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The Archives Are Doomed: Gold Edition!

   (65 reviews)
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At least it's not a terry wad or something put out by a certain conceited idiot who thinks he's popular.

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Guest

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Wills is the God of Jokewads 4/5

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Guest

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oh i get it its a crappy joke wads about how crappy joke wads are! how deliciously novel!

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Guest

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Pfft. I have no idea how the author did it. but he got me to play a bunch of the most retarded maps ever hit the eyes of human beings... 5/5

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Guest

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wtf it crashed when i defeated the fianal boss ( tried to) otherwise its very good

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Guest

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Actually this wad made me wet my pants. Level 3 is awesome, my favourite map off all time. Overall this gets 4/5. -Dqey

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Guest

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"Wills is the God of Jokewads" - that's a dubious honour if ever there was one. 0/5

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Guest

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I am not depressed, nor jealous, nor a teenager, but I give this 0/5. Really, making or raving about a wad like this can only come through being jaded with Doom as a whole. Those who still like the game itself find ample pleasure in wads that make use of the game's strengths, rather than indulging in this type of "community" wankfest. Did I mention I dislike this type of wad?

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Guest

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Why do I have the doubt that the author is continously giving himself 5 stars? I seriously don't find an answer why this huge piece of catshit has so many good votes. Btw, this wad does really suck balls. 0/5

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Guest

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All of the new levels are amusing, and everything else is just as good. 5/5

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Jimothy

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'Tis a fun little jokewad, with its share of "crap" and other assorted oddities. (Wading through the pile of slippery liquid in the "porn" level was...uh...it elicited a "das nasty" from me.) The boss battle against the large Imp (God) was pretty amusing. Overall, a good mapset that knows what it's parodying. 4/5

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Guest

Unknown date

  
wtf is this shit

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Guest

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Just as bad as the original, so 0.

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Guest

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the first one was really good, but this is one is like to die from laughing so hard. this is one of those jokewads that go down in history like mock 2, killing adventure and deathzOr online. 5/5, 10/5 if i could.

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Guest

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It's a jokewad; you love it or hate it. I love it. 5/5

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Guest

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this is a good wad.

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Guest

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"A re-release of The Archives Are Doomed (T.A.R.D.) with a bunch of new features, and just in time for the Cacowards 2006." If Kaiser doesn't release "TCIF" soon you just might win. 4/5

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Guest

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well, he has four days. i don't see it happenin anytime soon so maybe so. 4/5

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Guest

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Poor wills, this wad didn't win a cacoward. But, good thing you made HNTBS. Heh.

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Guest

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Wills, your'e a fuckking genious. This wad is an absolute Cacowad material. Please, make more wads. 5/5 -Moti

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Guest

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The new levels are awesome, especially the train level with the Jarre train music in the BG. The final level is funny and not to mention the school map. 5/5 -PC

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Guest

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well i liked only a few levels the rest was like playing gamarra oooooooooo almost forget joke wads are getting really stuiped pepole should stop makeing this wads stop makeing them !!!!!!!!!!111

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Guest

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This is a re-release of a levelset that came out in October. As before, it's a mixture of parodies and odd ideas. The jokes aren't funny but the odd ideas are sometimes clever. I enjoyed the references to wow.wad and The Sky May Be, although it seems odd to parody a parody. The original was amusing but like all novelties it doesn't have any replay value at all, even with new bits, so I'm giving this a lower mark. I'm not a personal friend of the author; I've never met him.

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Guest

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Does Jb ever make any good reviews? Anyways this deserves 5 stars, I hate people who are always like OMFG THIS WAD IS DIFFERANT FROM THE THOUSANDS OF OTHERS SO LETZ SHOOT IT DOWN. There needs to be some variety, especially when a snazzy and hip wad like this one comes along. 5 stars

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Guest

Unknown date

  
Its like a monkey with a hangover shot up heroin and buttfucked Courtney Love, and this is what was leftover. I'd rather play with myself and think about the first sentence I wrote than play this again. 1/5

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  • File Reviews

    • By Chipchase · Posted
      A quarter of a million monsters in a gigantic flat square room. It is said to be for stress testing source ports (and your PC?), otherwise it's on the other side of crazy. It took my PC nearly two minutes to load the wad (I thought it had crashed) and I took less than two seconds to die. At least it ran - the author says he never even managed that.
       
      The first screenshot has a high viewpoint because an Archvile lifted me. The second shows it in the Eureka editor; seeing only about 4% of the area, and every red square is a heavyweight monster (yellow selecting a caco).  and Doomguy is in the bottom left corner. Eureka was crawling, almost unusable - how did the author even build this?    
    • By CaptainResident · Posted
      This was great. Great joke wad and a great Terry trap collection. Instead of the generic "Oh it's a well made map at first then BOOM" it's actually a well-made megawad that simply has them as little traps that can be avoided. It's able to be completed, seriously. That's new. I especially love the final boss and highly suggest using a cheat against him. Trust me, do it, it'll be worth it.
    • By defiatron · Posted
      This wad is fucking legendary.
    • By geo · Posted
      Are you up for a brutal, non stop challenge through detailed, but bland environments? The Secret Energy doesn't let up, so it's either a low health slaughter map or a speed runner's dream to get from switch to switch, all while enemies constantly spawn in with each button press. There's little health for such meaty enemies and even on the easiest difficulty, it's a slog to kill them all. The place is so big and centralized, you might miss where you need to go next. No arrows, the switches are around corners and walls inside of rooms that may or may not have opened.   It feels like a punishing experience from the first room. It fills with imps, then pinkies, then flying enemies, then revenants and a cyber demon. The entire map is like that. Enter a room and it will flood in via waves. Each wave opens up something new and you need to find where that new thing is. Is it a switch on a wall? Is it a switch inside of a pillar? Did a door just open up? Are you supposed to go back into the main corridors of the complex? At least on my first play through, I felt there was a poor flow to the level.   The game has its detail, but detail with greens, browns, a few blue wires across the floors, perhaps to guide you to the next area. It was all lost on me and blurred together into a jumble. While the structures of each new room was different, it's the color scheme and darkness that stayed the same.   Give it a try. There is something redeemable in here for those hardcore enough to endure the first room, let alone the entire map.
    • By geo · Posted
      Believe the hype, Sand Chain is indeed a terrible map. Not terrible like oh this must be someone's first map or designed by a team of kinder gardeners and their friend in second grade who can use DoomBuilder, I'm talking hall of mirror walls, coupled with the fact you can go through the game's exit switches. The map is short and sweet, which only adds to how terrible it is. The level is a single hallway with... get this... a bend! Oh stay with me here... and then after that bend, there is a bank of switches! Yeah, that's it. The level isn't meant for Nightmare, but it should become everyone's first accomplishment of, "I can beat this level on nightmare."

      I suppose in an artistic way, the hall of mirror affect on all walls is to disorient the player, so they miss the big twist at the end. Thus costing speed runners valuable seconds on their first play through. The big twist being the bend. Other than that, there are plenty of shotgun shells, shotgun troopers and health to ensure you make it to the end of this brutal and rigorous test of endurance over the course of 5 - 30 seconds.

      This is the level that has become famous, because everyone needs to play it themselves to add their two cents of "it's crap" to the pile of reviews that will no doubt entice more people to play this game. It's a gorgeous display of everything wrong without the annoyance of having to play it for longer than a full minute. Complete with someone from an aol email to spice up it's true 1995 feel... despite being made in 2009.   * slow clap * You've done it. You've found a new twist on terrible.
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