What is wrong with you?

redacted ...

For the past weak my heart has felt weak and changes rhythm whenever I do the smallest thing like moving or using the stairs. Going to get it checked out tomorrow.

My posts can be exceptionally stupid.

:P

Spocks_Beard said:

For the past weak my heart has felt weak and changes rhythm whenever I do the smallest thing like moving or using the stairs. Going to get it checked out tomorrow.

Get that checked out. Probably nothing, but I have a small hole in my heart. While it's not a problem for me, it could be for you. Having an irregular heartbeat is both very cool and very scary. Hey, this comment fits in this thread! Also, my dick is too big and I'm too humble about it /s.

You know when you put a silver/metallic spoon in your mouth and it touches your teeth? The noise irritates me. The mere thought makes me want rip my ears out.
Another is when you pull a Velcro strap. That sound is earrape.

Why idk.

My OCD is getting worse, but only at work. Doing all kinds of rituals now that I never did before.

Had a bad distal biceps tendon rip at work all the way back in October, had surgery, gained some weight, right arm shrank a bit, got behind on bills as a result.

Being injured really fucking sucks. The good news is I already invested in a weight set and sack o protein way before the injury so I should be able to help myself out.
It's the time passing by and you can't do much. Actually I'm sort of ashamed at how I basked in the glory of doing nothing for two months but I really couldn't do hardly anything! I paid for it with the weight gain, I went jogging recently and felt alright about it however. I've never been a cardio guy but I might start.

Last weekend I had a fucking eye patch on, I think I had a cut on my eye, and I had to drive with one contact in as I've no glasses so I put an eyepatch on rather than keep my eye closed. I got to go a few days with one eye, holy shit that was fucking awful, be thankful for your two eyes and any limbs you have that still move.

It is in times of injury you really begin to appreciate whatever level of health you are currently in because one day your body is going to give out and that is it. It is motivating to make use of every bit of time you got.

I've a problem doing just that, but at least I do SOME shit as opposed to some total shut ins I know.

I want to learn how to play drums, I know what to do as in organizing practices, but it takes me forever to get around to doing shit. I really want to improve on this as it is a real flaw.

I've fucked joints and bones all over from years of drunk rough housing, working labor jobs, a couple of fight injuries, a lot of moshing mishaps (one broken big toe which is making the foot arthritic, years later a broken nose, my nose goes a bit to the side now).

I guess I like to drink beer and smoke weed a bit too much but it's never fucked my life up horribly, I never lost a job over it or went to jail.

After many years and partners I'm still incredibly shy when meeting new women, I think I've missed a couple of opportunities because they were waiting for me to make the first move or send the first signal.

Some things can be worked on, others are lost to the ravages of time.

1) Well, I'm not some kind of ripped dude that works out. In fact I am almost 18 years old and I weigh 60 kilos (132 pounds).
2) I find it hard to talk to people that aren't my friends (I have like 7 close friends and some acquaintances). And when I want to talk to a girl I like, I always feel really uncomfortable.
3) I want to learn to play the guitar very well (like Randy Rhoads, so I bought a Jackson JS-32, which looks gorgeous, for motivational purposes) and now I don't have the time to do that because of school (last class this year, determines in which university I can go). I am merely a beginner in playing (I play horribly to just ok) and need to start lessons after school.
4) Sometimes I need to get away from everything and relax.
5) My eyesight isn't very good and I have diabetes (not much of a problem but it sucks).
6) Finally, I am considered a nerd, as I enjoy videogames, comics (I don't read many of them), Doctor Who (mostly the older series) and I listen to metal, while others in my age like dubstep, rap, trap and these kinds of stuff (I personally hate to go with the crowd, especially in my music taste). And thank god I have so good friends that also like gaming (in music we have different tastes with them, which is fine by me), otherwise I would be left alone (like a rainbow in the dark, <<Dio reference>>).

Don't forget to contribute to this amazing thread's amazing sequel!

*clears throat*

-Bad eyesight
-Apparently im fat (I dont feel fat at all to be honest)
-Shitty grades in high school (above average actually, but the average is really really low)
-BLUSHING ALL THE DAMN TIME
-Apparently there is something wrong with me since I am a asexual
-Apparently there is something wrong with me since I let out random noises
-I whack my head occasionally
-Sometimes I go turbo, sometimes im feeling low as if im lying dead in a coffin. I guess its a good thing that the "low feeling" happens as much as Christmas, and turbo time is almost every second or third day.
-Apparently there is something wrong with me playing violent video games
-Apparently im a moron with a above average IQ
-I think I might be a bit childish or nuts.
-I might never find a asexual girlfriend, but the hope is high as midday sun to find one
-My ideas are borderline crazy (since apparently no-one heard of cosplay)
-A lot of people think I am just faking myself and no one is afraid to tell me that
-They are wrong of course.

Battle_Kirby said:

*clears throat*
I'm a teenager

oh that's good to know.

CARRiON said:

She was by no means a saint, and neither am I. She was in love with a somewhat abusive and uncaring partner, and that's kind of what I mean by complicated relationship. She showed no signs of being two-faced or shifty. She was funny, outgoing and liked to cook and have cookouts. She was an extremely good worker too and a good mom for her kids. Despite everything, she was just going through bullshit like the rest of us, and we became good friends fast so naturally, I like to help my friends anyway I can. Her fucking me over was sudden and I doubt she 'planned' any of it, she just decided to be a total cold bitch towards me before running off with her jackass BF (who I constantly hear still abuses her). If she did she's an idiot because she told me some extremely private things about herself and I could easily make her life a living hell, but I'd rather just try and forget her like she tried to forget me instead of playing stupid games.

Lots of people will take advantage of your goodwill. Seems I just attract this kind of person, hence I'm starting to wonder if I should even attempt establishing a friendship with anybody anymore.

This is a month old, but I wanted to reply: Don't knock your generousity - Generosity is an admirable trait. Yeah, you may have been naive, but you're supposed to be able to trust friends, right?

The clue was that this woman chooses to continue to expose herself and her kids to the abusive boyfriend. This is a learned behavior, usually caused by having an abusive parent. This can lead to some bizarre behaviors, such as clinging to abusive people, or having disrespect towards true friends. Children idolize their parents, so when the parent turns on them, it really fucks with the child's head.

You did the noble thing: You helped a friend in need. Hopefully it wasn't too much money/effort. They say the best way to get rid of a friend is to loan them money!

People like this woman learn how to "cope with" true friends, how to con them. People like that turn reality 180 degrees on it's head. They see true friends as people that turn on them (like the abusive parent did). They see abusive behaviors as love (a lesson learned long ago, from the abusive parent). Abused children see abuse as a trait exhibited by loved ones only.

Because of this reversal, they learn how to "play the game" with honest, decent people, but never open their heart to them. You'd have better luck treating her like shit. It's a sad, crazy thing to witness.

As far as what's wrong with me: I tend to feel sorry for these people, and try to help them out too, even after knowing their true nature (after all, they did have a crappy upbringing, and they are disillusioned, making them worthy of pity on some level). It took me many years to realize that, throughout the years, I was enabling a few of these people, essentially providing the means for them to operate. To keep them in my orbit, I selfishly avoided exposing the games, the stories, the binges, the cons. And, yeah, the attraction can work both ways: By "reversing your polarity", and becoming mean, or abusive, you win the abusee's hearts, and they come running! But then you become the con, which is not a good place to be (not for me, anyway).

Back to your story, CARRiON: There was nothing wrong with helping someone you perceive to be a friend, and it can make you feel good for helping as well. For a possible lesson to take away from it: Maybe offer a bit less help, stretched out over time, to determine the true nature of the person you're helping. A true friend understands that they are burdening you, and they will make every effort to ease that burden. Someone playing you will continue to pressure you to do more, or will show a bit less gratitude than seems appropriate.

Anymore, I'll just directly ask: "Are you bullshitting me, cause that would suck!" A true friend understands this question, but a con will get upset, citing "trust issues": "Do don't trust me?". That's a sure sign of a con. I Hope this makes sense, and is applicable to your situation, and I hope you know you're not alone - this kind of thing happens to the best of us.

I think I've alluded to this a thousand times already, but I'm pretty sure I have some form of OCD. I repeat certain tasks until they feel "right" in my mind, and am subsequently a perfectionist. Which sounds good on paper, but in reality it makes me feel anxious and agitated more often than not when things don't go right or according to plan. It is irritating and annoying, but not disabling thankfully. In some ways it's good, I guess.

I also have visual snow syndrome, some weird rare disorder that nobody has ever heard of. Since childhood I thought it was completely normal to see television-like static superimposed onto everything (especially at night or in the dark). But as I got older I realized it was a disorder, and a weird one at that. I've never taken any sort of hallucinogenic drugs either. So this wasn't caused from that.

Letters are constantly wiggling around while I read. Same with stick-figure type drawings or any sort of thin lines. I've seen like this since I was born. Thing is, I have no idea what anything look like *without* a static vision appearance. That's all I've ever known.

Using this simulator as a reference, my vision is about a 14 on "Snow Density" and a 3 on "Flicker Rate." When I put both to 0, it still doesn't look clean. There is static and jittering for me, but in a different way. The simulation doesn't really do it justice. The actual feeling is far weirder and is less actual white specs and more... black specs? It's impossible to describe, but it sucks. Everything looks shitty and dirty, gritty. Ugly and filthy. And it has nothing to do with the eyes, either. All my eye examinations show normal. There is also no cure, but I can live with it.

http://visionsimulations.com/simulators/visual-snow

ShotgunDemolition said:

1) Well, I'm not some kind of ripped dude that works out. In fact I am almost 18 years old and I weigh 60 kilos (132 pounds).
2) I find it hard to talk to people that aren't my friends (I have like 7 close friends and some acquaintances). And when I want to talk to a girl I like, I always feel really uncomfortable.
3) I want to learn to play the guitar very well (like Randy Rhoads, so I bought a Jackson JS-32, which looks gorgeous, for motivational purposes) and now I don't have the time to do that because of school (last class this year, determines in which university I can go). I am merely a beginner in playing (I play horribly to just ok) and need to start lessons after school.
4) Sometimes I need to get away from everything and relax.
5) My eyesight isn't very good and I have diabetes (not much of a problem but it sucks).
6) Finally, I am considered a nerd, as I enjoy videogames, comics (I don't read many of them), Doctor Who (mostly the older series) and I listen to metal, while others in my age like dubstep, rap, trap and these kinds of stuff (I personally hate to go with the crowd, especially in my music taste). And thank god I have so good friends that also like gaming (in music we have different tastes with them, which is fine by me), otherwise I would be left alone (like a rainbow in the dark, <<Dio reference>>).

Most of these don't actually seem like bad things... With the exception of point 5. Sorry about the diabetes.

For instance, I think a lot of ripped guys take steroids. Do you really want to take that shit? And everyone needs to get away from everything and relax - that's called freeing your mind.

When I'm on Skype or Discord, I don't talk very much since I'm a very shy man

RUSH said:

I also have visual snow syndrome, some weird rare disorder that nobody has ever heard of.

I remember me and J4rio talking about this some time ago on here. It's a type of hallucination. I'v this as well, and comically I would say mine is near 14 as well. Question, are you also sensitive to light or sound? Mine has gone away for small periods of time after usually taking new anti-psychotics or when my doses are uped.

Visual distortions like seeing snow are incredibly common. For some people the effect can be obnoxious but it is experienced by basically everybody at some point in their life.

Some people like to talk about how sophisticated the human eye is like it is "by far the most complicated organ in our body" and blah blah. "There's no way life could have evolved into the creation of an eye, it must have been created by god..."

It turns out the eye is not a bad organ at all but the brain is quite bad at perceiving visual input sometimes. Distortions and hallucinations are experienced by sober non-crazy people every day.

TheCupboard said:

Visual distortions like seeing snow are incredibly common. For some people the effect can be obnoxious but it is experienced by basically everybody at some point in their life.

Some people like to talk about how sophisticated the human eye is like it is "by far the most complicated organ in our body" and blah blah. "There's no way life could have evolved into the creation of an eye, it must have been created by god..."

It turns out the eye is not a bad organ at all but the brain is quite bad at perceiving visual input sometimes. Distortions and hallucinations are experienced by sober non-crazy people every day.

The human body sees an human eye as a foreign object if the eye is damaged in anyway, and will attack it. An human eye also gets oxygen from the surrounding air.

MrGlide said:

Question, are you also sensitive to light or sound?

Light yes, sound no. I listen to loud music all the time and have no problems. But my vision is pretty messed up.

TheCupboard said:

Visual distortions like seeing snow are incredibly common. For some people the effect can be obnoxious but it is experienced by basically everybody at some point in their life.

For me the snow is constant 24/7. Eyes open and closed. In both light and in darkness. And it's of a high severity, to the point of making reading difficult. I also have after-images, tracers, and several other visual phenomena and it's incredibly distracting. To the point where it's hard to make out certain normal details that other people can immediately pick out.

It is an actual disorder in my case, because it is permanent and high in intensity.

This wiki article is basically all that's known about the condition: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Visual_snow

A comprehensive list would take too long.

Hummm...

- Important trouble of vision since i'm born, which means glasses
- I'm skinnny
- Had skin problem past the age of 21 (acne and stuff, going better now...)
- I which i could have more beard (not a serious issue but whatever)
- I'm 22 years old and i still feel like a 16 years old kid (lol)
- I have anxiety issues
- I feel different from most people of my age
- I hated most people i encountered in my life
- I'm shy and i don't talk to someone in first place if he/she doesn't
- I really lack of self-confidence
- I can't live without (Old school)Metal music, basically a part of my lifestyle
- I have TOC in somethings, like buying absurb quantity of Bands shirts(useless)
- I have very few friends due to other points i mentioned above
- Lost many years of my life due to a toxic relationship,doing nothing at school

I guess i forgot some more but anyway lol

What's wrong with me? Hmm...
1. Goto 2
2. Goto 1

RUSH said:

It is an actual disorder in my case, because it is permanent and high in intensity.

Yeah, it's far-fetched to call something that's constant a hallucination, even if symptoms you're describing are inducable by hallucinogens. From the wiki article, it's supposedly a hypermetabolism in certain part of brain. Tough luck.

Been having a lot of anxiety issues lately that is has really gotten in the way of work. I've been contemplating committing myself, but that may be drastic. I think it's time to give transcendental meditation a try.

GoatLord said:

Been having a lot of anxiety issues lately that is has really gotten in the way of work. I've been contemplating committing myself, but that may be drastic. I think it's time to give transcendental meditation a try.

Idk your situation, but that does sound drastic. You should just seek professional help from a psychiatrist if you feel that way.

Tbh, I really don't think weed is bad. But it can cause anxiety. Nevertheless, I think it's more effective for peace of mind than the pills they prescribe people. I've never been on medication; but I know weed mellows me out.

Yeah, talk to a therapist/psychologist first. What you're describing is like using a nuke to kill an ant. If you're worried about being prescribed things, neither therapists or psychologist can do so (that's a psychiatrist). Or yes, try meditation.

Anyway, on-topic, it's temporary, but I have a cold right now. Stupid cold virus...

I've actually been smoking significantly less. But I've been having anxiety/panic issues. That's why I left the workforce. So now I'm having the same issues trying to run a home business. Feel kinda stuck. Had a particularly odd detached/disconnected episode a couple of days ago, where it felt like I didn't know how to function, like I was outside of myself. I'm finding I get distracted very easily and the slightest issue will put me in a weird place mentally, and then I can't focus or get anything done.

GoatLord said:

I'm finding I get distracted very easily and the slightest issue will put me in a weird place mentally, and then I can't focus or get anything done.

meh, that happens sometimes to me. I think that's normal.

GoatLord said:

I've actually been smoking significantly less. But I've been having anxiety/panic issues. That's why I left the workforce. So now I'm having the same issues trying to run a home business. Feel kinda stuck. Had a particularly odd detached/disconnected episode a couple of days ago, where it felt like I didn't know how to function, like I was outside of myself. I'm finding I get distracted very easily and the slightest issue will put me in a weird place mentally, and then I can't focus or get anything done.

The thing is that meditation can help you practice how to focus, and how to keep that focus up for longer than you normally would be able to. However, in order to be able to meditate, you need to be able to focus on something "neutral" to begin with. I could tell you some things about meditation, and what may or may not work for you, but at the end of the day you'd try curing a symptom by way of meditation rather than the symptom's cause.

I don't know anything about you as a person, so I can't really say anything different from what yukib1t said, eventhough I think we all wish we could do something more for you. But the point that you're best served by looking for professional help is probably the best advice you can get.

In my opinion, the minute something takes over parts of your life, and limits your freedom of choice among other things, is the moment you should start working on whatever the "source" may be, without any hesitation to seek out help. The beautiful thing about this world is that, however isolated we may feel due to our own problems, there's always someone willing to help. Any kind of help is good, but professional help always delivers the best results in the shortest period of time.

I like to believe that we all still have lots of things to look forward to, and there's no reason to create any more obstacles than "necessary" between ourselves, and the next "ray of sunlight" that awaits us.

Professional help is a waiting game right now. I can't afford to see a shrink, and when I reached out to my parents, they said they would help me once Trump is settled and we have a new insurance plan. I have no idea what he's got in mind, but because psychiatry is so expensive, paying out of pocket isn't an option. So it's really about being patient and seeing what his administration's policies are. I may possibly have a bit of Peter Pan Syndrome going on, because I'm a bit developmentally stunted, having never learned to be independent. I appreciate the support. Don't get too concerned, though; I'm not suicidal, and I'm not into self harm. I'm just trying to deal with some strange mental cloudiness so I can start working again. But it could be months before I see a shrink.