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Impie

Freedoom Story

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Is anyone in charge of the backstory for Phases 1 and 2, and writing the intermission text? If so, I'd like to take a stab at it, if no one has any objections.

I write the stories for all my mods, and I did the intermission text for Mayhem 1500, if references are required.

Also wondering if there is a general consensus of the plot yet or if it's totally up in the air as far as content and tone. Presently the intermissions are either undeveloped or really generic, as are the episode and megawad names (Phase 1 and Phase 2 don't really stand out, do they?), and I think I might be able to inject them with a bit more personality.

 

Edited by Impie

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I recently sent a request to add my new intermission screen stories. It's not much, but its better than the current ones.

Also, coincidentally, i was trying to think of a good story today.

Fifth draft of PHASE 1 AKA the backstory

Spoiler

The ship rumbles as it lands on the docking bay. You tug at the shackles holding your arms and legs, wondering what AGM will do to you. How did they even find you? You covered your tracks wherever you went, and for so many years. Yet, AGM has gotten their dirty hands on you once more. What did you miss?

"Alright, take the subject to Biological Research ASAP. Don't want to keep those doctors waiting, unless you know what's good for you." Says the Commander in front of you. The two soldiers besides him pick both of your arms up and drag you out of the ship...

The restaints on your limbs are so strong. You can see the lights flickering and dangling around carelessly. The hanging needles and scalpels above sway back and forth with each rumble. Screams. Gunfire. Roars. Something went wrong. You look around desperately, trying to get out of this bed... And that's when you see it.

A strange creature bangs on your cell door, now destroyed by the bullet holes and scorch marks. Something in you causes the drugs to take action. With each hit against the door, you pull against the metal restraints harder and harder. And that's when you realise that your restraints have broken into pieces. You're free. The creature now stands in front of you. Its left arm clearly has a tag labelled "AGM". The corridor behind it looks like a horror show.

Your new strength easily defeats the monster. Walking down the deserted hallway, you're back in the docking bay, filled with the signs of an immense firefight. There're dead soldiers everywhere, and two monsters rotting away. Looks more like a last stand. You go up to one of the corpses and salvage what you can. Clothes. Armor. Pistol.

You're glad AGM is getting their asses kicked. But this outbreak could spread all the way to Earth. You can't let that happen, can't put innocent civilians in harm's way. You've had enough of AGM and their carelessness. No more hiding. This fight is between you and AGM.

Third draft of PHASE 2
Spoiler

You killed them all back there. But here, the problem is even bigger. The infestation has grown immensely.

The electricity plant is gone. No longer humanity's property. Bodies here, blood there, bullet holes everywhere. The zombies lurk around, looking for anything that's not one of them. The monsters are another story.

You start to regret about throwing away the massive arsenal used for your reign of chaos. But there really was no choice. Too much mass to transfer over such a large distance. No matter, at least your pistol made it. Your hands are just as good.

Earth reeks of misery. AGM really messed up this time. You've seen the signs, read the notes, watched the tapes. AGM discovered it, used it, betrayed by it. How can they be so stupid? Now, it's gained the power to destroy humanity, so that we can "rebuild ourselves for our own safety".

Or you could just destroy it and end this insanity.

All you wanted was to be free. But who wants to be free in a world conquered by the AGM monsters? Unless, someone cleansed it.

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Well, there IS one little seed of coolness in that idea. I was working on my own thing, but I wasn't sure where to go with it. I might take the prisoner idea you presented and base a whole new draft around that concept.

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I thought of the prisoner idea as the the title screen shows Freedoomguy was chained/held captive. But escaped.

But im wondering how Phase 2's story will go?

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Voros said:

I thought of the prisoner idea as the the title screen shows Freedoomguy was chained/held captive. But escaped.

But im wondering how Phase 2's story will go?

Somehow I didn't even notice the shackles. Or maybe I did and just never gave it much thought. Ha-haa, Captain Obvious reporting for duty.

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So I got a draft for the intro story for Phase 1's readme file. Whenever I post updates, I'll add a story segment to the OP to make them easy to find. Check the OP in the next couple minutes.

Incidentally, does AGM actually stand for anything? Coming up with a meaning for that acronym is proving to be pretty awkward.

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I have a few issues with your story:

1-LENGTH: its too big. New players of Freedoom should get a story that's simple and yet implies that there's more to it (and that part is upto the player).

2-DIALOGUE: its like watching movie-unrealistic and cheesy. No offense. Keep it realistic, like how you would talk to another person in real life. No BS (that's how I talk).

3-FANFICTION: that's what I felt after reading that. Its TOO detailed.

4-UNDERSTANDING: I should be able to understand clearly about what happened. Half the time, I didn't know what's going on, with the monks and planets and stuff.

5-CHARACTERS: "Lord of Pain"-not feeling it. "(Sexy smart chick)"-how many times have we seen this? I think its a better idea to not mention any specific characters, keep it anonymous.

And no AGM literally has no meaning (unless you like After Glow's Mom!)

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Impie, that's some very nice piece of writing! I like the style, and the story sounds pretty neat as well.

Voros, the idea of experimental drug stuff had occurred to me too. It could be tie in well with the berserker pack concept.

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@Voros I can tighten it up, like I always try to with my work -- editing is 90% of the writing process -- but I can't have more detail, but less detail, but more believable dialogue, but no characters. Feedback is welcome especially with this being a community project, but it's only helpful if it has focus. I don't really know what you want based on your post.

1. It did come out longer than I wanted, forgiving the fact that most players aren't going to read the story to begin with. I always try to pare my work down so it's not too bloated, but honestly why not make it a fun creative writing project for the few who actually do read it? Witchaven is a very poor game, but it has an 8 page introduction in the manual, and it's fascinating. It gives a sense of place and character to the game's generic Build engine dungeons.

2. I took a pulpy approach like Doom did. I think a more literary approach would feel out of place and quite frankly pretentious given the subject matter. Even so, I dunno that it's THAT unrealistic, especially given how I'm trying to make conversations "in a nutshell" to avoid the thing drawing on for pages and pages, which is what would happen if I made them talk as realistically as possible. People go back and forth a lot in real conversation.

3. Back to point 1. Few people will even read it, so why not bring the setting to life a little? I'll still find ways to pare it down a bit, but I don't think a detailed backstory would do anything to hurt the project.

4. I was gonna reveal more of what was happening during the intermission text, but that aspect is still being ironed out. I had three or four versions of what happened to the base, and the only one that really stood out was these guys in the tubes. I don't wanna just do another "demons from hell" thing without putting a unique spin on it, especially considering the much more Lovecraftian style of Freedoom's monsters, compared to Doom's more biblical approach.

5. I don't quite see how she's a "sexy smart lady" cliche. I wasn't even aware that was a cliche, given the number of them irl. And I used "Pain Lord" because that's the name of the first boss. Regardless, character archetypes are used when there's no time to make them three-dimensional. If I make the characters three-dimensional, I need more natural dialogue; and for that I need more pages; and to avoid that, I need to just ditch all peripheral characters, and we're back to a generic Doom scenario again.

Maybe all that's called for here is just a copy-pasted version of Doom's story with the names changed, in which case Freedoom really doesn't need me. The reason I stepped up was to flesh things out a bit and help Freedoom carve its own identity. Based on what I've done so far, does everyone want me to keep at it, or just leave it to the dev team?

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I dont know. Im just one person. IMO, it feels like a mouthful to read. Filled with unnecessary details if you ask me.

Lets see what these guys think soon:

Sodaholic
raymoohawk
chungy
fraggle
CWolf
MrFlibble
SuperSomariDX
Cire
Cacowad
Zerthex (heh, that guy is at least looks here)

BTW, when we come to a good story, I've set up the files required for the story to be linked at Freedoom's homepage.

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Voros said:

Zerthex (heh, that guy is at least looks here)

You'll have to tell me what that guy says, 'cos I put his ass on ignore less than an hour ago. Aheheh.

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I'm just about to update mine as well. Figured out a way to tighten it up considerably, skipping from the captain's introduction straight to the "leaky monk" gag, cutting out all the stuff in-between.

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Impie said:

I'm just about to update mine as well. Figured out a way to tighten it up considerably, skipping from the captain's introduction straight to the "leaky monk" gag, cutting out all the stuff in-between.

Cool! Is there by any chance of removing that last bit of the story, the part where Philo contacts the player? I find it corny and unnecessary.

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I'm thinking it over. I'm still working out who or what the main antagonist is, since there's no definitive "boss" character of the megawad. There is the giant mecha-spider at the end of episode three, but I don't know if it's due to change in the future, and it could just as well be another big, dumb monster.

One concept I had was the nastiest guy in the outpost becoming a sort of avatar for a greater entity and twisting reality into his/her own image. In Philo's case, it would make the whole moon the giant torture chamber the game eventually becomes. Killing him/her causes that reality to collapse, and forces the player to escape the moon via the ship a la Episode 4.

Or the entity could just have a foothold in our dimension via the outpost, and its realm starts to bleed into ours and threatens to merge the two. And maybe the moon becomes a lost cause and that forces him to flee.

Wanted to wait and see what the others think.

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Impie said:

Wanted to wait and see what the others think.

That's gonna take some time.

I think you should just wing it for now.

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I might wing it anyway, out of boredom if nothing else. Especially if I think of a decent idea to play with.

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Well I'm still sticking with the prisoner idea. It fits Freedoom (or Freedom...) for me.

In my mind, the player was a soldier. He must have done something big that caused him to lose his rank and well everything.

Have you watched Starship Troopers 2? There is a soldier who is a war hero but is imprisoned because he killed a Colonel.

Edit: wait. Lol its basically my version of Freedoom's story. But I swear its only a coincidence.

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Impie said:

Is anyone in charge of the backstory for Phases 1 and 2


I may to try but you will hate me for it. Because there's no countries. Even USA and Russia don't exist. EVEN China. Because world united but still dumb as heck.

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CWolf said:

I may to try but you will hate me for it. Because there's no countries. Even USA and Russia don't exist. EVEN China. Because world united but still dumb as heck.

Why would people hate you for that?

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Zerthex said:

ayy thats pritty gud

Which one? Both? Then yeah.

But Freedoom needs one story.
Unless you have one too.

@CWolf I don't understand.

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Voros said:

Which one? Both? Then yeah.

But Freedoom needs one story.
Unless you have one too.

@CWolf I don't understand.

i kinda like the one when freedoom guy *whatever his name is* a prisoner.. but i need to know the one when he's a freedom fighter

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Zerthex said:

i kinda like the one when freedoom guy *whatever his name is* a prisoner.. but i need to know the one when he's a freedom fighter

Aren't both stories based on FDoomguy being being a prisoner?

And by freedom fighter, like what?

Spoiler

ROUGH DRAFT

"We only have one chance at this, people! We strike at the heart of AGM and stop the madness!" You shout out to your comrades, as they cheer in response. "Load up!"

AGM, the empire that would soon die in our hands. All their major facilities have been taken over by us, Infinite Freedom. Only one remains.

As each fighter takes a weapon and goes outside, your turn comes to pick up a weapon. But it's all gone. Only a pistol with one clip. Better than nothing, as you take it in your hand. But it would make you a liability during the raid.

"Hey, come here." You tell one of the fighters. "I'm gonna have to sit this one out, as important as it is. I want you to lead the raid. I've seen your tactics, speed, power and I know you won't fail me. Are you up to the task of taking all these mens' lives into your hands, and willing to sacrifice your own for the mission?" The fighter gave a powerful nod, then a salute. "Good. Now go."

[After the raid]

"Come in, Wilcox!" You shout into the radio. "Wilcox! Do you copy?"

Something has gone wrong. You get out of the bunker, and with a pair of binoculars, look at the battlefield... All dead. What could've gone wrong?

Crappy and cheesy, but you get the idea. I'm still with my prisoner story though.

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Impie said:

I don't quite see how she's a "sexy smart lady" cliche.

Seems more of a tsundere to me, to be honest.

Impie said:

I don't quite see how she's a "sexy smart lady" cliche. I wasn't even aware that was a cliche, given the number of them irl.

When a character is defined by their archetype and nothing more, they become a cliché. This isn't usually an issue for some mostly unimportant side character - really, there's no reason not to just make those an easily recognizable archetype - but the main character's love interest? There's going to need to be a helluva a lot more characterization for her to stop being a walking cliché.

Especially when it's an woman - especially one that the work goes out of its way to make conventionally attractive - and it's blatantly obvious that she just exists for the main character to hook up with by the end. That can easily turn the character into a walking cliché, especially if she ever become a damsel in distress.

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Voros said:

Aren't both stories based on FDoomguy being being a prisoner?

And by freedom fighter, like what?

Spoiler

ROUGH DRAFT

"We only have one chance at this, people! We strike at the heart of AGM and stop the madness!" You shout out to your comrades, as they cheer in response. "Load up!"

AGM, the empire that would soon die in our hands. All their major facilities have been taken over by us, Infinite Freedom. Only one remains.

As each fighter takes a weapon and goes outside, your turn comes to pick up a weapon. But it's all gone. Only a pistol with one clip. Better than nothing, as you take it in your hand. But it would make you a liability during the raid.

"Hey, come here." You tell one of the fighters. "I'm gonna have to sit this one out, as important as it is. I want you to lead the raid. I've seen your tactics, speed, power and I know you won't fail me. Are you up to the task of taking all these mens' lives into your hands, and willing to sacrifice your own for the mission?" The fighter gave a powerful nod, then a salute. "Good. Now go."

[After the raid]

"Come in, Wilcox!" You shout into the radio. "Wilcox! Do you copy?"

Something has gone wrong. You get out of the bunker, and with a pair of binoculars, look at the battlefield... All dead. What could've gone wrong?

Crappy and cheesy, but you get the idea. I'm still with my prisoner story though.

i'm making a crappy comic that has the part where mr Strongy McStrongface breaks out of the shackles and loots a body from his armor and gun. then goes through the door to level 1

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I have an idea about the antagonist.

I'm basing my idea on the following things:
-FDoomguy is a prisoner/test subject/experiment of AGM
-The monsters were created by AGM, but not controlled by AGM (like a wild animal)

The antagonist (MAP30) is another project of AGM. It was initially the first "monster". But the thing is AGM didn't create it. They found it. Now having discovered such a such a massive and sentient thing, AGM used it to gain knowledge. It gave AGM details on biology and technology that they never thought of or thought was impossible. Time passes by, while AGM uses this new knowledge to create life (monsters). What they don't know is that they are being manipulated to do so. The thing offers to control the monsters, but in return, it would need some upgrades to do so. AGM does this, and carry on making more monsters for research. When the thing realises that there are enough monsters, it let go of the control over the monsters, beginning a massive slaughter. It planned on doing this to get to Earth and "give humanity a second chance". What it didn't expect was FDoomguy.

Not exactly happy with this, but I'll give it a shot.

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Impie said:

Also wondering if there is a general consensus of the plot yet or if it's totally up in the air as far as content and tone. Presently the intermissions are either undeveloped or really generic, as are the episode and megawad names (Phase 1 and Phase 2 don't really stand out, do they?), and I think I might be able to inject them with a bit more personality.

It's something I'll toy around with this week, and I'll post the results for fun. If you guys want me to go all-out and
- Story Contributions Start Below -

Backstory for Phase 1. Suggested Wad Title: ESCAPE FROM HELL'S ABBEY

Phase 1 and 2 have been around for so long, that its become a classic. It is its identity now.

Whoops, triple post.

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