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Kid Airbag

Guys you're all dumbs

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Only six.

I hate Goths . . . which means . . . I hate myself?!!! Aiiieeeeeeeee

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WTF. Where did you get this?

I seem to show 16 sympthoms of this disease. Help!

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

Heh.

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If masturbation makes you a goth, then, well, I'm a goth. Also being on the computer too much apparently also makes you a goth, so....

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-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

So I want a tattoo? Is that WRONG? I want a tattoo of THE FRIGGIN' CHEAT!

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak Accentrically.

Eccentricly dressed people? :D I should get a picture of my buddy Jon to show you.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

As for losing interest in the church? Well, I believe in God. But I don't like organized religion one bit. I find it highly conceited that a group of people claim to EXCLUSIVELY know what God's will is.

-Is suicidal and/or ME--> depressed <--ME

I've suffered from clinical depression for years, folks. I've learned to live with it.

-Complains of boredom.

I'm BOOORED! This THREAD is BORING!

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

Sometimes, I guess, I'll wake up a bit after noon, but I've been trying to control my sleep patterns.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

I rarely go to bed before midnight.

-Eats excessively or too little.

What can I say? I like food.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

I went to a picnic and ate some deviled eggs. mmm. Deviled eggs.... *drools*

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

Ooohhhhhh.... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

okay I'll stop.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

OMG! Kingdom Hearts is t3h S4tan!

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

Well, considering I like computers, and part of my diet is photosynthesized montor radiation? yep.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

Durr, yeah. I'm 19. and I'm NOT supposed to be interested in passing my genes on? Like god DESIGNED me to do? :P

-Masturbates

Who doesn't?

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

Actually, I'm QUITE fond of Buddhism. Ever actually try applying the principles of Zen to your life? they are actually quite good, and rather unlike the jokes you'd hear about them.

----------

15! I beat Kid Airbag! What's my prize?


I'm surprised they didn't mention "If your child likes art showing anthropomorphic animals or other perversions of god's design" too.

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Heh...I love Danarchy's line in the #Zdoom wad.

"The darkness of the bottomless pit of my life is only matched by the blackness in my heart."

And then they all die.

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-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports. not delcining though, it never existed.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates

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-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak Accentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

23... I really need to rethink my life guys.

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-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

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-Frequently wears black clothing.
Yep.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
Yep.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
Not yet.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.

Nope

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
Yep.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Not Marilyn Manson, but I listen to pretty dark stuff at times. Omar Santana and Da Predator come to mind.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak Accentrically.
Sure.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

Never liked sports much, and atheist. So yes.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Not really.

-Takes drugs.
No way.

-Drinks alcohol.
Never.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Not suicidal, rarely depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

Does biting my lips count? Otherwise no.

-Complains of boredom.
YES

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
Not really. Sometimes I get too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.
I like being awake at night, but I'd still say this is a no.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

I'd rather be in the dark than the light, but I don't completely dislike the sun. Feels good sometimes.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Eh, no.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.
Always have to a degree.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
WTF?!

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.

Uhh...never had to.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
Hardly.

-Misbehaves at school.
Never

-Misbehaves at home.
Nope

-Eats excessively or too little.
A bit exessive at times, yes.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
This is just sad.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
Uhh, I do like the taste of my blood if I do bleed...but don't drink it.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Does cable have anime? It does now, so yes.

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
Gee...based on the forum I'm at, I wonder.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

Yep.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
No, just my feet when I play DDR.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
Only if DDR is provocative.

-Expresses an interest in sex.
Hell yes.

-Masturbates
Yep

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
Bi, yes.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

Scientology's a religion now?

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic", "I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

Nope, mine says "FPS: Frag the weak, hurdle the dead", "Stop laughing, computers are cool now", and "All your base are belong to us." Oh, and "Slackware Linux".

-Claims to be a goth.
I don't claim to be anything.

So looks like I have 16 of them.

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Uh oh... I'm a goth because I play violent video games, use the internet, and watch cable television!! What is wrong with me! It's time for me to stop doing anything at all and spend 99.9% of my time staring at the bible so as to not be labeled a goth by St. Mary's Catholic Church.

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looks like satire. where did you pick this up?

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-Frequently wears black clothing.

Yes, I frequently wear blue clothing and green clothing too. But I always were black clothing when I go to weddings, a religious event.


-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

Yup, I even have a Stryper shirt laying around somewhere.


-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

Well, I am a KISS fan. Ya know, those Knights In Satan's Service guys from a while back. The father's of your grandchildren. Anyway, I like to show my support of KISS around Halloween.


-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

Yup.


-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

While I don't listen to Marilyn Manson, I listen to a lot of other stuff you would consider satanistic solely because it doesn't preach your believes.


-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak Accentrically.

Okay, first of all it's spelled eccentrically and doesn't need to be capitalized. Secondly, it's America, in God we trust, and the way I dress, act or speak is none of your concern. If you have a problem with this, then you're un-American and should be deported.


-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.

I don't consider church a wholesome activity. Some kids go to church and get raped. How wholesome does that sound to you? I think I'll worship God on my own schedule and keep my anal cherry, thanks.


-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

Death always involves satan? Also, unless you personally actually believe in vampires and magic then it shouldn't frighten you. If you do believe in vampires and magic then you're not reading your own bible which tells you these things do not exist.


-Takes drugs.

Okay, I'll give ya that one. Toke, toke, pass.


-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

Suicidal and depressed people need help. They do not need people like you telling them they're sinners and are going to hell.


-Complains of boredom.

Huh? What the fuck kind of sin is that? You're just making shit up now.


-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

How is that a sin again?


-Is excessively awake during the night.

Does this include all the people that go to night masses at all the local churches? Does this include the police and firemen who stay awake in case YOU need thier help? You better either check yourself on this one or be more specific.


-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

Did you see Passion of the Christ? Here's an idea, instead of making a movie about Christ's death to try and convince people to worship your God, how about a really good movie about his life and how he helped people. I guess that wouldn't sell as well.


-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

You bet. But this is because I'm boared a lot, see above listed sin.


-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.

I don't remember the Internet being mentioned in the bible as being evil or a sin. Kinda funny though how I'm reading and reposponding to this joke of a public service announcement ON THE INTERNET.


-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

I've done a fair amount of 'head-banging in my day, but I don't that makes me evil. Kicking puppies makes me evil.


-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

Usually only women do this. It's more of a gateway evil because when I see them do it, I want to commit the below listed 'sin'.


-Expresses an interest in sex.

Ya know, I'm not even gonna touch that one except to say that maybe you feel like a sinner when your having sex, but I'm praising the Lord for giving me such a fine piece of ass.


-Masturbates

Quit looking in my windows and stay off my property or I'll call the cops.


-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

So basically anyone who doesn't believe as you believe. Got it.




Score: 21+ I removed the ones that were just common sense.

-E (Living in Sin at the Holiday Inn)

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------------------------------------------------
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak accentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (Past tense, that one :/)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (I hate the sun and the sweatiness it instigates)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone. (B4 marriage)
-Requests time alone and quietness.
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at home. (Heh, guess i get too frisky)
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic", "I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
----------------------------------

Fuck, i be teh ubergoth!

[EDIT]
Jay Says...
If God's omniscient and great etc, what's the bloke got to worry about? He loves Goths too, right? >:)
[/EDIT]

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Liam said:

looks like satire. where did you pick this up?

Heh, no. There's actually people out there that believe this tripe. You know that.

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Job said:

Heh, no. There's actually people out there that believe this tripe. You know that.


-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various
phrases: "I'm so gothic", "I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".



really, 'eats goth-related foods'?

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20, not bad!

It's obviously a joke, come on, Count Dracula makes you a goth?

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-Frequently wears black clothing.
It's the only color that looks good on me since I'm fat and all!

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
Dude, I gotta show my eliteness!

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Marilyn Manson is a pussy compared to what I listen to.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak Accentrically.
Speak accentrically? With accents? Like rednecks? Who wrote this? Are they French?

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Wholesome my rectum.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Yeah, because I consider myself a bit of an ametuer anthropologist.

-Takes drugs.
I am friends with the Green Man!

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
Hey, its not like I have control over that, you fuck.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.
(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
I MUST LET THE CRIMSON EVIL OUT!

-Complains of boredom.
Maybe because I have to read crap like this?

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
Okay, now you're blaming me for my depression AND my insomnia? Heartless bastard.

-Is excessively awake during the night.
Yeah, insomnia again.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
Well when you only see sunlight for about 90 days of the year, you get used to it's absence.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.
Because nobody likes me. ;_;

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
Yeah maybe I just want my mom to shut the Hell up and leave me alone for 5 minutes.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.
Thats cause I am an adult. Sucker!

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
I am not a fucking tool.

-Misbehaves at school.
If you consider failing half your classes misbehaving, then count me in.

-Eats excessively or too little.
And now you're blaming me for my eating disorders? Have you no compassion?

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
Seriously, what the fuck are you talking about?

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
Well at least we agree on something. But...I must watch I Love the 90s! NOSTALGIA...TOO...POWERFUL...DRAGGING ME IN!

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
I cast magic missle at my darkness!

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.
Teh intarweb is EVEL!

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
Being smack dab in the middle of a mosh pit is better.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
I'm so sexy it hurts.

-Expresses an interest in sex.
Well thats what I'm biologicaly programmed to do. What are you, some kind of cyborg?

-Masturbates
Though I show an interest, I never get it. ;_;

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
By dangerous you mean enlightened, right? Well except for Scientology and Satanism. Those are pretty fucking stupid.

That's 27 (I don't really eat Count Chocula). I think I'm beyond saving.

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man, I can never fucking tell if these christian type deals are parody or not because they seem so friggin absurd and I really want to believe that they're just joking around but sadly I think most of them are serious.

I lol'ed at this:

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.


Do they mean count chocula? and if not, where can I get some count dracula cereal!?

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Liam said:

really, 'eats goth-related foods'?

I've had the misfortune of meeting people who'd agree with that if they didn't say it first themselves.

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-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
(well, i have one iron maiden shirt...)

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
Stiff Little Fingers are anti-christian because they sing about world peace, freedom for all people, and anti-racism, also TATU are blatantly satanic because they dont come from America or Britain and are gay, And lets not even start on Tom Robinson, Iron Maiden, Oi Polloi, The Business, Leftover Crack...

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the
Bible, prayer, church or sports.
Heh, gave up on all forms of religion shortly after leaving school

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
Ive gotten into splatter movies recently, which often feature death, vampires and the occult, though i mainly watch them for the hilarious 'acting', tomato ketchup blood and so i can say 'i watched Zombie Nosh' last night to people

-Drinks alcohol.
Heh, everybody who has ever had communion and drank the wine is a satanist..right

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
Threatening to nail my parents intestines to the wall in satanic patterns in the process of demanding privacy probably exacabates this...

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an
adult.
Yes, its so we can FUCK!

-Eats excessively or too little.
OMG, Fat people are satan, bettr push them over and call them 'piggy', thats the pope's favorite past-time you know

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
Also anything that isnt American, like sphaghetti..and dont even get us started on chinese food, which is laced with liquid communism!

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
Heh, i love that new Horror channel thats came on sky digital recently..The Horror Channel..where splatter matters!

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
OMG, FINAL FANATASY IS THE ANTICHRIST!, well it is Japanese, and as we have stated, anything not from America or Britian is evil, this doesnt apply to the Mitsubishi Warrior though

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the
computer.
say the people who are probably reading godhatesfags.com contstantly for the latest anti-fag news from around the world, well, the bits of the world that are controlled by America anyway, the rest is foriegn and irrelevant

-Expresses an interest in sex.
LOL, everyone over 10 worships satan

-Masturbates
LOL, Everyone over 12 worships satan

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
"Ten percent is not enough! recruit! recruit! recruit!"

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
..Science, Logic, Common sense, The rule of law...

17, I must be beyond help..

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