dobu gabu maru Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) What is the DOBUmegawad Club? DEMOCRACY IS DEAD! I, Dobu Gabu Maru the 1st, have taken the reigns of the DWmegawad Club from the ignorant masses, and instated myself as the ETERNAL EMPEROR of the club. I have reshaped it in my image, and now we shall only play what I desire to play! For in my infinite wisdom, I know what is best for the bleating, mindless sheep of Doomworld; you have no need to thank me, because I already know how perfect and amazing I am. How shall I structure my posts, oh glorious leader? We will continue using the guidelines of the original DWmegawad Club, but with notable exceptions! DECREE #1 You must begin every post with “Oh Eternal Emperor Dobu, I am nothing compared to thee; I am as a fart in the wind, whose pungent scent is sweetened only by thy presence. I am an unseeing snail that does not understand thing placement as effortlessly and masterfully as thou, and I love claustrophobic, unfair fights—those are definitely the best, please make more maps with barons in hallways that are 64-units wide.” DECREE #2 After posting your droll, insignificant, and misinformed opinion, you MUST make an ingratiating post about how inferior the map is compared to my maps. Failure to do so will get you EXCISED from the DOBUmegawad Club. DECREE #3 After posting about how amazing I am, you must guess what my opinion will be when playing the map! You must emphatically state how well I’ll play, and that I definitely won’t use saves because I’m so good, and that I will get every secret and handily conquer the par time! Failure to do so will get you EXCISED from the DOBUmegawad Club. DECREE #4 Finally, after posting, you must lay face-down on the floor and repeat to yourself, “I am but a pebble compared to the glittering diamond that is Dobu, the best mapper ever! Carmack designed Doom specifically for Dobu, knowing he would one day grace it with ingenious puzzles!” You must do this for three hours straight; if you feel the need to go to the bathroom, your hands shall make a worthy receptacle, for truly, you are as low to me as the refuse you produce. Failure to do so will get you EXCISED from the DOBUmegawad Club. ---------- I will no longer post a wad link or map list because such insignificant work is BENEATH me. ---------- Lastly, pay no heed to outrageous rumors of the PINCHYmegawad Club. Such libelous, false, tall tales are nothing but lies spread by ENERGY SUCKING METROIDS! Pinchy is a TRAITOR to our immaculate state; anyone that utters his name will be EXCISED from the DOBUmegawad Club. I repeat: The PINCHYmegawad Club is a DIRTY LIE! You are better off under the iron, moonlit-rule of ETERNAL EMPEROR DOBU. Now go and try your best to enjoy maps not made by me. WALL OF TREASONOUS LIARS [Cynical] Edited April 2, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 23 Share this post Link to post
Catpho Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Catpho DARED to speak to my eternal emperor DOBU, and thus have been EXCISED for my naivete. Spoiler “Oh Eternal Emperor Dobu, I am nothing compared to thee; I am as a fart in the wind, whose pungent scent is sweetened only by thy presence. I am an unseeing snail that does not understand thing placement as effortlessly and masterfully as thou, and I love claustrophobic, unfair fights—those are definitely the best, please make more maps with barons in hallways that are 64-units wide.” I have waited years for this.... Its finally official! What is the reward for my espionage master? “I am but a pebble compared to the glittering diamond that is Dobu, the best mapper ever! Carmack designed Doom specifically for Dobu, knowing he would one day grace it with ingenious puzzles!” Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 2 Share this post Link to post
dobu gabu maru Posted April 1, 2018 3 minutes ago, Catpho said: What is the reward for my espionage master? Peon! Did I say you could speak to me? BEGONE! I BAN YOU FROM THE CLUB! 6 Share this post Link to post
Spectre01 Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Spectre01, think I know what wads the GLORIOUS DOBUCLUB has or hasn't played, and therefore have been EXCISED for my arrogance. Spoiler But the club already played Memento Mori. It's MM2 that's still up for grabs. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 2 Share this post Link to post
dobu gabu maru Posted April 1, 2018 2 minutes ago, Spectre01 said: But the club already played Memento Mori. It's MM2 that's still up for grabs. How DARE you question the wad I chose? The AUDACITY! The COCKINESS! BEGONE! I BAN YOU FROM THE CLUB! 3 Share this post Link to post
Cynical Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Cynical, am a COWARD that futilely attacks our ETERNAL EMPEROR with empty words, and have therefore been EXCISED for my impotent wrath. Spoiler Wow, DGM found the only wad that's almost as bad as his maps! I'm sure he'll blunder his way through map 01 on HNTR and eventually scum his way through with saves. The PinchyMegawadClub is so much better. ;-) Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 3 Share this post Link to post
Pinchy Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Pinchy, will definitely NOT start the PINCHYmegawad Club, and because I even DARED to think it, have been EXCISED for wrongthink. Spoiler Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 1 Share this post Link to post
bioshockfan90 Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I bioshockfan90, cannot write out a grammatically correct sentence, and have therefore been EXCISED for my ignorance. Spoiler you have infinite gay >:C Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 3 Share this post Link to post
Nine Inch Heels Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Nine Inch Heels, while correct in commenting on our Eternal Emperor's cuteness, erroneously believe platforming is a good thing, and have therefore been EXCISED for my awful opinion. Spoiler Oh my... Dobu is cute when he tries being dominant. :p MM is not a bad pick, however: 1 hour ago, dobu gabu maru said: I love claustrophobic, unfair fights—those are definitely the best, please make more maps with barons in hallways that are 64-units wide. Platforming with reverse-drop-shots > Hallway Barons any day Claustrophobic fights are cool tho... Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 5 Share this post Link to post
galileo31dos01 Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I galileo31dos01, do not understand what is going on, and have therefore been EXCISED for my confusion. Spoiler Eh? Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 5 Share this post Link to post
AD_79 Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I AD_79, have mistakenly referred to our glorious leader Dobu as "Mapper of the Year" instead of "Mapper of ALL Years, Forever and Ever", and have been EXCISED for my disrespect. Spoiler Being named Mapper of the Year has finally gone to dobu's head. Run!!! Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 10 Share this post Link to post
Zulk RS Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Zulk RS, have been enjoying snacks without offering to share some with our ETERNAL EMPEROR, and thus have been EXCISED for my rudeness. Spoiler Don't mind me, I'm just here enjoying popcorn and definitely not thinking about checking out this PINCHYmegawad Club. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 0 Share this post Link to post
SleepyVelvet Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I NoisyVelvet, while correctly pointing out the flaws of democracy, DARED to suggest people "bailed" out of the DWMC. I realize now people do not bail out of it, because the DWMC is super successful, and no topic Dobu makes ever becomes unpopular. I have been EXCISED for being the most wrong person on Doomworld to ever post. Spoiler Good thinking Dobu. Last time you gave democracy, they voted for Eternal Slumber Party and everyone bailed because of silly things like "life" and "time". Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 5 Share this post Link to post
tmorrow Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I tmorrow, DARED to utter the word "veto" when I am but a small slug, subsisting off naught but dirt and rainfall. I realize now I have no power to even QUESTION these magnanimous decrees, and have therefore been EXCISED for my powerlessness. Spoiler I'd like to exercise a veto against decrees #1-4 but as one of the ignorant masses I'm sure my objections will not hold sway with the Eternal Emperor. What do I have to do to get into the that elite WALL OF TREASONOUS LIARS group anyway, what a great bunch of guys! Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 2 Share this post Link to post
dobu gabu maru Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I would like to say that in SPITE of all these lowborn COWARDS mucking up my excellent thread with their verbal FILTH, that Club participation is the best it's ever been! Member engagement has drastically increased and the happiness of all active (non-banned) Club members is up 100%! Clearly things would not be going so well if our ETERNAL EMPEROR Dobu wasn't in charge! So less questioning, and more playing! 4 Share this post Link to post
antares031 Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I antares031, am using Korean symbols to cast A MAGICAL SPELL against our ETERNAL EMPEROR! I have therefore been EXCISED for being a WITCH. Spoiler MAP00 - 운명찬가 "죽음을 기억하라" 초코렌더리미츠, 악몽 - 피스톨 스타트, KIS(%): 나유타/무량전/구골플렉스 나, "antares031_연어。"는 영겁만큼 길었던 지난 6년에 가까운 시간동안 "둠월드 메가와드 클럽"을 운영해온 당신의 업적을 진심으로 치하하는 바입니다. 그 동안 수 많은 미생들이 셀 수 없이 많은 와드 속에서 그들만의 세상을 창조했지만, 그 모든 것들도 당신의 불멸의 업적 앞에서는 우주 속의 먼지에 불과하다고 감히 말할 수 있습니다. 영원불패의 용맹하다는 천만 마리의 레버넌트들도 당신의 기상천외한 퍼즐들 앞에서는 폭풍 앞의 촛불들과도 같고, 인류가 창조해낸 수많은 기념물들과 불가사의들도 당신의 무량대수와도 같이 셀 수 없는 라인과 섹터들로 빚어진 레벨들 앞에서는 그저 소리없이 엎드려 경배할 뿐입니다. 당신의 업적은 둠월드의 가장 높은 곳에서 만민이 우러러보는 가운데 영원히 기억에 남을 것입니다. "영원한 황제 도부"이시여, 만수무강하소서. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 17 Share this post Link to post
cannonball Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I cannonball, have made the most EGREGIOUS sin of DISPARAGING the most beautiful, most holy, most resplendent texture of METAL2! For that I deserve the harshest crime imaginable—I am not only EXCISED from the DOBUmegawad Club, but I am EXILED off to the MINES OF SATURN X, where I will work on EPISODE 3 until the END OF DAYS, never to see its release despite all the work I carry out! Oh woe was I! How terribly foolhardy I was! Make not the same mistake I did! Praise be to SUPPORT3! Praise be to METAL2 & 3 & 4 & 5 & 6 & 7! Spoiler First post in a dmwc thread in a long time and it is has finally happened. Alas if only I did something instead of abstaining for months on end... then maybe nothing different would have happened. Well I guess having dobu as a tyranical overload would still probably be better than any governing figure in the UK at the moment. So..... Map01 - The Teleporter by Not Dobu You know what is lacking today in doom? Shotgunner abuse, and maps where you are not guaranteed to get 100% kills due to a rather ingenius design decision like closing a teleporter as part of the aim of the map before all the monsters warp in. Dobu would never do this, and he is publically shamed for this. I also like the 3 demons in the exit room, I mean what would people feel if the exit room was completely empty? We need more doors of flesh in our maps today!!! Also props for the lack of metal textures in this map, those stock metal2 (etc etc) textures are way overused. Gold star, would play again unlike Iron exuviae. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 4 Share this post Link to post
Wereknight Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I CWolf, have referred to the benevolent, amazing, and just rule of Dobu as a "plague", and am therefore EXCISED for my careless choice of words. Spoiler And when I was hoping this forum will not be infected by this plague... well, best ones dying first. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 1 Share this post Link to post
xvertigox Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I xvertigox, have not only mentioned the name of the VILE TRAITOR, but have posted a picture of "Pinchy the Lobster" from The Simpsons, a show which has fallen into such harsh decline that remembering its splendor of old WOUNDS me. I have therefore been EXCISED for my tactlessness. Spoiler pinchyclub#1 Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 1 Share this post Link to post
Yugiboy85 Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Yugiboy85, am a sick, SICK man—I delight in reminding Dobu that he spent two hours meticulously designing beautiful stairs that people will just run down. I will not only be EXCISED for my cruelty, but I will repent by using a stairmaster for the REST OF MY LIFE, never reaching the top, but always climbing, thinking for all my days about how hard our ETERNAL EMPEROR spent designing those gorgeous steps. Spoiler I know what can defeat the "almighty" dobu though. Here you go: I just know how much he LOVES stairs. The downfall of dobu has begun, lock him in a room an make him STAIR at stairs !!! Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 2 Share this post Link to post
Poncho Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Poncho, have revealed myself to be Dobu's match (and more than a feckless CONTRARIAN like Dobu himself) whose best delight is to speak in absolute TRUTHS. I've therefore been ACCEPTED for my relentless pointing-out of everything good and true. Spoiler Oh NORMAL Individual Dobu, I am EVERYTHING compared to thee; I am as a ROSE in the field, whose AMAZING scent is WAY BETTER THAN YOURS, I'M SURE. I am an all-seeing LORD that understands MANY THINGS SUCH AS masterful thing placement, and I love agoraphobic, fair-and-balanced fights—those are definitely the best, please make more maps with a thousand Imps in a 3000x3000 sector! Spoiler Map01: The Teleporter Pfft! Who needs the fucking Given when you've got this masterpiece of level design!? Spoiler I can say with the utmost certainty that Dobu will play like absolute shite, not just on this map, but on the 31 following maps. Christ, he truly is an incompetent Doom playe - in fact, Doom PERSON in general. Come now, Dobu, mid-level saving on Map01 is embarrassing, mate. Spoiler I am a glittering diamond compared to that pebble known as Dobu, the single worst mapper ever! Carmack designed Doom specifically for people like Skillsaw, not shitheads like Dobu, knowing he would one day stain the game's legacy with boring puzzles! Yeah, Dobu, how do you like DEM apples!? Edited April 1, 2018 by Poncho 2 Share this post Link to post
DiEnd Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I DiEnd, have tried maintaining a conversation with someone who has been BANNED from this awesome (and very successful) thread, and therefore have been EXCISED for my foolish betrayal. Spoiler 55 minutes ago, CWolf said: Я ракующий эчпочмак использующий драконий дилдо как оружие убийства тайских столетних горбатых шлюх. Что? Если Антаресу можно на корейском писать, мне нельзя на русском? Теперь это русский тред. Да благословит тебя дирижабль Киров. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 1 Share this post Link to post
Suitepee Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I, Suitepee, am not being BANNED for merely suggesting that Dobu's fame has gone to his head (which it has not, clearly, I mean come on, I've always been a FLAWLESS mapper), but because I refuse to acknowledge that revenants are an AMAZING and VERY VERY FAIR monster. I am therefore righteously EXCISED for wrongly disliking the SECOND BEST MONSTER IN DOOM. Spoiler So you win a Cacoward for one of your maps, and this is what happens eh? Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 4 Share this post Link to post
Liberation Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Liberation, have revealed myself to be an ACOLYTE of the FALSE KING PINCHY, and therefore will be EXCISED for my treason. Spoiler Death to the false Emperor! Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 1 Share this post Link to post
Tristan Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I, Eris Falling, reveal myself to be a TRAITOR to Dobu's immaculate empire, by spamming nonsense in a pitiful attempt to rebel against a perfect, harmonious, and just rule. I am therefore EXCISED for my crass and nonsensical language. Spoiler I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. suck cocks I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. I curse you all to fire in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 5 Share this post Link to post
seed Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Agent6, referred to our eminence as "emperor Dobu" instead of "ETERNAL emperor Dobu", and thereby GROSSLY disrespecting him. I am therefore EXCISED for my crass manner. Spoiler What's with this blasphemy and rebellion against the one true emperor Dobu? Spoiler xdd. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 2 Share this post Link to post
SOSU Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I SOSU, did not spell "what" correctly, and the last thing we need are more uncultured NEANDERTHALS in our GLORIOUS kingdom. I am therefore EXCISED for my juvenile spelling skills. Spoiler WAT :V Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 0 Share this post Link to post
Obsidian Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Obsidian, am posting FABRICATIONS made to PARODY our great and glorious leader! He has never said any of these words; this is obviously FAKE NEWS! I am therefore EXCISED for being part of the LAME STREAM MEDIA! Spoiler Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 8 Share this post Link to post
gaspe Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I gaspe, am posting pictures of WIZARDS AND WITCHES in order to CONFUSE AND FRIGHTEN the masses, and have therefore been EXCISED for my blatant terror tactics. Spoiler I gaspe, have to inform you that the true titlepic of the wad is this one... Spoiler Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 4 Share this post Link to post
Doomkid Posted April 1, 2018 (edited) I Doomkid, while correctly laying prone and reciting the holy—and totally humble—incantation, have erroneously pronounced "DOH-BOO" as "DAH-BOO". Who is this "Dah-bu", pray tell? Why do I DARE worshiping him and not the most excellent and better-pronounced "DOH-BOO?"? Don't I realize how BLASPHEMOUS this is? For that reason, I have been EXCISED for my heresy. Spoiler Oh Eternal Emperor Dobu, I am nothing compared to thee; I am as a fart in the wind, whose pungent scent is sweetened only by thy presence. I am an unseeing snail that does not understand thing placement as effortlessly and masterfully as thou, and I love claustrophobic, unfair fights—those are definitely the best, please make more maps with barons in hallways that are 64-units wide. Edited April 1, 2018 by dobu gabu maru 8 Share this post Link to post