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niguel

short fan fic story

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...as the scientists knew something went wrong, before they could clear their thoughts, something slaughtered them right away... like a quick slash from the shadows. the portal started to hum oddly and began to shape strange figures. the process was short and simple. but the night was going to be long, damn long. alert was on red and a loud sound howls all over the whole place, flying to the ears of the brave, young marines. they rushed to the science laboratory, and started an immediate assault against the unidentified menace. the floor splatted of blood and organs, as the demons spread death and destruction over the phobos's spacestation. seconds later, the sounds and other signs of battle halt, faded slowly like a smoke into the air. suddenly the station echoes of a handgun's shot, a horrbile scream and another shot after that...


that was my first story, it was my vision of doom's original story.

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Hm firstly, I suggest that you don't post stories that short - they barely capture the reader's interest.

Secondly, I don't like how you write the story in the present tense - the result of that is rarely any good imo.

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dsm said:

Secondly, I don't like how you write the story in the present tense - the result of that is rarely any good imo.

Um, don't discourage the guy. I happen to like present-tense stories.

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Sorry, it was just an advice I tried to give him - didn't know that some people like present tense stories.

Forget what I said in my other post above.

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The problem with present-tense writing is that it detracts from the atmosphere, and it's hard to build up excitement/frights. It also makes descriptive paragraphs a bit more difficult.

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Spike said:

The problem with present-tense writing is that it detracts from the atmosphere, and it's hard to build up excitement/frights. It also makes descriptive paragraphs a bit more difficult.

Well, I agree and disagree.

If you're unused to it, it can be more tricky. I tend to write the majority of my fiction in a kind of omniscient narrator present tense, however, and people have always (mostly) thought it fine.

If you want an example, look at my Service 18: Part One, and get ready for Part Two, it's BEING WRITTEN TOMORROW, now that my exams are finally over! Yay! Much more fanfic stuff coming your way.

Spike, how about some more stuff from you btw?

Niguel, is English your first language? I happened to notice a few things which made me wonder a bit if you were European in sentence structure. Anyhow, don't give up, keep perservering.

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pritch said:

and get ready for Part Two, it's BEING WRITTEN TOMORROW, now that my exams are finally over! Yay! Much more fanfic stuff coming your way.

Great! But don't be disheartened if I don't put up your stories in the index asap - I have MY exams to worry about and they've more or less just started, they take up a lot of my time and are basically responsible for Doom: Evil Unleashed not being completed yet.
Just post your stories, and I'll do a major workover on the index when my exams are over.

Btw pritch, how did you fare at your exams?

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pritch said:

Niguel, is English your first language? I happened to notice a few things which made me wonder a bit if you were European in sentence structure. Anyhow, don't give up, keep perservering.


i live in finland, in fact, my english is very crappy.

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pritch said:

Spike, how about some more stuff from you btw?


I've been concentrating this week on finishing map06 (Summit of Acheron) of the Underworld megawad - i'm literally adding monsters/items to the map this very second.
I'm gonna start writing chapter 2 (Blood Keep) of The Underworld story this weekend to parallel the levels. As it's an extended bank holiday, i'll hopefully get a couple of parts finished before Tuesday.

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heh, I think I did alright, thanks dsm. As usual, the one I thought would be easy proved tough and the 3 hour ones proved to be fine! Don't stress yourself out, and don't worry about this place until it's all over. I have the story written, but I'm not quite happy with the end yet, hence the proof that DW'ers really are perfectionists. :P

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pritch said:

heh, I think I did alright, thanks dsm. As usual, the one I thought would be easy proved tough and the 3 hour ones proved to be fine!

Heh, I just completed two written exams (four actually - each session was a five-hour session consisting of two 2½ hour tests), and in the English tests the one I thought would be difficult turned out to be the easy one and the one I thought would be a piece of cake turned out to be rather tough - luckily, I have a rather decent grasp on my English :-)
Ahh, I'm through with the worst part of the exams, now I've only got two short oral exams and then it's holiday time for me :-)

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Damn, stop talking bout exams! You're making me feel old... :(

I took my GCSEs in 1997, but it feels like yesterday. Still, can't figure out how i got a C in french when i didn't complete the oral exam. Luckily, i got my A, B and B/B in Art, Design and English respectively :)

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