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Memfis

How to go from "I should do this" to doing it?

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I know I should go to bed earlier but I stay up late every night.
I know I should do what I promised but I'm procrastinating.
I know I should meet people more often but I avoid them.
I know I should eat less sweets but I consume them a lot.
I know I should exercise more but I just sit on my chair.

What am I missing? Do I have control over myself?

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It seems like all of them relate to your health and your connections to others. Are those things valuable to you? If they are, then neglecting them seems self-destructive. Perhaps you feel like those things are alright enough such that you don't need to act right now. You probably should though. ;)

 

Perhaps you're depressed.

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It's a battle we all have to deal with, but sometimes you need to just fuckin' do it. Stop the procrastination, stop the crappy diet and just go sort yourself out. I'm someone in the process of trying to cut back on all my bad habits and work on my flaws - For example, I'm taking better care of my skin, and going for regular runs. I hate the act of both of those things, exfoliating feels like absolute shit and while I run I feel like I'm dying, but the end result is / will be bloody well worth it!

 

You need to weigh up the pros and cons of each 'issue/flaw' and ask yourself if you really want to do anything about it, or if you're just 'interested' in doing something about it because other people indicate that's what you should do or whatever. I for one am tired of being 'chubby' and having acne, and recently hit the point where I've said enough is enough and started doing something about it.

 

Spoiler

 

Thought I'd post this before someone else does in a word-less post.

 

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Just do it. Studies have proven people who talk about it waste so much time talking about it that they feel the same buzz from actually doing it.

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Unless it's a depression that's paralizing you in a way, you might be trying to bite more than you can chew.

 

Let's say you wanted to get in the habit of doing some workout regularly, don't go for like a half marathon which fails and then be disappointed in yourself. Instead do some sports for one minute straight. One minute is easy, and getting past that with a feeling of success (having "done the thing") is worth far more than failing at a half-marathon. The next minute you'll work out is gonna be easier, because you know you can do it, so do it, and when you feel like you can do more, add another minute. You might think that working on a minute to minute basis doesn't do much, but this super low "entry-barrier" leaves you with virtually no excuse not to try it.

 

Obviously you can't socialize for one minute and then leave your friends to their amusement, but instead of going out late-night, dancing holes in your shoes and getting drunk like there's no tomorrow, meet up with a friend at a cafe, have a relaxed chat and a slice of pie (which you can later "burn off" by going for a walk or so).

 

Try replacing sweets with fruits and/or yoghurt, basically anything that isn't 99% sugar and tastes good is fair game.

 

Going to bed earlier comes all by itself when you do sports.

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@Nine Inch Heels had a good point in that you shouldn't try to change too much at once. That's a good way to fail at everything and then feel shit for not making the changes you want.

 

I'm a big fan of formed habits and behavioural change. A good personal escape is I go to the gym straight after work. I don't think about it, I just do it. If I go home first there is no way I'm going back out (because couch and sitting) but I've formed a habit over the last 17 years so it is very much 2nd nature. 

 

Don't underestimate the importance of sleep. You'll probably find that with proper rest (8 hours a night every night) a lot of the other things will send much easier as you will have now energy and be in a better mental state. Lack of sleep also has major impact on hormone levels so it will mess with your metabolism and can increase the risk levels of a bunch of conditions. 

 

TL:DR start with one thing. Go from there. I'd suggest exercise or sleep patterns because they affect your emotional state. 

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Hmm, I don't think I have depression. I mean, I am able to enjoy fun stuff every day, sometimes I accomplish things and feel great about them, I laugh often enough, I am willing to explore the world and make my life richer... I have many insecurities, I've done lots of bad decisions and will make more and more in the future, but I definitely don't believe that I'm hopeless or anything. So this sounds quite different from depression as far as I understand it (but then again, like many Russians, I probably have very poor understanding of depression... we don't have much public awareness about these things). I guess I'm just learning to analyze my behavior, and in the process of course I'm discovering unpleasant truths about myself that can be quite frustrating.

 

I like what you guys are saying about starting with very small talks. Recently I've been hearing and thinking about this a lot actually. Indeed, when I try to do a big change in my life I can clearly feel my brain opposing it, but if I very slowly create habits the changes tend to go "unnoticed", there is no resistance. This is how I went from like 10 minute walks to 90+ minutes at times.

 

"Just do it" - I'm not sure if I believe in this... I think we probably have much less control over ourselves than we are comfortable to admit. Maybe free will doesn't exist at all, but even if it does I'm sure it's not even close to complete control. Most of it is genes, hormones, and all that weird stuff. And it won't let you "just" do what you want. But it might be possible to slowly reprogram yourself through mind tricks like that one minute workout thing.

 

I really don't know what to do about sleep. I don't think I've fallen asleep effortlessly even once in the last ten years. Bed is too boring, there is nothing to do in it other than think, but thinking only makes you less sleepy.

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It helps if you have a goal in mind. Knowing you should do something is long way from wanting to do it. Something like Cognitive therapy might be of use to you.

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35 minutes ago, Memfis said:

Hmm, I don't think I have depression. I mean, I am able to enjoy fun stuff every day, sometimes I accomplish things and feel great about them, I laugh often enough, I am willing to explore the world and make my life richer...

The trap here is that most people who have depression aren't aware of it at all, for a very long time even, or rather their mind tells them that everything's "okay enough". Obviously we don't you know you personally, but if people you actually know personally suggest that you may have depression, or if there's any indication that you're developing in a direction that seems concerning to your friends, then it's perhaps something worth looking into.

 

If thinking makes you less sleepy, and for some reason your mind is not at ease when you go to bed, I would suggest having a look at what it is that you think about, and how it makes you feel. Discussing these thoughts with others may also help you reflect on those things, and perhaps you learn something about yourself that you otherwise wouldn't have figured out.

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1 hour ago, Memfis said:

This is how I went from like 10 minute walks to 90+ minutes at times.

That's great. Don't play down your achievements even if they seem small. Human's are naturally resistant to change so *insert cliche about moving a mountain one stone at a time*

 

1 hour ago, Memfis said:

I really don't know what to do about sleep. I don't think I've fallen asleep effortlessly even once in the last ten years. Bed is too boring, there is nothing to do in it other than think, but thinking only makes you less sleepy.

That's a tough one. There is quite a bit of new research showing how long it can take to switch off after looking at a screen. General advise seems to be that you should avoid even looking at a phone an hour before bed time. Easy to say, tough to do (I'm guilty of it). 

Being able to switch the mind off I find is something you need to do consciously (or at least practice) which sounds counter intuitive. I have an over active imagination, a very intense job and a tendency to over think things. I've to teach myself to push things out of my head at night and not worry about things that I can't do anything about until the next day. 

The other thing to look at is what are you eating/drinking before bed. The obvious ones are coffee/energy drinks and it can be not just a case of not having them at night. Some of my friends can't have any caffeine after about 10 am as it messes up their sleep. 

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Schedule your daily life. It won't suddenly organize itself without one. If you never feel like you want to meet someone chance is you don't care about them enough to bother with -nor the other way around if they never bother contacting you-, you don't have to cut them out of your life. Just find people who want said communication -Said person might even be someone you met a long time ago but they too were too shy to say hi.

 

Food and exercise aren't going to fix themselves without a plan. There is nothing extreme about banning yourself from any snack food except on rare occasions or every 4-6 days, Especially if you are exercising since they'll just get in the way. Trying to fix both at once is going to be really hard though, It won't happen over night and it will feel like torture even if it isn't, just because it is too different to what you are used to. You don't have to wake up early unless your job is in the morning -or school\college, but I've done both while staying up to 3 AM and beyond so ehh whatever, I still got 6-7 hours of sleep daily anyway, Doesn't even need fixing for jobs starting at +8 AM :p.

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On ‎8‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 4:08 PM, Nine Inch Heels said:

The trap here is that most people who have depression aren't aware of it at all, for a very long time even, or rather their mind tells them that everything's "okay enough". Obviously we don't you know you personally, but if people you actually know personally suggest that you may have depression, or if there's any indication that you're developing in a direction that seems concerning to your friends, then it's perhaps something worth looking into.

Very true.  I have fun all the time, but I get depressed from time to time simply because I of my thoughts.  I find that if I think enough about it though I typically get happier.  This only happens to me because I believe in logic, so if you don't like logic, this may not help.  

 

I forgot to mention that if I listen to sad music I get depressed/sad.  Listen to happier music.

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