave it at that. However I am getting better, in fact I reached my 250th post recently.
Recently I hit the 200th video mark, now I do not care about views, likes or even subscribers as these videos of mine are completely on my own choice, I want to do them, I like doing them and I certainly will not be stopped doing them! Especially if some cult worshiping a certain somebody wants me too, I know they are trolls and are going to attempt to do so!
But that's not why this is here, I am making this to record my own achievements, even if literally nobody reads this! I seem to have forgotten to do obligatory celebrations or such things like videos on the achievement.
So here the first few are:
250th doomworld post.
over 25 subscribers.
Submitted a map to the archive.
completed wastes.wad and submitted to archive.
received advice from other doomers regarding mapping.
started vanilla mapping.
finished first vanilla map.
participated in 2 doomworld projects.
vanilla map number 2 done.
became a target by some weird cult.
Getting stalked on youtube by EstocZero.
Reached world rank of 442 for single player in Ultimate Doom XBLA
Reached world rank of 1628 for single player in Doom 2 XBLA
Reached world rank of 773 for single player in Duke 3D XBLA
Reached world rank of 6579 for single player in Marathon: Durandal XBLA
Reached world rank of 261 for survival in Marathon Durandal XBLA
Reached world rank of 13754 for single player in Quake Arena Arcade XBLA