That Guy from DooM Presents: Once Upon A Shotgun...

That marine-type guy from D00M presents...

ONCE UPON A SHOTGUN: Pain Until Victory


I walked through the dreary dark hallway of the ungnuaght base. Elecrtical wires were hanging from the ceiling. My once alive war friends were lying in pools of organs, and it was kinda nasty. I tried to mooch as much ammo from their still, usless guns. They had no need for them.
I discharged the firearm. I dragged my arms as I walked. The weight of the shotgun for what felt like many an hour walking and turning around each corner. Every time I turned a corner, I tried to hide my smile in such a dire situation, for I immagined the KillerRabit from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" jumping out and biting my neck. But each time, a wave of dissapointmend drifted over me. I had nothing to do because there were no monsters. I almost expected the Captain and all the guys to come up from behind me and shout 'gotcha!' But it never happened.
As the hallways grew shallower and darker, I knelt down on one knee to crawl under a small tunnel. And I screamed like a little schoolgurl. I saw...a rat. God, you idiot, I thought, what is wrong with you? Think of how much a HellMonster will scare me. And I'm not gunslinger, but if and when I see a demon, will regular firearms work against it? My palms were sweating, making the gun smelly and slippery. I had no recolection of the Captain's last words, but they barly stuck in my head: "Remember, boy, go out there and find out what's goin on, o'fore it's too late for the rest of the world..."
I made my way through the tunnel. I got out and found myself in a large church-like room. At the 'alter area,' there were candles lit in the shape of a pentagram. From the symbol bestowed a bright light. From it emerged a manlike creature, with tan-esqu skin and veins from everywhere showing. And no privates, at least visible. Must be small. It had mucles more than a body builder. It stared deep into my eyes, and as God as my witness, I lost 10 pounds right there. It clapsed its hads together, and a fireball flew at me from its palms. I shakily pointed the gun. I closed my left eye. And I fired about 3 times.
A bright light shown through. I felt a rush of heat over my body. I rolled around on the floor a lil bit, and got back up. The monster was as bloody as my friends, I thought. Maybe I am a gunslinger. Firearms do work. I picked up a MediPak left behind by the last of the soldires. That was my first kill. I opened the MediPak and began applying everything, even the things I had no idea what they were, to my burns. This is only a little of the pain I will feel durring this jorney, I thought to myself. And as more monsters began breaking out of steel gates and lunging toward me, I suddenly smiled as I gauged fire. I would feel pain until vircory is acheived. God save me. For you, Captain. For you.

Febtober! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You go, Connery!

Really though, I like it. A little short though, and a few misspellings and grammatical errors, but still good in my book. I give it Good place. Ding!

Dunbar said:

Febtober! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You go, Connery!

Really though, I like it. A little short though, and a few misspellings and grammatical errors, but still good in my book. I give it Good place. Ding!

I thought most of the grammatical errors were comical and seemed at least somewhat intentional. The phrasing of a lot of stuff made it funny, too.

Thanx guys. I luv feedback from teh fans. I did spell the gramatical/splleing errors wrong on purpose (like the spelling teh, splleing, ang gramatical) but I will continue the Once Upon a Shotgun series with a few longer sequles. Remember, keep playing DooM, and use the shotguns as much as possible! LONG LIVE DOOM!

hey that was pretty good, i liked it. keep goin'.

oh yeah, the first time you write about killing a mancubus i will disown you.

Once upon a time a little boy blew up a mancubus and guts and clumps of fat splattered everywhere. The end. Oh and it looked and smelled like bacon because he used a flamethrower and the flesh peeled into strips from the heat and there was a lot of fat to cook the stuff in so he ate the whole mancubus. The real end.

MANCUKILL TOO - TEH SEQUAL:
Doom got really fat because he ate the mancubus and then another marine came along and Doom was so fat that the marine thought he was a mancubus so he blew up what he thought was a mancubus and guts and clumps of fat splattered everywhere. The end. Oh and it looked and smelled like bacon because he used a flamethrower and the flesh peeled into strips from the heat and there was a lot of fat to cook the stuff in so he ate the whole mancubus. The real end. Doom did not survive being eaten by a marine. This made him sad. (Really the real end.)

bastards.

SOYLENT GRUN IST MANC-FLEISCH! :P