Share a random fact about yourself

13 hours ago, seed said:

 

What series?

It's not out yet. I can't talk too much about it right now, but when it's out I'll be more vocal.

I actually hate watching porn and sex related jokes.

If you have to put sex related stuff into your jokes to make them "funny", then your sense of humour is probably shit.

I’m hanging out in a nice hotel bar three negronis deep. I like walking around and ending up in nice quiet fairly low key places. Is that level of solitude good? I’m not a complete introvert but I like solitude and people watching and getting loaded in luxurious places.

12 hours ago, insertwackynamehere said:

I’m hanging out in a nice hotel bar three negronis deep. I like walking around and ending up in nice quiet fairly low key places. Is that level of solitude good? I’m not a complete introvert but I like solitude and people watching and getting loaded in luxurious places.

As someone who spends most of their time in solitude and isn't exactly very social in the first place, I say yes. It gives me the time I need to refill my batteries.

Plus, I sometimes like to go out for walks into the park at night during the summer/summer-to-autumn when it's neither too hot nor too cold, it's good stuff.

Back when I had (more) time to do (other than school) stuff, I used to go out running in the middle of the night (but more related to my sleep rhythm being nearly "backwards"). Usually here's no one around outside in the middle of the night. Although I do like going out sometime near sunset and go look at the sunset on top of a hill.

I used to do that too, but I live in a gated community with tall hedges separating the lots. I felt like a serial killer walking around hearing people partying and having fun, so never did it again.

I have many virtual friends, with much diversity, ranging from British nerds who IRC while smoking weed, to random furries around the globe, and even women who use IRC to chill and talk with other people (usually people who share the same chat channels, like me).

In real life, I have many friends in school, but few otherwise.

Take care to keep the friends you get to know in school. They slip away way too easy.

Thanks, man. True.

Ah, school and friends... these are 2 words that absolutely do not fit in the same sentence from my experience.

Only the high school was a more pleasant experience, but my years spent in school were otherwise a fucking nightmare. I'll never forget the mockery and ridicule these years brought me, wnd I most definitely will never forgive those responsible for it. It's probably one of the reasons why nowadays I have barely any interest in befriending anyone, although I have always had anti-social tendencies and never really got along with people very well. And even if I do, it seems life always finds a way to remind me of that.

I finished secondary school, took one year of higher education before I started working in the local coal mine.

If all goes well tonight, then I can expect to be partying and drinking myself silly until the wee hours of the morning in the vicinity of Celebration Square, Mississauga. Jurassic Park TO is pretty strict on alcohol and smoking, but security for Jurassic Park West seemed perfectly fine with everyone having open bottles of liquor and smoking out in the open when I was last there. 

I can't believe this is finally happening. It all seems so surreal. 

I have like one some sort of friend from school. We seem to meet so rarely that I don't know exactly what kind of friend she is. Sure we have fun together when we do meet. I'd like to meet more often.

From previous schools I had crappy friends, who eventually insulted me or otherwise treated me badly. Now I've distanced myself from these people and the memories. It all feels like it happened to someone else, but I just happen to remember it. And tomorrow I get to talk about this stuff to a psychologist (again). Should also make some kind of life timeline chart showing all the major events in my life and maybe another line going up and down to show how happy / unhappy I've felt.

Fortunately I did some text some year ago listing of all the major events from each year of my life and how they affected my life and what I felt back then. So I don't need to think too much about what to put on that chart.

Speaking of thinking, now here's a random fact: Sometimes when I'm thinking too much when doing or saying something, the end result is almost the same as when I'm not thinking at all. Cool stuff, isn't it?

14 hours ago, TwinBeast said:

Now I've distanced myself from these people and the memories. It all feels like it happened to someone else, but I just happen to remember it.

The problem is, if it was a more traumatic experience the memories will eventually end up haunting you. It's definitely my case, there's things from that dark period of my life I will probably never forget, as much as I tried to distance myself from the people responsible for them. It'll always be there.

Sometimes, I wonder if my self-esteemed wouldn't be almost nonexistent if it wasn't for these experiences, and a few others.

They did haunt me for some 10-15 years. I got some professional help to deal with most of the stuff, and later some more to deal with the rest. Now this stuff still affect my life in a way that I don't have much of anything to talk about with anyone. At school or work people of my age all have children/family and that's what they all talk about if they're not talking about school or work.

I don't want to talk about my crappy past to them, because it might become a problem if they knew I've had mental health problems. I could talk about being trans, but there just hasn't been much to talk about that, unless I've needed to change some work shift because of having some appointment at a clinic. Both past mental health problems and being trans have made people question if I'm able to work/study. Even for this school where I'm now, I had to get a doctor's statement that I'm ok to work/study. Though I'm glad they at least gave me this sort of possibility, other schools didn't.

For me it helped to be able to talk about my traumatic experiences. Earlier the events would play in my mind in repeat, and/or like a constant police interrogation going on in my mind about everything I did or was going to do. It took some years too to be able to even talk about this stuff, though when I finally was able to talk about it all, none of it troubled me much anymore. Have you tried talking about your experiences to someone?

34 minutes ago, TwinBeast said:

Have you tried talking about your experiences to someone?

Yeah, a few times, but never got professional help. It might have been the better option because past experiences with people only led me to the conclusion that no one really gives a damn about you, if they didn't change their view on me immediately afterwards and think I'm a joke because yes, that's how some people see the victims of abuse: As always being the ones who had the problem in the first place, and their fault for being weak, not deserving to be taken serious or sympathy. Mhm.

Not to mention that others might even want me to forgive them, like fuck right off please. No sane man would forgive them. I even almost got expelled from school due to a so-called "friend" at the time, the same guy who later wanted to literally trade his girlfriend for another in high school. Trading, girlfriends? You can just tell by these 2 words that the guy had serious problems. Other people also come with the eternal excuse that "they were kids, they didn't think". Yeah, and so what of it? Being immature or a kid does not always excuse everything. I've also done real some dumb shit when I was in my teenage years/a kid but not once it crossed my mind to:

- Mock and ridicule people for the sake of having fun, and psysically abuse them.

- Use them as a tool to further my own ends.

- Try to get people expelled out of jealousy (yes, that was the reason behind it).

- Hang someone upside down.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. And yet some people want me to forgive the ones responsible for them. How about no.

It definitely left a mark upon me, no idea how big though, but I know the memories will always haunt me, even if nowadays they don't piss me off or make me feel embarrassed as much as they once did. They're more like a shadow from the past, one that can do no harm, but will always be there.

On 6/10/2019 at 12:26 PM, NeedHealth said:

Take care to keep the friends you get to know in school. They slip away way too easy.

Feels, man. My kid self never would have thought it possible that there'd be a brief time in college where I actually believed I was "popular." Sharing a class and going to the same DIY punk shows? It was so nice to have people recognize me. I always took it for granted and would sneak off with just the one or two people I really cared about, but the universe doesn't discriminate. A lot of those people have disappeared, either died from illness or settled down with an SO or just completely changed. I wish I accepted more people unconditionally.

Although where's the fun in that? Something something esteem, don't give yourself away too freely. Sometimes I feel bad that my dad had me so late in life (he was in his 40's when I was born), because what I gained in maturity I lost in terms of my patience/naivete for most of the people in my age group. Just couldn't ever relate to what they were going through. I was always too existential and nerdy. And I still am now, even though I've gotten better at seeming confident.

So old guard Doomworlders, how the hell do you make friends after college? I'm 26 and still can't figure it out.

I haven't bought physical game copies since Windows Vista days, I mostly just use G2A and Steam sales.

マクドナルドについて考えるのをやめることはできない

@StoneFrog is it that important to keep high school friends? I was more fortunate and bonded with 3 mates who are still close and a couple others we still see now and then. Mind you, I'm a lazy introvert.

You can make friends at work although I personally keep a reasonable distance and keep them as work mates. I'm picky now as I was back in the day.

A saying I heard is "you can only count your true friends with one hand". I agree with it.

I sometimes enjoy simple foods. I just ate bread with margarine and cheese.

But there's a bare minimum, and I wish I was more lenient with what I can eat.

I'm demisexual. I guess I've been like that always, but realised it some year ago, when I was wondering about my sexuality. So, I need a deep emotional connection with a person before I'm interested in them sexually.

I'm vegetarian

I like reading what's going on on the Github pages of a few (Doom) source ports, mainly Eternity, Crispy, and Choco. Open issues, PRs, and commits.

I prefer to think that I understand what I'm reading in the portions of code.

9 hours ago, seed said:

I like reading what's going on on the Github pages of a few (Doom) source ports, mainly Eternity, Crispy, and Choco. Open issues, PRs, and commits.

 

I prefer to think that I understand what I'm reading in the portions of code.

Same here. I am keeping a close eye on github pages of Prboom+ umapinfo and Eternity.

I peed my pants earlier today laughing too hard at Ben Shapiro making fun of the Democratic debates.

I unironically enjoy listening to Philosophy Of The World by The Shaggs. I just find the song enjoyable to listen to for some reason.

I recently started woodworking and working in my garage. I didn't think it was so interesting. Recently bought a set of drills for these reviews https://drilling-it.com/best-drill-bits-for-stainless-steel-buyers-guide now I can do anything!

I used to steal the cheap candy from a small local store in town.

Second fact, chances of me having to live on the streets soon are pretty high, which sucks, since I just recently got a neat gaming pc and would have loved to play cyberpunk 2077.

26 minutes ago, ([zen3001]) said:

Second fact, chances of me having to live on the streets soon are pretty high

Wow there, but how did that come?