The Orchard

Water. It dribbled down the gleaming bright-green side of the apple that weighed down one of the first of the summer branches. It pooled around the base of the crisp fruit, before succumbing to gravity and falling to the sharp morning grass below it, where the morning frost was slowly being melted by the now-powerful sun.

The marine lay on his stomach. His spine was damaged, he knew that. He didn't know how bad it was. He had no way of knowing that for the rest of what little time remained in his short life, nothing below his third vertebrae could operate...

He had sucked all the water from the surrounding grass dry, but his thirst was hardly quenched. And so many apples just yards away... if only the Revenant's punch had landed a little higher and put him out of this misery.

A heavy breathing, more contemplative and many times more angry than a plain growl. In immense pain, the marine moved his head to see the hooves of the Baron of Hell stood six feet from his useless body. They were wet from walking in the damp morning grass, and the jet black hooves shone menacingly as they reflected the blinding Sun back into the marine's face.

Tears began to roll off the marine's face. He was crying, despite dying of thirst. The Baron was tearing down the orchard, and there was nothing, not a single damned thing the marine could do about it.

Night came. The apples had already begun to rot, but the marine was, to his disgust, still alive. He was breaking down from the inside-out...

Hehehehehehehehe

Nice.

You've got some skill but I don't like to see these 1 minute read stories with virtually no beginning and end. Try applying your skills to a longer plot.

btw DON'T ANY OF YOU BITCHES GET ON ME ABOUT CRITICIZING AND NOT WRITING BECAUSE I'M SERIOUSLY FUCKING GOING TO DO SOME HEXEN FICTION AS SOON AS I'M DONE WITH MY WEBSITE, THE CIVILIZATION 3 MANUAL, DWJ THREE, AND THE APPROXIMATELY 10000000 HISTORICAL FICTION STORIES I HAVE TO WRITE FOR SCHOOL.

Boy, if I got a nickel every time someone said that, I'd have like...three nickels!

You've got some skill but I don't like to see these 1 minute read stories with virtually no beginning and end. Try applying your skills to a longer plot.

btw DON'T ANY OF YOU BITCHES GET ON ME ABOUT CRITICIZING AND NOT WRITING BECAUSE I'M SERIOUSLY FUCKING GOING TO DO SOME HEXEN FICTION AS SOON AS I'M DONE WITH MY WEBSITE, THE CIVILIZATION 3 MANUAL, DWJ THREE, AND THE APPROXIMATELY 10000000 HISTORICAL FICTION STORIES I HAVE TO WRITE FOR SCHOOL.

Liam, why don't you spend five minutes contributing to the Community Story? It's even better now that BBG has stopped working on it. :-)

You've got some skill but I don't like to see these 1 minute read stories with virtually no beginning and end. Try applying your skills to a longer plot.

Some skill? Thanks, you'd better tell that to my university as I'm doing A FUCKING MASTERS DEGREE IN CREATIVE WRITING!alongside a BA in English.
I'm sure they'd appreciate your opinion on what constitutes a beginning and an end, as well, lol!
here you go, www.uwe.ac.uk
I don't have the time to read or write whole short stories so I will carry on doing short prose when it so takes me, ok?

Great imagery and emotion. It is almost poetic. It is hard to pack such emotion into such a short space and you have done it well.

I've had to teach myself how to write and while I am not a great writer, probably not even a good writer at this point, I get better each time I complete a story.

Good luck on your Master's degree. You'll probably have a bestseller before I get into print. :)

Some skill? Thanks, you'd better tell that to my university as I'm doing A FUCKING MASTERS DEGREE IN CREATIVE WRITING!alongside a BA in English.

Bah, as if that matters.

Bestseller? Heh, thanks, lol, somehow i doubt it! Lament's right, you know, it doesn't really matter. I was just teasing Liam... :) People can teach you how to write flawlessly gramatically and phonetically etc., but I think it's one of those things you either got or haven't. Like art, I've always wanted to be good at art but I can't draw for shit, which is why danarchist will alwys have a better avatar than me :)

I might well do a Doom short story for my third assignment this year, which has to be 4000 words long +-10%. If I do, I'll be sure to post it.

anyways, wildman, I'm sure it's there already, post a story so we can advise/praise/criticise. Or add a bit to the community story. This place needs new blood in it lately...

anyways, wildman, I'm sure it's there already, post a story so we can advise/praise/criticise. Or add a bit to the community story. This place needs new blood in it lately...

Actually, I did post my story, Space Station Alpha, a few days ago. It sould be in the list. Any crit, even if it is bad, will be appreciated.

Thanks.

Bestseller? Heh, thanks, lol, somehow i doubt it! Lament's right, you know, it doesn't really matter. I was just teasing Liam... :)

Teasing me with what? You think I think it matters? :D