For those who hit rock bottom, what’s it like?

(Save the SpongeBob Rock Bottom jokes, they’re original and hilarious)

This is not just a thread where I’m going to bitch and moan about my problems, but I think I’d like to get some perspective.

What exactly spurred on this thread? I’ve thought about making it for some time especially since things haven’t been great, but sometimes I’d think “at least things can’t get worse” and I’d avoid doing that because I’m afraid that I’m somehow tempting fate to take things even further. Either that, or the infrequent thoughts of taking my own life seemed to somehow stave that off.

Either way, I guess I’m just sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Here’s the final impetus that compelled me to make this thread:

In other words, this saying pretty much sums up rock bottom:

Quote

Imagine you're in a ditch, and that ditch is slowly getting deeper.

 

At first it doesn't seem to be something to be concerned about, because it's not that deep.

Once you do become concerned, you finally make an attempt to free yourself, only to find that you can't.

 

Then panic sets in.

 

You didn't take it seriously and now you're stuck, unable to dig yourself out. The walls grow deeper and the light gets dimmer.

Panic gives way to anger and you seethe that you let this happen, furious that the world is ignoring it.

 

Then as it gets colder and the light is engulfed in darkness, the walls close in, and you’re literally unable to breathe.

 

Depression takes root, deep within your soul.

 

Not a feeling of sadness, but that of isolation, despair, and the unbearable acceptance that people around you watched the hole swallow you up and did nothing to help.

 

Eventually you finally forgive them as you near the bottom because you provide nothing to them, nothing to anyone.

 

You are a burden to anyone who has ever known you and the world will be much better with you far away from it.

 

Finally, acceptance.

 

You accept that life is too painful to exist. You accept that nothing you have ever done or will do, can bring you back from the abyss.

You accept that this was always your destiny, to die alone in the dark, wrapped in your own arms.

 

Your tears are the only thing keeping your tired body and broken soul attached, until finally crying becomes too much effort.

 

You finally lay down and hope the world shows you mercy for once in your life and just ends your suffering, because anything else but the release of death would be a cruelty too horrible to endure…

 

…and yet, endure it you must.

So again just to get perspective, what was rock bottom for you like?

Well, I think rock bottom is relative and contextual. I've been there before, and then been there again later in life, to find out it goes deeper than I thought. It never gets easier. 

I've been mentally broken down and rebuilt, through various means, enough times to the point where I have no clear discernable self-identify anymore, only a series of impressions that make some sense depending on what lens I view them through. That's either a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. At times, I've clawed my way out of the hole with my fingers through nothing but spite, with the refusal to let my circumstances dictate or possibly destroy my life. From there it's a blank slate. At the end of the day we're all the product of our experiences, for better or worse.

I've always, for the past few years, found myself at what I think is a new low. Whether it be in terms of my inability to socialize effectively with people due to my anxiety or trying to fit in with others and find some sort of peace and serenity in a world that is difficult to understand, and is changing drastically, for better or worse, every day. I've had days that were so bad where the next morning I didn't want to wake up and just lie there and do nothing. The only reason I keep moving is mostly a mix of stubbornness and hidden willpower. My pain, in some ways, gives me the strength to keep fighting, to not give in to my problems, triumph over them and not let my problems and the pain from my past define my identity.

I don't know if that qualifies as hitting rock bottom(though hitting rock bottom itself is a subjective term) but I understand where you're coming from. You're tired of the world kicking you when you're down and feeling miserable. Just remember that the fact that you keep moving forward, despite the unpleasantness of your situation, is a massive achievement, and you should keep that in mind. I know this sounds clichéd and I know I don't have the same problems as you, but you need to keep going. There is something waiting for you on the other side. I know you weren't asking for any kind of advice, I just thought I'd say that.

You mentioned in the OP thoughts about taking your own life. Have you sought help, such as a psychologist? If you can, please seek professional help. However infrequent these thoughts may be, they should be addressed before the thoughts become worse. I hope you feel better soon, though :)        

Even at my lowest points, I never felt close to rock bottom. Even when suicidal, I still had a roof over my head, food to eat and people to reach out to. For me, rock bottom is when the only thing you have left is your own life. Some people can sit in that dark, and some others look up and see the light of possibility.

I will preface this by saying this dribble is in a spoiler because I drone on about some shit.

I'm actually wondering if it's even worth posting this dribble, but fuck it why not.

58 minutes ago, Chopkinsca said:

Even at my lowest points, I never felt close to rock bottom. Even when suicidal, I still had a roof over my head, food to eat and people to reach out to. For me, rock bottom is when the only thing you have left is your own life. Some people can sit in that dark, and some others look up and see the light of possibility.

Same here, I've been a hard-core alcoholic and drug addict, even main-lining heroin at one point, and still had a home, food, and family. Rock bottom was much further down.

Well, i don't wanna get deeply into details so i keep it somewhat abstract.  i've always been a loner, not because i really want to, but because i find few people with similar interests and don't see the world the way most people do, and knew i had nothing in common with my family since i was early teens.  Was married for a good number of years, but my wife, who i thought would never betray me, ended up betraying me (not that way), knowing it would devastate me.  Since then i've had a few attempts at relationships that have only showed the futility of even trying...the last attempt, which i thought was serious, ended last week.

There's many aspects to what rock bottom is, but i've reached the point of ... i'll just see what happens until the point when everything becomes unbearable - in truth i haven't healed one iota from my ex-wife's leaving me five years ago. i've had suicide as an option since after high school (i'm a high school drop out, and dropped out from society too when i did that), which was quite a while ago, but until now i've always found something...and i think i am truly running out of things to try, even for five minutes, that would make things bearable (that's really what i've been looking for ever since my wife left...)  For me, that's just the way the world is...and no professional help could talk me out of thinking what i think or feeling what i feel.  i'm also just not one of those people who could claw themselves out of a train wreck to 'survive'. i've had too much pain in my life to bother.  i've truly hoped for my life just to end without me having to do it so many times.

1 hour ago, dei_eldren said:

For me, that's just the way the world is...and no professional help could talk me out of thinking what i think or feeling what i feel.

I think this is a common misconception people have about professional help, such as seeing a therapist. They're there as a neutral party to do out-loud talking to, which can make you even the slightest bit less miserable. Not to tell you "your worldview is wrong".

Or maybe I'm reading this wrong and you've tried and had a bad experience. Either way I hope you can get some relief.

14 minutes ago, DuckReconMajor said:

 

I think this is a common misconception people have about professional help, such as seeing a therapist. They're there as a neutral party to do out-loud talking to, which can make you even the slightest bit less miserable. Not to tell you "your worldview is wrong".

Or maybe I'm reading this wrong and you've tried and had a bad experience. Either way I hope you can get some relief.

Well, i have to admit you are right, and perhaps it is a misconception, because it's just how i imagine it would be.  i've never seriously thought about it beyond that.  Thank you, DRM, i appreciate it.

From my experience with therapy, they have never told me what to do. They make suggestions, or give me ideas on different ways to think (not in terms of views, but I can't explain it, so I won't). I think the only way to find out if it is for you or not, is to try. Though I couldn't imagine where I'd be if I lived somewhere that I had to pay for therapy.

Rock bottom is overdosing 3 times on opiates and somehow surviving to tell the tale. Stealing from your mothers prescription to get high while she needs it. Drinking 12 beers when you have work at 8 AM. Getting high on mushrooms and having a bad trip sending you to the mental hospital and losing your gf. Meanwhile you pushed away everyone who loves you an no matter what you do no one trusts you completely ever again.  8 years clean from the opiates now, no matter how low you go, you can always go lower.

(Never mind.)

I only just pulled myself out of rock bottom a couple of years ago. I could tell you about it, but I'd rather show you instead.

Being homeless for a year definitely was rock bottom for me.

Just now, Okej5722 said:

Being homeless for a year definitely was rock bottom for me.

Being homeless sucks.. at least we had a truck to stay in...

Damn va screwed my dad's benefits... We had to live on a beach (not as fun as it sounds) and then a Walmart parking lot..

I broke down at the beach, I started screaming and crying. 

It lasted almost a year.. until December of 2019, 

I still live in this trailer park, but I'm sick of it, druggies, meth heads, tweakers etc walking around... Some weird guy tried giving me a knife and a lighter..

I used to work here but the owner is short on money.. plus I got nervous with a bunch of crackheads on the loose.

Not exactly what you asked, but here's my little ramble-

"Rock bottom" is probably the wrong way to look at things. Being aware (to the extent that you can be) of how many critical needs are currently going unmet, or how many breaking points you're near or past is more useful.

A situation can stop improving pretty quickly depending on how many problems you're juggling simultaneously- progress in one area can be completely undermined or torn down by a setback in another.

Also it's been a while since I posted, hi all!

3 hours ago, Biodegradable said:

I only just pulled myself out of rock bottom a couple of years ago. I could tell you about it, but I'd rather show you instead.

 

 

now that is quite an awesome story @Biodegradable

Unfortunately, I don't think there is a bottom to it. They're definitely experiences that you don't forget and hopefully learn from, one way or the other.

I was trapped in the deepest pit I've known for at least 3 years. In the end my only choice was to end it or seek help from family. I'm glad I took the better path. 

As a pretty empathetic person, this kind of stuff is always hard to read. To all of you who pulled yourself out of tough times - well done. Seriously, well done. It is not easy to break bad habits and change your life for the better. Been there, done that, so I know how hard it is, though what I went through was nothing compared to some of what I have read here. Keep it up.

For anyone still going through some crap, I wish I could help you all somehow but I have helped enough people going through troubling times to know everyone is different, everyone needs different things and different support. Humans are creatures of habit. This can be a very much double-edged sword. Bad thought patterns form, bad habits form, you start to feel you are worthless and you keep repeating the same bad things and bad thoughts. It becomes a vicious, self-feeding cycle. So all I can say is keep trying, keep fighting. Don't just try to flip the script, tear it up. Do whatever you can to break those cycles and habits. Put yourself out there and try different things. Start small and work your way up. Cultivate positive experiences and try not to sweat the bad stuff. It's part of life. Not everything goes to plan, and that's OK. I know this is all very generic and vague advice, but it is the best I can offer. And it can work.

And just remember - your life matters, even if it feels like it doesn't at times, and even if it's just to the rest of us nutters on this funny little corner of the Internet.

Rock bottom? It’s this for me:

This question is funny to me because I've been convinced several times since 5th grade that I've hit rock bottom, only to have something come along and top it. Little did I know I had no clue what that really was until I was 24-26.

It became absolutely impossible for me to care about anyone or anything. My already shoddy focus became absolutely nonexistent and my common sense flew completely out the window. At the same time, at true rock bottom I felt a certain clarity about the reality of certain things that I normally lack(which I think was probably mentally-imposed simplicity, but idk). There's no doubt that if the means had been available for me to commit mass murder at the time, I would've just gone ahead and came up with a thought-out plan(the thing to do for worthless and angry sorts were my thoughts), but since I was too lazy/living with my parents/other issues which made that impossible. Thnakfully, I'm taking an antidepressant now and actually have a few friends (or more than a few) now, and I don't think I'll ever feel so low again.

I'm not a religious person, but what they say about your life flashing before your eyes is true. You see all the bad that was done to you, and how it all went wrong. I had flashbacks about being sexually abused when I was four years old, and other such memories that I suppressed for 25+ years, and the chain of events that led me to that exact point in time at the bottom. I knew that it would probably take four or five years until my life would resemble normal again. From there on, I weighed the pros and cons of suicide. I figured I already tried that twice and that I should at least seriously try to fix myself, and that I could just KMS later along the way if it didn't work out.

I was still quite screwed in the head, so some of my first steps weren't graceful. I burned some bridges with people that needed burning, but I regret how I went about it, and I plan on apologizing to some of those individuals in the foreseeable future when I get just a little bit better. I had to come to terms with the fact my parents, while doing the best that they could given their circumstances, were clueless Gen X'ers that were raised by even worse parents, and that they chose not to act in my best interests when confronted with some of my issues growing up. I embraced the philosophy of stoicism, practiced proper meditation, and tried to figure out how to become my own father at the tail end of my 20s. Through this, I was able to quit drinking, focus more on acquiring new skills, and live independently from my abusers.

I read a book that I wrote when I was seventeen years old, which was more-or-less a biographical account of how I spent the entirety of my teens on the Internet. When I wrote it, the intention was that it'd be a comedic look at Internet culture at that time, but a lot of it was actually about me coping with the loss of most of my online friends who I kind of considered to be my surrogate family. But even back then, even though I "knew" almost nothing of the real world, I was still such a confident and self-actualized person, and was at a point where I was willing to "quit" the Internet and start perusing healthier relationships and careers. It was a very eye-opening and painful spectral conversation with my past self, and was probably the hardest relapse I had on my road to recovery. That was about a year ago, and I've experienced a few other hiccups since then, such as a surgery that went wrong, my dog dying, getting scammed out of $710, on top the world almost ending, but overall it just strengthened my stoic values.

I'm at that five year point, and I honestly feel like I'm in a better place than I've been since I was a teenager. Sometimes I feel enlightened, even mentally invincible at times, it's almost scary.

EDIT: Oh yeah, Sertraline helped out with that too. And at first Lorazepam for the bi-daily panic attacks. I was pretty anti-pharmaceuticals before, especially with how I was trying to kick alcohol, but when your brain is as fucked as mine was, you have to try everything you can. 

Today I realised I am at a new low point, for reasons in my life that I will not go into here. To say nothing of the simmering existential dread at the state of the world at large. But this is something that's been going on for a long time, getting progressively worse with no end in sight- uncertain if pun intended or not.

I started mapping as a distraction from these issues and it was very cathartic to begin with, not to mention fun, but I've now reached a point where even looking at the editor makes me want to have a nervous breakdown because I just dont know what I'm doing anymore. There's not a blockage in the link between my head and my hand. The link is completely broken. 

It's a horrifying realisation when external circumstances have basically destroyed your will to do somethibg you're supposed to enjoy and that you know you can do, or could do at one point. Every time I try and start a blank slate I'm unable to reconcile the vague impressions in my head. I feel brain damaged. The alternative is looking at something I've been working on for...six months, seeing how pathetically little progress I've got to show for it, and thinking what's the point because it's never gonna be that good anyway. This isn't the only hobby that's been ruined. I'm a musician and I couldn't give a shit about that right now either. I've always been my own worst critic but I thought in mapping I'd finally found a place that would be safe from that. But the outside seems to have finally caved those walls in too.

I've gone through tough times before, but I survived them all... it's all complicated and personal, though.

Me, I'm just a humble man who wants to keep a low profile.

On 10/6/2021 at 1:50 AM, Biodegradable said:

I only just pulled myself out of rock bottom a couple of years ago. I could tell you about it, but I'd rather show you instead.

As corny as it is to say, this is honestly incredible and inspirational, I love to see it.

So, back when I initially made this thread, part of the reason why I did so was to gauge as to whether that low point in my life was truly going to be rock bottom. Namely, just to put things in perspective.

Considering how they say the only place you can go is up once you’ve reached rock bottom, I can safely say that I’ve managed to get past rock bottom (specifically that one low point in my life).

Things have indeed gotten much better, and I can only see things getting better from here.

7 minutes ago, Man of Doom said:

So, back when I initially made this thread, part of the reason why I did so was to gauge as to whether that low point in my life was truly going to be rock bottom. Namely, just to put things in perspective.

 

Considering how they say the only place you can go is up once you’ve reached rock bottom, I can safely say that I’ve managed to get past rock bottom (specifically that one low point in my life).

 

Things have indeed gotten much better, and I can only see things getting better from here.

Great to hear.

Well I'd say I hit "rock bottom" a few months ago. Honestly, it's just this cosmic feeling of doom; an impending sense that all is unwell, and few things can ensure that there would be even an ounce of peace and rest coming towards you. It's terrible, and a lot of the time I find myself skidding next to being at rock bottom. Maybe it's because I'm unlucky, maybe because I'm overly emotional about some things, but every few weeks or so I end up sitting in my room, listening to music, and smoking cigarettes for hours trying to deal with feelings of pure pessimistic agony.

To anyone in this thread who has dealt with addiction, suicidal thoughts, cosmic dread, or anything else, I implore you, try talking to someone about it in a non-judgmental setting. 

I've gone my entire life convinced that nobody cares about my problems, and have only recently gone to meetings and sought therapy and I can promise you that it feels so good to unload your thoughts, even if it's just to strangers at first. There are people who care about you, even if it's just some dumbass on a forum like myself.