Buddhist Extremist Cell Vows To Unleash Tranquility On West

http://www.theonion.com/articles/buddhist-extremist-cell-vows-to-unleash-tranquilit,34623/

A representative from the extremist Buddhist group Kammaṭṭhāna warns of a “coming storm” of spiritual oneness and enlightenment.

WASHINGTON—In a 45-minute video posted on Tibetan websites Thursday, Tsuglag Rinpoche, leader of the Buddhist extremist group Kammaṭṭhāna, threatened to soon inflict a wave of peace and tranquility on the West.

Speaking in front of a nondescript altar surrounded by candles, burning sticks of incense, and a small golden statue of the Buddha, Rinpoche did not specify when or where an assault of profound inner stillness would occur, but stated in no uncertain terms that the fundamentalist Buddhist cell plans to target all Western suffering.

“In the name of the Great Teacher, we will stop at nothing to unleash a firestorm of empathy, compassion, and true selflessness upon the West,” said Rinpoche, adding that all enemies of a freely flowing, unfettered state of mind will be “besieged with pure, everlasting happiness.” “No city will be spared from spiritual harmony. We will bring about the end to all Western pain and anxiety, to all destructive cravings, to all greed, delusion, and misplaced desire. Indeed, we will bring the entire United States to its knees in deep meditation.”

“Wisdom and virtue to America!” continued Rinpoche. “Wisdom and virtue to all living things on earth!”

According to reports, Rinpoche stressed throughout his address that Kammaṭṭhāna soldiers would continue waging a tireless holy war on Western feelings of emptiness and negativity for as long as necessary, noting that “a jug fills drop by drop” and that “it is better to travel well than to arrive.”

The extremist leader specifically criticized the United States for its “blatant disregard of karmic balance within the universe” and ominously claimed that Americans will “one day soon” experience the highest form of metaphysical equilibrium through a union of both body and mind. Rinpoche also said all Western nations would “pay a heavy price in negative thinking and self-doubt” if they do not immediately engage in serious introspection and true spiritual liberation.

Sources confirmed the video then featured an uninterrupted 19-minute clip of water quietly flowing between rocks in a small forest creek.

Saw that earlier posted on Facebook. I don't even have to read the articles for The Onion's headlines to crack me up. Love that site so much.

The Onion? Oh gosh.

I want this to happen so badly. X-D

This is like them free hugs ppl.

I love this. Everything this.

Don't know if worse or better than Jehovah's witness.

"Sources confirmed the video then featured an uninterrupted 19-minute clip of water quietly flowing between rocks in a small forest creek."

AAAAARRGGH - WATER TORTURE!! You heartless fiends!

<crosses legs at seven minutes, hurries to toilet after thirteen>

You can self-terrorize just as well by playing a New Age CD :-)

Aw, I was hoping this was real. We could use some peace 'n' love. And lots and lots of weed.

Clonehunter said:

Aw, I was hoping this was real. We could use some peace 'n' love. And lots and lots of weed.

I wonder how well Mr Big Shit Spice Potpourri would work in place of weed.

I mean, check this shit out:





Surely, this stuff has the potential to give you a decent buzz/stun? And as far as "peace & love" is concerned, who can argue with psycho-Scooby and Rainbow-King Kong?

Of course, there are darker ones, if you're so inclined:

Actually, there have been many cases of Buddhist extremism as of late. Most of these incidents have been occurring around the Orient where Buddhist and Muslim communities clash.

Of course, if I were a Buddhist, I'd be just as paranoid about surrounding Muslim communities. Islam has had some historic conflicts with Buddhism.

Well, what's the worst extremist thing that a Buddhist can do? Set himself on fire?



The smell and the pavement cleanup (replacement?) bill must be really convincing and terrorizing arguments, I must say.

Buddhist mob kills 94-year-old woman
THANDWE, Myanmar (AP) — President Thein Sein toured Myanmar's conflict-torn west on Tuesday as sectarian violence again gripped the state of Rakhine, with Buddhist mobs killing a 94-year-old Muslim woman and torching more than 70 homes, officials and residents said.

Police officer Kyaw Naing said more than 800 rioters took to the streets in Thabyuchaing about 20 kilometers (12 miles) north of the coastal town of Thandwe, some swinging swords.

The elderly Muslim woman died from stab wounds, the officer said, putting the number of houses set on fire at between 70 and 80.

There has been a few other incidents over the year. Most Buddhist monks have been simply protesting.