"Tell us about your experience!"

Businesses are constantly looking for feedback lately, bugging you to take the time out of your day to go to their website and leave comments, like them on facebook, and write to them so they can improve their business. It seems like every business wants to give the illusion that they care about everyone on a personal level.

I have some friends that swear by writing or calling in complaints to businesses and they often tend to console them with gift cards or coupons with an apology letter in the mail. It seems like the general routine for almost all businesses and is a snakey way to reap rewards for being a shitty customer.

I very rarely feel strongly about any experience I have with most businesses, at least enough to leave any valuable feedback, and if I do it's usually positive. Home Depot for example, offers a chance to win a $500 gift card just for participating in it's customer survey on the website. I've tried at it 4 different times, usually scoring my experience pretty average to high, but I'm beginning to feel tempted to write a really negative review just to increase my likelihood of getting selected. I'm sure that has something to do with it.

So I'm curious, since most businesses are pushing to get as much customer feedback as possible, how much of it is really of any value for the company? Does anyone have the unlikely job of sifting through all of them? What exactly are they looking for? Since they tend to offer consolation prizes for people who always have a bad experience, is there any chance a business may do something rewarding if I were to perhaps, give a detailed report of how they compare to their competitors, offer suggestions to add to their product line etc.?

On a macro level, it matters. General solutions are mapped out on an "effort vs. reward" graph. The items with the highest ratio get the most attention. Your individual shopping experience does not matter... unless it's disastrous enough to make it on the evening news.

My girlfriend complains to companies constantly and gets free stuff. Yet when I do it (because she tells me to), it works 50% of the time. Such as I had a Subway bill me $100 for a sandwich. I noticed driving home. So I wrote the company and scanned the receipt. No reply. So I just canceled the payment on my credit card and NEVER returned.

We once waited 40+ minutes at a Popeye's and got our order. I ordered 6 chicken nuggets. The side order was fries. When we got home and opened it. 2 nuggets. Not just 1 nugget, but a laughably small nugget. So I wrote the company and I get a free nugget meal from them again. I told the guy I don't want to be a jerk, but I'm sure that'll be the last time I ever go to any Popeyes. My girlfriend loves it.

There's a local 'Little Ceasar's rip off' that sells $5 pizzas hot and ready. I like the owner, he's always really nice and personable. He lives his life there and really wants to get to know about your experiences since he's stuck in the shop. Well he majorly fucked up a pizza so bad that when I opened the box it was smoking completely burnt and bubbly. It wasn't the owner that made it, it was the help. So I emailed him and I included pics. Nothing. No response, so well fuck him. NEVER again.

I've written Heinz about some frozen meal from 'Smart Ones' about a quesedilla. It was supposed to take 2 minutes in the microwave, but even after 4 it was stone cold. I thought, fuck it and dumped it. The outside was already boiling hot and oozing out.

I write reviews, a lot of reviews. I wrote a bad review about some new 'Premium' burger place called Ricky B's. It was bad for a lot of reasons. Hard seating, yet it looked good. 20 waiters for 10 tables, yet none of the waiters came to us until 10+ minutes of just looking at us like we were animals in a zoo. They overcooked my girlfriend's tuna burger, the waiter also told me they had no pickles or mustard. wtf? I wrote a bad review, the manager replied to my review explaining everything but not giving me anything. I think I spent $50+ including tip and we don't get anything from telling them how bad they suck? I'm not going there when there's a Red Robin and Cheesecake factory next door.

My girlfriend wrote Subway telling them their bread was hard one time we went there. The owner wrote her back with a quick response and gave her a free sandwich. She sent me to get it. The employee was extremely skeptical at the free sandwich and had to call it in. He didn't look happy. Plus to be honest, the bread wasn't hard or stale in my opinion.

Then there's the 5 minute Great America customer satisfaction survey. I took it once 1 hour later I was done and pretty fucking angry. Then the next year I took it again and 30+ minutes in I just went off in the form saying its been 30+ minutes I'm not wasting anymore time on these stupid 5 minute forms and I'm the guy that goes there a few times a week, rides every ride, buys your overpriced food and so on. I received an email apologizing and blaming the questionnaire company for being so thorough. Yeah totally.

My stepdad had to order a website so he ordered it via Website Tonight. The person doing the website failed to do it in 6 months. The other person that was going to do it failed to do it in however much time. So he had me look into it now that I'm not crushingly busy. The host was down for a full week. There was no number. No company, the Website Tonight site was down that full week too. Not just that, but they charged him $2,500 on his credit card for 'SEO' and he went over his credit limit affecting his credit score.

We found the number, called them up well apparently Website Tonight is also Go Daddy. Maybe one bought the other. He yelled at them. They said the problem was they sold him SEO, a dot com and a Go Daddy online website editor (that lots of sites give for free). But then why the fuck did they let him SEO when there's no web hosting? wtf? Anyway they waived the fee, but its too fucking late for that when its affected his credit score.

Then they sold him hosting. wtf that should be free after selling him an online website maker + SEO but no hosting.

I've written shitty reviews on Steam and raised the ire of Steam devs. Some argue with me or have their friends threaten me to take down the review, others take my advice and change things to improve the games and write me saying because of you I've done this and that.

I had a bad experience once with a "Tell us about your experience!":

Around 10 years ago, my then partner and I were due to fly from the UK to the US (NY, so around six hours). We were characteristically late for check in, and arrived a few minutes before it was due to close, the upshot of which was that we were bumped up to business class, since they'd oversold the flight and filled all the seats in standard class before we'd arrived. So it was a great flight - comfy seats and champagne all the way. One thing I'd noticed though was that the flight attendants were all pretty brusk with us, refusing to smile, and generally treating us like they'd rather we weren't there (and this was in marked contrast to the way they were treating everyone else). Anyway, on coming in to land, all the passengers were given a supposedly anonymous questionnaire, with which we were supposed to grade various aspects of our experience, on quite a complex scale of great to shit. I ranked everything as highly as it could be ranked, except for the service, which I still ranked as good, but not 'very good' or 'excellent'. About 10 minutes later, a group of the flight attendants came up to me with my 'anonymous' questionnaire in hand, and asked bluntly why I'd ranked the service like that, because: "You know, you were upgraded...". They more or less insisted that I change it, and to this day it's one of my life's few regrets that I rather meekly complied, when I should have politely told them to fuck off.

durian said:

I had a bad experience once with a "Tell us about your experience!":

Around 10 years ago, my then partner and I were due to fly from the UK to the US (NY, so around six hours). We were characteristically late for check in, and arrived a few minutes before it was due to close, the upshot of which was that we were bumped up to business class, since they'd oversold the flight and filled all the seats in standard class before we'd arrived. So it was a great flight - comfy seats and champagne all the way. One thing I'd noticed though was that the flight attendants were all pretty brusk with us, refusing to smile, and generally treating us like they'd rather we weren't there (and this was in marked contrast to the way they were treating everyone else). Anyway, on coming in to land, all the passengers were given a supposedly anonymous questionnaire, with which we were supposed to grade various aspects of our experience, on quite a complex scale of great to shit. I ranked everything as highly as it could be ranked, except for the service, which I still ranked as good, but not 'very good' or 'excellent'. About 10 minutes later, a group of the flight attendants came up to me with my 'anonymous' questionnaire in hand, and asked bluntly why I'd ranked the service like that, because: "You know, you were upgraded...". They more or less insisted that I change it, and to this day it's one of my life's few regrets that I rather meekly complied, when I should have politely told them to fuck off.

Yeah I'd fold too if they confronted me with that. Thankfully with forms I can give an honest opinion. Gordon Ramsey says no one gives you the truth to your face, they just don't ever return.

I went into the John Hancock building 2 nights ago for a $50 dinner far away from 'the view' when we were there late enough to see plenty of empty tables near the window. When I tried to sit by the window, we were blocked that's promised to another couple. wtf? Its 11 pm there's no one there. I felt bad for tipping, because I really didn't feel welcome. No one smiled. The waitress and staff just didn't give a fuck. They weren't nice. The waitress never asked what my girlfriend wanted to drink, she just left. wtf?

I get the feeling certain surveys make sure not to let someone have any remote chance of winning as long as they select "no" for mostly everything. :P

Avoozl said:

I get the feeling certain surveys make sure not to let someone have any remote chance of winning as long as they select "no" for mostly everything. :P

While you're probably correct, I think the only way to ever hear the truth is if someone doesn't like something.

Speaking of comment cards. My girlfriend's hospital is always trying to get its comment card ratings up, because no one wants to be at a mental health hospital, since you're not usually the one checking yourself in. You get checked in.

I understand why these feedback systems exist. Simultaneously, they are a tremendous waste of time and money for every company that employs them. Any survey with predefined questions and numerical answers won't reach the heart of whatever management and training problems a company might have, and everything else is common sense. Is any business owner out there going to be like "Oh, so we should have good products and good service? I had no idea."

If I've ever even bothered to fill one of these things out, it's been rare. However, I've thought about this every time in my life I've been handed a course evaluation form. I'm sorry, but I have a creeping suspicion that circling a '3' over here isn't going to trigger any overhauls of university administration and staffing policy.

Small businesses are probably the only ones flexible enough to use criticism constructively. If I ran a business, there'd be a small sign on the counter, written in a friendly, flowing script with floral accents: "Tell us why we suck!" There'd be a stack of completely blank cards next to it.

Creaphis said:

Small businesses are probably the only ones flexible enough to use criticism constructively. If I ran a business, there'd be a small sign on the counter, written in a friendly, flowing script with floral accents: "Tell us why we suck!" There'd be a stack of completely blank cards next to it.

Sorry, but I think that positive attitude is always preferred. It's not like people, who can always claim they suck, but in fact do great work. Companies, being composed of multitudes of people, are more like machines which eat your money so they can execute the hard work. I expect less personality and humour from a machine, and more shine and sturdiness instead — usually represented as positive marketing-catchy slogans, where all vernacular is thoroughly sanitized.

Regarding the topic, I am confident that user feedbacks end up into a gigantic data mining cruncher computer, not necessarily wasted if manpower is not enough to read and process them mentally.

Most of the places I have had bad experience at is the big fast food crowds, there was one issue with a petrol station that I will elaborate on.

For about 2 years, I have been visiting this petrol station on the way to work every Friday to get a $2 sausage roll for breakfast. After a few months, the company introduced this deal where they sold the sausage roll with a coffee for $5 or thereabouts, I wasn't interested since I could get a decent flat white at work for $0.

The real issue came up when they decided to keep asking every customer that came into their shop the following line "Would you like coffee with that?", the same people, 3 of them, did that to me for about 2 months. I eventually started to get my own back by vehemently telling them I didn't want their crap coffee and their comments and actions were "Oh I'm just doing my job" and then all 3 of them laughing it off.

So I decided to say "fuck it", I went to the parent companies website and gave them a fairly diabolical review of their service. I have not been into their store since but I cannot imagine those 3 working there anymore.

I get solicitors calling me very often. Just today some Indian man called me for some TV feedback for quality assurance. I usually hang up on them for the simple reason I don't know if they are legit or some kind of phishing scheme.

I'm glad I'm living in a country where the customer knows beforehand and precisely how much every business cares about his complaints or comments: as much as G.W. Bush cares for an Iraqi's life, so the prevailing attitude is "fuck it" unless they kill your dog or call your mother a whore to your face or something.

Technician said:

I get solicitors calling me very often. Just today some Indian man called me for some TV feedback for quality assurance. I usually hang up on them for the simple reason I don't know if they are legit or some kind of phishing scheme.

Usually people calling for charity are scams. Especially when you go to the charity's website and they say we will never call you to ask for donations.

Even debt consolidation companies that call are just phishers. I remember there was a year of the same message saying 'I know you've been behind on your credit cards and you're looking for a way out, please hold to speak to a representative.' Ha fuck that. Credit cards owe me money.

I also get 'your card has been canceled, please enter your credit card number so we can reactivate it.' Yep sure robot voice, I totally believe you.

Any time I want to give feedback to a business they don't seem to have a proper channel or don't want to hear it, good or bad. Any time they want me to give them feedback I seem to want them to get lost, with rare exceptions when they bribe me.

Restaurants generally seem to be good about immediate feedback, though. I rarely complain about anything, but when I do they seem to fix it really fast.

Telemarketers and political campaigners call me at their peril. I treat them like crap or waste their time. I managed to get a better cell phone plan that way.

One time I was eating a steak and found some string in it (the kind of string used to tie up roasts). For fucks, I sent an email about it to the store's comment address. They replied back and said the manager of the store wanted to see me. I go into the store and see the manager. He offers me something, but I saw no. He insists, and gave me a pack of $15 steaks for free.

Another time, I complained that a thing of strawberries was going moldy not even two days after buying them. They sent me a $5 gift card.

Im in California for the past 3 days and out of 6 restaurants service is awful at 5. Holy shit how do these people expect tips. One waitress even stopped me down the street and wanted to know why i tipped 10%. I told her its there written in English. I dont just leave them bad tips i write why. She wanted not an extra 5% she demanded something like an exta 12% and I really hurt her feelings. I laughed and told her shell get better.

The only good waitress here turned out to be from Oklahoma. Some restaurants dont even have ketchup or mustard and the wait staff needs to get it and these are 15$ burger places.

Had to wait 20 mins for our waitress one place we even had to stop 2 people to say wheres our waitress. I was happy to walk out.

We had a waitress that was ain tv shows like Dollhouse and Roommates on ABC. Left us her card. She sat with us since my friend works for NBC execs. So wtf wait staff just sits down with customers. My friend is always super nice and talkative he doesnt mind since hes Cali now.

My brother used to be a waiter in Pennsylvania and then again for a while in California. In addition to some of the worst wait staff, they also have some of the worst customers.

I dont doubt it. People here do not give a fuck. I fall back on my heat melts brains. People bringing their big dogs into restaurants no one cares. Jay walking and holding up traffic no one cares or honks. No turn signals. Angry ctazy bums yelling at people. Drunking and driving. Leaving parking garages via the entrance to not pay for parking. Going into mcdonalds with your own jug to fill up and leave. Cant believe i saw that one. As long as they have organic this and that no plastic bags and their excessive gay pride at Disney Land.

geo said:

I also get 'your card has been canceled, please enter your credit card number so we can reactivate it.' Yep sure robot voice, I totally believe you.

Down here in Oz those robocallers are mainly offering airfare refunds, usually somewhere between $750 to $1,000, though that's small change compared to the $37,500 I'm allegedly owed by the "Australian Government Refunds Department". :D

GreyGhost said:

Down here in Oz those robocallers are mainly offering airfare refunds, usually somewhere between $750 to $1,000, though that's small change compared to the $37,500 I'm allegedly owed by the "Australian Government Refunds Department". :D

Dude you're so lucky to have a refunds department in the country :-) But well with every 'department' its just one more layer or bureaucracy.

Yesterday in Los Angeles I was at a restaurant and a different waiter that wasn't ours came up to me said something like 'Man of Steel?' Because I was wearing a Man of Steel movie T-shirt. Then he asks, you know who could kill Man of Steel? I said Doomsday? No Goku can kill Superman.

That's the second time in Cali that I've wanted to just attack someone for being a random troll / dick with a snotty tone to their voice. I just turned my head and ignored him or else that discussion was going to continue or I was going to hit him.

Time to see if I can get him fired.

A shop worker can provide the best service in their branch but the fuckwits up at head office still want them to do better.

Here I am again. Haven't heard back from that company with the Goku experience. They don't give a fuck.

So over the weekend I went to the circus that was Dominos Pizza $1 medium pizza for 100 minutes. The line went out the door and went down the plaza. Every customer gets 5 pizzas for $1 each. Dominos knew this would be a fucking circus and sure enough it was.

We saw a lot in the line, even before we got in there. It was a small parking lot a small plaza. People doubled parked. So one guy was boxed in and fucking pissed. He yelled out 'whoever's van this is better move it. I can keep yelling! Whoever's van this is better move it!' White guy with a dew rag tied in the aunt jamaima way with an army jacket. Didn't take him long to blast his music and get a bat. Then pretend to hit the van. There was a cop in the line that talked sense into him, before the 70 - 80 year old man got to his van.

After 70 minutes in line for a 100 minute long promotional window, we got almost to the register. When we got into the building and had 2 customers ahead of us, they ran out of dough and would no longer be taking orders on mediums. But if we wanted to buy larges at full price we could do that. People pointed out we all need rain checks. The manager wasn't going to do rain checks. The mob's argument was 'it doesn't say while supplies last.'

Some old bum started stealing shit off the walls like a carbon monoxide detector. This bum in line was hilarious, he cut literally in front of us, but I figured it was okay we'll all get pizza so who cares. There was some child man this old bum lived with. The child man told the bum, don't spit your gum into my garbage can anymore, there's no garbage bag in there.

Since this was Chicago, there were plenty of people ready to bust up the shop for $1 pizza. There were people recording and the manager said if you're posting this on youtube, you can't use my face. Yeah they'll listen.

See I feel bad for the employees having to tow the company line. Corporate fucked over these employees. The private owner fucked over these employees.

I wrote Domino's, but again I have a feeling, they just won't give a fuck. This is the company that airs commercials on how much their pizzas and ideas suck. So come buy a horrible pizza now that we've demonstrated our incompetence nation wide!

It was just a problem to have 5 pizzas for $1 each instead of 1 pizza for $1.

Then we just went to Little Ceasars I always go to. We told them about our experience and they gave us a free fucking pizza. They also ran down Domino's saying they literally can't cut down their large pizzas because their dough is frozen even if their commercials say they're no longer frozen.

6 days later, no one at Domino's gives a fuck. Not the private owner, not the corporate. Instead CNN is talking about how their stock is up 30%. They claim its because they have specialty pizzas.... I claim its because of global expansion. New territories, less competition.

la la la la fuck em.