Fake News

FAG News.com features an exclusive review of the full version of DOOM (III). Driven by the kind of investigation crisis only top journalists are capable of, Ozone went down to his local pawnshop to see if they had a brand new copy of this yet unreleased game:

And sure enough, sitting in an old carboard box with atleast 3 inches of dust and other unexplained substances smeared upon it, I lifted it from it's grave. I couldn't believe my luck, for I had just scored the brand new "Doom" game for only 2 Afghani dollars.

Derek "AliceChain" Braun was kind enough to share this outstanding exclusivity with us. Laughing is healthy.

dumb.

Linguica said:

dumb.

/me notices the one-word comment WITH ponctuation.

New Tomb Raider Game To Feature Bumpmapping, Pendulous Tits

LOL

That wasn't funny, it was incredibly ga---err, I mean, stupid.

I don't get why people complain about weapons being centered. how much are you gonna hit holding your weapon off to the side angled in front of you. You hold a gun in FRONT OF YOU so you can USE THE SIGHTS...that's one of the things i loved about operation flashpoint, you could use the iron sights, ya know, like you would in real life. I was really disapointed when games moved to having guns off to the side. Okay, just needed to get that off my chest.

They've forgotten their roots. Maybe they should return to Wolfenstein 3D and work their way up to the current shooters again. ;)

Jello, go grab a shotgun, hold it in front of you and fire.

I'll see you in the mortuary :)

heh. either ozone, the guy who wrote that, had a crappy childhood where he was picked on at school and possibly sent to boarding school where he would most likely get raped by little british tard boys resembling harry potter which would explain why he would writing shit on a site that has the word FAG in it for fuck's sake, or the recommended option in the section of radio buttons is that the review is complete crap. well. you all know what to choose. everyone can see just by reading the first two paragraphs it's all crap. it even says doom was copying duke3d. hahaha. duke3d came out after doom. hahahaha. ha. you know what's gay? this shit is supposed to be funny and there's probably gonna be some lame retarded fuckwit who isn't going to realise that and spend 10 minutes of their precious life writing out a list of all the spelling and atomical errors in that post.
thanks to ozone. that was cool. even if he didn't write it for entertainment, it's great to know that there are people that can see all the bad factors of "everyone's favourite game".

[size=5]omfg sexor[/size]

I think it was pretty funny. But as always, some people do not seem to understand that this article is a joke.

Yeah, the site is a PARODY site. Think MAD, with plasma rifles.

Ha ha! I thought that was pretty funny.

It's funny until someone dumb enough to take this shit serious comes by and reads it and thus concludes that Doom 3 is shit.

NiGHTMARE said:

Jello, go grab a shotgun, hold it in front of you and fire.

I'll see you in the mortuary :)

:) I first fired a shotgun, an old 12 gauge side by side, when I was like 11. Even holding it to the side, if my Dad hadn't been behind me it would've knocked me flat on my ass. Had I held it directly in front on me a la Doom it would've broken my ribs.

You can still line up a gun holding it to the side - indeed it's easier because the stock's easier to grip securely. So long as the sight blades line up or the scope's on the target, the bullet's natural trajectory will ensure it gets hit - after all the bullet goes straight from the tip of the barrel to wherever you point it.

dsm said:

It's funny until someone dumb enough to take this shit serious comes by and reads it and thus concludes that Doom 3 is shit.

There's always at least one, isn't there? :(

It's funny - simple as.
It would take a gamer with an extremely sheltered existence to believe that this truly is Doom III.

I'm sure pretty much everyone realized it was an attempt at humour. Some of us just thought it failed completely. I found the post about demon poo way funnier myself.

JoelMurdoch said:

So long as the sight blades line up or the scope's on the target, the bullet's natural trajectory will ensure it gets hit - after all the bullet goes straight from the tip of the barrel to wherever you point it.

Well, except for the fact that gravity causes the bullet to drop off slightly. But that doesn't make much difference when firing buckshot :)

I didn't find it funny at all. I just read it and the fagnews.com site as a whole, and wished I had as much free time as those guys.

Bloodshedder said:

Well, except for the fact that gravity causes the bullet to drop off slightly. But that doesn't make much difference when firing buckshot :)

Well, to be strictly accurate the bullet's path's not even straight. The barrel has spiral grooves known as rifling which causes the bullet to launch in a similar trajectory. This actually results in superior accuracy than the old smooth bore weapons. This is why bullets rarely hit the same spot twice, even when locked in place, but rifling ensures the margin of error is virtually insignificant (assuming no problems with the gun or ammo). To ensure best results, guns need to be "sighted in" for the particular range it's most likely to be used at. This has to do with the alignment of the sight blades or the crosshairs on the scope.

Shotguns, if memory serves, are smooth bored (ie: no rifling) to ensure that the pellets or buckshot achieve a good spread. This compensates for the lack of rifling but, as my friend Greg says, shotguns have the ballistics of a tennis ball and are strictly short range weapons (100 yards absolute max).

Spot the guy who grew up with guns :)

Can someone please tell me why this Derek "alicechains" Braun guy is spamming my email address?

Is he infected with a virus or something?

"I know..i'll start an action game site!, only it'll be like..fake! huhhuhuhuhuh..and there'll be like..reviews of games that arent out yet..huhuhuhuhuh..and i'll put FAG in the title cause..huhuhuhuh..like, gays are fags, and god hates them...huhuhuhuuhuhh..im a jeenius"
-The creator of that sites CV

freakn newgens jokes thats all it was newgen jokes..freaken newgens they would get really upset if i made fun of there counter strike ..counter strike sucks...