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999cop

Apology of Canada to the United States of America

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Courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes CBC Television:
On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George W. Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defense I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it! It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we Feel your Pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you wanna have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

Thank you.

heh

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Opulent said:

I believed it until that part about Hitler. hehe

I got it around the 'moron' part. Heh...this is funny because its true.

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Scuba Steve said:

Good. Them Canadians have alot to be sorry for.

Brian Adams for example.


You gave us Richard Simmons

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Alientank said:

You gave us Richard Simmons


Yeah, well, Africa gave us both AIDS, so...lets shift the blame!

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Well, it serves America, er, well Europe actually, right, for going to Africa and kidnapping all those people for slaves because the white ________ were too _______ lazy to do any work themselves.

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LOL!

I may be American, but I love it when people poke fun at my country, at least when they're good humored about it, cause I know America's nowhere near perfect. And I know how to take a joke.

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BBG said:

Yeah, well, Africa gave us both AIDS, so...lets shift the blame!

The spread of HIV was highlighted by the case of 'Patient Zero'. Patient Zero was a Canadian flight attendant called Gaetan Dugas who travelled extensively worldwide. Analysis of several of the early cases of AIDS showed that the infected individuals were either direct or indirect sexual contacts of the flight attendant. These cases could be traced to several different American cities demonstrating the role of international travel in spreading the virus. It also suggested that the disease was probably the consequence of a single transmissible agent.The first cases of AIDS occurred in the USA in 1981.But HIV was much earlier.Three of the earliest known instances of HIV infection are

A plasma sample taken in 1959 from an adult male living in what is now the Democratic Republic of Congo

HIV found in tissue samples from an African-American teenager who died in St. Louis in 1969.

HIV found in tissue samples from a Norwegian sailor who died around 1976.

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Mercer: "In a recent study it was found that 80% of 7 graders in Canada could not locate their own state on an unmarked map, do you think this could be considered an education crisis?"

Woman: "Oh, of course, you know they should be able to find their own state-"

Kid: "Hey, waitaminute! Canada has provinces!"

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I overheard this girl, talking to another girl about how New York has one of the higher education levels in the US and Florida has one of the lowest. I then broke in and asked them if they realized that a large percentage of people living Florida at one time or another lived in New York. Thus, we can infer that New York ships out its retards to Florida.

I'd like to see some statistics on changes of residence from Canada to the United States...

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Psyonisis said:

Mercer: "In a recent study it was found that 80% of 7 graders in Canada could not locate their own state on an unmarked map, do you think this could be considered an education crisis?"

Woman: "Oh, of course, you know they should be able to find their own state-"

Kid: "Hey, waitaminute! Canada has provinces!"

Amazing. I saw that. The kid was like 5.

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Submerge said:

LOL!

I may be American, but I love it when people poke fun at my country, at least when they're good humored about it, cause I know America's nowhere near perfect. And I know how to take a joke.

Well, I just saw The Simpsons tonight and I've got two things to say. America does indeed suck in some respects and is certainly far from perfect. Second, AndrewB is indeed right that The Simpsons is degraded...they had Bob Dole in the show today but didn't even get him as a guest voice. They used to be able to get just about anyone for a guest. Not only that, but I hardly laughed.

Now I've done it...we're in for an oratory now.

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Your skills in inference making proves that you're wise beyond your years. :P

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I had some friends who went on a road trip to Canada. He said their tacos were expensive but large and heavy, that female mounties are hot femme fatales and that the border guards for getting back into the US are lazy and indifferent. Oh, and he said there are a lot of Asian folks there too.

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Wow,we were pissed a Canada? Gorge W. Bush just needs to pull that 20ft tall pine tree out of his ass and the world would be a better place.

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