Redemption (revised slightly)

I have never seen so much destruction, so much death. My fellow comrades and allies lay massacred all around me. I only wish I had been there to fight along side them. To die fighting the enemy. But I was not here, I was in other parts of this building, now darkened from the damage it had taken. I want to resurrect them, to regroup an army, but there is no time. I now track the humans' trail and he knows i am here. My personal goal; to kill the human and take pleasure in doing so.

When we rained destruction from the stars and set fire to their planet, we slaughtered everything in our sight. How is it so different for one human?

Footsteps. He is here. Now i can avenge my allies and continue our conquest. The dark one will be most pleased. I take cover in a fairly large storage room and wait. The dim lighting proving excellent cover.

Closer...
Closer...

Now.

I leap out of my darkened hiding spot on top of one of the crates, drawing in the elements of fire, setting the human ablaze and blasting him back against the wall. to my surpise he survived. He returns fire with a chaingun. I ducked behind a crate and resurrected an imp.

"Kill the human!" I commanded in a deep alien tongue

He charged the human throwing fireball after fireball, but the imp was cut to pieces by the weapon and the fireballs only hit the walls behind the human. I peeked around the crate to see the twitching lifeless body that was the imp.

"incompetant fool" i muttered. Disappointed at such a waste of power.

Once more i leap from my cover, but he was ready. The thunder of the chaingun summoning the hot lead flying through the air, pouring through my body. I fell behind the crates and my body went completly numb. My vision began to blur.

What's happening to me?

A shadowy figure emerged in my fading view.

"You shall not win, human. You shall perish like those before you." I managed to say in a broken shakey voice. Mimicking the words of a human. To ensure that my message was sent.

Then, all went to nothing as one final bullet was inserted into my dying brain. His response was my death.

As I left the bloodied torn corpse that was my body I gave one last massage.

we're coming for you.
======================
End

I have not had much experience as a writer, so any suggestions that could aid my progress will be appreciated.

Pretty good. :D Nice and short.

nice. not overly wordy and an intersting perspective.

Ah, this is an interesting view. I always wondered what Archviles felt like.

thanks, i wanted this to be different by using an arch-vile's view of the environment around him and ultimatly killing him in the first-person.

i originally wanted it longer, because i didn't describe things very well IMO, so it surpised me that some people liked it.

Very nice indeed. I wrote a story from the perspective of a former human a while back. It is nice to see the other side. :)

I like writing from the enemies point of view because it is different. i am currently writing a story called "Entity: Shadow of Death". i am about seven chapters into it. i am doing it in a double first-person view. one from the main human character one from the creatures'. to break things up a little (like when the creature kills someone) i'll add a third-person view.

maybe i'll submit part of it if i ever get around to it.

Hmm, nice touch on the Arch-vile's POV. It's finally the other side of the story! Stupid marine...

i think i may add some things to the story and make some minor adjustments. i don't know, just something about it doesn't feel right. i'm not going to change large amouts of it but there are parts that i feel could improve, such as the final battle.

i have been thinking about this for a while but now i think i might do it.

EDIT: UPDATED: SEE TOP POST