The /newstuff Chronicles #153

My review of Nightmares of Loki:

Custom Graphics: -5 (out of possible -10) There are some nifty textures in there that kinda outweighs all the crap recoloured ones. Too bad they are all used badly. All the custom sprites are crap. Recoloured monsters are hardly any relevation, and these are done exceptionally poorly. (Hint: Posterizing is not such a cool effect).

Design/Architecture: -8 (out of possible -10) Not only are they bland in terms of variation with many unadorned corridors and use of the same textures for large areas, but they are also needlessly labyrinthic and non-intuitive. And they sport a totally braindead choice of textures too.

Design/Gameplay: -7 (out of possible -10) The stage has been set for an endless shotgunning of imps and former humans. Usually encountered in such small numbers that they are never a threat. An occasional baron appears, but these are largely neutered due to their placement. Boredom is imminent. The stupid map layout makes for a lot of tedious backtracking.

Music: -2 (out of possible -10) Actually the music is reasonably decent with stuff stolen from god knows where, but I have always found midi versions of various rock hits somewhat tacky, hence the -2.

Custom Sounds: -10 (out of possible -10) Amateurish, to say at least. Nominally I have nothing against amateurish custom sounds made by happy people with grubby small microphones, sometimes they can be really darn cool in the freaky way, but these are just plain bad. Many of them sounds like they have been using a long distance microphone too closely to the mouth and just screamed until they overloaded the speakers. Especially the former human death sounds are utter torment, especially because they appear so frequently. (Hint: Do NOT make custom former human death sounds that are louder than a rocket explosion). I was playing this in constant fear of my speakers taking damage or my neigbours filing a complaint.

In all: -34 out of -50. A definite NOT download (unless you plan on ripping some of the textures for own use). The music value is somewhat misleading, given that they hardly lifted a finger for that one.

cycloid said:

enjoyed ebola, i'm up for the revenant fireball challenge, managed 20 seconds so far, heh

I've managed to survive twice, myself. It's possible, but it defeats the purpose of the map :p.

For those of you who are interested, here are some tips to survive some of the more precarious levels:
(Note that most of these were not intentional, but have been discovered later)

MAP08: Aim the rocket launcher very high up. You still get hurt, but it's very possible to survive.
MAP09: Turn around, back into the chaingun, then try to wedge yourself between two barrels, as close to the wall as possible. The chaingun should fire harmlessly into the wall.
(Note: Both of these maps can also be survived by switching the weapon as soon as you pick it up. Ie, keep hitting 2 to switch to the pistol.)
MAP10: Hold the jump button. You can swim up to the top of the water and avoid drowning damage until the room is completely full. At this point, you'll still take damage, but you'll have a good amount of health left before the map ends.
MAP12: After hitting the switch, run quickly into the doorjamb. Some of the fireballs still hit you, but not enough to kill you.
MAP14: Luck is a huge factor in this one. The level end script starts when you cross any of several lines that are higher than your height (which means jumping is necessary). The best way to survive is to hope that a cyberdemon's rocket launches you at a downward angle, at which point you can hit the ground and stay there until the level ends.
MAP31: Sometimes the chaingun can stun the zombieman, to the point that eventually you can hit him enough times to kill him. Another way is to try to run circles around him, and hope he's never looking in your direction when the bfg balls hit walls.
MAP32: If you can try to get all the barons into one corner, you can shoot one, set off a chain reaction, and quickly get into the opposite corner. You'll get hit, but survive.
MAP16: You can quickly switch your weapon to the pistol (you still need to set off the barrels or the level won't end), or you can jump on top of one of the rows of barrels, and run. I do like to think that there has to be a legitimate way of winning (Ie, setting off the barrels, and weaving through the maze before the explosions catch up to you) but unfortunately, I've never come close. If anyone else can, record a demo or something.
MAP17: Unfortunately, all you have to do is jump over one of the imps that block your path. I gave them a lot of health so it takes a long time to kill them, and I was hoping most people would try to kill them, but the jumping trick is way too obvious. :/
MAP19: There's no way to survive, but there's a way to die without exiting the level. The darkened areas where the Arachnos are stationed damage you, but don't exit when you run out of health. If you run into one of the darkened areas and stand there, you die.
MAP20: Well, this one is kind of lame, but when you hit the second switch, it fires a rocket at a monster in a distant unseen sector. Hit it two or three times and it will kill it. Then hit the first switch about ten times to launch fireballs at a boss brain. (The first monster blocks the fireballs from hitting the brain).
MAP21: This one's tricky, but the stream of fireballs can't hit you if you get in really close to the closest corner of one of the metal pillars after the bronze walls lower.
MAP22: Switch to the pistol, or aim at the floor. You can also shoot one of the voodoo dolls until it moves aside, then aim at the bare wall it leaves behind.
MAP23: Explosions propel you. Try to get onto the conveyer that drops the barrels on you. The barrels don't explode until they fall off the edge.
MAP24: Hold down the jump button. You'll barely take any damage, and may finish with more than 100% health.
MAP25: Fire the BFG only once. Hopefully when it rebounds back, you won't die.
MAP26: I'm sure there's a way to survive this, but I haven't figured it out yet.
MAP27: If you keep shooting the pain elemental, you can stun him and prevent him from spawning the invisible bastards. Occasionally, one of the invisible bastards hits the pain elemental and kills it, which also solves the problem.
MAP28: Pick up the berzerk pack and do *not* punch the boss brain.
MAP29: Run out the door onto the 3d bridge, then run back in before it closes. The plasma streams will go off and you'll be fine.
MAP30: Each of the revenants will die after 1 bullet. Run around in a circle, shooting them whenever you can. You'll probably end up with one or two rockets continually following you after they're all dead. You can survive by running around in a circle for all eternity. Occasionally, however, a good number of the rockets will be non-homing and if you're quick enough you can kill them all without having rockets following you.
At this point, there's nothing you can do except sit there.

If anyone comes up with anything for any of the maps mentioned here, I would be very impressed. (They're impossible as far as I can tell). If any solutions involve cheat codes, I obviously won't take them seriously. Cheating can also include using the console to puke an end-level script, or in the case of MAP14, just lower the gravity to normal and get the key.

MAP16:You can quickly switch your weapon to the pistol (you still need to set off the barrels or the level won't end), or you can jump on top of one of the rows of barrels, and run. I do like to think that there has to be a legitimate way of winning (Ie, setting off the barrels, and weaving through the maze before the explosions catch up to you) but unfortunately, I've never come close. If anyone else can, record a demo or something.

I've managed to weave through the barrels and survive, but it took a few tries. I dont know if I could pull it off again.

Little Faith said:

In all: -34 out of -50. A definite NOT download (unless you plan on ripping some of the textures for own use). The music value is somewhat misleading, given that they hardly lifted a finger for that one.

Have you borrowed this review scheme from Cranky Steve maybe? If so, you forgot the best bit: pain level.

Grazza said:

Have you borrowed this review scheme from Cranky Steve maybe? If so, you forgot the best bit: pain level.

I wish we had a Cranky Grazza section of the reviews for all shite maps.

Loki1999's pain level: Taking a hammer and stake, and driving the stake into your forehead while at the same time cutting your testicles with a sharp shard of glass.

DooMBoy said:

Loki1999's pain level: Taking a hammer and stake, and driving the stake into your forehead while at the same time cutting your testicles with a sharp shard of glass.

While listening to old Prince music and watching goatse mpegs.

Job said:
While listening to old Prince music

Uh, Prince is like the best thing the 80s produced.

myk said:

Uh, Prince is like the best thing the 80s produced.

That's a matter of opinion. Not only that, but to me it seems that "best" and "80s" shouldn't be in the same sentence, unless that sentence is "The 80s were the best at being the worst decade ever".

So, everyone thought my reviews of the wads were so definitive and accurate that any further discussion of them is superfluous?

Grazza said:

So, everyone thought my reviews of the wads were so definitive and accurate that any further discussion of them is superfluous?

They sure were...but unnecessary discussion is still fun.

Grazza said:

So, everyone thought my reviews of the wads were so definitive and accurate that any further discussion of them is superfluous?

EXACTLY!!!!!!
No just kidding, it appears that someone has derailed the thread!

Grazza said:

So, everyone thought my reviews of the wads were so definitive and accurate that any further discussion of them is superfluous?

I thought they were great. I'd like to see more screenshots for the larger levelsets, though.

DooMBoy said:

Loki1999's pain level: Taking a hammer and stake, and driving the stake into your forehead while at the same time cutting your testicles with a sharp shard of glass.

i think you'd need an extra arm or two for that mang

Hyena said:

I thought they were great. I'd like to see more screenshots for the larger levelsets, though.

Thanks, and the tip is noted, but my comment was really just an attempt to provoke a few on-topic posts.

Liam: the shard of glass might be stuck firmly in the ground, and you could be frottering yourself against it. Then there is no need for a Nali-style limb configuration.

What's that wad in the screenshot of the week, that looks fricken awesome.

doom: mercenaries

E1M9 to be precise, which is a remake of Quake's E1M1. Don't expect it to look quite like that when you play it though, unless you've got really weird colour and contrast settings on your monitor.

I enjoyed that wad. ZDoom features are present just enough to enhance the wad without ruining the vanilla atmosphere, and the difficulty is a little better with fast monsters. Although E1M9 doesn't really depart from the E1 style, as the texturing is similar to the other maps (save for the water).