First day

The ship approached the Red Planet at Mach 25, slowing as it approached the thin atmosphere of Mars. The Martian winds would have caused a problem for most pilots, but with 10 years under his belt, this grizzled vet felt confident he could land this bird safely. He started the standard approach and landing sequences flawlessly and within the hour, the craft had landed perfectly on the tarmac.
"U.A.C. Air Control, this is USMC Falcon Alpha, please initiate airlock / decompression sequencing now."
"Affirmative, Falcon, sequence initiating now. Over."
As the airlock covered the main door, the pilot lit up a non-filtered cigarette and inhaled deeply. The co-pilot looked at him with disgust.
"Do you know what that shit does to your body? How can you touch that filth?"
"Fuck you buddy, I need to get rid of all this stress somehow."
"Man, some people squeeze a ball, some people paint to get rid of stress. You poison yourself."
"Didn't I say fuck you, buddy? Don't tell me what to do."
"It's your funeral..."
"Yeah yeah, just shut up and make sure nothing fucks up."

"When the hell are they going to let us off this tub?" inquired one of the grunts
"I dunno, but I hope it's soon. I wanna hit my bunk ASAP." replied another.
"Fat chance, soldier. First thing we're doing is getting our PDAs and gear, then we're going to brief you scumbags until you know every square inch of this base that the U.A.C. wants you to know about." the Sergeant said, bringing on a chorus of moans. "Shut your faces and live with it!"

"Sir, do you really think the military presence is needed?" the under-commander of Security asked the security chief.
"Look boy," he said, as he chewed on the wet end of a cigar "in case you didn't know, there's plenty of rouge agents working for rival companies within our staff. There's stuff going on here that even I don't know about and I want to make sure that none of these sabatuers foul up anything and if they do, I want to make sure they can be taken down. Let's face it, the security force here doesn't know their ass from a hole in the ground, we just give them a 9mm and say 'stand there' and they do, but if the shit hits the fan, they're worth about as much as tits on a boat. Got it?"
"Yes, sir..."

The sounds of many footsteps on metal echoed down the corridor. The marines stopped at the front desk, greeted by a pretty cute secretary.
"Hello and welcome to the U.A.C. Mars Research Facility! In the room behind me labelled Military Intell. you'll find your PDAs and all the other gear, minus armaments, you've requested. Have a nice day!" she said, smiling. The Sarge gave her a nod and motioned for the boys to step inside. The men collected their PDAs, helmets, armor and were ordered to sit.
"As you all know, the U.A.C. has close ties with the US military. The armor you're wearing was developed by them, some of the weapons we've been testing in the past year or so have come from the U.A.C. R&D labs. Hell, most of the new gizmos we have today came from the U.A.C.! For this reason, we feel that we owe the U.A.C., so, we've all been assigned to be the higher echelon of their security force, and we'll also assist in advanced training for their current force and new recruits." he handed out folders to each soldier in the room. "Inside are your patrol routes and scheduals. Two days a week we will conduct drills, you get one day off a week and a decent allowance to spend at the various rec halls. Not only must you comply with military regs, you must comply with any and all U.A.C. regs as well, which are supplied in your dossiers. You are also restricted from asking the scientists ANY questions about their work, but you may talk to them if you want. You are restricted from discussing ANY activity you see, this includes talking to your buddies, your families, I don't give a fuck, just keep your mouth shut. DISMISSED!"

The door opened slowly and the marine stepped onto the elevator platform. He pressed the down button and listened to the crappy "muzak". Suddenly, the whole place started to shake! It lasted for about 1 minute, then stopped. A few minutes later, the floor the marine wanted to go to had been reached. The first thing he noticed was a small puddle of blood in front of the elevator doors.

This was going to be a bitch of a first day...

Pretty cool, other than the terrible spelling. ;) Obvious ending taken from the start of the alpha. :P

Gonna continue it?

AirRaid said:

Pretty cool, other than the terrible spelling. ;) Obvious ending taken from the start of the alpha. :P

Gonna continue it?

Probably not. I really hate commiting to a series.

Holy crap, this thing is sweet gangsta boy!

I must definitely commend you on the nice dialogue you came up with here.

My only qualm is that the demonic takeover (I would assume that's it) happens too fast:
We get the Sarge briefing his boys, then telling them to move out - the next thing we know is that a lone marine steps into an elevator, the place shakes and then he reaches the bottom where blood is oozing through the cracks.

I mean, the forces of Hell need time to zombiefy some guards and kill some people before the marine arrives at the scene - I doubt you gave 'em enough time for that.

Other than that and the alledgedly bad spelling (which I didn't notice - I only notice such a thing when it really stings my eyes and screams: "I'M AN ANNOYING SPELLING ERROR!!!"), it was kickass.

All events listed in the story really don't happen too soon after one another.

Well, it's still a technical flaw - you need to avoid confusion among your readers and to that end, there needs to be a sort of transition or a sign to give people a hint that some time passed.

dsm said:

Well, it's still a technical flaw - you need to avoid confusion among your readers and to that end, there needs to be a sort of transition or a sign to give people a hint that some time passed.

Ah, ok. I'll consider that next time I write a story where time passes between events.