Classic Stories: Ray Leatherman has one good eye.

This story isn't originally mine, but it's a post made by TheRealJon on the old old X-E forums, and has a special place in my heart. I figure it should be shared for the good of everybody here:

"Back about five years ago I worked at a summer camp that we had to live at. I was a dishwasher and we had a pretty cool group of guys that we would all chill together and play N64 all day when work wasn't going on. So anyways, the only guy we didn't like was this filthy, dirty, nasty, smelly 35 year old guy named Ray Leatherman. He lived in his van outside the dining hall we worked in, and he honestly never took a shower. The guy had one good eye, the other
was pure white, well a yellowy off white anyway. He had puffy silver dollar sized nipples that you could see through his undershirt. And he was hugely obese. It was just plain disgusting. Also any food we had to pick up, Ray had some sort of sexual meaning for:

Peanut Butter = Penis Butter
Hot Dogs = Dicks
Mayo = Cum
Sticky Buns = Dicky Buns

"Anyways ... Ray was hated by all of us. One time this kid Kurt who worked there walked into the walk-in cooler to get some stuff we needed to make breakfast. Lo, and behold Ray was sittign in there picking his ass or something. When he saw Kurt he felt the need to tell him, "Oh its so cold in here, my nipples are hard as a rock." Kurt left immediatly. Also this kid Josh was putting away dishes one morning in the lower cabinets where he had to be down on his knees to get to. Ray came walking by ... and said "while you are down there could you do me a favor?" Josh immediatly became sick and insulted and called Ray a lazy-eyed faggot. Ray then grabbed Josh's head and pushed it into his crotch. (No Joke) And then walked outside to have a ciggarette. So every night we would talk about how much we wanted Ray to die. Then one fateful day.

"I was helping Josh and Ray cook eggs. Ray was sweating liek a pig this morning, more than usaul and he looked real out of it as well. He finally said, "I gotta take a shit." And with that he handed me his spatula and walked to the bathroom. Well Ray was gone for a good fifteen minutes before Josh started exclaiming "Where the fuck is Ray?" Then he walked through the door, looking even odder. And he kept walking down the hallway to tell Frank something. That when I noticed something dripping out from the bottom of his pants. It was shit alrite. Then I looked up and not only was it all over the back of his pants, but blood was too. I was horrified. Ray said "Frank, I had an accident I'm gonna go change." Frank let him go but before he got anywhere, Ray grabbed onto the wall and started shaking violently. I looked over in shock at what I was watching. The he fell over and his his head on a C02 bottle, cracking it open. This left a huge puddle of shit, blood, and vomit all over the floor. I sat there watchign this whole thing. And actually did not feel bad at all. So Frank did the honorable thing and caleld 911. He then said alrite someone is gonna take care of this, get back to breakfast.

"Well when we were heading back I decided to peak into the bathroom, and for some reason I wish I never had done that. At first as I walked in I saw the toilet bowl over flowing with shit. Then as I got closer and more curious I noticed a different tainted color in the bowl, then I knew exactly what it was, Ray's intestines had been shit out of himself and into the toilet bowl. I left the room and put a Out of Order sign on it. I also refused to clean it up."

Thus concludes this tale.

Man, I miss the X-E forums, I only made a few posts :(

You know, I always wondered if it was possible to shit ones intestines out like in the before mentioned tale. I heard of a college power lifter literally ripping his ass in half trying to squat some insane amount of weight, but just pooping your innards seems a bit far-fetched. (I still avoid over-straining while on the pot, just as a precaution.) Maybe I'm just overthinking the whole thing. Fuck, I'm bored...

BBG said:

Man, I miss the X-E forums, I only made a few posts :(

nocarlno.com is where all the leftover people have gone.

Wow, what an engrossing tale, full of meaning, and uh, shit.

Heh.

DooMBoy said:

Wow, what an engrossing tale, full of meaning, and uh, shit.

You'sa made a pun, sah!

Not nice!

Damnit... I was about to eat breakfast too... so much for that idea...

I'll never shit again...

Job said:

You'sa made a pun, sah!

Heheh, /me spanks

Alboroto said:

I'll never shit again...

well, you are gonna explode then... heh