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White

Coping With Depression

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I admit. I'm a fucking mess right now. Pathetically fucking weak. I find it extremely sad that I would have to resort to speaking with people I barely know to help me with some issues I'm having ... But here I am anyway.

I'd just like to start with: How does the populace of DoomWorld cope with depression, loneliness and complete and utter emptiness?

I'm willing to try about anything. You may ask whatever questions you'd like and I'll be brutally honest. Now that I've taken off my make-up, I'd appreciate it if you would take off yours.

Regards,

White

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I find depression easy to avoid. Just remember to work as hard as you can to prevail to get to the other side, because it's always better on the other side.

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Linguica said:

First step would be to get therapy and/or medication.

Only if you're so weak willed you can't work through it by yourself or even with the help of family and friends.

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NiGHTMARE said:

Only if you're so weak willed you can't work through it by yourself or even with the help of family and friends.


Nightmare. If only it was so easy to just work through with your family and friends. My girlfriend was raped repeatedly by her brother and later, and to a lesser degree of brutality, by a family friend when she was just a goddamn child. You think any amount of therapy or friends is going to fix her? She stopped with the medication after it ceased to have an effect, but I'd hardly call her weak for going in the first place.

Friends are great, and one of the most important things in life, but in my experience they can only help you so much.


White: I really can't think of much to say... I don't know anything about you - like if it's connected with experience, or just unexplainably feeling low. But at the same time I don't wanna ask you all this stuff, because again, I don't know you.

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Sorry, I thought you were talking about temporary depression, which I've battled through on my own several times (like when one of my friends started dating a girl I'd fallen for myself, or when I failed my first year of university).

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White said:

How does the populace of DoomWorld cope with depression, loneliness and complete and utter emptiness?

Understanding the problem, causes of the problem, effects of the problems, and solutions to the problem.

(I originally wrote some of this for various other people, but I'm a mad logger and like to keep things on record for later use, so here's some stuff that other people found useful, hopefully it's of some use to you.)

The first thing I usually explain to people is how the unconscious mind works either for or against you. See, I'm of the belief that you are where you are because it's where you think you should be. A lot of that has to do with your unconscious mind. It's like your own personal 24/7 mental servant. You can train it any way you want. Its job is do everything you command it without question, even if what you tell it is wrong - it merely acts on your commands. Most people don't know they're commanding it, or how it acts on those commands. The commands are your thoughts, beliefs, words, mental pictures and emotions. If you tell yourself that you're fat and out of shape, that you're tired and lazy, that you're not skilled and that you don't deserve friends, it will do its job and make sure that you stay fat and out of shape, lazy, unskilled and friendless. It doesn't question whether you truly want those things, it just takes what you say to yourself and others as its commands and carries them out, giving your conscious mind all the thoughts and actions you need to keep yourself exactly where you are, or even worsen yourself.

A common problem is that people focus on what they don't want instead of what they do want. The mind only thinks in positives - for example, if somebody tells you not to smoke, the first thing you'll think of is smoking. What the mind does is takes a positive though and adds a negative mental note to it. Don't what? Smoke.

That said, if you're gonna change anything, you kinda have to perform some mental gymnastics with the unconscious mind. Obviously you won't tell it what you don't want, since it'll give you more of it, but what you'd have to do is start thinking about things you want in the present tense, as if you're experiencing them. Basically, you say something and believe it as though what you're saying and believing has already happened, even though it hasn't. In that way, you override the old set of negative commands ("humans suck and I'm a human therefore I suck", etc) with positives. I still remember what you said years back here - as long as you hold onto those views, you'll be a victim of them.

Although you practically bit my head off last time I said anything like this, I have to tell you that personally, attending a legitimate Bible-based church the last 9 months has seriously helped me get some things in order. Keyword: legitimate. I'm always nervous to suggest that anybody check out a church, since finding a legitimate one is an incredibly rare ordeal. I certainly recommend trying though, it's been quite worth the effort of sifting through the BS for me. To date, I've learned more about the human mind, its habits and weaknesses, and psychology in general from attending Harvest for 9 months FOR FREE than I have after years of on-and-off visits with psychologists and wards totalling tens of thousands of $. The difference here is that this church teaches a) only concepts found in scripture, and b) explains them in a way that they're actually relevant. I think my favorite so far has to be the series on a person's gradual downfall into insanity, based on King Saul. Once the road is laid out, it's amazing how many people you can see travelling down it in various degrees. I actually caught myself from making some major mistakes. I dare say if I hadn't heard that series I might be in jail.

I don't care if you believe in the supernatural or not, I still recommend the Bible as a life guide. I've gotten to the point where I've read so many modern scientific and psychological studies in support of the benefits of following the Biblical principals and values given so long ago that I don't wait for the modern research to come in anymore before acting on them. For example, what I just wrote regarding unconscious mind - the method for programming the unconscious mind to act in favor of your will and your benefit by focusing your conscious mind on the good stuff instead of the bad stuff? Well, that entire concept was summarized beautifully in Philipians 4:8-9: "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." The chapter goes on to say that doing these things (and other commandments) brings the peace of God to you. See, a while ago I said "Hah, what a load of ignorant crap. Hello closed-mindedness! 'Benefits' indeed... I guess ignorance is bliss afterall." Then I studied some psychology, and found that only recently do we understand the exact psychological process of how these benefits come to surface, but the benefits have always been available to those who took this passage to heart. Ouch.

Of course, there's hundreds of examples of things like that, but like I say, I've stopped worrying about the research behind the process and just started with the process once I became aware it was commanded. I must say, things have gotten considerably better since then. I can't come up with a time I've regretted following Biblical principles, but I can come up with a laundry list of times I've regretted not following them. Again, you don't have to believe in the supernatural to get most of the benefits, but whoever wrote the book sure knew a heck of a lot about how to live life and build societies in the most beneficial and fulfilling way possible.

As far as medication goes: the brain produces different chemicals in reaction to different goings-on in your life. This is natural. Too much of certain goings-on will cause too much production of one chemical without enough of another. This is natural. So if you've got too much stress, too many friends died, your house burnt down and took your kids, etc. you're obviously going to have a chemical imbalance. This is natural. You cure a chemical imbalance by curing the problem causing it, NOT by taking medication for the rest of your life. There's almost nobody born with a permanent chemical imbalance, thus I'm almost entirely against any kind of long-term medication. I support medication in the event that a person has had something so bad happen that they can't cope with it for a short period of time, but if they're not working at resolving that issue at the same time then they'll be stuck with medication for the rest of their life. I recommend curing these chemical imbalances by curing the problems causing them, not by trying to medicate them away, because as long as the cause remains you'll be stuck medicating it. If you do visit a psychiatrist and the coversation goes like "you've got a chemical imbalance" "help me fix it" "take this medication and come back in x months", get out of there.

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There's nothing wrong with seeking therapy. Humans have a need to talk to other humans. The advantage to therapists are:

a) They are trained to deal with the situation (ideally)
b) Most of them are pretty cool. They'll actually listen to what you have to say.

Also, if you do seek therapy, and you dont like the person you get, you have the option to request another therapist. Some people have the misconception that the person they get is the person they're stuck with, which is not true.

On the topic of medication. I know that this is a contraversial issue. All I can say is that they can be a useful tool. NOT the solution to your problem. But just something to aid the process. Ultimately though, the choice is yours. If you dont want to take medication, you dont have to.

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Well, human beings have managed to cope with depression for thousands of years before therapists and all these medications even existed, so I guess my point is that they're not absolutely vital.

EDIT: Medications and therapists, that is, not human beings. Although on second thoughts...

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I once talked to a therapist about my depression. I hated the way I looked and I suggested to bring pictures of people with me to show what I wanted to look like. He said I might as well hang myself. I decided not to go talk to that guy again. True story.

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NiGHTMARE said:

Well, human beings have managed to cope with depression for thousands of years before therapists and all these medications even existed, so I guess my point is that they're not absolutely vital.

No, they're not vital. But they can be useful. It's just something to consider. But under no circumstances should anyone allow a therapist pressure them into it.

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human beings have managed to cope with depression for thousands of years

Yeah but how many of them coped with it by killing themselves? How many of them coped with it by killing other people?

I once talked to a therapist about my depression. I hated the way I looked and I suggested to bring pictures of people with me to show what I wanted to look like. He said I might as well hang myself.


I had a teacher do that to me. Took me the better part of a decade to learn to deal with it.

White, I dunno really what to say since I've been going through the same thing for a very long time now and still haven't sorted it out. I have my good days and my bad days, and just keep trying to muddle my way through to the next one. Things have gotten steadily better albeit slowly. It's not weak to ask other people for advice, it's actually the opposite. I wasn't even strong enough to ask for help for many many years and when I finally did, it was the most difficult and terrifying thing I'd ever done. I think what might help is to try to find some of the causes of your feelings and try to avoid them. It's like if you cut yourself, it's never gonna heal if you keep pulling the wound back open again. Try to change things around. Durring my worst episode I just quit my job, packed a backpack and started travelling. It was utterly fantastic. I wish I had the cash to do that right now. When you start feeling really shitty just get up and do something. Re-organize a room, do some house/yard work, go for a walk, walk until you're dead tired. Walking is great because it doesn't require you to consentrate on anything. You can just do it and let your mind wander. When I just took off and started travelling I walked around various cities until I got a stress fracture in my foot. Then I walked less. :p I guess the most important thing is to just keep pushing through. Things do get better, it may be tomorrow you just never know. Sometimes you just gotta be patient.

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Apart from what Lüt said, which is extremely helpful imo, I can only add by saying, as someone who has expereinced depression myself, to the extent that I couldn't leave the house without feeling panicky, that the first step towards resolution is acceptance. Just say, OK, I'm depressed, this is something that I have right now, and it will pass in the future, and then I will see why I was depressed. Don't fight it, just allow it to be. It is not something to be ashamed of, nor does it make you a weak person. I'm perceived as confident by my friends, and it happened to me.

In my case I was prescribed Seroxat. Mistake. Treating symptons and not the cause is a waste of time and I believe you should allow yourself to feel the full impact of the emotions. If it is really bad try some counselling, that helped me. You might also plan a change of lifestyle, that can often help. But allow yourself to do it bit by bit, at a pace that suits you.

People may tell you things like 'Pull yourself together'. Ignore it, they've forgotten what it is to be depressed. The main thing is you don't give yourself a hard time over being this way for now, because there is absolutely no reason to.

Hope this helps.

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Scabbed Angel said:

Zoloft sucks too.

I thought it was alright. But I had to switch for insurance reasons.

Yeah, when it comes to meds, it's important to point out that different people react differently to them. Prozac, for example, can be a blessing to one person and a nightmare to another.

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Assmaster said:

I thought it was alright. But I had to switch for insurance reasons.

Yeah, when it comes to meds, it's important to point out that different people react differently to them. Prozac, for example, can b
e a blessing to one person and a nightmare to another.


It didn't have any effect on me, not much does. But a friend of mine was on it too, and became so appathetic he put his fist through a glass shower for no apparent reason. I'm not a fan of fixing a problem with drugs, but for some people it is a real option if they have a chemical imbalance. Good ol' Charlie Manson could have benifited from that perhaps.

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pritch said:

People may tell you things like 'Pull yourself together'. Ignore it, they've forgotten what it is to be depressed.

Absolutely. I've been really depressed. Now that I'm feeling better I never think of it anymore. If someone who is depressed would ask me for advice I would probably say something simple as go get a job, be busy all the time so you'll forget your depression.

When I really try hard to think back about what happened I truly remember it as a grey, grey nightmare I couldn't get out of. Every morning I woke up I felt bad about waking up. I'd rather die the night before. It was by far the most horrible experience in my life, but I do believe I learned from it. I think it made me wiser.

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get drunk, have a good time smash some shit...when yer sobering up get laid then go to bed... its the best combination ever.

or look at this and you will see how fortunate you are

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Embrace the loneliness. Facing the world alone makes you stronger.

Depression passes over time, its just a phase.

Being alone allows you to view the world with your own eyes. You can see everything for what it is. You'll be able to find your purpose and maybe even a state of nirvana since you'll be able to think clearly. Being alone can actually be enjoyable.

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I used to be depressed until I woke up and went to parties in stuff.

Just be socialable. Act like an idiot if you need to. You'll return to normal.

EDIT: rofl at picture.

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drinking is an awful awful way to avoid depression, hangovers can push you into every dark corner of your mind and leave you unable to think of a single happy thing for days

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mewse said:

drinking is an awful awful way to avoid depression, hangovers can push you into every dark corner of your mind and leave you unable to think of a single happy thing for days

I just get trashed and sleep then wake up and eat breakfast lol..

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BlackFish said:

I used to be depressed until I woke up and went to parties in stuff.

Just be socialable. Act like an idiot if you need to. You'll return to normal.

EDIT: rofl at picture.

So wrong it's not even funny.

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If I get depressed, it's usually because of boredom. When I'm down, I just find a new hobby that'll last me a few days until the funk wears off.

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I've been depressed frequently for varying reasons...

When I was about 8, my parents fought all the time. I was lonely, had no friends, a family very strapped for cash, and bad grades. I thought the world would be better off if I'd never have been born.

Again when I was 11, it was even -worse-... and my father hated me, my mother had run off with some guy I'd never met (the incredibly pathetic man Dennis), and my father was going to move out of the house to CA with some woman he met on the internet. I was freaked out, and unsure of anything. The only thing that kept me going was wanting to see FF7's end... and shortly after beating it, my mother suggested I move out to MD with her. That's where I am today.

Then, feeling scared and alone in an alien state, I caught an awful feverish cold for a week. My mother went temporarily psychotic (she has MS... and had an attack then, later, I learned), didn't believe I was ill, and yelled at me. Being in a fragile state above and beyond my normal over-sensitiveness, I considered leaping to my death from the window, but was too sick to do so. I likely couldn't've gotten the window open in that state, anyway.

Then, I've just been depressed on and off until recently because of life's general suckage... and I found my boyfriend...

He visited for two weeks... it was wonderful, but, when he left... it just hurt so much being alone again. I was teary and bitterly depressed for a week... we still were able to talk on the net, but it isn't the same... I still miss having a warm body to snuggle, and someone to lavish affection on...

The point is, for most depression, just do something to keep you occupied until things improve. Or, if the source is able to be remedied, try to. Even if things are never completly resolved, you'd feel better trying to.

As for those raped as children... I'd kill the rapists, myself o_o;. It may be bloody, but, it is my own greatest personal fear, and I say death to anyone sick enough to do that sort of thing. Normally, I'm a pacifist, but in this case...

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